Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan used to think that exam season felt the longest, because he would spend every day drumming his fingers just waiting for their vacation to start.

But this time, after he finished his last exam, Jing Huan was still a little unresponsive as Gao Zixiang curled his arm around his shoulder to tell him that he'd see him when they went back home.

His two good friends were fooling around beside him. Gao Zixiang was making fun of Lu Wenhao's face-to-face meetup and Lu Wenhao couldn't outspeak him, so very soon, he was sputtering curses and lashing out with his hands. Although the two men were scuffling, it wasn't even as rough as two cats fighting each other.

Jing Huan didn't join them. He took out his cellphone and immediately found Xiang Huaizhi's WeChat.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege, I finished my exams.

Xiang: En, when will you go home?

Xiao Jing ya: … Tomorrow.

Jing Huan typed with a drooping head.

This was already arranged by Jing Huan's family a long time ago, because his grandfather's birthday was tomorrow. He was turning a new decade, and the family had wanted to make it a big deal. His father would've arranged for someone to pick him up tonight if he wasn't worried about his fatigue.

Xiang: Meet up?

Xiang: Treat you to a meal.

Jing Huan came to life again.

After he went home, he took a bath, changed into what he thought were his best-looking clothes, and finally even mischievously sprayed on some cologne.

When he arrived at the agreed intersection, he saw four people standing together, and his smile immediately flew away with the cold wind.

"Xiangxiang said he invited you to dinner, so I thought, why not all meet up again ba, and followed him. I also called Hao'er and Zixiang on the way." Lu Hang half-jokingly asked, "You two don't mind ba?"

Jing Huan forcefully pulled down the corner of his mouth. "Of course not."

He turned to look at Xiang Huaizhi, and the other party glanced at him at the same time. His eyes faintly had helplessness and regret within them, but his look made Jing Huan smile again.

"What's that smell?" Lu Wenhao sniffed and drew up to Jing Huan. "Shit, you even sprayed on cologne? You're so flirtatious ah."

Jing Huan lightly pushed him. "Not flirtatious for you, scram."

Lu Wenhao was happy and joked, "Then, who are you flirtatious for? Weren't you just meeting with Xiang Ge? I'll help you ask Xiang Ge if he likes it."

With that, he turned around and pretended to ask.

Xiang Huaizhi was talking to Lu Hang about something, when he suddenly turned around and glanced at them. "I like it."

Jing Huan: "…"

Lu Wenhao was shocked. "I haven't even asked yet, Xiang Ge."

"Ask my ass," Jing Huan bumped his shoulder. "Shut up, you…"

This time, they were eating Western-style food and Jing Huan was in front. He grabbed the seat beside Xiang Huaizhi.

However, during the meal, the two of them didn't do any superfluous actions. The restaurant wasn't that big, so the seats were crowded; even the slightest movement would be noticed.

In the middle of the meal, a group of students from Xiang Huaizhi's class came over. After greeting them, they left and sat at the table next to them.

Lu Wenhao looked at the neighboring table and Gao Zixiang noticed. He asked, "Who are you peeping at?"

"Fuck." Lu Wenhao was startled and swated him. "If you knew that Laozi was peeping, can you not keep your voice down?"

Lu Hang listened and laughed, then lowered his voice and said, "What, do you have a girl you like? Those girls are all single, Ge can help get their WeChat for you."

"Oh no, I still prefer people younger than me," Lu Wenhao said. "I just wanted to see if the person Huanhuan likes is over there."

Jing Huan almost choked on his rice. He quickly grabbed a napkin to cover his mouth and coughed twice, just about to scold him.

But he heard the person next to him open his mouth first.

"Oh?" Xiang Huaizhi stirred his bowl with chopsticks and casually asked, "Why do you say that?"

Lu Wenhao had no real shortcomings, but he had a big mouth. Added to the fact that boys weren't as delicate as girls in regards to these matters, it wasn't hard to talk about who Jing Huan liked. "Huanhuan didn't tell you? He's pursuing an upperclassman girl. He didn't want to tell me who it was, so these days, I can't help looking more closely at the upperclassmen girls…"

Jing Huan felt Xiang Huaizhi's gaze on him.

Although they had already made things clear between them, and maybe it was due to the crowd, when Lu Wenhao said that, Jing Huan still felt a bit shy.

"Really?" Xiang Huaizhi's tone was calm.

"Yes bei. He also said that he pursued them twice." Lu Wenhao raised his chin to point at Jing Huan. "Say something Huanhuan, did you catch them yet?"

Jing Huan leaned back and turned his head to meet Xiang Huaizhi’s gaze.

He said, "Not yet ah, they're hard to catch."

Xiang Huaizhi just smiled and didn’t say anything.

