Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Qiufeng: But in the end he let me off.

Qiufeng: [cry on each other's shoulder ] So scary ah.

Qiufeng: So, are you going to play in the arena tonight? Together?

Xiao Jing ya: …

This person still doesn't weep although he saw his coffin ah.

Jing Huan replied "not playing" to him and then opened up the picture again.

It was definitely Yearning For's ID, and he was also holding his divine artifact in his hand.

But, wife?

Wife?

Fuck…

"You don't like eating it?" Mama Jing grabbed a piece of pizza, her gloves rustling as she looked at her son doubtfully.

Jing Huan's cheeks were hot, and he lowered his head to play with his cellphone under the table. "En, you should eat a bit less, or else Dad will say things about it again."

"If you don't say anything, he won't know I'm eating this." Mama Jing complained in a low voice, "Your dad is too fastidious, not letting me eat this or that, so troublesome… Last time, my assistant ordered me some KFC, and he even lectured them."

Jing Huan enlarged the picture on his cellphone and didn't reply to her.

A few months ago, if anyone had dared to call him wife, he would've savagely beaten the person enough for them to cry out for their father..

Now, he just wanted to hear Xiang Huaizhi call him that from his own mouth.

It must sound very nice.

In fact, Xiang Huaizhi calling him wife didn't really mean anything, since in the game, he really was Yearning For's wife. Their divorce application had reached the system's deadline and had automatically expired.

Jing Huan stared at the picture for an eternity, then long pressed on the screen and clicked save.

Back home, Jing Huan went upstairs with the big bag of socks he had just bought.

He turned on the computer and opened NCH lightning fast. He logged into his account, and when he got in, he was already in Xiang Huaizhi's team. It looked like he was currently doing a sect quest.

Jing Huan glanced at Xiang Huaizhi's avatar. He was wearing the new set of black apparel that he had bought for him, and displayed above his name was the title "Xiao Tianjing's Husband".

He had secretly hung it up while he was helping Xiang Huaizhi do dailies.

Xiang Huaizhi hadn't gotten rid of it.

"Back?" Xiang Huaizhi turned on his mic.

"En," Jing Huan looked at the quest list. "Have you finished all of them?"

"Was afraid that you'd be late and wouldn't be able to do them."

Jing Huan let out an "oh", and turned up the earphones volume. "Why are there mahjong noises coming from over there?"

"My mom." Xiang Huaizhi said, "She has no hobbies besides my dad and mahjong. Hold on, I'll close the door."

"Can you play?" Jing Huan asked him when he came back..

Xiang Huaizhi truthfully said, "Yes, deeply influenced by my surroundings."

"How good are you?"

"Not bad."

"That's perfect." Jing Huan said, "Gao Zixiang always drags me out to play mahjong every New Year, and I'm always giving away money… Next time you can come with me and beat them all!"

Xiang Huaizhi laughed when he heard that. "Okay."

Jing Huan looked at the instance list progress and asked, "Then, shall we go do the next instance? I'll make the team."

"Probably not possible."

"Why?"

Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the game's livestream interface. "Our teammates are livestreaming their arena matches."

Jing Huan was stunned. "Livestreaming?"

Xiang Huaizhi said, "Recently, the company has been promoting its own livestreaming platform, and sent invitations to ranked players on all the major servers. After livestreaming for two hours, you get awarded special apparel. Lu Hang has already gone."

As soon as he finished saying that, Lu Hang's message flew over.

[Friend] Long Road Ahead: Xiao Jingjing! Come and see me live! [Click to enter Long Road Ahead's livestream]

Jing Huan went in without any preparation, and he looked up to see 99 viewers.

"Welcome Xiao Tianjing to my live broadcast room——" Lu Hang happily said, "Yes, yes, yes. It's Yearning For's wife. That's right, it's that Fairy Fox Cave. Right, she's the one who sang …"

Jing Huan: "?"

Xiang Huaizhi said, “I forgot to remind you to enter with a side account.”

Ultimately, Jing Huan was cheated out of a gift of 500 yuan and escaped from the livestream. If he didn't leave, he even suspected that Lu Hang would've tried to get him to turn on the mic and sing.

"Why didn't the GM look for me to livestream too, do they look down on me?" Jing Huan turned off the livestream and muttered, "They probably asked you as well ba?"

Xiang Huaizhi responded, “Yes.”

Jing Huan looked at the apparel reward that Lu Hang had posted to the group chat and mumbled, “But, the apparel looks pretty good.”

Xiang Huaizhi let out an “en” and asked, “How many days are you going to be at the hot spring for? Taking your computer with you?”

"Three days and two nights, taking it." Jing Huan paused and said, "I have my own room."

It suddenly occurred to him that the last time he had went to the hot spring he had been so fucking… he had sent Xiang Huaizhi a thigh pic.

Xiang Huaizhi's mouth quirked up. "Then, that's perfect."

"What?"

"That day, play in the arena with me?" asked Xiang Huaizhi. "I promised the GM that I would livestream that night."

