Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan wasn't only upset looking at Yearning For, but even NCH's game interface was an eyesore right now.

So, he just shut down the game and went to bed.

He stared at the ceiling and blankly thought, what nonsense had he spouted just now?

It was all because Yearning For had been constantly nagging him that he made such a stupid excuse.

For a moment Jing Huan covered his eyes with his arms. Had he been so fierce just now that all of his efforts of the past months would go to waste?

No way, right?

Don't they all say that girls on their period were the meanest, Yearning For shouldn't be that petty…

Jing Huan turned over on the bed and buried his face in the pillow.

Why should he care about him! If he made a mistake then he can talk about it later! What's more, he didn't say anything overboard just now, at most he had maybe used too many exclamation marks.

If Yearning For really was angry, then he just had a heart of glass.

The cellphone on the table abruptly vibrated.

Jing Huan let out a big sigh, and not shifting his position, reached out to the table and grabbed his cellphone.

Xiang Huaizhi: Are you there.

It turned out to be Xiang Huaizhi.

Jing Huan blinked and typed weakly.

Xiao Jing ya: I'm here, Gege.

Xiao Jing ya: No… I typed in an extra word. What's up, Xiang Ge?

Xiang Huaizhi: Come out to play night basketball?

Xiao Jing ya: No, I'm sleepy and ready to go to sleep.

Xiang Huaizhi checked the time, and it wasn't even half past seven yet.

Xiang Huaizhi: Sleeping so early, do you not feel well?

Yearning For had asked the exact same thing, but when the asker was changed to Xiang Huaizhi, Jing Huan didn't feel annoyed.

He put his chin on his pillow and replied.

Xiao Jing ya: No, it's just that I didn't get enough sleep last night. Once I make up for it, I'll feel better.

Xiao Jing ya: [muscle]

Xiang Huaizhi: Understood.

Lu Hang was still sweating when he came back to the dorm.

"Xiangxiang, it's a pity that you didn't come… You don't know how nerve wracking the match was just now. The score difference was always one goal, and then in the last three seconds, I won the game!" In recalling this glorious moment, Lu Hang was nearly swept away, "I am too awesome."

Xiang Huaizhi commented lightly, "It's not a pity. If I was there, then the match wouldn't have been nerve wracking."

"…" Lu Hang couldn't refute that.

He took off his shirt and threw it into the dirty laundry basket, preparing to go shower.

"Lu Hang," Xiang Huaizhi suddenly called out to him, "Let me ask you something."

"Go ahead, honorable sir."

Xiang Huaizhi frowned, hesitating.

"If a person who was always bothering you suddenly seems to become kind of impatient with you…"

"Xiao Tianjing is finally fed up with you?"

"…"

Seeing his silence, Lu Hang was stunned: "No way ba, I was just saying that casually… Did Xiao Tianjing really turn against you?"

"No." Xiang Huaizhi kind of regretted asking him, "Forget it, pretend I didn't ask."

Maybe he was just overthinking it, Jing Huan actually didn't say much. He just felt sleepy and typed in a few more exclamation marks than usual.

However, why didn't he just say he was sleepy? He had to say that he was on his…

Lu Hang saw the confusion in his expression and raised his eyebrows with a smile.

Since Xiang Huaizhi had forcibly terminated the topic, he just had to add his own two cents. "In fact, based on the situation you described just now, it's all very obvious ah."

Sure enough, Xiang Huaizhi asked, "What's obvious?"

"Tired of chasing, heart has died, don't love you anymore."

"?"

"People's affections have a limit. If there's no response, then the limit grows closer and closer." Lu Hang's expression was deep. "No one is willing to be like a dog chasing after someone all their lives. You have to humor them sometimes ah."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't really understand, but he didn't think what Lu Hang said was very complimentary.

He frowned. "You're the one who's a dog."

Lu Hang: "?"

Lu Hang responded, "That's just a popular saying, I'm not actually calling Xiao Jingjing a dog."

Xiang Huaizhi retorted, "You stink, go take a bath."

Lu Hang acknowledged, "… Yes, my lord. "

Lu Hang took his towel and walked into the bathroom, thinking right, right, right, if Xiao Tianjing isn't your honorable self's dog, then I'm actually her mom.

—

The next day, Jing Huan woke up early in the morning.

He habitually picked up his cellphone, wanting to send a good morning message to Yearning For, but as soon as he opened WeChat, he received a message from his cousin.

Jiejie: [Photo] Huanhuan, do you like them?

In the picture were a pair of sneakers, bright in color and cool in style.

Xiao Jing ya: Yes!