Lu Hang said, “Tell me. I’ll see if I know them or not and help you sound out their feelings.”

"Forget it, I'll try my best on my own ba." The corner of Jing Huan's mouth quirked up, and he poked the person next to him with his elbow. "Gege, do you think I can catch them?"

Xiang Huaizhi picked up the teapot and filled his cup with it. "Yes ba."

After they ate and drank their fill, the group went back to school. Xiang Huaizhi and Lu Hang were going to the library, so they had to say their goodbyes halfway back.

Jing Huan and Xiang Huaizhi walked side by side in the back. Now, there were finally no third wheels. Lu Wenhao and Gao Zixiang were so noisy in the front, while Lu Hang amusedly watched them.

"Do well in the exam tomorrow." Jing Huan said in a low voice, "If you have to retake the class, wouldn't you have to attend with me?"

After he said that, he paused for a moment before muttering, "… That seems to be nice too?"

Xiang Huaizhi was between laughter and tears. "Think of something good for me."

Jing Huan vaguely said, "Thinking about it."

There was a distance between the library and the dormitory, so they had to part ways now.

Jing Huan wanted to follow Xiang Huaizhi, but he was afraid of disturbing his studies. Anyway, as long as Xiang Huaizhi was there, he wouldn't be able to just sit there and read.

While he was still caught up in his thoughts, Xiang Huaizhi raised his hand and rubbed his hair.

This action was a little intimate, but it was still permissible between friends—other people wouldn't think anything of it when they saw it. Only Jing Huan knew the hidden meaning behind this rub, he could even feel the heat of Xiang Huaizhi's palm.

"Go back ba," Xiang Huaizhi said. "See you during winter vacation."

-

The next day, Jing Huan got on the bus to go home at eight o'clock in the morning.

When his father had said they would grandly celebrate his grandfather's birthday, he really meant it. All their relatives from all over the country had rushed back, a canopy was set over the garden to avoid the snow, the whole place was filled with chairs, and the chef alone had invited five or six other people.

Grandpa Jing had always been fond of Jing Huan, so he ended up sitting beside the big birthday boy all day long. Whenever he took out his cellphone, his parents' eyes would be full of admonishment..

After the birthday party was done and they went home, it was already 11 p.m.

The first thing he did after he left his grandfather's house was sending Xiang Huaizhi a message.

Xiao Jing ya: My parents punished me for playing with my cellphone.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege are you still there?

Xiang: Yes.

Xiao Jing ya: What are you doing?

[Xiang is requesting a video call with you]

Jing Huan was startled, and Mama Jing turned her head around from the front passenger seat. "It's so late, who's still looking for you?"

Baba Jing looked at him in the rearview mirror while he held the steering wheel.

Jing Huan said, "A senior."

Mama Jing let out an "oh", and said, "The one from before? Surnamed Xiang?"

Jing Huan nodded guiltily. "En."

"Then you should hurry up and take it ba. It's so late, it may be something urgent."

"…"

Jing Huan had originally wanted to wait until he got back to call him back, but he was also worried that at that time Xiang Huaizhi would've already gone to bed.

So he took out some earphones from his pocket and answered the call.

Xiang Huaizhi was wiping his hair, and his chin was still wet. The camera was set in a very artful angle. "Was just taking a bath."

Jing Huan fiddled with his earphone cable, his voice a bit quiet. "You just got back to the dormitory?"

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en", and looked down at the screen.

Jing Huan's whole person was engulfed in darkness. There wasn't much light, and he could only barely make out his facial features.

He frowned. "Where are you?"

"In the car," Jing Huan cleared his throat. "With my parents."

Xiang Huaizhi: "…"

Feeling Mama Jing's concerned gaze, Jing Huan pretended to be confused. "It's so late, do you have anything urgent, Senior?"

Xiang Huaizhi smiled, showing his neat and pure white teeth, making Jing Huan's heart sway back and forth.

"Yes, the school's internet is down, and they don't know when they can fix it." Xiang Huaizhi said, "When you're free, feed the kid."

"Yes, of course." Jing Huan said solemnly, "Study hard, don't worry about these things."

Xiang Huaizhi said, "Then, we'll talk when you get back."

"Okay ah," Jing Huan held the cellphone up to his face. "Aren't you going to take a break?"

"Will study until 2 a.m. ba," Xiang Huaizhi gave a slight smile. "Not afraid of hitting your nose?"

"No, I have a tall nose."

Mama Jing puzzledly asked, "Why are you two chatting about noses now?"

"No, just chattering." Jing Huan coughed. "Then, I'll check it for you when I get back and call you again?"

"Okay," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Lu Hang came out of the bathroom just as Xiang Huaizhi hung up the video call.

