Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan placed his hands on the keyboard and didn't speak for a long time.

Xiang Huaizhi wasn't in a hurry. He jumped up and blocked Wheat's Number One Fan's twin blades that were chopping towards Xiao Tianjing with the blade of his sabre. He then asked, "Is the person who kicked you out here?"

"No, the team leader is someone else." Jing Huan hesitated and asked, "Gege, how did you know I was kicked out?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "I saw it in the WeChat group."

On the other hand, in YY, Mini Wheat's tone was a bit worried.

"Husband, didn't you say Yearning For wouldn't care about this kind of thing?"

"It's okay, you haven't seen him fight back, right." Wheat's Number One Fan recovered from his surprise, "Let me talk to him."

[Current] Wheat's Number One Fan:Talk ah, what's the matter? Did your hand slip and click the wrong thing?

At the same time, their battle was also discovered by passing players.

[World] No One Like You: Fuck!!! Moon Palace (81, 99)!! God Xiang and Wheat's Number One Fan are fighting!

[World] Falling Flower Dance: I saw it too! It's team PK! Wheat's Number One Fan brought his wife, and God Xiang brought Xiao Tianjing!!

[World] Peachy Fate:?! I'm speedily rushing to the scene!

[World] I Have a Cat: Is this real? The two of them are finally fighting?! Is this competing for the number one DPS rank??

[World] Drunk in the Dusty World: What…what's there for them to compete over? What can Wheat's Number One Fan even use to compete against Yearning For? Are the comments above joking? What I'm more curious about is why is Xiao Tianjing here again?!

[World] Side Account 123: I know! I was in a QQ group on Illusion server today and got to eat some melons! Xiao Tianjing got onto Wheat's Number One Fan's car this afternoon. When they got to the boss, she was kicked out. The most rage-inducing thing was that they actually triggered Qilin Mountain's hidden boss, which was picked up by Ji Xiaonian.

[World] I Have a Cat: …After this long, I still don't know whether Xiao Tianjing is lucky or unlucky. So far, I still don't know what Qilin Mountain's hidden boss looks like.

[World] You Alone Can Cross Me: I just think it's weird. Xiao Tianjing just can't think it through and even dares to join Wheat's Number One Fan's team. [sweat]

[World] Minister In Retreat: ^ + 1.

[World] Drunk in the Dusty World: Right now, I really believe that Xiao Tianjing's account has changed hands.

There was a server bully in every server. The server bully didn't have to be the strongest in the server, but they had to be the most forceful in the server.

Wheat's Number One Fan was the server bully of Illusion server.

If he took a liking to an equipment, no one else could grab it; if he sent out a megaphone, no one was allowed to top it; if he was collecting materials, everyone else who also wanted to collect those materials would just have to wait until another day.

There was one time where during an instance, someone said something that offended him, and he had tossed them at the boss and then chased and killed them for a whole week. The player completely quit the game after a few days.

And this kind of thing, Wheat's Number One Fan had done several times, Xiao Tianjing just counted as another one of them, and the players in the server had seen this happen so many times, they had gotten used to it.

Of course, there were some players who didn't put up with it, but Wheat's Number One Fan was rich. He had four or five god-level accounts alone. There was only one person in the server who could compete with him, but that person was very low-key, and everyone knew he generally didn't care about this kind of thing.

If you can't provoke, you can always hide, so players who came to the server later generally detoured as soon as they saw him.

Today though, Yearning For finally appeared.

Illusion server players were filled with emotion and couldn't help bubbling up.

[Megaphone] Clear Pool: God Xiang can't endure this situation any longer and has come to save everyone?! Kill him! KILL HIM AHHHHH!!

[Megaphone] Based on Duckweed: What are you all so excited about? Did you forget about Yearning For's 818 stuff? This can only count as a dogfight, not at all saving anyone.

[Megaphone] Is Lovesickness Bitter: To be fair, no one could control Yearning For's slag affairs. On the other hand, he's never bullied the weak, has he?

Jing Huan looked away from the megaphones.

