i'm not a bad man

Chapter 11 The Brazen Man

It was already 01:30 in the morning, and I was still with Ba Xiaoguang in the hospital waiting for news that their mother and son were safe. During this period, I went outside to smoke a few cigarettes, and my mood gradually calmed down. Ba Xiaoguang could not calm down all the time. Sometimes he is restless, and sometimes he is stunned... This is probably the true state that a man will have when he encounters a major change.If this state were to be adapted into film and television, even the most skilled actors might not be able to completely restore it... Because only those who have truly experienced this feeling of being forced into a dead end will understand...

However, it is obvious that what we are waiting for is the arrival of a new life. Isn’t this a very happy thing for everyone?
My thoughts stopped here. I know that if I insist on diverging my thoughts to find the source of pain, I will probably bring up money. I never think that money is the decisive factor in happiness, but The Ba Xiaoguang in front of me is presented in front of me like evidence... This will make me feel contradictory. What I hate most in my life are contradictions and entangled emotions, so I would rather be a little confused at this time.

So, Ba Xiaoguang and I were like two wooden chickens, standing on the left and right outside the delivery room... Gradually, there were fewer and fewer people around. In the end, even the nurse on duty didn't know where he had gone. The entire aisle, Only Ba Xiaoguang and I were left, and I could even hear his breathing...

It was too quiet, as quiet as a pool of stagnant water...

At this moment, there was a sudden rush of footsteps at the elevator entrance. I subconsciously turned around and saw that a girl under 20 years old had already walked in front of us...

"elder brother……"

The girl shouted to Ba Xiaoguang and started sobbing.

This must be Ba Xiaoguang's sister. I heard Ba Xiaoguang say that he has a sister named Ba Xiaoyun who goes to college in Xuzhou. Whenever Ba Xiaoyun is mentioned, Ba Xiaoguang's face always lights up because Ba Xiaoyun Xiaoyun is the pride of their family and the only intellectual in the family.

It was rare to see my loved ones at this time. I thought they would hug each other and cry, but I didn’t expect that. Ba Xiaoguang bit his cheek and tried not to let the tears fall. He even straightened up subconsciously and spoke in a tone that could not detect any emotional fluctuations. , asked: "Why are you here?"

"My mother is worried about you... She asked me to take a taxi here overnight... Brother, there is 2 yuan here, you can keep it to buy things for Xiaobao."

With that said, Ba Xiaoyun dropped the backpack she was carrying, and then took out 2 yuan in cash. However, when she actually handed the money to Ba Xiaoguang, her hands kept shaking. It didn't stop, and the tears were all over my face like a bank bursting.

"My family is like this, how can I come up with 2 yuan?"

"Don't ask, Xiaobao is the most important thing..."

Ba Xiaoguang had already noticed that there was something hidden in the 2 yuan. He shook his head first, and then said with pain: "If you don't speak clearly, I can't reach out and take the money, and your sister-in-law won't feel at ease either." ."

At this time, I also set my sights on Ba Xiaoyun. I also had the same doubts. If this family could just spend the 2 yuan casually, with Ba Xiaoguang’s personality, he would never Lend it to me.

Seeing that Ba Xiaoguang was determined not to give in, Ba Xiaoyun finally gritted his teeth and said: "Our mother has already gone through the discharge procedures for our father. Our mother said that we cannot let our father's disease drag down the next generation... We Dad agreed, and the 2 yuan was withdrawn from the hospital’s card.”

Ba Xiaoguang fell into silence, and I felt very uncomfortable. Although Ba Xiaoyun said it lightly, I seemed to have seen the look, tone, and inner struggle and despair of their parents when they made this decision in the hospital... ...This is a choice about life and death!
In the deathly silence, life seems to have suddenly lost dignity and meaning. They say life is priceless, but at this moment, life has been quantified, and it is just a mere 2 yuan in front of you.

How could Ba Xiaoguang not be heartbroken?