"Who were you just chatting with? Hurry up and blow dry your hair ah, I'm waiting in line and it's freezing." He tightly wrapped his arms around himself, turned around and said, "Speaking of which, do you really plan on not coming out for your birthday? A bar just opened on Anyang street, I heard the atmosphere was very good. Don't want to go and try it?"

Xiang Huaizhi stopped moving the hand that was drying his hair, and he opened up a calendar to take a look.

His birthday was during winter vacation, and his mother liked being lively, so most of the time, he celebrated it at home with his family. He plugged in the hair dryer and perfunctorily said, "No. When you're drunk, I'll have to wait upon you."

During the last few days of the semester, the school's internet had inexplicably gone down. The telecommunications repair people had come to inspect it several times, but in the end, the internet still hadn't been fixed by the time the third-year university students took their finals.

After finishing his exams,, Xiang Huaizhi said farewell to Lu Hang, and went home with his suitcase.

The computer at home hadn't been used in a long time, so just updating NCH would take 20 minutes.

Xiang Huaizhi unpacked and took out his cellphone to reply to his messages.

Xiang: Just got home.

Xiao Jing ya: [Photo]

Xiao Jing ya: Accompanying my mother as she shops.

In the photo, Jing Huan held several bags and had taken the photo in front of a mirror in the clothing store. He was dressed in a jacket and jeans and despite half of his face being covered by his cellphone, he still looked tall and handsome.

Before Xiang Huaizhi could type anything, he received a voice message.

"I also secretly bought you some socks… You give me your address bei."

His voice was quiet, like that of a thief.

Xiang Huaizhi smiled, and the sleepiness and fatigue from the exam plus the return trip disappeared.

Xiang Huaizhi pressed the voice message key. "Choose a time, and give it to me personally."

Jing Huan replied quickly, "When?!"

"On Sunday. Are you free?" Xiang Huaizhi casually, as if it was a randomly chosen day.

There was a moment of silence.

Xiao Jing ya: I'm going to the hot spring on Sunday…

Xiao Jing ya: [wailing]

Xiao Jing ya: [rolling around on the ground]

Xiao Jing ya: [hitting the ground with my head]

Xiang Huaizhi said, "Then next week ba. Don't worry, winter vacation is so long."

Jing Huan was appeased by his last words.

Looking up, his mother was at the checkout again and beckoned to him. "Huanhuan, come here."

Mama Jing wasn't an extravagant person. These big and small bags were all New Year's gifts she wanted to give to her colleagues and sisters.

Jing Huan had spent the whole day with her and felt more tired than the day of the sports festival. After shopping, the mother and son pair went to the Pizza Hut downstairs for dinner.

After ordering, Jing Huan leaned back and focused on his cellphone.

Xiang: When will you come back?

Xiao Jing ya: I'll go back after dinner.

Xiang: I'll log into your account to do your dailies.

Xiao Jing ya: I'm crying.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege is so nice.

As soon as he wanted to chat some more, he was disturbed by the @ from his group chats.

It was Lu Wenhao. He was going to his face-to-face meeting on Sunday, and now he was going crazy in the group chat. He wanted to drag them in to discuss what clothes he should wear on that day, what reservations he should make, and what he should say.

Gao Zixiang: Scram, you fucking woke me up from my nap.

Xiao Jing ya: It's your own thing, so figure it out yourself. Learn to walk independently and don't @ daddy.

Lu Wenhao: Fine, you're both just jealous that I have a sweet online romance.

Jing Huan coldly sneered.

Jealous my ass.

Dad has his own.

Just as he wanted to type out some cutting remarks, his cellphone suddenly vibrated.

Qiufeng: …

Qiufeng: Why didn't you tell me that you weren't logged into your account ahhhhhhhhh…

Jing Huan was baffled.

Xiao Jing ya: Why should I inform you…?

Xiao Jing ya: What's the matter?

Qiufeng: I clicked on the wrong friend and sent a message to you, when I meant to send it to my arena partner. [smile] [smile]

Xiao Jing ya: And then?

Qiufeng: Your husband thought I was making a pass at you again.

Xiao Jing ya: … And then?

Qiufeng: And then I was no more.

Qiufeng: [picture]

Jing Huan clicked on the picture, and saw Qiufeng lying in a puddle of blood with an immortal cable tightly tied around his foot.

Yearning For stood opposite of him with a chat box above his head.

[Current] Yearning For: Still trying to privately invite my wife out?

—

Juurensha: Oh man, XHZ, you just really can't stand Qiufeng huh

Divi: LMAO, Qiufeng you should stop trying to be a slag man. XHZ has firmly grasped Huanhuan.

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