Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan had left the mic on.

Xiang Huaizhi's words grew closer from far to near, spreading across the livestream room, word for word.

Xiang Huaizhi lowered his head, lightly flicked his hair and let the water droplets at the end of his hair fall to the ground. When he didn't get an answer, he raised his eyes and lifted his head to look at the person in front of the computer.

Seeing Jing Huan's shocked and helpless face, he raised his eyebrows and asked, "What's the matter?"

The phone rang out with several notifications again, and Jing Huan suddenly snapped out of it. He quickly blinked a few times and turned around to mute the microphone.

It was only then that Xiang Huaizhi saw the barrage floating on the screen of the livestream room.

[Fuck, Xiao Tianjing is a man??? Is that you, Don't Frown??? ]

[Then that means he used a voice changer before?! Yearning For is too pitiful ba? And, why was there a man's voice in the background ah?]

[Gay? The man said that he had just taken a bath… Apart from gay people and liars, who else would play with a catfisher account and pretend to be a woman ah?]

[The background voice was the great God's voice ah. I've heard it in Idle Pavilion before…]

[? Then isn't this even more awesome?]

[I'll be there in a flash!!! Is the anchor here? Say something ah!! ]

The number of livestream viewers suddenly increased from 20,000 to 50,000, and there was still a rapidly rising upward trend.

"I… forgot to turn on the voice changer." Jing Huan said with great difficulty. "Sorry ah."

Jing Huan was still a bit shocked.

Because he hadn't wanted to chat with Xiang Huaizhi using a female voice, during this period of time, he had been constantly switching his voice changer on and off. At the beginning he was still a bit apprehensive and would always check before speaking, but today…

He had just stopped being single and had been floating in a state of bliss.

Jing Huan could now be considered to know what it meant to reap what he sowed.

His only thought now was—this wouldn't delay Xiang Huaizhi's livestream, would it?

Jing Huans thoughts were wildly disordered until Xiang Huaizhi placed the palm of his hand above his face and soothingly rubbed him twice.

"What are you sorry for?" Xiang Huaizhi said, "It's nothing. Go take a bath first."

Xiang Huaizhi had already put on his clothes, but his hands were still a little damp.

Jing Huan sat motionless and randomly tried giving Xiang Huaizhi some advice. "Maybe you should say that I tricked you, and this was the first time we've met, that you told me to take a bath to clean myself up so you can beat me up again…"

Xiang Huaizhi laughed and didn't say anything, just urging him. "Go bathe, you're going to need to fight in the arena later."

Jing Huan's head was a complete mess. If he stayed, he didn't know what he would even say, so he could only get up and make room for Xiang Huaizhi.

After sending Jing Huan to the bathroom, Xiang Huaizhi only then loosened the bath towel, casually put on a pair of shorts, and moved the laptop in front of the desktop computer away.

In such a short time, the number of viewers in his livestream had exceeded 100,000.

[Not speaking now? What exactly is going on ah? ]

[Wtf, I'm late. Is there a replay of the incident ah?]

[I have to say though, Xiao Tianjing's voice is kind of nice. I mean his original voice.]

[My server has exploded with megaphones… God Xiang and Xiao Tianjing are motionlessly AFKing on the same team at the Temple of Heaven. Everyone is secretly watching them.]

[Someone has already made a forum post! There's a full recap and a recording! Bros, let's go quickly!!]

[Name 93381: Xiao Tianjing, you dead catfisher, come out and talk!!!]

[Name 93381 was kicked out of channel 1118 by Yearning For.]

As soon as this system prompt appeared, the livestream’s barrage instantly exploded.

Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the barrage, and his voice was calm. “There are still 20 minutes to 7 p.m., so let’s chat a bit? I’ll reply to whichever ones I see&#k2026; cursing people out will get you silenced, cursing out my wife will get you kicked out.”

Xiang Huaizhi's attitude was beyond anyone's expectations.

Everyone was stunned for a moment before hundreds of questions came up, completely covering the livestream screen.

The channel administrator had told him how to open the barrage assistant previously, but firstly, Xiang Huaizhi had found it bothersome, and secondly, he had only planned to livestream once, so he hadn't carefully listened.

Consequently, he waited for a few seconds before clicking the barrage lock screen, and then slowly began to answer questions.

"Where is Xiao Tianjing… Went to take a bath."

