Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

The sofa in Xiang Huaizhi's apartment was very soft and Jing Huan didn't want to get up after he laid down.

Their clothes were thin and light, and they had long ago been heated up by their body warmth. In the middle of the kiss, Jing Huan felt uncomfortable. He propped up one leg on the ground and simply hooked his other foot around Xiang Huaizhi.

Xiang Huaizhi's movements became a bit sluggish before he just kissed him harder. Jing Huan's hair was very thick and soft, his hand felt like it was caressing feathers.

Finally, Jing Huan interrupted the kiss.

He placed his hand on Xiang Huaizhi's shoulder and pushed him away with a bit of strength, bending over in embarrassment.

Oh no.

I'm on fire from that kiss.

Jing Huan panted and the corner of his eyes were red as he tried to casually think of a topic. "Where's the movie at now?"

"The main male lead had undergone some changes in his body," Xiang Huaizhi blurted out.

Jing Huan let out an "oh". "You get up first."

"No more kissing?" Xiang Huaizhi lifted his hand and helped Jing Huan wipe his lower lip, calling out in a very low voice, "Boyfriend."

"…" Jing Huan's back went numb, and he said honestly, "I've also undergone some changes."

When Xiang Huaizhi heard that, he laughed. His low hoarse laugh was very sexy.

Jing Huan thought that he had gone crazy. He even thought Xiang Huaizhi was sexy just from hearing him laugh…

Jing Huan bent his elbow to get up but accidentally touched something.

He blushed and looked at Xiang Huaizhi in a daze.

"We're the same." Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan's mind blanked, and his Adam's apple rolled back and forth several times. "Then you go first, or I go first?"

Xiang Huaizhi's apartment only had one bathroom..

"You first," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan absent-mindedly nodded.

But Xiang Huaizhi still hadn't moved after a few seconds. If he didn't move, then Jing Huan couldn't get up without using brute force.

As soon as Jing Huan wanted to ask, he saw the man above him lean over and ask him in a breathy voice, "Do you want me to help you?"

Jing Huan tightly gripped the sofa as he was half lying on it, and wanted to look down but didn't dare to. At last, he couldn't resist lowering his eyes.

He wasn't just wearing Xiang Huaizhi's clothes; the underwear that he was wearing had also been given to him by the other boy. Although they were new, the style was exactly the same as those worn by Xiang Huaizhi.

By the end, Jing Huan was drenched in sweat.

As he kneeled on the sofa, Xiang Huaizhi took out two wet wipes from the side and wiped their hands. "Dirty. I'll get new clothes."

Jing Huan leaned back on the sofa and stayed still for two minutes. Afterwards, he covered his eyes with his wrist..

Having done this thing together, they had grown a bit more casual and unbridled about touching each other. After he changed into his new clothes, Jing Huan returned to the sofa and leaned against Xiang Huaizhi while playing on his phone.

Tonight was the LoL world championship series semifinals, and they were just in time to watch the last game, the Chinese team's match. Xiang Huaizhi directly projected the game onto the TV and ordered a few fruits.

Xiang Huaizhi wasn't interested in the game. He hadn't brought his laptop, and here, he only had a desktop. However, he didn't want to go back to his room, so he just used Jing Huan's computer that was also logged onto Jing Huan's NCH account.

Jing Huan leaned his head over to Xiang Huaizhi's side. Seeing that he opened his friends list, he asked with a hoarse laugh, "Investigating my friends, Gege?"

Xiang Huaizhi saw that his group had been renamed from "hehe" to "Gege".

He had just wanted to message Chunxiao, to tell her to start the guild construction quest next week. He said with a smile, "En, will you let me investigate?"

"It's over." Jing Huan reached out to cover the separate group which contained Xiang Huaizhi. "You finally discovered that I'm cheating on you…"

Xiang Huaizhi couldn't bear it. He held the computer with one hand and used his other hand to pull the other person over to give him a kiss.

The cellphone on the table incessantly rang, and because he had just been pulled back into the group chat he hadn't had the chance to mute the notifications. Each message notification would thus result in a sound, and it was so noisy that Jing Huan had to pick it up to read it.

Lu Wenhao: [Photo] I have selected my clothes.

Lu Wenhao: What do you think of my shoes? [Photo]

Lu Wenhao: I will livestream to you guys tomorrow. [shyness]

Lu Wenhao: @Gao Zixiang, already bought it, thanks for sharing.

Bought what?

Jing Huan pondered for a moment and then suddenly came to his senses&#k2014;Gao Zixiang had only shared one thing today.

