Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

"Little Gege, are you a NCH player? Shall I lead you in?"

It was the day of the NCH press conference, and Jing Huan stood alone in the hall for five minutes, until a staff member finally came forward.

Today, Jing Huan wore a topcoat and dark jeans that wrapped his long legs; he stood out in the crowd.

The staff in NCH cosplay around him had all been sneaking looks at him for a while already.

Jing Huan turned and said to the girl in the NCH cosplay, "No need, thank you."

"Waiting for your girlfriend?" The girl smiled and handed him a small keychain with NCH's in-game rose pattern on it. "This is some free merchandise, you can give it to your girlfriend later oh."

Jing Huan accepted it and laughed a bit, "Thank you."

The girl silently walked back to her work station, and immediately, one of her companions greeted her.

"How was it, did you get his WeChat?"

"Does he play NCH? Did you ask him which server he's in?"

"He should be a NCH player, since he took my keychain." The girl lowered her head and played with the ornaments on the lower half of her cosplay, and then whispered, "Don't think about it. It seems like he's waiting for his girlfriend."

Several people sighed.

"Sigh, he looks like just a teenager ba, how could he already be dating? Not even giving us Jiejies a chance…"

"Forget it, at least he's eye-candy. Let's stare at him some more while his girlfriend isn't here."

"I'm just waiting here to see what a handsome Ge's girlfriend looks like."

Thus, the several staff members did their jobs while paying close attention to movements at the entrance.

Five minutes later, the girl couldn't help muttering, "His girlfriend is really too late!"

The person next to her also wanted to echo the sentiment, but after catching a glimpse of the boy who had just come through the main entrance, she instinctively just grabbed her friend's skirt.

"My god… Who said that all gamers are otakus?! Look at the main entrance! "

The girl looked toward the main entrance's direction, and after she clearly saw the person, her actions of sorting through the tickets slightly paused.

After a few seconds, she straightened her hair and turned to leave.

Her friend grabbed her and asked, "Where are you going ah?"

"Conveniently going to ask for his WeChat while giving him a keychain!"

"Share your blessings… Wait," her friend suddenly reached out and grabbed her. "… Look over there."

The man who had just entered was completely dressed in black, and his whole body seemed to carry in some of the coldness from the weather outside.

They just watched on as he quickly walked through the entrance and then… rubbed the hair of the boy who had been waiting at the entrance for a long time.

Jing Huan looked up from his cellphone and smiled when he saw him clearly.

"Sorry, traffic jam." Xiang Huaizhi said.

"It's okay, I also just arrived." Jing Huan raised his hand and dangled the keychain on his finger. "Here you go."

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows. "What is this?"

"A rose keychain that a staff member just gave to me." Jing Huan said, "Told me to give it to my girlfriend."

Xiang Huaizhi laughed. He directly took it and attached it to his car keys.

After their tickets were checked, the two of them walked into the press conference side by side.

The girl didn't snap out of it until she couldn't see their backs anymore.

"What girlfriend ah!" the friend said excitedly. "He was just waiting for a friend! You still have a chance!"

The girl silently stood there for a while and sighed as she returned to the work station.

Her friend gave her a strange look. "What?"

"What chance ah…" The girl silently gave her a look. "That small chance doesn't exist. Let's continue working ba, don't think about it."

Friend: "…?"

Because of their late entrance, as soon as they sat down, the press conference had officially begun.

The ticket's seats were in the middle of the second row. Jing Huan looked at the big cameras facing them. "The seats you got… aren't they a bit too good?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "It's okay, even if they film the audience, it'll just be for a second."

Jing Huan thought about it, and felt that was true.

Since NCH was the most popular MMORPG game in China, the game company had enough power to not only arrange for a luxurious venue for this press conference, but to also get conference hosts who were all familiar faces from TV.

The two hosts talked for a short period of time before the first program began.

It was a NCH cosplay showcase.

NCH had many different kinds of apparel, but there were only a few classic outfits. In order to be graceful and elegant, none of the outfits had much fabric.

