Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Gumihou: This chapter is oddly boring… lets… trim off the excess and try to make it interesting

“Hmm, this is the place, I think. Hello~? Excuse me, is anyone here~?”

[1] After lunch, it was time to visit the Contractor for the bathroom expansion work.

[1a]

“Mu, I’ll go with you,” said Fer.

“What, really? Even though you don’t like baths?”

“Baths has nothing to do with it. I just want to go out,”

“Ah.”

““Sui wants to go with Aruji~~””

“Oh my~ okay~”

““Eh, I’ll pass,”” said Dora-chan.

“I, too, shall stay here,” said Grandpa Gon. “I notice that humans tended to be nervous around me, it’s perhaps best not to roam about the city if possible.”

“Er, well, that’s sensible,” I said. “Wait, since we are expanding the bathroom for your sake, don’t you want to give your opinion on the tile, colour design and other details?”

“I trust Master to make all the decisions and thank Master for thinking of me.”

“Ah, well, alright then.”

[1a]

So, here I am with Sui and Fer, just the three of us facing… an empty office?

“Excuse me~?” I called out again.

“Yes, yes, coming~”

The person that came out was a little old lady. When I say little old lady, I mean, very little. She was only 120cm tall.

I have seen enough of this world to know that this was a Dwarf woman.

What? Are you imagining a world of lolicons?

Fuh~ what an imagination.

Anyway, it looked like Dwarf women aged normally, only their height remained tiny compared to humans.

“Good afternoon. Marie-san from Lamberts introduced me to this place…”

“Oh? Marie?”

“Yes, I have with me a letter of introduction…” [1b] I have somehow reverted back to my white-collar salaryman attitude when meeting with a potential supplier/important customer. Back straight and with my best service smile on, I begin my formal introduction. “I am a business acquaintance of Lambert-san. My name is Mukouda, very pleased to meet you. Marie-san is kind enough to give me the name of your good establishment when I brought up my need for some bathroom expansion work…”

“Well, I can’t say no since it’s from Lamberts, hahaha!”

[1b] Was the Auntie Dwarf’s reaction. I must say, are people here are really friendly, or was it just merchants? I found that nearly all merchants are incredibly friendly and personable. Well, some attempted to buy expensive things for cheap on the sly, but isn’t that the nature of a good merchant?

Anyway, the Auntie Dwarf (Annika-san) informed me that her husband was the one in the construction business (Bruno-san, presumably a Dwarf too), was on a job outside of the city and would only be back in three days. [1c]

“Once he’s back, I’ll send him to your place to do an inspection, eh?” said Annika-san.

[1c] “Much obliged,” I said. “I look forward to Bruno-san’s visit in three days.”

[1a]

Thus ends my meeting with the contractor.

There was really not much else to do but go home and… relax for the rest of the day.

Well, my familiars get to relax, just look at how they bask under the sun in the garden. As for me, I still have to fulfil the orders from the Gods and Goddesses.

Since there were so many specific details, I have to make sure not to make any mistakes or I’ll never hear the end of it.

By the time orders have been collected and organised, I have nothing else to do and decided to give myself a day off.

Somehow, I wandered down to the basement where my employees [2] were working. [2] Slaves really, but I try to think of them as employees. I mean, I pay them, provide housing etc, so, they are my employees. Aside from the whole cannot reveal my secrets thing. Haha.

Anyway, everyone was busy refilling bottles of the hot-selling shampoos and hair treatments for the Royal Capital order. There was a rush order for the extremely popular [Divine Medicine – Hair Power] elixir.

Everyone was so familiar with the task that they could casually chat and discuss things even as their hands work tirelessly. Well, it is that kind of repetitive work. I used to do it myself so I know, but it’s still amazing to see the bottles being filled with such precision.

As I watch the process, I wonder if I should get more workers (slaves). I’d have to prepare a house for the new employees (slaves), I guess I could ask Bruno-san to give me a quote for employee quarters when he’s here to inspect the bathroom.

That evening, after dinner and a bath, I sat down with a coffee and got ready to deliver the orders.