Jiejie: As long as you like them, that's good. It's not a waste for me to line up at dawn to buy them for you. [proud]

Jiejie: What happened to your profile picture and WeChat username? I searched my contacts for a long time to find you [laughing and crying]

Xiao Jing ya:… It's nothing, I just lost a bet. Did you specifically line up to buy them for me?

Jiejie: Of course, or else my legs wouldn’t be this sore. Isn’t your birthday coming up soon? I’ll mail it to you.

Xiao Jing ya: ? You're not coming back?

Jiejie: I’ll be here for a while. I’ve found a job here.

It took the two cousins half an hour to finish their conversation.

Jing Huan turned off Liang Ran's chat box, leaving up her profile picture.

Good morning message, my ass.

Yesterday's bad mood was back. Jing Huan cursed Yearning For, then pushed the lock button of his cellphone, and got up.

Today, Yearning For and Long Road Ahead had a full day of class. Whether they were real college students, Jing Huan didn't know, but at least on Fridays, they wouldn't appear in the game.

Jing Huan logged into NCH. As soon as he entered the game, he saw that all the people around him were wearing the latest apparel and wandering around in front of him.

Jing Huan finally felt a hint of regret—no matter how angry he was yesterday, he shouldn't have rejected the apparel.

It was a wasted opportunity to swindle away some of Yearning For's money.

That might be true, but he still really didn't care about the new apparel. He clicked his mouse to go to the main city teleporter, planning to go do some dailies.

The teleportation center in the main city was always the most bustling place in NCH. Everyone liked to set up a stall there, afk there, and form teams there.

[Current] Living For Love is Beautiful: Chaos in the Heavenly Palace instance, need + + + our team, level 120-130, DPS would be best!

[Current] Qiaoyao: Looking for a husband, I'm a voice stan, hoping to find a little Gege with a good voice. If we have a good time, we can video chat~ ~ [blows a kiss]

[Current] Young Luo: Qilin Mountain instance +, need a Fox Cave.

[Current] Young Luo: Qilin Mountain instance +, need a Fox Cave. Other sects don't need to +. Won't charge carry fee.

This Young Luo's message attracted Jing Huan's attention.

Qilin Mountain instance was a five person instance. The process was tedious, and it took 100 gold to even open up the instance, usually with each team member contributing 20 gold.

In fact, the rewards of this instance weren't that good; it could even be considered really bad. Players only played this instance for one purpose—to trigger the hidden boss.

After killing the hidden boss, it would drop rare materials. When this instance first came out, players rushed to play it, and then they will be dissuaded by the hidden boss's encounter rate. Most of the players didn't even know what Qilin Mountain's hidden boss looked like.

As time went by, no one really played this instance anymore.

Jing Huan was interested because he happened to need the rare materials dropped by this instance.

However, just as he had this idea, he shoved it away. With his unlucky hands, just stolidly going and buying the materials would be less troublesome in the end.

In the game, the little fox fairy turned her head, planning to leave.

[Young Luo invites you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

[Young Luo sent you a private chat.]

[Private] Young Luo: Come on, there's no carry fee for you.

[Private] Xiao Tianjing:… No, I'm not very lucky.

[Private] Young Luo: How do you know if you don't try? The team is full of high DPS, it'll be fast.

[Private] Xiao Tianjing: Why do you all only need Fox Caves ah.

[Private] Young Luo: They can heal and seal, very convenient.

This was the first time Jing Huan had heard that it was "convenient" to take along a Fairy Fox Cave.

[Private] Young Luo: Come on, it'll only take an hour.

Jing Huan thought about it. Anyway, Long Road Ahead and the rest of them could only login in the afternoon. He could leave his dailies to do later.

So he clicked agree and entered the team.

After entering the instance, he casually clicked to open the teammate list to have a look.

He didn't know anyone else, but he recognized the dual wielding attacker on the team.

They were called Wheat's Number One Fan, the second ranked DPS in the rankings list.

As Young Luo had said, there were no healers in the team. The only girl was called Mini Wheat, who was playing as a mage.

Jing Huan stared at this loli named Mini Wheat for a long time. He kept feeling like she was familiar, but after scratching his head for half a day, he still couldn't figure out where he had seen her before.

The five of them quickly entered the dungeon. Jing Huan was all ready to just sit back and relax when he noticed something wrong when he switched back to the game.

Wheat's Number One Fan and Mini Wheat weren't carrying anything, and they didn't have any weapons on them.

[Team] Mini Wheat: My husband and I don't have durable weapons. We can't use them, very sorry.

When a DPS sect didn't have weapons, then their damage output was even less than half of the average attack power.

The process to increase durability for purple equipment was very troublesome, and it was definitely too late to fix now.