Xiao Jing ya: Related to perverted things, reporting you.

Gao Zixiang: Ugh, that little maiden is so pitiful. When people say how online dating is shady, they’re all talking about men like Lu Wenhao.

Lu Wenhao: ? What's wrong with me? I like her, she likes me. Isn't it normal for boyfriend and girlfriend to progress to a deeper kind of communication?

Gao Zixiang: Just met and already thinking about stuff like that. You like her? You're just greedy for her body! You're so contemptible!

Lu Wenhao: Fuck, although we're just meeting in real life now, we have already been dating for several months, OK?

Gao Zixiang: Does online dating really count as dating?

Xiao Jing ya: Of course it counts ah?!

Gao Zixiang: ?

Lu Wenhao: Although you're supporting me, the hooligan who has been single for 20 years shouldn't participate in our discussion, thank you!

Fuck.

Who has been single for 20 years?

Laozi's off the list. Right now, I'm watching the game with my boyfriend.

Jing Huan opened his cellphone keyboard and just typed out the sentence, "who says I'm single?" when he deleted the words after a brief pause.

He didn't mind saying it, but he had to take Xiang Huaizhi into consideration.

Xiao Jing ya: Scram scram scram.

Xiang Huaizhi and Chunxiao were discussing the distribution of the potion fields when a phone call suddenly came in.

He accepted the call and turned on the speakerphone.

"Xiangxiang, have you finished with your business?" A middle-aged woman's voice rang out with a crash of mahjong titles sounding behind her. "It's been cold recently, would you like auntie to cook you some soup tomorrow?"

Jing Huan's phone playing actions grew stiff. He reflexively looked back at Xiang Huaizhi, his reaction similar to that of being caught cheating.

Xiang Huaizhi said, "No need, I'm not going back yet. I'll stay in the apartment near the mountain for a few days."

Mama Xiang let out an "oh", and asked, "Staying for how many days ya?"

Xiang Huaizhi was silent and looked at the person next to him.

Jing Huan: "?"

"How many days are auntie and uncle spending at the hot springs?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan was too scared to speak. He slowly raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Xiang Huaizhi suppressed a laugh. "Three days."

The mahjong tile sounds stopped for a moment, and Mama Xiang asked, "Is there someone next to you?"

"En."

"Who is it ya?"

Jing Huan wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but he felt like Mama Xiang's voice carried a hint of excitement.

" They…" Xiang Huaizhi saw his completely nervous face and changed the words on the tip of his tongue. "They're shy, let's talk later about it ba."

It was only after Xiang Huaizhi had hung up the phone did Jing Huan dare to ask, "You're going to live here for three days?"

"Depending on you, do you want to go back?" Xiang Huaizhi looked down and asked.

Jing Huan asked in return, "What do you think?"

Jing Huan continued to bow his head with red ears, playing on his cellphone. After a while, he suddenly mumbled, "I'm greedy for your body and I'm not that good of a person…"

Xiang Huaizhi's apartment only had one bedroom.

At night, Jing Huan laid on the big bed in the bedroom, thinking that even the pillow smelled like Xiang Huaizhi.

Xiang Huaizhi turned off the TV and went to bed. Just when he wanted to chat with his boyfriend some more, he saw Jing Huan's head laying on one side with his eyes closed. He had already fallen asleep.

He stared at him for a while and thought about his appearance just now during their electrifying act; his heart was unbearably soft. Finally, he leaned down and kissed Jing Huan on the corner of his mouth, whispering in his ear, "Good night."

-

When Jing Huan woke up, he was being held by someone.

He was stupefied for a moment and turned his head to look at the person beside him who still had his eyes closed, his sleepiness instantly disappearing.

?

When did he fall asleep?!

Fuck. It was the first time he laid on his boyfriend's bed…. and he just fell asleep?

Jing Huan was furious. He scooted closer to Xiang Huaizhi's side and slowly reached for the cellphone on the bedside table.

But that resulted in him being given a scare when he unlocked the screen—it was full of WeChat notifications. He scrolled down several pages and saw that all of the @messages were from Lu Wenhao in the group chat.

He remembered that Lu Wenhao was going to meet his girlfriend in person today.

This frantic… It couldn't be that he actually encountered the fairy scam?

Jing Huan held onto the idea of having to take a plane to go drag Lu Wenhao out of the police station and clicked on WeChat. Yet in the end, he scrolled through half a day's worth of chat logs, but never managed to find the main point. Lu Wenhao had spammed over ten pages of crying emojis.