Right, shall we begin?

“Ahem, everyone, [3] welcome to the store~”

“Here! You sure take your time!!”

“Of course~”

“Ossu, here!”

“… been waiting…”

“We’ve been waiting too!”

“Aaah! It’s here!”

Well, it certainly sounds like everyone’s been on edge just waiting for me to contact them. The whisky duo sounded a little more enthusiastic than usual.

“Yo~ yo~ looks like you’ve also made donations to the churches in this city, so thank you for that.”

This sounds like… Agni-sama?

“Well, yes? Because I live here, so it’s only natural, right? From now on, I’ll make donations wherever I go so long as I can afford it.”

“Is that so? Well, I’m very happy you did so, some of my churches are a little poor.”

“Mine too! In fact, mine are a lot poorer than Agni’s, since you are loaded, you should help me a lot more, you know?”

Deplorable Goddess have a bad way of speaking, but at least she seems to care about her followers. Though, her existence would be in trouble if she could not maintain her followers.

“I understand, while I can’t be everywhere, I will help whenever I can.”

“Umu, I shall entrust the matter to you.”

“I as well,” came Ruka-sama’s quiet and serious voice.

“Understand, Ruka-sama.”

“I have many believers, so my church isn’t quite that hard up. Even so, some children do fall through the cracks. I am grateful for any assistance.”

“Yes, Kishar-sama, I shall continue to assist.”

“Well, my worshippers are craftsmen who rarely go hungry. I’m afraid War God’s followers are the ones in dire traits. I’d be grateful for any assistance that could be given to them.”

“Thank you, God of Blacksmith. As you know, most of my believers are from conflicted areas. Though they are resourceful, many live a poor life.”

“I understand, Vahagn-sama,” I said. “I try to avoid discrimination by giving each church the same amount of money.”

It was odd to hear the Gods and Goddesses talk like this. My impression of them was less than favourable, but it looks like they do worry over their followers in their own fashion.

After all, it’s not like they could carelessly interfere with their followers’ lives, but I could help them out indirectly.

No matter what, I did receive their Blessings (small) as well as other aid.

“Ahem, shall we begin? Ninril-sama first as usual,” I said, trying to blow away the solemn atmosphere.

“Umu, even after all this time, I can’t help but be excited~~!!”

Ignoring the squealing in the background, I set the boxes of desserts on the table. The offerings this time included:

– No-bake Cheesecake

– Rich Baked Cheesecake

– Mont Blanc (made with Japanese chestnuts)

– Whole Strawberry Shortcakes

– Whole Chocolate Cakes

– Various fruit tarts

– A whole Apple Pie

– Dorayaki (standard red bean paste, chunky red bean paste and chestnut paste)

“Please accept this offering, Ninril-sama.”

“Umu! Thank you!”

The box disappeared with a flash of light and I automatically blocked out the shouts of delight.

“Humph, how noisy, you should just open your boxes back at your temple,” came Kishar-sama’s judgy tone.

“Mumu, whatever, I don’t need Kishar telling me what to do. Farewell~!”

“Goodness, would it hurt her to develop a little dignity as a goddess?”

“Ahem, next, is Kishar-sama’s offering,” I said, doing my best to head off a potential rant.

[4] Kishar-sama’s order included:

– ST-III Face Cream

– ST-III Facial Cleanser

– Special Care ST-III Facemask

– Various Bath Salts, Body Soaps & Body Oil (slightly higher end)

To be honest, when I saw the price for the Facemasks, I was shocked. It cost 1 gold coin per 4 sheets of Facemask. That’s… about 1,600 yen per mask…

Isn’t that… a little expensive for a single-use item?

The single box felt oddly light as I set it on the table.

Ah well, who am I to comment on how people choose to waste spend their money?

“Using money to pay for beauty is cheap,” was Kishar-sama’s enigmatic reply.

“Ahaha… ahem, next up, Agni-sama.”

“Ou! I’ve been waiting.”