Ba Xiaoyun seemed to have accepted her fate, and she said to Ba Xiaoguang, who had been reluctant to express her position: "Brother, our dad is not very educated. He has some thoughts in his heart that he can't express... Only our brother and sister are here today. I said it for him... Under the current situation, our family will definitely not be able to spend more money to treat our dad, so there is no point in spending the 2 yuan on him... He accepted his fate, but you I can't accept my fate... I don't know how long dad can live. You are his continuation in this world, and Xiaobao is your continuation. As long as you are good, the hope of our family will always be there... You know our dad What is the hope..."

Speaking of this, Ba Xiaoyun stopped. She stared at Ba Xiaoguang, as if she wanted to wait for Ba Xiaoguang to say it...

I'm not suitable to stay here anymore, because this is a family's privacy, and it's a family's unspeakable pain. I shouldn't be immersed in it as an outsider, so I took advantage of the fact that no one was paying attention. In my case, I chose to leave quietly.

……

The air outside the hospital was so fresh, but the heavy feeling in my heart could not be dissipated in the deep night... I always thought that as long as I ran, there would be wind, but I also saw more things that I shouldn't have. The suffering in the world that I saw... I was so powerless in the face of these sufferings in the world!

I lit a cigarette and looked up at the stars. I felt as small as a grain of sand, but the painful feeling was so real. This reality made me fall into confusion. I didn’t know how to face it. My future life...

To say, who can really live a free and unrestrained life? One day, I will stop and face the cruelty of life, old age, illness and death. By then, who will be by my side?

……

With such doubts, I drove the RV back to the beach. I lay on the bed and looked at the map of China on the bedside again. I no longer had the feeling of being ready to move, but I also didn’t want to stay in Qingdao... This lack of clarity turned me into a small boat on the sea. Although it was moving with the wind, it was drifting and could not reach the shore.

……

I have forgotten how I fell asleep. Anyway, when I woke up the next day, it was already noon.

I am a person who forgets easily, so when I woke up, the confusion that troubled me last night was almost no longer in my mind.I picked up my phone and wanted to order a takeaway for myself. It wasn't until I was paying that the balance was insufficient, and I suddenly remembered that all my money had been given to Ba Xiaoguang...

Fortunately, there was some instant noodles prepared in the RV. After eating a little, I went to the city.Compared with thinking about life and death, the life in front of me is obviously more important. I want to find a temporary job and wait until I save enough money to think about whether to go or stay.

……

Throughout the afternoon, I did not achieve anything in terms of making money; in a blink of an eye, night fell again. With nowhere to go, I wandered on the street for a long time, and finally went to the place where I often met Ren Ran and Zuo Xiaowei. The bar where they had fun together.

Ren Ran may not necessarily go, but Zuo Xiaowei will definitely be there, because she also has a part-time singing job in a bar, and I came to see Zuo Xiaowei.

..."Hey, isn't this the carefree prodigal Han Chao...Didn't he say he's no longer in Qingdao? Why did he come to my bar again?"

The bar owner Saozhu was the first person to discover me. As soon as we met, he yelled like this. He and Zuo Xiaowei were colluding. Of course I knew that he spoke to me in such a sinister tone to help Zuo Xiaowei. Wei Ming was dissatisfied.

I wasn’t angry either, I just smiled and replied: “If I don’t come to your bar anymore, your bar’s attendance rate will at least be reduced by half…”

"You fucking know how to blow!"

"You can ask the female compatriots here...if they are all here because of my reputation as a carefree prodigal son...If I stop hanging out in your bar, they will go to another bar tomorrow."

As soon as I finished speaking, there was a burst of "boos" from around me. I looked around amidst the boos, and then lowered my voice and asked Saozhu: "Where's Xiaowei, why don't you see her?"

"What a coincidence. A rich, handsome man came to the bar today. He fell in love with Xiao Wei and insisted on inviting her out for dinner... I saw that the rich and handsome man was quite sincere, so I gave her a day off."

"Come on, I've been hanging out in this bar for more than a year, and I haven't seen any rich, handsome guy fall in love with her!"

