Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Gumihou: This is supposed to be chapter 470, but for some strange reason Gumi… skipped it? Haha… re-insert it as chapter 472 with the appropriate changes as Gumi… massaged it so that it fits into the storyline

Huuhhh…

After breakfast, I took a break in the living room with a cup of [1] Houjicha.

It’s been a long time since I had a nice roasted green tea. I had been craving something light after a stomach full of meat, and didn’t feel like having black coffee. [2] Offal was delicious, but eating a lot of it in one go was rather…

[2] Even though it was not the greatly anticipated BBQ offal, it was still delicious, albeit a little oily. The sweet and spicy miso sauce cuts through the greasy Dungeon Beef Intestine very well and enhances its deliciousness by a lot, but eating too much of it was still…

[3] For breakfast, Fer declared, “I want the Mutant Cockatrice from that place.”

‘That place’ being, ahem, Uranus (lol).

I was curious what mutant versions of what I considered ‘local chicken’ in this world would taste like and decided to indulge him. It was quick work slicing a few slabs of Mutant Cockatrice into flat, even pieces. Then, I tossed them onto hot frying pans, skin side down, and allowed the meat to sear as I mix a simple teriyaki sauce with soy sauce, sake, mirin and sugar. After flipping the Mutant Cockatrice and letting the other side sear until it’s a nice brown colour, I poured in the seasoning liquid.

Once the teriyaki sauce had thickened, I served the meat on a bed of rice, topped with mayonnaise which I squeezed over the meat in a grid pattern and a sprinkling of chopped green onions.

My gluttonous quartet had seconds and thirds and… well, you get the picture.

Speaking of which, my own breakfast consisted of:

– Miso soup made with leftover potatoes and onions

– Riceballs (egg, pickled konbu and salmon flake versions)

– Lightly pickled cucumber and eggplant

– [3] A small plate of the Mutant Teriyaki Cockatrice

As expected, this was just right as breakfast along with freshly brewed Houjicha.

My familiars were enjoying cider, coke and other heavy sweet drinks after a heavy breakfast of meat, meat, meat in a sticky sweet and savoury sauce.

Ahaha…

I must say, cola looks very nice when served in white porcelain bowls. It was the right thing to [4] buy a new set of tableware just for Grandpa Gon. I know that the Ancient Dragon doesn’t mind whatever he eats out from, but it offended my sense of aesthetics to see such a dignified dragon eating and drinking from old wooden bowls and plates.

[4] Indeed, I did the right thing.

After a leisurely breakfast, it was time to head out to fulfil today’s purpose.

“Naturally, the first stop is Ninril-sama’s place, right?”

“Absolutely not, the closest church to us is Kishar-sama’s.”

“Nanu!?”

[5] “Why are you surprised? Didn’t we already have this conversation before? If you must know, we’ll be visiting the churches in the following order: Earth, Water, Wind, Fire, and War. So Ninril-sama’s place is the third stop.”

That’s right, we’re doing a charity drive today.

It doesn’t make sense to not support the churches of the little city I have decided to settle down in.

I was actually surprised to find that there’s actually a God of War church here. Peter was the one who told me about it, although I must say the direction he gave me was a little…

Anyway, the reason why I decided to donate to a place called Church of the God of War despite my peace-loving nature was that they supported an orphanage of some sort.

As expected, Kishar-sama’s place has the most followers even in Carelina. Although I don’t usually interact with farmers or merchants, the Kingdoms of Leonhardt and Elman relied a lot on a good harvest to survive, which is why the Goddess of Earth is so popular.

I entered the large church and found many children busily sweeping and wiping down the place.

A cheerful little boy skipped forward to say, “Uncle, we haven’t finished cleaning yet~ please wait a moment.”

U-uncle…?

Am I that old?!

“Ahem, I wish to speak to a priest, could you please call one over for a bit?”

“Okay, please wait~” the boy skipped off.

… well, it looks like the children here are pretty lively.

“Faster~”

“Now, now, there’s no need to rush.”

I turned to find the young boy literally pushing an old priest, who was sporting a splendid white beard, towards me.

“Fufun~ here’s the priest, uncle!”

“Ah, yes, thank you…”

“Ah,” said the old priest, “it is Mukouda-san!”

“Oh, you know me?”

“Naturally, you are a local celebrity, hohoho~”

Celebrity? I’m a celebrity?

I don’t know about being a celebrity, but I guess having two legendary beasts like Fer and Grandpa Gon around would give me notoriety…

Wait, seeing how happy he looks, could it be…

“We truly appreciate Mukouda-sama’s generosity. Compared to other cities, this town is quite blessed. Count Langridge has been most generous with us…”

It took me a moment to recall who Count Langridge was. Ah, that Pierce Brosnan-like nobleman who suffered from unfortunate premature balding… I’m glad to hear that in addition to being a good politician, he also supports the local poor and orphans. He was also the one who kept other aristocrats from bothering me, so I have a good impression of him.

Regardless of what other people were contributing, I still handed over three platinum coins to the priest. After looking at the bright-eyed children around me, I also handed over a couple of chunks of regular Dungeon Beef and Dungeon Pork. I swear, their eyes lit up at the sight of the meat.