"Gege, has Wheat's Number One Fan done this kind of thing before?"

Xiang Huaizhi switched from his sabre to his sword, "I don't know, maybe ba."

He had never paid attention to this person.

Seeing that the other side had never reacted to him, Wheat's Number One Fan thought Yearning For had blocked the current chat.

He turned on the microphone in game. "What's the matter, brother?"

Still no response.

He was just wondering, when suddenly, Yearning For rushed forward with his sword, giving them no time to react.

The sword stabbed into Mini Wheat, and bright red numbers popped up, leaving behind only a third of Mini Wheat's health bar in an instant.

Mini Wheat was frightened. "Husband, how is he this powerful?"

"It's okay baby, we can fight and win." Wheat's Number One Fan was gritting his teeth. "He brought along a waste Fox Cave. We're basically fighting two against one. Give yourself a magic attack buff."

Wheat's Number One Fan had never been on a team with Yearning For before. In addition, he liked to play 2v2 with his wife, while Yearning For in the past had only played 1v1 before, so they had never fought against each other before.

Although he has seen many videos of the other player, Yearning For's strength had always been summed up with a question mark for him.

However, he was very confident in his equipment. Between himself and Yearning For, he should only be short of a divine weapon.

He had long ago made plans. On the day when he got a divine weapon and climbed to the first rank of experts, he would definitely send out thousands of megaphones, hold a server-wide banquet, and feast and entertain all the players in the entire server.

But soon, Wheat's Number One Fan had to give up on this idea.

When he was slashed again by Yearning For with a crit, his remaining health was only at 17%.

"Yearning For, are you running a script?!" Wheat's Number One Fan gnashed his teeth and asked, "Almost all your attacks completely hit? You can't even get that kind of accuracy running a damn script! "

The onlookers outside couldn't hold back any longer.

[Current] Peachy Fate: The hit rate of God Xiang has always been abnormal, and how could you run a script when playing this god level account? If that gets found out, then you'll be forever banned.

[Current] Side Account 123: Wheat's Number One Fan's positioning is poor. Let alone God Xiang, even I can hit him dead center? What's the problem here?

[current] Bare Snow: I don't think it's a script either. The official NCH website recommends Yearning For's PK videos every single day. If it's a script, how could the admins not figure it out?

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: 9494, you can't beat him, so now you're framing my Gege, what kind of man are you!! [anger]

[Current] Falling Flower Dance: ?

[Current] Side Account 123: ??

[Current] Taste a Bite: ? Can you concentrate on playing PK?

[Current] Don't Ask when I'll Return: [shares song - What Kind of Man - Jay Chou]

There was no doubt about the outcome of the battle.

In less than ten minutes, there was only a bloody Wheat's Number One Fan left on the opposite side. Mini Wheat had already been thrown to the ground by Yearning For a long time ago.

On their side, because of Xiao Tianjing's fast speed, she hadn't been harmed at all. Yearning For's health bar had also been kept completely topped up by Xiao Tianjing this entire time.

"Yearning For." Wheat's Number One Fan tried talking again.

The public thought he was about to start cursing him out when the other party suddenly lowered his voice. "You can kill me, just let my wife go. It was my idea to not let Xiao Tianjing kill the boss, it has nothing to do with her."

Jing Huan was stunned, thinking that Wheat's Number One Fan really was devoted to his wife.

But how could today's incident have nothing to do with Mini Wheat. He later remembered that Mini Wheat was a loli who had been talking with Immortal Mengmeng and them near the Unknown Realm shopkeeper that day.

Jing Huan frowned. He wasn't a naive young girl. He wasn't fooled by Wheat's Number One Fan, but he wasn't sure if Yearning For wouldn't be taken in by him.

Weren't all slag men central air conditioners? Warming up people around them, warming up their wife, and warming up other people's wives…

[Current] Yearning For: Only your wife can hold grievances?

The man who had always been silent had finally opened his mouth.

Throwing out this sentence, before the public could react, Yearning For stabbed out with his sword and killed Wheat's Number One Fan right out of the scene, and Mini Wheat on the ground also disappeared.