[Team] Wheat's Number One Fan: It's okay, just play like this. If it's a bit slower, then that's fine, and there's a Fox Cave in the team, right?

Killing monsters more slowly would mean that they would take more damage from the little monsters, and the burden on the healer would be heavier.

Jing Huan was at a loss. He originally came to just fill the numbers, why did it turn into him working like a slave?

[Team] Wheat's Number One Fan: Anyway, you've gotten into a free bus. Working hard to operate it is what you should do anyway ba.

Seeing this sentence, Jing Huan could not help raising his eyebrows.

He was originally persuaded to get on the bus by the team leader. Why did it turn into being like he had gotten onto this bus just to save money?

But it was just an instance, so Jing Huan didn't plan to make a fuss over it.

[Team] Xiao Tianjing: 1

At this time, the guild WeChat group suddenly flashed.

Qiufeng: @Xiao Tianjing want to do instances?

Jing Huan took a picture of the battlefield and sent it to the group.

Xiao Tianjing: I'm already doing an instance.

Qiufeng: Why are you doing this instance? The gained XP is very low.

Xiao Tianjing: I want to see if I can get it to drop centipede legs. [grievances]

Qiufeng: Hahaha, then good luck.

The more the instance went on, the harder it became. Jing Huan was the only healer on the team, and Fairy Fox Caves weren't actually dedicated healers. They couldn't compare to Mount Putuos, and he couldn't just afk, so Jing Huan felt more tired than when playing in the arena.

[Team] Xiao Tianjing: Is Mini Wheat there?

[Team] Mini Wheat: Ah.

[Team] Xiao Tianjing: Are you not wearing any armor? Why does one monster hit deal so much damage to you?

"She found out…" In YY's private chat, the girl was surprised and said, "She can determine all of this?"

"It doesn't matter." The man's voice was offhand and casual. "So what if she figures it out? It's okay, say whatever you want."

[Team] Mini Wheat: I took a look. The armor didn't have durability left.

Not checking equipment durability before an instance was the most irresponsible behavior, increasing the teammate's burden for no reason.

Jing Huan didn't answer. They've already cleared up to this point, saying anything now would be superfluous.

Finally, two hours later, they cleaned up the last trash mob and were ready to fight the boss.

Jing Huan breathed a sigh of relief and sat up straight to welcome the boss.

[You were asked to leave the team by Young Luo. ]

A line of yellow characters appeared. Jing Huan looked at the system prompt and didn't respond for several seconds.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ?

The other four team members didn't pay him any attention but went straight into battle. Their avatars became marked as in combat.

Jing Huan frowned and clicked to watch the battle.

He saw Wheat's Number One Fan and Mini Wheat standing there side by side, the weapons in their hands magnificently shining.

Jing Huan finally realized that he had been tricked.

Making him be their healer the entire time, working him to the bone for two hours, and then when they were at the boss, they kicked him out.

If you don't kill the boss, there would be no instance progress, so this instance would basically count as nothing for him.

After playing for so long, this was Jing Huan's first time encountering such a thing.

… It's fucking disgusting.

He didn't expect even more disgusting things were yet to come.

Twenty minutes later, the boss fell to the ground and a prompt popped up.

[Instance team: Young Luo and his teammates worked together to defeat King Baizu and found the "Demon Centipede Invitation" on him! ]

They had triggered the hidden boss.

Jing Huan was forcibly sent to the Demon Centipede cave by the system. He hadn't expected that the first time he managed to see this instance's hidden boss, it would be in this kind of situation.

Jing Huan put his hand on the keyboard and decided to show his other identity —NCH's Cursing Master.

When he used to play LoL, he often got into flaming matches with his teammates. He slammed the keys quickly, and he had never lost an argument before.

A dirty mouth couldn't change anything, but at least it would make him feel good.

What fucking team harmony, daddy isn't going to indulge you anymore.

He typed a line of words and was just about to send it out when he saw another prompt in the chat channel.

[Instance team: Ji Xiaonian has joined the team. ]

Jing Huan's hand stopped.

Ten seconds later, Ji Xiaonian appeared in his field of vision and joined Young Luo's team.

The five people did not say a word and cut into the battle with the hidden boss.

Jing Huan took a deep breath and silently deleted all the words in the chat box, leaving the scene.

He went onto the exchange and flipped through it for a long time, collecting several purple equipment in a row.

Then he put it all in the shopping cart, checked out, and paid.

All in one go.

The guild WeChat group began to flash again.

Qiufeng: [picture] @Xiao Tianjing, Xiao Jingjing, why aren't you in this picture?

