The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

“I was foolish, I really was.” Cloaked in a black mantle that I borrowed from a kind merchant, I cover myself tightly as I tread carefully across the roads of Sulfur Mountain City.

“I knew that the System would never have good intentions, its recommendations would always have problems, so those are the ones which I should never choose; What I didn’t know was that even things that seemed to have no problems will have problems occurring after going through the hands of the System! Look, the average stats of the 2 Bloodlines is much higher than my current stats, this obviously shows that there is a problem with the physical body. Also, that darned Charm value, there is no way the System would allow me to be welcomed into the embrace of those seductive eyes. This is obviously a trap, why did I jump into it then. I was really foolish, really really foolish.”

The little bat beside me stares fiercely at me.

“Enough! This is the hundredth or two hundredth time that you have been nagging about it. Did your intelligence disappear along with your previous body?”

“No, it is just that my mood lifts after seeing you in an even more pathetic state than me, so I felt like nagging a bit more.”

[Magic Pet: Harloys (Main Body of Greed)

Race: Unable to be classified

Strength: 12

Agility: 10

Stamina: 30

Intelligence: 28

Will: 25

Charm: Depends

Job: LV1 Mage

Evaluation:

Race Talent: Transmogrification (Lower Tier)

System Evaluation: This is your Magic Pet, but she is constantly thinking of how to get rid of you within the limitations of the contract. Now, you don’t have to worried about her rebelling against you. The great Queen of Banshees can only alternate between the form of a bat and a little cat. The most destructive skill of hers is probably just a cat paw. Well done, to think that there would be someone worse off than you.]

When I died temporarily, Harloys, who almost got destroyed because of it, was absorbed into the System. Now that I am revived, she was revived along with me. It is just that even at LV1, I am still a living person while she is unable to sustain her human form at LV1.

“…Are you sure? If I were to remove your mantle here and scream that there is someone running about nude here, what do you think will happen?”

Grinding her teeth together, the little bat spits out the most fearsome threat that she knows. But, I simply smiled in response.

“Feel free, nude running is already a daily occurrence here, no one will be bothered by it. Nude running can no longer be considered a news, only no one engaging in nude running for a few days can be called news.”

“Heh, do you take me for a fool? How can there be such a fearsome place…”

“Catch that naked bull!! Right, the one who is nicknamed King of Nudity! Don’t let him get away. After staying put for a few days, you Wild Bull Alliance actually started to become active again. This time, we will lock them up for an entire month.”

Before Harloys could even finish her words, her eyes and mouth widen in shock. I stare numbly as the naked Tauren leading a pack of naked men whistling through. Soon afterward, a group of Dark Elf Knights passes us by.

“A Supreme Judge with the glorious title of King of Nudity?”

Somehow, my heart starts to ache. My worry for the Supreme Court and the shame I feel from that embarrassment originating from my organization intersected together. I had an urge to cleanse my organization of this embarrassment by assassinating him. However, if I were to draw my blade in rage at this moment, not only will I be unable to kill him, I would be destroyed instead.

“Let’s go, I have many toys in my lab that uses illusion to change outer appearances. There’s really nothing I can do with my current appearance.”

While looking for a method to deal with that fellow in my head, I tightened my grip on the mantle wrapped around me. From a certain perspective, this city is the safest one of all of the Underground Cities but from another perspective, it is also the most dangerous one of them all, especially now that I am not in my best condition.

While dodging the sights of others, I pull my Magic Pet along with me. At the same time, Harloys stares dumbfounded at the opposite street. A few Holy Knights were currently chatting happily with a Death Knight.

This is a scene that can’t possibly be seen in any other areas, a harmonious sight between the Order and Chaos. I wanted to brag a bit to Harloys but the next instant, they started fighting together while hurling insults at each other. The fight was quite intense with both sides throwing lethal attacks at each other.

“This is more like it.”

Harloys nods her head, satisfied. But when the contents of their argument reach us, Harloys freezes once again.

“You lying bastard, where is the match make with the Banshee that you promised? Why were there only female zombies present? Look at her face, there are even maggots on it, do you think we can look at her?”

“Tsk, you little rascal who don’t understand anything, this is the fashion of our Undead District! Also, do you think you are all that innocent? What about the beautiful Priestesses you promised us? Why did canteen aunties come instead! You think that we are fools!”