Jing Huan stared at this sentence in a daze, his ears inexplicably turning warm.

When he came back to his senses, the man in black robes had put away his sword and come back to him.

They were surrounded by people, and even their sects were covered up.

[Current] Blank Snow: That was a match between the first ranked DPS and the second ranked DPS? Dull.

[Current] Youth Chasing the Wind: Blank Snow, you're wrong. Our server only has a first ranked DPS, no second rank.

[Current] Not Your Cup of Tea: No…"Only your wife can hold grievances"? Why do I think this wording is a little strange?!

Xiang Huaizhi just realized that what he had just said was pretty ambiguous.

[Current] Falling Sakura: Only your wife can hold grievances—then, my wife doesn't hold grievances?

[Current] Peachy Fate: Shit, that's right.

[Current] Drunk in the Dusty World: Fuck, it really does seem to kind of mean that?!

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: （*·Δ·*）!!! REALLY?!

[Current] Drunk in the Dusty World: …

[Currently] Not Your Cup of Tea: …

[Current] Blank Snow: ?

[Current] Side Account 123: Can you stop mixing in every time?

Xiang Huaizhi's eyebrows slowly climbed up his forehead, and the corners of his mouth soundlessly twitched.

Then, before Xiao Tianjing could continue to spout anymore nonsense, he flew away with her.

Xiang Huaizhi originally wanted to take them to the guild scene, but since Jing Huan had quit the guild, the guild cart driver refused to come outside.

So, he took them to the Valley of Falling Flowers

The little fox fairy was very quiet. She obediently followed behind him as they flew, and even when they arrived at the waterfall of the Valley of Falling Flowers, Xiao Tianjing hadn't reacted.

Still angry?

Makes sense, after all, he had just been angry enough to try to go kill people single-handedly.

He pressed the voice key and was just about to talk——

"Husband~"

With this coquettish and shy voice, the little fox fairy next to him placed both hands on her face, performing a shy character action.

"…" Xiang Huaizhi coughed.

On the other side, Jing Huan himself was going to explode from shame.

But really, how to put it.

There was shame, but there was also delight.

Shame from calling out this title, delight from finally hooking Yearning For.

Immortal Mengmeng hadn't participated in this incident, so it didn't really count as having to do with Yearning For, and he could have completely ignored it.

However, he still came.

Jing Huan chuckled from the bottom of his heart. Just wait you slag man, me calling you husband will eventually take ten years off your life.

There was a long silence in his earphones, and finally there was a slight crackle of sound.

"You…don't just call me that." The boy's voice was hoarse.

Jing Huan was aggrieved. "But you just called me your wife."

Xiang Huaizhi retorted, "I didn't call you my wife."

Jing Huan replied, "Pretty much that's what you meant."

Xiang Huaizhi deflected, "I did not."

That other side immediately fell silent, and a few seconds later, the small fox fairy changed her character action to crying.

It was a quick mood swing.

Xiang Huaizhi suddenly thought of something. He paused and asked, "Are you better today."

"What?"

Jing Huan had just killed some people, so now he was in a much better mood.

Sure enough, it's coolest to solve things with your fists!

Xiang Huaizhi said lightly, "Your aunt."

"…" Fuck.

He was so happy that he had completely forgotten about all his nonsense yesterday.

It was too wretched for two boys to discuss this subject together. Jing Huan said uneasily, "Of course I'm good la, it's already over."

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "En," sound. "Next time something like that happens, find me first. "

Jing Huan was puzzled. "But this kind of thing happens every month ah…."

"…" Xiang Huaizhi sighed, "I meant you being bullied."

Jing Huan's earphones were of good quality. When the guy breathed a bit, it felt like his breath was blowing past his ears, making his ears itch.

He raised his hand and rubbed an ear. "Go find you, then will you help me vent?"

"Didn't I just help you vent?" Xiang Huaizhi looked at the coordinates sent by the assassin, and the other three members of the team were still in the safe zone.

"Then can I pay you back with my body?"