Jing Huan looked at what the cosplayers were wearing and couldn't help shrinking his neck back a bit.

Xiang Huaizhi turned his head and asked, "Cold?"

Jing Huan said honestly, "Feeling cold for them."

Xiang Huaizhi went silent for a bit, and then raised his hand to place it on Jing Huan's thigh with the palm opened towards him.

Jing Huan instinctively covered Xiang Huaizhi's hand with his own, and then paused, "Why are your hands so cold?"

Xiang Huaizhi's heart warmed, completely satisfied.

"There were no parking spaces nearby, so I parked the car far away, and I forgot to wear gloves when I got off," he responded.

Jing Huan frowned, grabbed his hand, and directly put it into his pocket.

Everyone around them was watching the performance on the stage, and their clothes were thick, so no one would see this little action..

When Jing Huan looked up again, the performance was over, and the host was interviewing a cosplayer.

Jing Huan slightly narrowed his eyes. He kept feeling like this cosplayer wearing the white immortal style dress looked a bit familiar.

He listened to the host's introduction. It turned out that this cosplay was a NCH player and also a very famous female anchor.

"Come, please introduce yourself." The host smiled and said.

The woman raised the microphone and delicately smiled. "Hello everyone, I'm Immortal Mengmeng of Illusion server."

Jing Huan: "…"

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Fuck.

And that's why he had felt like she looked so familiar…

Although Immortal Mengmeng could still be considered a little beauty, with her filters and beauty mode removed, there was a disparity between her actual and her livestream appearance. This was why Jing Huan failed to recognize her for a while.

Jing Huan turned his head. "She won't try to seek me out for a real life PK later, ba…?"

Xiang Huaizhi was speechless and thought the whole thing was funny. "No, she doesn't know who we are."

Jing Huan chuckled.

He really didn’t expect to meet Immortal Mengmeng at the press conference.

At the end of the cosplayers’ performance, the NCH planning representative, who was constantly cursed at in-game by the players, walked onto the stage. He was bald and had a beer belly.

The players in the audience immediately booed.

Jing Huan clowned around and also booed..

The planner repeatedly waved. "If everyone has something to say, please say it politely…"

Jing Huan laughed very happily, but then saw Immortal Mengmeng, who had put on a thick overcoat, bend over and hastily scuttle out from the side of the stage to sit in the remaining empty seat right in front of them.

Jing Huan: "…"

The press conference for the release of the new expansion this time was a very grand occasion, showing that the organizers were very attentive. They not only spent a lot of effort on the venue and the guest lineup, but also had a livestream room for the event on the official livestream platform.

Moreover, every ten minutes, rewards would be dropped in the livestream room, and the planners once again limited resurrections. The rewards were very generous, and there were several pages of server notifications spammed. As a result, the official livestream room's popularity had exploded, and many players' computers couldn't keep up so they had to block gifts and barrages just to watch it.

The cosplay event had just finished and since the cosplayers were all either sexy or hot, they were used by the organizers to set the mood.

The barrage also went along with the organizers' wishes, moving so rapidly that it couldn't be read at all.

Unfortunately, most of them weren't talking about the press conference.

[Ahhhhhh, fuck!!! Cameraman, who do you think is watching this shit!! Quickly turn the camera focus to the two little Gege in the audience!!]

[I took a screenshot, check out my profile picture!]

[Are they holding hands? Am I seeing it wrong? The little Gege on the left put their hands in his pocket?]

[Have all the handsome men in the world gone gay? ]

[Fuck, I don't want to see this planners bullshit speech at all! Cut to something else! Change! Scenes!]

…

Jing Huan had no idea, but during the cosplay showcase, the official livestream footage had cut to him and Xiang Huaizhi back and forth for a total of around 20 seconds.

At the same time that he was listening to the planner run his mouth, a certain three person group chat was buzzing with activity.

Lu Wenhao: I haven't gone blind ba?