Jing Huan was shocked. "Why?"

"The apparel looks good." Xiang Huaizhi said, "I've discussed it with them. If I livestream, they'll send me two sets. Your account already has a complete set of limited apparel, if you add this set, you can sell it for a bit higher when you're done playing your sim game."

Jing Huan: "…"

[Team] Xiao Tianjing: The young lord is generous, and Xiao Jing is unable to repay his kindness. I can only pledge my body to you. [rose]

Xiang Huaizhi bit the orange in his mouth.

[Team] Yearning For: En, recorded it down in my accounts.

On the day he was supposed to depart for the hot spring resort, Jing Huan slept until noon before he was finally awakened by Mama Jing.

"Why do you wake up so late every day, what are you doing at night?" Mama Jing asked while frowning, "Did you pack everything? I'll ask Uncle Chen to help you get into the car first."

He didn't do anything last night.

He had just done instances and fished with Xiang Huaizhi until 2 a.m.

After he changed his clothes, he went to the living room for lunch. As soon as he sat down, his cellphone buzzed several times.

Lu Ge: ??!?

Jing Huan was stunned for a bit before he realized that Lu Ge was the new nickname that he had given Lu Hang on WeChat last night.

Xiao Jing ya: Ah, what's the matter?

Lu Ge: [picture] Isn't this our school sports field?!

After seeing the picture, Jing Huan instantly became clear-headed and felt his scalp go numb.

Fuck!

He had forgotten to block Lu Hang from seeing the Moments photo he uploaded the other day!!

Lu Ge: Did you guys meet??

Lu Ge: You guys had an offline meeting!!!

Lu Ge: Fuck me, Chunxiao told me that you were by Xiangxiang's side during those few days around Christmas…

Lu Ge: ??? But I was also by his damn side ah?

Lu Ge: Fuck… You guys met right under my nose? When did you come? Where do you live?

Lu Ge: It couldn't be that… You guys… In the dorm… did something ba…

The more he said, the more crooked it became, and Jing Huan hurriedly stopped it.

Xiao Jing ya: No! How is that possible? I'm not a wanton person!

Xiao Jing ya: Gege sent me that photo! I thought it was pretty, so I posted it to my Moments!

Lu Ge: But Chunxiao said you guys met ah.

Xiao Jing ya: …

Things had happened so fast that Jing Huan didn't know how to get around it.

Xiao Jing ya: … We did meet once.

Lu Ge: Holy shit.

Xiao Jing ya: But we definitely never did anything in the dormitory! You can relax!

Lu Ge: That means you guys did something somewhere else?

Xiao Jing ya: ?

Lu Ge: I can't believe that Xiangxiang is such a beast.

Xiao Jing ya: ? No, we didn't, don't talk nonsense ah.

Lu Ge: So, are you coming to Man City today too? Meet up with me ah, we all know each other so well, I'll treat you to dinner.

Xiao Jing ya: Not coming ah.

Lu Ge: ?

Lu Ge: You're not even coming for your husband's birthday ah?

Jing Huan was taken aback.

Mama Jing came downstairs wearing earrings and said, "We're just going to the hot springs, why are you bringing your computer? Don't be so addicted to the Internet."

As soon as she had finished saying that, she saw her son get up from the table and rush into the garage.

When he came back, he had his computer bag in his hand.

She was stupefied. "So obedient?"

Jing Huan said, "I won't be going to the hot spring. You guys have a good date."

Mama Jing stopped and looked at him with a face of complete bewilderment.

Jing Huan moved to go upstairs but stopped after taking two steps and turned back to ask, "Mom, for Dad's birthday, what do you usually give him ah?"

After being scolded for a bit by Mama Jing, Jing Huan ran out of the house with his backpack in his arms.

It wasn't until the taxi driver asked him where he was going that he realized he didn't have any plans at the moment.

He was definitely going to meet him.

But not right now, since he had to at least prepare some birthday gifts. He also didn't even know Xiang Huaizhi's address.

Jing Huan thought about it and gave the driver the name of a business district.

Xiang: Have you set out?

Jing Huan leaned against the back seat, wondering.

Why didn't Xiang Huaizhi tell him this in advance?

It couldn't be that he thought that their relationship hadn't reached the stage where they could spend birthdays together?

He brushed away these depressing thoughts after a few seconds.

Xiao Jing ya: Setting out.

Xiang: Have fun.

Xiao Jing ya: What are you doing?

Xiang: Gym, accompanying my dad.

Xiao Jing ya: How long will it take ah?

Xiang: Don't know, we might also go swimming. Something wrong?

Xiao Jing ya: Nothing.

Xiao Jing ya: I just wanted to find something to talk to you a bit longer.

Jing Huan wandered around the business district until 2 p.m. and sent Xiang Huaizhi a message. The other party didn't reply, so he probably was swimming.

He wasn't in a hurry. After getting Xiang Huaizhi's address from Lu Hang, he found an Internet cafe nearby.