"…"

Jing Huan chuckled and continued to flirt.

"You like me that much?" Yearning For suddenly asked.

Jing Huan was stunned for a while and then replied, "…Yes."

He blinked and seemed to hear a hint of something from Yearning For's tone.

Wait… What does that question mean? Are they finally going to get together?!

His plan can finally move onto the next step??

Jing Huan's heart thumped with excitement, but once again Yearning For fell into silence, staying quiet for a long time.

He squashed down his emotions and called out, "Gege?"

At last there was a reaction. The boy's tone was as usual, and he said, "Understood."

Jing Huan was stunned. "Understood… What do you mean?"

Rather than let him switch targets and start to like someone else in the game, it would be better for him to just like himself, Yearning For, Xiang Huaizhi thought.

How many online relationships really worked out? The virtual element of the Internet weighed too heavily. Everything you see is the side that others want to show you. You can't even figure out the truth, let alone exchange feelings.

And… If other men knew that their online girlfriend was a man, let alone accept it, he'd be lucky if he didn't make an enemy for life. Lovers turning their backs on you, that was always unbearable.

Jing Huan had focused all his feelings on him. At least he wouldn't take it seriously or hurt him, and once Jing Huan met the right man…

Xiang Huaizhi stopped thinking about it.

"I mean that I will take responsibility for your affections. As long as you're willing, any matter you have in the game, you can come find me for help."

Jing Huan didn't even think before saying, "Then I want to marry you—"

"Except for marriage."

"…"

Xiang Huaizhi had a kind of premonition. If they got married, their relationship would deteriorate.

At the other end, Jing Huan held his computer cross legged and was completely puzzled.

What did this guy mean?

He said he'll take responsibility for his affections, but still refused to marry him?

Then what the hell were you taking responsibility for?

There was a crackle in his earphones, and Yearning For spoke again.

"But one day, if you like someone else," Xiang Huaizhi paused and said quietly, "This agreement will be void."

"…"

Jing Huan's eyes widened, and he suddenly realized.

Fuck! This slag man sucks!!

He doesn't want to be responsible for me, he just wants to fucking hook me and play around with me for a bit!!!

—

Juurensha: Noooo, Huanhuan, actually XHZ is super sincere…..

Divi: XHZ you will eat your words soon enough. Huanhuan, he's doing this very sincerely but… he's denying his feelings right now! Liking another person? XHZ was already sulking when you were with Qiufeng haha.

And more fanart by sylviangatimo:

And by Wiji!:

And another one of Yearning For by Asami!:

—

Also, separate announcement guys! You may have already seen the announcement in Discord, but as a reminder:

With the new year and holidays quickly approaching, we are proudly announcing our second giveaway event. This time, we have not one, but TWO simultaneous giveaways, one for you artists and the other for all the writers!

The competition winners are determined by vote. You're free to draw/write anything you like (holiday) based on any of our novels, be it still ongoing, completed, or even dropped! You can even do some crossovers and make AUs as long as it includes at least one of the characters in one of our novels. Let your imagination run wild!

Submission Deadline: December 20, 2019, 23.59PM (GMT+8)

Voting Period: December 21, 2019, 12.00PM (GMT+8) - December 23, 2019, 12.00PM (GMT+8)

Winner Announcement: December 24, 2020, 12.00PM (GMT+8)

In order to apply, you guys have to submit your submission to this form:

Submission Link

The prize for the winner will be a 3-month Xbox Live Membership, courtesy of @Legendary Pika-xiin, some of our mods @Kitsune Kara and @Gonele nephretine, and our lovely member @𝒜𝓈𝒶𝓂𝒾 : XiangHuan CP is official. Yes, you heard it right, there will be a total of 4 winners! Three for fanart category, and one for fanfic category!

The winner will be chosen by readers using a voting system which will be up later during the voting week to ensure fairness for all competitors. So, you don't have to worry even if you submit your work at the last minute!

Looking forward to the fanart and fic! (Also….I may be trying to write some GHFOD fic myself….if I can hit the deadline/write NSFW competently)