Lu Wenhao: I'm certain that I haven't gone blind. I might not recognize other people, but I'll always recognize Huanhuan!

Lu Hang: They're sitting so close to each other. I've sat next to Xiangxiang in class for two years, and we've never sat that close before.

Gao Zixiang: Fuck, they're even holding hands… Absolutely brazen! Hateful!

Lu Wenhao: I told you! I told you so!! What was that about just "warming hands" last time?! It was all a lie! They must've been dating for a long time!

Lu Hang: No kidding! Didn't I tell you that they also had a child in the game? Speaking of that, Immortal Mengmeng and Huanhuan won't start a fight, ba…?

Lu Wenhao: They won't. Although Huanhuan is usually ferocious to me, he's very gentlemanly towards girls.

Lu Hang: The conference ends at 9:00 p.m, where do you think they'll go after that?

Gao Zixiang: Don't talk about it, if we keep talking, we're going to get perverted. Be careful or else WeChat will ban your account.

Lu Wenhao: @Gao Zixiang, you should go sound them out.

Gao Zixiang: ?

Gao Zixiang: How could I fucking ask? You might not want to live anymore but don't drag me down with you.

When he sent out that sentence, Gao Zixiang opened the new group chat that he had just joined a few days ago—"A big deeply attached family".

This was a combined group chat between the Promise and Idle Pavilion guilds. Three days ago, the two guild leaders said that they heard about some game changes, so their two guilds formed an alliance.

The group chat was spamming animated GIFs of Jing Huan and Xiang Huaizhi in real life.

The group chat discussion had gotten very heated. Many people said that they wanted to know these two people's servers, to create side accounts to wish them 99, but little did they know, they were already fed mouthfuls of dog food.

The press conference continued.

After joking for a bit, the planner finally began to release the new expansion——

New maps were established, there were new summoning beasts, planned server integrations, and guild alliances.

The server war rewards had been greatly increased, a server transfer mechanism had been added, and cross-server trading channels had also been implemented.

Every single new feature presented was enough to surprise the players. The more they unveiled, the more the audience screamed on the spot.

Jing Huan was also shocked. Implementing cross-server trading channels meant that the prices in each server would be disrupted, and equipment prices would fluctuate. The most important thing was——

Cross-server killings were possible… Oh no, he meant cross-server challenges!

He couldn't begin to imagine how many players would flock to the Illusion server.

Fortunately, server transfers had a variety of restrictions. One restriction was that players in new servers could only transfer to other new servers, and similarly for players in old servers. Also, the more popular a certain server was, the more expensive the cross-server transfer fee would be… It was obvious how long NCH had been planning this change.

There was too much information. Jing Huan still hadn't digested all these features until the planner had already left the stage.

So when the spotlight landed on him, Jing Huan was totally confused.

"Seat number 21… All right, this player, please come on stage." The host kindly looked at him.

Jing Huan: "?"

Under the host's urging eyes, Jing Huan released Xiang Huaizhi's hand, slowly got up, took the microphone that the staff member was handing to him, and blankly asked, "Did I win a prize?"

When he asked that, the audience burst into laughter.

The host smiled and then repeated, "No… but close to that. We've invited two special guests today, and you were drawn as a lucky audience member to play a 2v2 exhibition match against them. At the end of the match, whether you win or lose, we'll give you the new mount that's going to be formally launched after the maintenance next week."

In the livestream room, line after line appeared in the barrage.

[Exhibition match? Are the exhibition staff abusing ordinary players? The organizer's brain must have a hidden illness.]

[But I'm satisfied that they picked the little Gege. I forgive the host in that respect. Hope the little Gege can hold on and not be instakilled.]

[Ahh, the little Gege is on scene again!]

Jing Huan originally wanted to refuse, but when he heard the host's last words, he hesitated.

Getting a new mount was essentially making a profit.

And that means finally profiting from NCH!!!

"And for the other person… How about the gentleman sitting next to seat number 21 ba? Will you come up together?" It was unknown what the host was told through the earpiece when he suddenly made this suggestion.