"Are they a man, didn't you hear all that just now?"

"Yes, we're living together right now. Why… Isn't it normal for couples to invite each other over?" Xiang Huaizhi glanced at his private messages. "The administrator is urging me to livestream game content, so I'll go to the challenge platform first."

The audience couldn't help cursing at the administrator.

[Fuck! Who wants to watch NCH content right now! Who wants to watch the arena! Administrators should go die for this lord!!! ]

[Are you guys gay?? ]

[Why does Xiao Tianjing pretend to be a woman ah? Were you deceived into thinking he was a woman when he was actually a man?!!]

"No, I knew he was a man, he's my underclassman." Xiang Huaizhi ran to the challenge platform and clicked on a player as he passed by.

Normally, Yearning For hardly ever stepped onto the challenge platform, so the player on the opposite side stood there for a while before cautiously typing a "?" into the current channel.

"Why pretend to be a woman… Some fun between lovers, I like to listen to him act spoiled with me." Xiang Huaizhi responded without any changes in his expression. He had a calm and composed tone, so no one could tell if it was telling the truth or not for a while.

"You've never seen him, he's very handsome. He looks even better after his recent haircut… His character is good, he has a strong sense of justice, the kind that can't help but lose his temper when he sees someone playing dirty during a basketball game. This kind of boy, what young maiden wouldn't like him?" Xiang Huaizhi continued, "I also like him despite being a man."

[???]

[What are you doing ah? Isn't this supposed to be the catfisher's large rollover scene?? Why do I fucking feel like I'm watching a performance???]

[Then why couldn't he honestly play a male account? Couldn't he also act spoiled on a male account? It's not fun to catfish and deceive people ah.]

"Two male accounts can't get married." Xiang Huaizhi paused, "Who did he deceive? Besides acting cutesy and spoiled towards me, he didn't use his female account to do anything out of line."

Xiang Huaizhi moved his fingers and, without fooling around, sent the other player flying. After he left the battle scene, he found that no one was on the challenge platform anymore. Even the onlookers were all just standing below the challenge platform.

So, Yearning For pressed the sit command and flipped his black robe before sitting down in the middle of the challenge platform.

"Speaking of this…" He said with some laughter in his voice, "Our guild did have an officer who wanted to chase him all the time. He rejected the officer 800 times but still failed to drive him away. When I think about that, it really would've saved more face if he had played a male account."

[Fuck, who's so shameless!! Xiao Tianjing is already married! Why still try to hook up with a wife who already has a husband!!]

[Kill him! Great God!]

[Kill him! Ah, no… Fuck, didn't I come to see 818??? How has this turned into story time??? ]

[Qiufeng: … ]

Xiang Huaizhi moved his mouse and banned Qiufeng. "Forget it, it's just a game. It's not necessary to fight or kill them, I won't say the name. Destroying the guild's harmony also isn't good."

"Don't ask anymore. Not turning on the video, and not letting you guys see him."

At this moment, Lu Hang sat in front of the computer while staring fixedly at the livestream in front of him. His mouth was open wide enough to hold an entire egg.

This was his roommate's voice, there was no doubt about it.

His roommate could actually say stuff like that???

No, the main point was—Xiao Tianjing was a man???

And he was their underclassman, had played basketball with Xiang Huaizhi, and had recently cut his hair…

Fuck?

No way ba???

Lu Hang quickly opened WeChat and looked at Xiao Tianjing's Moments, and randomly opened a Moment's post from a few months ago. There were two comments below his post.

[Lu Wenhao: How could you steal Laozi's picture!]

[Gao Zixiang: I thought I saw the wrong person.]

Only mutual friends could see each other's comments in a Moment.

So that meant that Xiao Tianjing was his, Lu Wenhao's, and Gao Zixiang's mutual friend.

Lu Hang was thoroughly stupefied.

His cellphone buzzed, and he was pulled into a group chat with three people.

Lu Wenhao: ….

Gao Zixiang: ….

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: ….

Lu Wenhao: [Sharing—Yearning For's livestream room]

Lu Wenhao: Haha, Ge, look, this male anchor's voice sounds a lot like Xiang Ge's ah.

Lu Hang actually saw a hint of bitterness in that "haha".

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: That really is him.

Lu Wenhao: ….

Gao Zixiang: ….

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: ….

The three people couldn't say anything else apart from punctuation marks at the moment.