[4] The heavy boxes that thumped on the dining table all contained beer. Beer of all sorts. Among them were:

– Company S Premium Beer

– Company S Black Lable Beer

– Y-Bis Beer

– Assorted craft beers (foreign & domestic)

This time, I chose a tasting set of craft beers imported from Germany, Belgium, Ireland, Hawaii and Australia alongside some Japanese ones.

The heavy boxes disappeared in a flash of light, followed by Agni-sama’s excited voice, “Ooohhh~~ you’ve included some new things as well? Much obliged~~!!”

Well, I never had any of these imported beers before, hopefully you’ll enjoy it. [4] Anyway, this time, I set out Ruka-sama’s portion:

– Assorted Limited Edition Cakes (In slices, not whole cakes because Ruka-sama is a sensible gourmet, unlike a Deplorable Someone…)

– Assorted Premium Ice-cream

– Assorted Standard Ice-cream

– Assorted New (Limited Edition) Ice-cream

I included the last one with the remaining budget because Ruka-sama seemed to enjoy variety in small quantities and I wanted to maximise what she could get out of her budget and some of the experimental products were on sale.

“Un. Thank you,” her voice disappeared along with the boxes of cakes and ice-creams.

Finally, there’s only…

“Yosh! It’s us next!”

“We’ve been waiting for this!!”

They were understandably excited, because these two Gods, who had combined their finances, really took the plunged.

“Ou! How could we ignore it after reading the reviews?”

“We must have it!!”

The whisky in question is the super high-end 12-year-old Japanese whiskey in the same distinct bottle they have had several times now. In short, it was the Best in the World Whisky, one level up.

This single bottle of whisky cost 5 gold and 4 silver, beyond the 4 gold budget a single god/goddess gets every month.

Thus, today’s order was:

– 1 bottle of 12-year-old Best in the World Japanese Whisky

– Assorted cheaper whiskies (quantity over quality)

After purchasing so many whiskies every month, I have a good grasp on the better quality ‘cheap’ bottles and stuffed as many as the remaining budget would allow.

Once the boxes of whiskies disappeared in a flash of light, I heard:

“Ooh~~”

“So this is what high-end whisky looks like.”

“Even the box is awesome.”

“Let us enjoy this awesome whisky tonight, God of War.”

“Ou, let’s have it.”

Wait, don’t tell me you’re just going to chug it all in one night?

Wh-whatever, that has nothing to do with me.

Finally, there’s only Demiurgos-sama’s portion.

I enjoyed preparing the God of Creation’s offerings, even though it happened weekly since he was an easygoing God. It was more like speaking to a kindly old man than a god, although I could have done weird oracles…

“Ahem, Demiurgos-sama? Are you there?”

Gumihou: Tried a new way of listing the stuff, with actual lists, lol

Eguchi Ren: The chapter is a bit long, so we’ll see Demiurgos-sama’s reaction in the next chapter.

[1] Redid the visit the contractor’s scene to make it more interesting. The details are mostly the same, just… rearranged a little.

[1a] Also, added a bit more dialogue to make it more dramatic

[1b] Instead of a colourless dialogue, add some titbit about the way Japanese introduce themselves in a business setting. It’s actually quite fascinating. I think some readers expressed dissatisfaction about Mukouda’s humble, almost subservient, attitude and I’d like to take this opportunity to explain why without force-feeding information to the readers.

[1c] Nostalgic Deletes: *Snerk* I’m not even angry, just amused:

According to Annika, the husband would be back after three days.

“…then, I’ll see you in three days…”

After making an appointment to meet in three days…

Gumihou: *Cough*

[2] Give Mukouda a bit more thought about his ‘slaves’ since Eguchi-san did use the word ‘slave’ here.

[3] The word here is really ‘irrashaimasuka’? Which is a question variation of ‘irrashai’ or ‘welcome’ whenever you enter a store. Since the term is so imbedded in the service industry, it has an implied meaning of ‘welcome to the store’, which Gumi materialised for non-Japanese speakers since the allusion would have been lost in translation.

[4] Adjusted the text to make it more interesting. Use bullet points in place of a long and winding narrative.

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