There are already quite a few audiences who are cheering by the side. The more heated their argument got, the more brutal their blows became. However, the Death Knights didn’t draw their Runeswords while the Holy Knights didn’t use their Holy Light. Instead, they fought just like normal men with their punches and their kicks.

“You want the Banshees and Medusas of our District? Don’t even talk about opening the doors for you, even the windows are tightly shut. The few of us aren’t even able to get our hands on them, why should we introduce them to you?”

“Hmph, I will just tell you truthfully. We even have to wrestle with our bodies just to gain the opportunity to talk with the Priestesses. With such severe lack of resources, why should we introduce them to you?”

Alright, from the jeering of the audiences, the entire matter is made clear. Both sides had formed a group in hope of laying hands on the female resources of the other side without giving in anything. In the end, when the both sides clash together, they realized the other’s intentions.

“A match make between the Undead and Holy Knight? Has the world gone mad or am I the one who has gone mad?” Harloys has still yet to recover from the sight.

Should I be thankful for the fact that I have a living body? Looking at these living treasures, I grab my belly. That should be where my stomach is. For the first time, I experienced what stomachache and neuralgia is.

TL: Neuralgia: intense intermittent pain along the course of a nerve, especially in the head or face.

“Can anyone contact the Town Security…”

“Don’t move, who is the one causing this ruckus? Haha, it is you bunch of bastards again. You all are quite amazing, to actually bring a DemiRam and a Centaur for the previous three matchmaking sessions. If we didn’t react quick enough and called the legendary Beifeng over to scare away our beauties, we would have handed them over to you for nothing. This time, let us settle the new scores together with the old ones. Eat my Sin-Splitting Strike!”

Alright, looks like we don’t even have to call the Town Security over. Those graduates from Nanxiang have already arrived but somehow, from the words they say… Should I be surprised about their relationship? Alright, somehow, the pain in my stomach intensifies.

“Hey!”

Suddenly, a person violently sent me flying.

“Sorry, sorry, Momo was chasing those bastards.”

So it was a Dark Elf Town Security member who accidentally knocked into my body while engaging in an arrest.

My mantle was knocked off and light glares into my eyes, stinging me. However, the moment I see the look of surprise on Momo’s face, I immediately awaken from my confusion.

I immediately used my mantle to cover my entire body once again. The System isn’t so kind as to gift you a free set of clothes just because you revived. Just as what Harloys said, a newborn physical body comes totally nude, I was wearing nothing beneath my cloak.

“That, I have no relations with those fellows of the Wild Bull Alliance. I am a newcomer here to learn the Power of Law, just that I met with some thieves, causing my clothes to be stolen.

I tried my best to recall my Smile Number 2 when I was still a Holy Knight — A righteous smile of someone innocent. At the same time, I tried to distance myself from that bunch of perverts. I don’t have to be caught into the Boys Home for no reason.

“I am without a penny, I am here to seek help from my Lich uncle named Roland. This is Ah Meow, my best friend.”

Then, I raised Harloys up to the face of the Dark Elves. At this instant, under my orders, she has transformed into a cute little black cat.

Again, under my orders through the Pet Contract, the dignified Queen of Banshees, despite her eyes being on the verge of shooting fire beams, could only obediently learn to meow to look cute.

“Meow!!!”

“Hehe, girls don’t have much resistance towards cute things. Furthermore, after seeing that I am of no threat, they would definitely let me go after conducting a simple check.”

But very quickly, I realized that my actions were excessive. The female Dark Elf Town Security ignores the meowing Queen of Banshees and instead, stares fixedly at me, not saying a single word.

Then…

Saliva starts dripping down…

“I have finally struck it rich! A top quality shota!!!”

At this moment, an inconceivable fury boils in me as I howl out.

“You are the shota. Your entire family is shotas.”

Alright, I admit that I have been scammed by the System once again. What training from young is good for one to gain perfect control of their body and what this allows one’s soul to merge better with one’s physical body, no matter how much self-consoling excuse I come up with, I am unable to hide the fact that I had been scammed.

A fourteen-year-old physical body is indeed the expected age of my physical body, as well as the true form of my soul, thus a body of that age will allow merging of my soul and my physical body to go more smoothly, but…

“How the hell would I know that the Ancient Humans have a lifespan that exceeds 200 years. 14 years old is still a kid to them!”

