i'm not a bad man

Chapter 190
My mood was so irritable that I felt tired of everything in front of me. I didn’t even want to eat, I just wanted to find a place and cover my head to sleep in the dark. As for Zuo Xiaowei, I wanted to question her at all. She has no desire at all, because she has been deceiving me from the beginning. A person who purely wants to deceive me. The so-called questioning will not achieve any results except intensifying the contradiction.

Facing this pile of troubles that make me feel overwhelmed, I have gradually begun to feel powerless...

It was at this moment that I suddenly felt the urge to leave. I left quietly and never had anything to do with Zuo Xiaowei or this small town.

I finally began to miss my RV, and the feeling of wandering on the road, carefree and never stopping for anyone; suddenly, I was shocked to realize that I was Luan Yu from a few years ago, the moment she decided to leave me , perhaps also experienced such a mental journey, and finally became exhausted and despairing...

Therefore, the ultimate meaning of my coming to the small town seems to be just to better understand Luan Yu in the past, and the emotional world is like a bloody slaughterhouse. Only by immersing myself in the other person's mood at that time can I truly understand the knife. It was so painful to be stabbed on the body.

Besides, Luan Yu doesn't seem to make much sense.

I was empty, extremely empty. I seemed to have turned into a container of wine. In the surprised eyes of Chang Yuli and Snow, I drank one glass after another until I was drunk, until I was sure that I could fall asleep on the bed. With.

……

I found a small hotel near the hotel and stayed there. It cost 150 yuan to stay for two consecutive days. It had a bathroom and air conditioning, but the room was too small. It only had a bed, a shelf, and a chandelier overhead. One of the three light bulbs was broken and there was a visible hole in the sheets, but that was acceptable for someone who just wanted to sleep.

But I don’t know what’s going on. As soon as I close my eyes while lying in bed, a picture of Zuo Xiaowei and Guan Yubo entangled in a certain month of a certain year will appear. If Zuo Xiaowei knows that she is entangled with Guan Yubo after returning to the small town, If I kept my distance, I wouldn't be so resentful, but Guan Yubo is like air, like the water I drink every day, permeating my life in the small town. I will be compared with him by others, even Zuo Xiao Wei also felt that if I wanted to do some business with Chang Yuli, it would be more practical to follow Guan Yubo. This was simply a way of nailing me to a pillar of shame.

Does she really love me as much as she says?Or does all this just stem from the damn possessiveness in her heart?

I kept my eyes open, staring at the ceiling that seemed to be only the size of my palm, thinking about these two questions over and over again... until my phone vibrated.

This is the call Ren Ran gave me.

I didn't want Ren Ran to know my current situation, so I didn't want to answer the call. But after one call, Ren Ran called again. I was afraid that he had encountered some problems in the project and wanted to consult me, so he answered the call. Her phone.

"Miss Ran."

"Why did it take you so long to answer the phone?"

"I went to do the laundry. I didn't bring my phone with me. What can I do for you?"

"I miss you a little bit."

I fell into silence, and then smiled again: "What do you want me to do?"

After a period of silence, Ren Ran replied: "Before you left, we drank and played together every day. Unknowingly, we had a habit in our hearts... Habits are really terrible things. Last night , suddenly I was free, and I wanted to call you and ask you to go to the newly opened bar on Zhongshan Road for a drink... I found your phone number, but suddenly I remembered that you are no longer in Qingdao... I am right I stared at my phone in a daze for a while, and then looked through our WeChat chat history. Do you still remember? There was a time when you would send me a message from one to six or seven o'clock every day asking: Sister Ran, do you want to drink today? Sister Ran, do you want to drink today? You have been sending me the same message for half a year... I feel really uncomfortable. After you left, it seems that there is no one in Qingdao who can talk to me anymore. I seem to have changed too. I am busy every day. I'm like a spinning top. I no longer have the time to drink or go shopping. Sometimes I don't even bother to put on makeup when I go out... Anyway, I just feel like I'm living less and less like a woman. I don't know if this is right. , but in the dead of night, I really miss the old life of dressing up carefully and going to the bar to drink until one or two o'clock..." If it hadn't come from his feelings, Ren Ran would definitely not have said so much to me, and I haven't been able to empathize with others for a long time. After hearing these words, I suddenly felt an uncontrollable nostalgia in my heart. I seemed to see the debauched self in the bar again; looking out the window again, I was filled with memories. The snow is half melted, half of the flowers, plants and trees are exposed, the streets are half covered, the sunny side of the tall buildings has no snow, but the shady side has broken ice nails hanging on it, which is also half. Even the river is half frozen and half running water. In this half-filled scene, my mood became dull inexplicably...

I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, and finally said to Ren Ran: "If you want to say that, I miss you very much."

"In two days, when the construction site is no longer busy, I will go over and see you."

My heart has been broken into pieces. Of course I hope to see Ren Ran in such a unfamiliar city. But just because my heart has been broken into pieces, I can’t meet her no matter what. So, I go back against my will. Said: "This is not between two villages. It is too laborious to come here. I am alone anyway, so I'd better wait until I return to Qingdao to see you. I can also check the progress of the project... By the way, Sister Ran, The construction site has been under construction for a while, is everything okay?"

Although I couldn't see Ren Ran's expression, I still seemed to be able to feel the disappointment in her heart. But Ren Ran is Ren Ran after all. As a mature woman, she put aside her inner emotions and replied with a serious attitude: " The construction site is very good, and the progress is very fast... I have to say, I really want to thank you for recommending Ba Xiaoguang to me. He now has food and accommodation on the construction site every day, and works as if his life is at risk. Not only does he He also supervises his own work and other water and electricity work. Anyway, as long as he is at the construction site, no one dares to fish in troubled waters..."

"What are you thanking me for? Isn't this what he should do? You really saved his life back then." After a pause, I said again: "Sister Ran, there will be fewer and fewer opportunities to meet in the future. , you must take care of yourself, especially your emotions, don’t compete with yourself in everything, just call me when you are in a bad mood.”

"Okay, so are you."

Ren Ran and I just ended the call. In fact, just as I felt her emotions, she could also feel my emotions, but she didn't say anything after she saw through it. That's fine. I left Qingdao and said yes before giving up. I have already felt sorry for her. After coming to the small town, I was full of messy emotions. How could I let her share the burden and worries for me?
……

I tried to close my eyes again, but my phone vibrated again. This time it was Zuo Xiaowei who sent me a message. I looked at the darkening sky outside the window, and then I realized that she had given me a day. cool down time.

"Where are you? I miss you."

I just pretended I didn’t see it…

"A new hotpot restaurant has opened in the small town. Can I invite you to have hotpot tonight?"

"Han Chao, I have been looking for a house all day today. I found a very comfortable two-bedroom apartment at the foot of Laojun Mountain. Let's live together. I don't care about other people's opinions. I just want to live a good life with you."

"Can you please stop ignoring me? I'm really flustered right now!"

Although Zuo Xiaowei sent me so many messages, each of which was related to my future life, I had no desire to communicate. Although I tried to send her a reply, my finger touched the screen. At that moment, the whole person fell into a state of emptiness with nothing to say, and became more and more irritable.

Finally, he simply turned off his phone, threw it aside, and lay heavily on the bed until he fell asleep completely...

(End of this chapter)