How to Raise Your Regressor

"Of course, you wouldn't understand. You've had a pretty nice life, after all," Lecia scoffed.

Hmm, let's see.

She's technically neither right nor wrong; the validity of her claim is ambiguous. It's almost like a paradox.

And the reason for that is I have lived through millions of lives; some of them were quite good while others were absolute dogshit.

Hmm? What about my overall life, you ask?

We don't talk about that here.

Anyway, going by the context of our conversation, Lecia should be talking about my current life, i.e., the one where I'm living as Samur.

Hmm, let's see, again.

As far as I'm aware (cuz I deleted my memories, in case you don't remember), I've had a pretty rough childhood.

Because I had black hairs, I was considered a cursed being who'd bring ruin upon the world and was treated as a monster no better than a wild beast in captivity.

I- well, the original Samur, actually- faced severe physical, mental, social and probably sexual abuse, so much so that it'd make your average homeless orphan look like a Princess at the top of the world living a lavish life.

I was also subjected to several totally unethical yet kinda amusing experiments, I believe?

Then I was thrown out, cast aside like a used fleshlight, all because I accidentally fatally hurt my little sister.

Then I regained my memories as the First Being but was forced to go along with the duo of Azell and Noelle, and I swear to fucking God had I known that those two were such dumbfucks, I would have killed myself right then and there to avoid spending even a second more with them.

Regrets aside, after meeting them and falling victim to their poor planning (props to the genius who thought of trying to bind a Minotaur using an axe weaker than it), I had to blow up my arms to save Noelle, after which they had the audacity to not let me die.

Then after some time, I was forced to blow up my arms to save Neia, and was beaten up as a reward (jesus). I also had to do some other dumb shit regarding Elixirs, where I once again blew up my arm.

Hmm, my desire to blow up arms is turning into an unhealthy obsession at this point, but hey, who cares.

I don't.

Anyway, after all that, Lecia somehow got herself kidnapped and I had to go save her, which resulted in me almost ruining my relationship with my precious white shirt.

So yea, I'd say that this life has been pretty bad so far.

In fact, I daresay that it has been one of the worst lives I have ever lived.

Goddamnit.

Let's hope the trap I set for the Aggressors pays off.

"Is that how it goes?" I asked, appearing confused.

Of course, it goes without saying that no matter how satisfying it would be to metaphorically spit in her face, I have absolutely no intention of revealing to Lecia just how shit my life actually is.

What if she listens to my sad story and starts seeing me as a fellow traumatised boi and develops some sort of feeling of comradeship towards me?

Worse, what if she starts acting on those feelings and tries to get closer to me because apparently 'we are the only one who can truly understand each other'?

Eugh! Sickening!

Jesus fucking christ, that legitimately sounds like the stuff of nightmares.

Imagine being Lecia's close friend. I may have hit rock bottom with this life but that's a low that I absolutely will not allow myself to fall to.

I would Reset the Universe if that's what it took to not be Lecia's friend.

Fuck, I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight. What if I dream about her?

"Of course, it does," Lecia sharply exhaled. "It's impossible for you to understand, because the life we have lived so far has been completely different."

Woah, that actually makes sense. What the fuck?

Who in the goddamn the fuck are you, and what have you done to Lecia?

"I see."

"You probably don't think much of what kind of life I was living before coming here, do you?"

I won't deny that.

Imagine spending your free time thinking about Lecia. What a loser would you be.

"I don't need to. I already have a general grasp on what you might have gone through."

"But even if you know that it wasn't good, you have no idea how bad it actually was."

I already gave your backstory a 6 out of 10, Lecia. My reviewing services do not give you the option to challenge my scores, so appealing to me won't make me raise it. Please stop.

"I most probably don't."

I wonder how long I have to go along with her before I can execute the final stage of my epic prank.

"Did you know that back when I was living in THAT place, every time I woke up, I was disappointed that I didn't die in my sleep?"

Ah yes, surely you are the only person who has ever felt that.

"My condolences."

"Back then," her eyes drooped, "I had absolutely nothing to look forward to in my life."

"Hmm."

Oh my God no, I'm about to yawn. They'll whoop my ass.

"You know, back then, I really hated the fairy tales where in the end, the Princesses were saved by a handsome Prince and lived happily ever after because I knew that's not how reality worked."

"Oh my."

Clenching my jaw really hard worked. Crisis averted.

"I mean, I waited and waited, but no handsome Prince ever came to save me. Whenever the door to my room opened, I was always greeted with Tristan and his disgusting smile."

"Well, Azell saved you, didn't he? So, is he not like your Prince in the shining armour?"

"Yeah…" A slight smile emerged on her face. "Turns out I was wrong about Princes never showing up to save the Princess."

Perfect.

"Yup."

"Meeting Azell was the turning point of my life, yes. But the life I had before him is something I wouldn't wish upon even my enemies," the smile vanished.

That's quite mature of her.

But then again, circumstances such as hers usually force children to grow much faster than they normally would.

"So it was that bad, huh?"

"Yes, it was THAT bad," she slowly nodded, then looked back into my eyes with renewed vigour. "So now do you understand why what you did was not just a mere joke?!" She screamed in my face.

How rude.

But that's exactly what I had been waiting for.