Qiufeng sent a battle picture, which was a screenshot of Ji Xiaonian killing the hidden boss.

Xiao Tianjing: I was kicked out when we got to the boss.

Qiufeng: ??

Peachy Fate: ?? Ah??

Chunxiao: What's the matter.

Xiao Tianjing: It's OK.

Xiao Tianjing: I'll go take care of it. In order not to make trouble for the guild, I'll quit the guild first.

Leaving this sentence behind, Jing Huan retreated from the group chat without waiting for them to respond. He immediately left the guild without any hesitation.

He opened up his friends list and pulled up an old friend.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: In?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Here Meimei, what's up.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Help me with a few people. If they're alone or in a group of three or less, let me know. Follow them around for two days, and I'll give you 500.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: What do you want to do? [surprise]

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Kill people.

Even a clay figurine has three fire points of explosion. He had never been a doormat, and what's more, he had been in such a bad mood these past two days that he needed to vent.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: …Okay, send me the IDs.

Jing Huan sent the ID's of all five of the people.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: No way Meimei, if it was anyone else, that'd be fine, but this Wheat's Number One Fan is the second best DPS in the server. Three of you still might not be able to defeat him. Why don't you just focus on other people?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I don't need you to teach me how to kill people. 😀

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent looked at the emoticon at the end of her sentence and inexplicably his neck felt chilled.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: OK, understood.

Since all the five players were all in the same team, they naturally would do some other instances.

At 3 p.m., Jing Huan was improving the cultivation points for his Nine-Tailed Fox when finally, Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent moved.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: They just finished playing the Chaos in the Heavenly Palace instance. Now they've dismissed the team. The other three are in the safe zone, while Mini Wheat and Wheat's Number One Fan are playing a couple quest.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: OK.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Let me help you take on Ji Xiaonian. She's been moving this whole time, maybe she will leave the safe zone soon.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: No need, help me follow Wheat's Number One Fan and his wife.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: ??? Meimei, you can't kill them. Be careful not to get killed and lose your equipment!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Can you just be an emotionless news reporting machine?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Okay, I will report to you once a minute.

Jing Huan stored away his Nine-Tailed Fox and changed into a set of equipment that would raise his speed attributes to their highest stat.

Of course he knew that he can't directly kill this bullshit couple, but he can still stealth up to them. Both DPSs couldn't heal up quickly. As long as he could quickly seal them, and then dodge their summoning beasts, it wouldn't be hard to kill one of them.

As he planned, he went to the coordinates that Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent had reported.

When he arrived at the Moon Palace, Jing Huan licked his lips and was about to see the coordinates.

A dialog box jumped out, blocking his view.

[Yearning For has invited you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

Jing Huan was stupefied and reflexively checked the time.

3 p.m.

Jing Huan's hands were faster than his brain. By the time he reacted, he was already in Yearning For's team.

He blinked, not knowing what to say for a moment, unstopping his mouth to call out, "Gege."

Yearning For led him forward.

Jing Huan returned to his senses and couldn't help letting out a "Fuck" in his heart.

Just wasted paying someone to give him these coordinates.

"Why are you online…" Jing Huan asked, "Don't you have class all day today?"

At last, the person in the team reacted, and the voice of Yearning For was very deep. "En."

What do you mean "En"?

Not being able to kill anyone, Jing Huan was full of regrets. He crossed his legs and put his hand on his chin to say, "Gege, yesterday I…".

[Attention please! Team leader Yearning For has issued a compulsory PK against player Wheat's Number One Fan! ]

Jing Huan: "…"

Jing Huan: "?"

The battle popped up so abruptly that, not to mention their two opponents, even Jing Huan was shocked.

[Current] Mini Wheat: ?!

[Current] Wheat's Number One Fan: What's the meaning of this, God Xiang? [doubtful]

Jing Huan returned to his senses and asked uncertainly, "Gege, what are we doing…"

"Killing people."

Xiang Huaizhi's voice was as usual. He asked him in the tone he usually used when they were doing instances, "Who would you like to kill first?"

—

Juurensha: ….good on you XHZ! Slap that bitchy couple!

A few quick notes: Yay, longer chapter!

And Mini Wheat's name actually technically translates to Mini Mic/Mike (as in microphone), but since that sounds like a guy's name in English, I went for the other meaning of the word, as in Wheat, and then that extended to her bf's name.

Divi: These dumbos really thought that XHZ wouldn't retaliate?! Really, who would let someone they don't like play with them for months? Go go go, kill this couple! Defend your wifey XHZ!

And some lovely fanart of XTJ by Wiji!:

And some more fanart on Twitter by ieoniq:

Fanart