At the same time, several guild members also came to sound Lu Hang out. After all, everyone knew that Long Road Ahead and Yearning For were friends in real life.

Don't Ask When I'll Return: Since you two are so familiar, you should have known about this for a long time ba?

Lu Hang clenched his teeth and replied with a wry smile.

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: …. Faintly heard something about it la.

Xiang Huaizhi's cellphone notifications were actually quite tranquil. Besides Lu Hang's message, there was nothing else.

After all, the people in the game didn't dare to bother him. Lu Wenhao and his friends were even more afraid to ask him because of the whole matter with them grabbing the potion fields..

Xiang Huaizhi glanced at Lu Hang's message, casually replied with two sentences, and then continued to look up at the barrage.

[Great God look at me! Look at me ahhhhhh!! Which one of you is the 1, and which one of you is the 0? If you won't turn on the video camera, then can't you send a photo of you together or something?!]

[Do you actually need to ask these kinds of questions? Look at Xiao Tianjing always saying "Gege" and "husband", can he be a 1?]

[Generally speaking, I'm a straight man, but if I could date Yearning For, I can be gay too.]

[Why do I feel that everyone's discussion is a bit biased… Well whatever, I also want to see a picture of them. Can we get it if we beg? The white lily girls next door turned on their video camera.]

[Speaking of this, is there something wrong with the Idle Pavilion guild? ]

NCH livestreams had been open for nearly a year, but today was the most active day.

Everyone held their breaths as they waited for Yearning For to pick a question to answer, but suddenly, they saw the anchor's mouse move and open up a browser.

And then went to do a Baidu search.

And entered in "What are 1 and 0?".

Livestream viewers: ?

After reading Baidu's top results, Xiang Huaizhi lowered his eyes and saw that the room moderators had sent him a lewdness is forbidden warning, and only then did he find out that he had caused a stir.

"Not turning on video, and also not posting any photos, stop spamming this." Xiang Huaizhi changed the subject, "It's almost 7 p.m. now. Before the arena begins, let's stream the opening of a few Opportunity Stones ba."

Hearing that the sound of the water in the bathroom had stopped, Xiang Huaizhi added, "I'll let my wife open them. By the way, he's not lucky. When you're watching later, let's have a good time, but don't laugh at him. Thank you."

After that, he opened the chat box between the livestream and the room moderators

[Yearning For: He's about to come out of the bathroom, so in a little bit, you guys have to work a bit harder. When you see someone cursing, directly kick them out. If their cursing is excessive, help me write down their ID and server, and then kick them out. Troubling you guys.]

This was NCH's livestream platform, so for convenience, most accounts were bound with their in-game IDs.

[… ???]

[Great God, could you at least pause the livestream before you say stuff like this?]

[Why do I feel like I'm being threatened? [hugging myself]]

Jing Huan had left the bathroom just in time to hear Xiang Huaizhi leisurely thanking people for gifts.

"Thank you Wishing You Guys Are Eternal for your gift."

"Thank you Catfishers Also Have Love for your gift."

"Thank you Immortal Mengmeng for your gift."

Jing Huan: ….

Jing Huan: ?

Knowing that Xiang Huaizhi had the mic on, Jing Huan didn't dare to make any more noise. He walked to the bed and picked up his cellphone.

There were a great amount of messages so he randomly clicked on one.

Chichi: ?

Chichi: Are you really a man?

Chichi: My gosh….

Facing the sister who had just shared smut files with him this afternoon, Jing Huan felt very guilty.

Xiao Jing ya: I'm sorry ah, I didn't mean to deceive you.

Xiao Jing ya: I'm really very sorry.

Chichi: What use are apologies?

Chichi: I'm so disappointed in you.

Chichi: I can't forgive you.

Chichi: Unless you tell me everything about you and the great God. From how you met, to how you guys got to know each other, to how you started dating, to how you met up in real life. The entire process, and you can't leave out a single word.

Xiao Jing ya: ….

—

Juurensha: Omg Chichi. Welp, at least no one seems mad 😀

Divi: Did you see Immortal Mengmeng give gifts? LMAO she would only fully give up when it's two guys together smh. I'm glad Chichi wasn't so mad, just a typical OMG reaction AHA. Huanhuan can now act nice and spoiled~

And we have a fanart page!

And be sure to support the raws!