I handed the meat chunks to eager little hands. The children cheered as they ferried the meat towards the kitchen.

As for myself, after handing the goods and money over, I made my excuses and did my best to leave quickly. The priest hurried to see me off, followed by the sisters. It was a little embarrassing to be so happily waved at by these people.

Anyway, visits to Ruka-sama, Ninril-sama and Agni-sama’s churches were more or less the same.

I was recognized almost at once.

Well, I supposed they recognized my familiars.

Anyway, my donations of meat and money were very well received by everyone. Even though Count Langridge supported the orphanages, they were not so well off as to regularly feed the children meat. Part of the reason was that orphanages were encouraged to take in as many children as possible.

When one of the priests informed me of this, I finally realized that I haven’t seen any street children in Carelina. There were a few dirty-looking children running about, but there were no gangs of sharp-eyed little potential pickpockets loafing around.

Naturally, after hearing about such a worthy cause, I decided to make regular donations to Carelina’s churches and temples. I live here after all, so it makes sense to support the local people.

Finally, it was War God, Vahagn-sama’s church.

I checked the location given to me by Peter, then at the place in front of me.

[6] The ‘church’ was an old private house with a tall fence around it. It was situated on the outskirts of town.

“… I guess there’s no point standing around outside…” I muttered to myself and stepped forward.

The gardens looked very unkempt. I reached the gate and banged on a rickety-looking gate, “Excuse me, apologies for the disturbance~”

[6] The gate creaked open under my hand, so I peeked inside. Children were swinging wooden swords at each other in the garden.

They stopped to look at me, “Uncle, who are you?”

Please visit 𝒇𝒓𝗲e𝔀𝗲𝚋ｎoѵℯƖ. c𝑜m

Wh-why do these children keep calling me ‘uncle’??!

“Um, is this the Church of the War God?”

“Yup, yup, are you a mercenary from that country? You looked like a weakling,” said one of the boys.

“Idiot, look behind him!” snapped a girl.

“I’m not an idiot! You’re an idiot!”

“What did you say!!??”

“Now, now, let’s all calm down,” I said, trying to mediate the situation.

[6] The other children were of no help, everyone was suddenly yelling and screaming at the top of their voices.

Suddenly, a thickset old man stormed out of the house.

“Hey! You’re fighting again?!”

“Ugh, it’s the director!”

“Run away~!!!”

The seven or eight children scattered.

“… goodness, those brats sure are fast…” muttered the orphanage director. He looked at me and said, “Well, may I know what you’re here for?”

“Erm, is this the Church of the Ward God?”

“Gahahaha! Rather than a church, we’re just a small orphanage.”

“Well, if that’s the case…” I waited for a moment, but the Director did not seem to recognise me, so I introduced myself and told him my intention to donate.

“Truly?” the Director was genuinely surprised.

“Yes,”

Suddenly, the Director shouted, “Noelia! Noelia! Come here quick!”

An old woman stepped out of the house. She looked like she was about the same age as the Director and has the facial structure of someone who must have been very beautiful when young.

“What are you shouting about, old man?”

“Listen, this young man here wants to donate to our orphanage.”

“What? Truly?!”

“Indeed,”

Hoping to end this emotional meeting right away, I handed them the standard three platinum coin and meat chunk packet. Unfortunately, this set off another wave of crying and thank yous as well as the story of how they ended up running this tiny, dilapidated orphanage.

[7]

“…we were originally mercenaries from what is now The Republic of Quinn…”

“…loved children, but we were never able to have them…”

“…an orphanage seemed like a vocation…”

“…we had a little savings, and thought we could do it well, especially with the support of the lord…”

“…but there were fewer and fewer donations…”

“…more and more children from Quinn arrived and we…”

“…not many believers for God of War…”

Right, I think I get the gist of what happened, but them thanking me over and over again was making me embarrassed. I’m not sure what to do…

…so I decided to beat a hasty retreat.

“Right, very good of you, so happy to help, you do your best!” and scuttled away with my familiars.

Fer and the rest were more than happy to leave since the children have started tugging at their fur and scales, and squishing Sui into weird shapes, best to leave now.

“Right, next stop. The [4] Contractor’s!”

“No way, I want lunch.”

“If Master doesn’t mind…”

“”Hungryy!!!””

“”Hungry~~!!””

Ah, right, since I’m outvoted. I guess we could go back for lunch first. After that, visit to the [4] Contractor’s place!

[Gumihou: As mentioned earlier, this chapter was skipped over. It’s supposed to be 370, but for some strange reason, Gumi never noticed… Oh well, you are 372 now~!]

[1] Hojicha – Roasted Green Tea

It’s pretty good, but Gumi still prefers Sencha

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C5%8Djicha

[2] The original was ‘grilled steak’ but for continuity’s sake’, switched all ‘steaks’ to ‘offal’

[3] The Mutant Cockatrice was something Fer ‘asked for’ after the steak feast. Adjusted the text so that it was served as next day’s breakfast instead, since we were not given details of what the familiars had for breakfast let them have this.

[4] Adjusted other details to match up with the skipped chapters.

[5] Adjusted details to make Mukouda’s argument more sensible

[6] Adjusted the details of the War God Church’s building so that it makes sense

[7] Change the delivery of the information to make it more dramatic

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