Xiang Huaizhi replied to him a little past 4 p.m..

Xiang: I was just swimming. I didn't look at my cellphone.

Xiang: I thought you would sleep in the car.

Xiang: Still there?

Xiao Jing ya: Yes!

Jing Huan wanted to laugh a bit after sending this message.

The way they were acting, it really felt like they were dating online. They were always like "are you there", "what are you doing", and "didn't look at my phone".

Xiang Huaizhi sent over a picture. It looked like a restaurant's private room.

Xiang: Family dinner today, waiting for others.

Jing Huan was startled.

Xiao Jing ya: Like that…

Xiang: Have you arrived at the hotel?

Jing Huan got off the computer and left the Internet cafe. He ordered flowers in a flower shop and agreed to pick them up at 5 p.m.

During the winter, it gets dark very early. At this time, night vendors had already come out to set up their stalls.

Jing Huan smelt the fragrance of the food, and casually took a picture of a barbecue stand for Xiang Huaizhi, typing slowly.

Xiao Jing ya: Here, there's a barbecue place near the hotel.

When Xiang Huaizhi saw his message, he raised his eyebrows.

The hot spring resort was basically in the mountains, in the middle of nowhere. Where did a barbecue stand come from?

He casually glanced at the photo and had just wanted to ask more closely when the private room's door opened. The manager came in to confirm the menu.

He looked at his father, who was outside on the balcony taking a call, and had to get up to take the menu.

At 5 p.m., the dishes began to arrive. This dinner, which was supposedly for his birthday, felt more like just a family dinner. Everyone was busy all year round, and were only a bit free during the holidays.

At the beginning of the dinner, Xiang Huaizhi became the conversation topic. Neither his studies nor his love life were missed.

Xiang Huaizhi was used to it, and dealt with the questions with only a few words.

His phone vibrated a few times, and he immediately lowered his eyes and unlocked the screen.

When he saw the sender, his cellphone operation was a little slower.

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: Hey bro, happy birthday, giving you a present tomorrow.

Xiang: Thank you.

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: How is it, are you happy?

Xiang: ?

Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost: Xiao Jingjing should be there with you ba? Take her out to meet me tomorrow, I'll treat you guys to dinner.

Xiang Huaizhi lightly frowned, then put his cellphone into his pocket, stood up, and politely said, "I have something to do. I'm going out to make a phone call."

Jing Huan was sitting near the barbecue stand, with a gift box in the left chair and a bunch of roses on the table. He thought he was a bit stupid.

He should've found a restaurant. If he sat here for half an hour, wouldn't he smell like the stand…

But just as he passed by, he saw the barbecue stand's owner putting ingredients out onto the stand while wiping away tears. When he asked, it turned out his wife had an accident, and he was worried about money.

And so, he had the bright idea of ordering 100 mutton kebabs.

He looked at the sea of kebabs in front of him, and expressionlessly thought about calling Gao Zixiang up and piling him up with kebabs ba. He could even hide the flowers and his gift in the boss' stand first.

Jing Huan took out his cellphone and had just wanted to find Gao Zixiang when a WeChat video call cut in.

He froze for a moment and immediately picked it up.

Xiang Huaizhi asked with half-lidded eyes, "Where are you?"

"Eating kebabs." Jing Huan paused and added, "It's the barbecue stand near the hotel that I told you about today."

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyes, not looking at him. He could only see his chin and Adam's apple.

It was only then that Jing Huan found that something was wrong. He looked at the dark sky in the background of the other party's video and asked, "Aren't you in the private room of a restaurant?"

"En." Xiang Huaizhi said, "Now I'm at the barbecue stand near the hotel."

Jing Huan was confused.

In the middle of having a good meal, what are you doing at a barbecue stand?

Before he could ask, he saw that the screen suddenly turned black, followed by another image—Xiang Huaizhi had switched to the back camera.

He saw a familiar barbecue stand.

Sitting right in front of the stand's opening was a person, with a gift box on his left-hand side and a bunch of flowers at his right-hand side. He didn't match the stand at all and looked like a fool.

The fool looked familiar.

Jing Huan was astounded and his pupils suddenly shrank. "You…"

Before he could finish speaking, he felt a person behind him.

Xiang Huaizhi took off his gloves, casually put them into his pocket, stretched out his hand behind Jing Huan, and lifted his chin.

Jing Huan subconsciously raised his head, resulting in them looking into each other's eyes.

Xiang Huaizhi looked at him and then at the table full of mutton kebabs. He breathed out a white mist. "What are you doing here?"

Jing Huan exerted all his strength to blink a few times and then murmured after a while, "… Consuming."

—

Juurensha: Awwww, Huanhuan running over for XHZ's birthday. (And it's cute that Lu Hang is like, I want to meet her too!)

Divi: Lu Hang, the bro once again. Huanhuan why are you so dumb running without a plan LOL, trying to surprise him and you end up looking like a fool in front of a barbecue stand…

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