[Fuck! I forgive the organizers too! Come here organizer, I'll give you a kiss!!]

[They're standing together! Holy shit, both of them have really long legs… Is the host 1.7m?]

[Searched it up, the host is 172 cm.]

[Host: What did I do wrong that you guys want to publicly punish me?]

[How handsome ahhhhhhh! Quickly, ask for their server and IDs for Laoniang!]

The host asked, "Excuse me, but which server are you two from?"

"Splendid Mountains and Rivers," Jing Huan fabricated.

The host handed the microphone to the other person.

"Same," Xiang Huaizhi said succinctly.

As soon as he said that, Immortal Mengmeng in the audience below, who had been playing with her phone the entire time, suddenly looked up, shocked.

That voice…

Others may not recognize it, but she would always be able to.

Yearning For had once sent her a seven second voice message, and she had repeatedly listened to it no less than 50 times…

A few seconds later, she slowly looked at the other boy.

The host suddenly realized. "Do you two know each other?"

Jing Huan raised his eyebrows. "En. We're very familiar with each other."

A corner of Xiang Huaizhi's mouth quirked up, leaving a very faint smile on his face.

[Host, quickly press their heads together so they can kiss!]

[?? Am I in the wrong place, isn't this the NCH press conference??]

Jing Huan casually answered the interview questions, and soon, a staff member came up to ask them what kind of sects they needed their game account to be.

Of course in the 2v2 exhibition match, the organizers wouldn't let players use their own accounts to compete. The organizers would provide a fully geared, fully leveled up and cultivated account of any sect. The match could only be fair if the starting point was the same.

"How do you want to play?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan answered, "Want to win."

Xiang Huaizhi nodded and turned his head to say, "Need a Mount Qiya sect and a Fairy Fox Cave sect, thank you."

Staff member: "?"

The staff member tried to persuade them. "Are you two new players? These two sects are hard to play, how about I give you guys a healer and a Minotaur?"

Three minutes later, they were seated in front of the computers arranged by the organizer, and four different game interfaces were broadcasted onto the large screen.

[? Fairy Fox Cave??? Ge? This sect is nearly extinct ah?!]

[Mount Qiya? I've seen too many videos of Yearning For, this evaluation is finished.]

[I hope the two server war gods will show mercy! Let us see a bit more of the little Gege! Begging you!]

Lu Wenhao saw the barrage messages and couldn't resist, and sent a screenshot to the group chat.

Lu Wenhao: [picture] These people are still too young.

Lu Hang: Let's guess how many minutes it will take to be over.

Lu Wenhao: Ten minutes.

Gao Zixiang: Perhaps not. Their opponents are also part of a server war team, seems to be from the Galloping Horses server ba? I estimate more than 15 minutes.

Lu Hang: Okay, I guess less than 10 minutes. Send a red envelope, each person put in 20, a small gamble.

Swish, swish, swish, and three red envelopes appeared.

Before the game started, the livestream was already noisy.

[The people talking before have problems ah. I'm watching livestreams for PK, not for two men, scram.]

[You watch for PK, I watch for the men, what's the problem? Are you saying I shouldn't send messages in the barrage bei? Was it us who asked the organizers to choose these two little Gege up there to play? Stupid, Laoniang is just going to be in the barrage, invade, invade, invade, I hope you die from anger.]

The moderators immediately began to work. The workload was so enormous that their eyes grew tired from reading everything.

Fortunately, the situation didn't last long.

To be exact, after the match started, no one was quarreling.

[Holy crap?]

[??? ]

[Am I seeing this wrong?? How can a Mount Qiya's attack hit 100% of the time??? Oh no… why didn't the Galloping Horses people pick a Mount Qiya ah?!]

[Did the Galloping Horses person manage to seal the Fairy Fox Cave even once?]

[Are they throwing the match? Doesn't it look like that ah?]

[Throwing the match my ass, this is a massacre… Random players slaughtering a server war team?]

[Fortunately, it's a livestream, I can watch the VOD. Laozi didn't have time to record the video.]