Yes, the first-generation Humans had an average lifespan that is at least twice as long compared to the current Humans. With my fourteen-year-old physical body, I look at most 10.

I should have known that compared to the other two physical body choices, the reason why the stats of this physical body are slightly on the lower side is because it is simply too young and the reason why my Charm is so high is because little kids tend to be cuter.

That’s right, cute. Cuteness that has nothing to do with handsome.

Golden-colored hair that is radiating the glisten of the sun paired with red cheeks that is reminiscent of a red apple that was just rinsed with water, tempting one to give it a bite. The white skin looks very hydrated, as though it has never come under the sun. Last but not least, the sun-like smile that is affixed to his little face makes one really feel his lively personality.

Turning younger isn’t scary. What is scary is that even when I used the dark river as a mirror to look at my reflection, I felt that I looked like a gigantic doll, extremely cute.

19 points in Charm! If a grown man were to have so much Charm, he would be unmatched if he uses it to flirt with girls. However, on a child, what is the use of being so cute!

But this still isn’t the most treacherous thing about the System…

Having a youthful outer appearance isn’t a big matter for Mages, there are all kinds of medicines and tools that could be used to conceal one’s true age. Old grannies and old demons acting young could be seen everywhere. As long as I return to my lab to retrieve some of my hidden tools, there no difficulty whatsoever in passing off as a grown man.

However, my greatest problem now is that — I might have my little fellow now, but it hasn’t developed yet. That is as good as not having it at all! That is the crux of the problem!

I knew that the System would definitely be up to something. It was difficult for me to get rid of my body as a Lich, but in exchange, I was given this undeveloped physical body.

Now, my first aim is to quickly return back to my underground study to check up on the time required for the first-generation Humans to develop and when I can get married… Alright, I know that there would be no book that would be so lame to talk about these, but it isn’t a crime to think about these.

At this moment, looking at the frenzied Dark Elf who had a puddle of saliva on the ground below her, I knew that I was facing a big crisis.

“Small cutie… No, I mean little friend, do you want to see goldfishes with Big Sister? Big Sister’s home has many cute little animals.”

“Goldfish? Goldfish in the Underground World? You think that I am stupid?”

Being just LV1, there is definitely no way I am able to beat a Town Security member who is at minimum a Silver-rank.

“Right, little friend, I have a lollipop here.”

Looking at this idiotic Elf actually retrieving a large bunch of candies from her breastplate, I had totally no idea what her brain is made of. Is this still the Town Security that Sulfur Mountain City prides itself on? Thinking about this, my stomach hurts even more…

“Release me!!”

“No way! It was so difficult for me to find one that fits my taste. Momo is definitely going to capture this one back to raise!! After a few years, I would be able to reap my rewards. Momo would be the one to marry first!”

Alright, Momo seems to have forgotten her role as an Enforcer and is currently lost in her daydream.

“Hehe, to have such a cute little hubby, Momo would be envied to death by her other sisters.”

I want to flirt with beautiful girls, but not this kind of beautiful girls who are into child grooms. Without a second word, I turn around to flee.

However, with just 2 steps, the pain in my stomach intensifies and I fell to the ground helplessly.

“Why does it feel so awful? My entire body is lacking in strength. Could it be that there is something wrong with the composition of my physical body!”

Suddenly, I felt the sensation of being carried up. The voice of the frenzied Elf echoes by my ear.

“Why are you so light, little friend? Have you obediently eaten your meal yet?”

“Eaten my meal?” Alright, I finally recall what I forgot. I spent 2 days walking here from the dark river. Having just revived, I have long forgotten about the habits of the living, so I totally didn’t expect that I would have to eat. At the same time, Harloys who is also an Undead wouldn’t think of reminding me.

“So it isn’t a stomachache, it is hunger pangs. Seeing from how I am fine from not eating for 2 days, it seems that this body is still quite healthy.”

After coming to a realization, in the next moment, I faint from hunger.

But fortunately, before fainting, I spent the last bit of my strength to shout ‘Save me, there is a weird auntie here who wants to feed me milk’. Seeing how the other Town Security come rushing over in a hurry, I should be able to retain my chastity.

“A tragedy! Darn System, I will never forgive you!

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