"Aren't you ready to leave? All those rich, handsome and rich people showed up all at once... What does this mean? It means you are really nothing. Xiaowei was thinking about you, so she gave up on this whole forest. ...You may not be able to see this entire forest, but you can't deny that they have been right under your nose, waiting for an opportunity... Now, their chance has finally come... Just wait and regret it."

I rolled my eyes at the slut and replied: "You fucking think that tall, rich and handsome people are dead fish and shrimps in the stinking ditch. They are everywhere... Believe it or not, after you leave this bar, you go to the biggest bar." On that road, as long as you meet a tall, rich and handsome person, I will lose..."

After saying that, I sat down at the nearest seat and lit a cigarette... I wanted to wait here for a while. If I can't wait for Zuo Xiaowei, I can just wait.

Before I finished smoking a cigarette, I saw Zuo Xiaowei walking in from the front door with a guitar on her back. Ren Ran was behind her. The two of them were walking and chatting, and in the blink of an eye they were by my side...

Suddenly they noticed me, and both of them were startled: "What a ghost, didn't you leave?"

"I can't bear to leave you... I won't leave yet..."

Ren Ran and Zuo Xiaowei looked at each other first, and then looked at me with expressions of disbelief...

I smiled and pulled Zuo Xiaowei aside alone. Zuo Xiaowei seemed to still be angry with me. She shook me off, looked at me coldly and said, "What on earth do you think of me? What do you think?" If you leave me, just leave me, if you want to come to me, come to me..."

"Put aside the grievances between us for now... I came to you this time because I have really urgent matters..."

After saying that, I took Zuo Xiaowei and walked a few steps to a deserted place to make sure that no one could hear us, then I lowered my voice and said, "Didn't I buy you a bag yesterday... Can you Return that bag to me, including the shopping receipt?"

After saying that, I looked at Zuo Xiaowei expectantly, but her expression was uncertain... Suddenly, she exploded, and then with a burst of anger, she said to those who were gathering together to drink: " Have you ever seen such a shameless man?... He gave me a bag yesterday, and now he asked me to return it to him along with the shopping receipt... Han Chao, can you still have some respect... your parents? Haven’t I ever taught you that you can’t take back things you give to others?”

I was extremely embarrassed, but I still responded with a "shameless" spirit under the gaze of everyone: "If you are afraid of embarrassing me... That would be better. Don't you also want to give me a belt?... You put that Give me another belt...don't forget the shopping receipt."

As soon as I finished speaking, Ren Ran over there showed an expression that he couldn't bear to look at, and Zuo Xiaowei turned around and went to the table closest to us, and then picked up a glass of beer that someone else drank from the table. , all splashed on my face...

"Han Chao, I am so blind that I would like a stinky man like you who has no sense of responsibility and goes back on his word!"

Listening to Zuo Xiaowei's merciless words, I just felt like I had died a social death in public again... The beer was cold, and I could feel the liquid flowing down the collar towards my chest, little by little. My heart gradually became cold.

I hate money more and more, because most of the disputes in the world are caused by it.

I didn’t have to come to Zuo Xiaowei or ask for that bag back, but I needed to eat and buy some daily necessities... In terms of my values, it’s better to ask for something that I gave away than to borrow it from others. ...Although these two choices are not so decent, when survival is threatened, who can care about the so-called decent or dishonorable.

However, I really didn't expect that Zuo Xiaowei would be so disrespectful of my face... I just left the bar in embarrassment amidst the laughter of everyone.

……

At this moment, it was the most lively time of the day. I moved slowly, so countless people caught up with me and passed me by...

I don’t know when, a pair of girls who looked like students also walked up to me from behind. They were chatting while walking. Of course, I didn’t care what they were talking about until they said the name Luxi. .

I subconsciously quickened my pace to keep pace with them, so I could hear their conversation clearly...

It turned out that the group of secretly taken photos had been exposed on the Internet, and the topic they discussed was: Will Lu Xi's star career be completely ended because of this incident...

I quickly opened Weibo.

This was a malicious exposure, so even the title was full of malice. It was revealed that Lu Xi had serious misconduct in his private life. He kissed and slept with a scantily clad man in a hotel room late at night!
(End of this chapter)