[Kind of has Yearning For's style.]

…

Members of the "A big deeply attached family" group chat were a bit confused at this time.

Qiufeng: This Mount Qiya's technique could compete with God Xiang ah.

Fallen Leaves Return To Their Roots: This Fairy Fox Cave's technique is a bit like Xiao Tianjing's.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: These two people's voices are actually a little strangely familiar ha.

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Then, I have a bold assumption…

Wind Gently Blow: Me too…

Chunxiao: ….

Love is For You to Eat: …

Not My Cup of Tea: …

Peachy Fate: …

Eight minutes later, the match was over.

Jing Huan looked at the word "Victory" on the computer screen and randomly moved his wrist around a bit.

When they got off the stage, Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Hand pain?"

"No, just my fingers are a bit sore. I've been playing too many mobile games these days…"

Before Jing Huan finished speaking, Xiang Huaizhi took his hand and gently massaged it a bit for him

Jing Huan didn't know if it was useful or not, but anyway… It was very comfortable.

The two of them were discussing how to bring back the large amount of souvenir plushies given to them by the game organizers. Immortal Mengmeng, who was sitting in front of them, nervously held her breath, and secretly raised her ears.

The other one was indeed Xiao Tianjing's voice, definitely.

Previously, she had thought his voice was pleasant to listen to, and she couldn't control herself… so she had sent him several gifts.

She just sat there until 9:00 p.m, and the press conference ended right on time.

A lot of male players immediately appeared at her side, wanting to add her WeChat. From the corner of her eye, Immortal Mengmeng glanced at the boy who was receiving the gifts at the workstation. After the two of them left, she suddenly got up from her seat, hurriedly tossed out a "sorry, I have something else to do", and then turned to closely trail them.

She followed them to some underground parking lot.

Worried that her high-heeled shoes were too loud, she walked very slowly. By the time she found Yearning For, they had already tossed all the NCH plushies in the car.

The car door was open, and the two boys stood by the door, whispering and chatting about something. Yearning For then slightly tilted his head down, and the two boys' lips briefly touched.

Immortal Mengmeng's heart had never beat so fast.

What was going on?

Why did looking at these two people… make her more nervous than when she was dating?!!!

Jing Huan didn't expect that Xiang Huaizhi's parking spot was in the parking garage of the hotel that he had booked.

"Such a coincidence," Jing Huan exclaimed after they finished kissing.

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "What?"

"I booked a room… just upstairs."

Xiang Huaizhi paused, then played dumb. "What did you book a room for?"

Jing Huan: "…"

Jing Huan put on a fake smile. "Booked it for fun. I don't like staying at home and like to stay in a hotel. Can't I ah?"

Xiang Huaizhi smiled. "You can. Can you take me in?"

"No, you can go sleep on the street." Jing Huan put his cellphone in his pocket.

"I don't like sleeping on the street."

"Then, where do you like sleeping?"

"Like sleeping with you."

"…"

Jing Huan looked up incredulously. "You're so lewd ah…"

They chatted as they walked into the hotel elevator. After pressing the floor, Jing Huan took out his cellphone to send a message.

Suddenly, the person next to him reached out and grabbed him by the waist, bringing him over to his side.

Jing Huan didn't think much of it. He just went with it and leaned up against him.

The moment when the elevator door closed, Xiang Huaizhi suddenly raised his eyes, losing the smile on his face. He took a deep look at somewhere in the parking lot.

Immortal Mengmeng's eyes met his gaze.

Immortal Mengmeng was frightened by his warning eyes, but she didn't react until the elevator closed——Yearning For couldn't possibly think that… she was going to try to cause trouble for Xiao Tianjing ba?

Immortal Mengmeng stood in place for a long time before turning to leave.

When she walked out of the parking lot, Immortal Mengmeng finally couldn't restrain herself any longer and took out her cellphone. She opened up the NCH livestream room, and logged into her side account.

[Warehouse side account 18 [Illusion Server]: They're real. I saw them.]