Xiao Jing ya: With you sending so many emojis, will you not be charged for going over your bandwidth?

Lu Wenhao: Aiya.

Lu Wenhao: I'm about to die here, and you're actually thinking about bandwidth.

Xiao Jing ya: Just say what you need to say.

Lu Wenhao's voice was full of emotion, sending over three one minute voice messages in succession.

Xiao Jing ya: Can't listen, you type.

Gao Zixiang: Where are you?

Xiao Jing ya: In bed ah, just got up.

Gao Zixiang: Why can't you listen in bed?

Jing Huan was dumbfounded and pursed his lips while typing.

Xiao Jing ya: Okay ba, I'm too lazy to listen, just type.

Lu Wenhao: You're completely heartless. I just came back from the real life meeting, now I'm at the station about to go home.

Xiao Jing ya: It's only 11 a.m. and your meeting is already finished? Did you get conned into a fairy scam?

Lu Wenhao: [smiles] Think better of Laozi.

Xiao Jing ya: It couldn't be that it was a man again?

Lu Wenhao: No, female, exactly the same as her photo.

Xiao Jing ya: Oh, then congratulations.

Lu Wenhao: It's just that her license said she was thirty-four years old, divorced, and she even brought her son with her.

Xiao Jing ya: ….

Jing Huan held his cellphone and didn't recover for a long time.

Lu Wenhao: Did I kill people in my last life? Or did I set a fire?

Jing Huan's stomach started hurting with the amount of laughter he was suppressing. He couldn't help it anymore, and his shoulders trembled.

Xiao Jing ya: It's okay, bro, at least it's a woman this time… Then what happened? You better ask and clear up the situation, what if… The other person hasn't divorced yet? You had better stop messing around.

Lu Wenhao: I bought her son an electric toy car, helped him do his winter vacation homework, and then ran away while his mother was bathing.

Lu Wenhao: She told me she was 18.

Lu Wenhao: When I questioned her, she said that every girl was 18 years old and also said that I don't understand a woman's heart.

Jing Huan chuckled twice and then heard a few words from behind.

"What are you laughing at?"

Jing Huan stopped typing and looked up. "Did I wake you up?"

"No." Xiang Huaizhi's drowsily closed his eyes and lowered his head to press against Jing Huan's forehead. His voice was hoarse. "What's wrong?"

Jing Huan handed his cellphone to him.

After Xiang Huaizhi finished reading it, he snorted but felt that wasn't entirely appropriate. He hid his smile and asked seriously, "What will he do then?"

"It's fine, it's just a life lesson. This is his second time, and if it happens again, he could always just give up on online dating." Jing Huan took his cellphone back and comforted Lu Wenhao.

Xiao Jing ya: Don't date online in the future.

Lu Wenhao: I've only dated online a few times!

Lu Wenhao: Fuck, I'm already insane. Every woman I look at doesn't look normal to me.

Lu Wenhao: I, Lu Wenhao, am going to start discriminating from today! Anyone with a cutesy voice in the game is either a catfish or an old auntie!

Lu Wenhao: [picture] Like this one.

Seeing the avatar in the picture, Jing Huan's smile froze.

In the picture was an afking Xiao Tianjing in Fairyland..

Lu Wenhao: Oh, maybe you don't recognize them, they're the one who sang "Loyalty to the Country" before, the one I had you listen to.

Xiao Jing ya: ?

Xiao Jing ya: Her voice doesn't count as cutesy ba?

Lu Wenhao: Types cutesy, and likes to send emoticons. You've never seen her talking with her husband… Drop dead cloying.

Lu Wenhao: My two eyes can definitely see through the facade. I'm telling you guys that there's a 99% chance that Xiao Tianjing is male! The more I think about it now, the more I'm sure that the voice sounds like it's been voice-changed! Blind guess, it's a 34-year-old middle-aged uncle!

Lu Wenhao: When Yearning For married him, he spent a lot of money! Yearning For is more pitiful than me! I've found some comfort!

Xiao Jing ya: ?

Xiao Jing ya: Comforting you? [ horse head ]

Xiao Jing ya: Laozi is telling you to scram.

—

Juurensha: Ah, poor Hao'er…and honestly Hao'er, Yearning For is having the time of his life right now.

Divi: Hao'er you got one part right, but let's be real, you even said it yourself if you got catfished by Huanhuan you'd be okay. LOL! I bet you'd even blush!!

And we have a fanart page!

And be sure to support the raws!