One the other side, Gao Zixiang was angrily looking at Lu Hang's red envelope.

Gao Zixiang: What's the matter with Galloping Horses ah, they couldn't even last for 15 minutes?

Lu Hang: Pretty normal. The Galloping Horses people playing today aren't the server war team leaders.

Lu Wenhao: Shit, if you had said so earlier, I wouldn't have bet!

Gao Zixiang laughed for a bit. Just as he was about to say something, a message suddenly popped up.

Gao Zixiang: …

Gao Zixiang: Fuck.

Gao Zixiang: Huanhuan sent me a message, and… wants me to cover for him again.

Lu Wenhao: …

Lu Hang: Understood.

Lu Wenhao: Understood.

-

When Xiang Huaizhi came out of the bath, Jing Huan had just opened WeChat.

"What are you looking at?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan scrolled through the group chat's chat logs, puzzled. It was so long, and he had been scrolling for a long time but still hadn't found the main point. "Looking at WeChat, isn't there going to be a guild alliance? I just wanted to see what Chunxiao intended to do… This group of people really talks too much ba."

He scrolled through another page, and then he couldn't scroll anymore.

Xiang Huaizhi bent over and kissed his mole.

First, Jing Huan froze. Then, the limpness and numbness spread from his thigh to his scalp.

Xiang Huaizhi slowly moved upwards, kissing all the way up to his chin.

Xiang Huaizhi pressed his boyfriend into the bed, making up for the previous marks that had disappeared.

People in the game had teased Jing Huan about the four hour thing, but in fact, doing that for four hours was a bit exaggerated. Included in that time was them just rolling around, muddled and ambiguous.

The corners of Jing Huan's eyes were slightly moist. At the height of their excitement, he suddenly spoke.

"Gege," he said in a hoarse voice, "When the new expansion comes out, what do you plan to do ah…?"

"…"

"Is fighting in the server war worth it? The rewards are so rich." Jing Huan thought for a moment. "Do you want to go play on another server? I don't know what the process of transferring servers would be."

Xiang Huaizhi bit down a bit harder.

"Hiss——" Jing Huan frowned. "I don't know what level the new summoning best will be. If it's a high level one, then would we need to change our summoning beasts…? What do you think?"

Xiang Huaizhi had reached the end of his forbearance. He looked up and rubbed Jing Huan's hair.

"I think…" Xiang Huaizhi said, "That I should be a bit more interesting than the game."

Jing Huan: "…"

"Don't think about how to play the game." Xiang Huaizhi said, "Play with me first."

As he felt the edge of his underwear get gently tugged, something that was forgotten swished back into Jing Huan's mind.

He hurriedly stretched his hand out and pushed Xiang Huaizhi away.

"Hold on! Wait a bit, we can play later…" Jing Huan said, "Get up."

As he struggled to pull something out from behind his back, Jing Huan dragged his pants off the floor and dug around in his pocket.

And took out a key.

Xiang Huaizhi froze for a bit.

Jing Huan said, "This is the key to my apartment… I got one made for you."

Xiang Huaizhi licked his lower lip, his words carrying traces of laughter. "Are you inviting me to live together with you? Want to play with me every day?"

"En, every time we play, we feel great. So, if we play every day, we'll feel great every day." With his red ears, Jing Huan acted out, "How about it? If you follow your husband, I'll make sure you live well."

Thus, the rose keychain was unlocked and another key was added.

——The End——

—

Juurensha: So that's the end of the main story, and we still have two extras left! (Just some more stuff with Huanhuan and Xhz) I hope you've enjoyed the journey! This was my first time translating a novel, and I hope it's been alright reading it! (Be sure to check out PUBG if you haven't yet!)

Divi: *tears* It's the end of our dumbasses journey for now. That was basically Huanhuan's proposal to XHZ. I hope you guys enjoyed!!! 2 more extras for fluffs! Thank you for reading up to here! See you in the extras~

And we have a fanart page!

And be sure to support the raws!