The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

Karma, or rather fate, exists. Without any external influence, the apple would eventually land on the floor, rot, and become the seed for the next harvest.

If a farmer were to come and harvest the apple, it would still be a part of fate for the garden and the apple itself because the farmer could be still considered as part of the garden. The act of harvesting could be said to be a fixed route of fate for the apple.

However, if a tourist from overseas were to walk through the garden and casually pick an apple, then the apple would leave with the tourist and the farmer would be unable to pick the apple. Everyone’s fate would change along with the tourist.

And that casual action of the otherworldly visitor had unknowingly changed what fate had in plan for everyone.

This was because his actions weren’t in line with what the world had planned. His mindless act had changed the originally rigid fate of things and eventually triggered a series of effects known as the Butterfly Effect.

There was always someone responsible for each and every injustice in the world. Similarly, every debt in the world has a creditor. The effects of karma would have to be borne by the transcenders.

That System of mine took these effects of karma and converted them into Evil/Kind Points. Under my will, the System acted like a wish granter, causing ripples of effects in the world. [1]

Of course, this what I learned from only my own research. It could be correct, but it could also be wrong. However, after a fortuitous event, a game walk-through book from another world made me more convinced about the possibility of this theory.

“The Great Eich Purgatory War—this is the name of the game. The book that I drew from the System’s gachapon records every single happening in this classic game in its 30 years of operation.”

And the world I was in was called… Eich.

So, the world that I live in was only a game in another world? I wasn’t surprised or shocked. From a rational viewpoint, there was a history of those who dreamt about other worlds and seers who had broken through the confine of time and space in the great world of Eich. In fact, this was common knowledge here and was sufficient to explain everything.

As for the ‘purgatory’ part… there had been seven large-scale updates, which meant that the order in this world was overturned seven times.

In the seven crises that almost destroyed the world, the continent became a land of living hell. The confident me of then who believed that he was a hero blessed by the gods, capable of changing everything, realized that after the 3rd update, the name of the final boss was actually Roland Mist.

“The Demon Overlord Roland Mist returns from the depths of the Abyss. With his army of demons, he swore revenge against all of the living. Endless armies of undead and demons swept the world into chaos, destroying countless countries and reaping countless lives.”

Roland Mist? Wasn’t that my name? I actually became the final boss destined to destroy the entire world!?

However, reality wasn’t a game. Demon Lords don’t always fall. Or rather, the me who was then known as The Son of Light had no reason to become an evil Demon of Chaos.

But then everything still happened. The darkness hidden within the depths of the Holy Church, the betrayal from people I trusted the most, and the nobles and royalties who added insult to the injury caused me, who was a heroic Holy Knight, to gradually walk away from my faith and step into the darkness.

However, I knew about the plans fate had in store of me. As a transcender who possessed control over his own life, how could I simply allow all this to happen?

Thus, I did many things in an attempt to overcome fate.

As a transcender with the power of karma on my side, changing my personal fate wasn’t that difficult. However, changing the fate of the entire world wasn’t such an easy thing, after all.

After a series of ‘coincidences,’ all my hard work became for naught. I failed and the currents of fate easily crushed me, causing everything to walk the path fate had paved out originally.

The current me, after dying again and again, was barely living in this world as a lich. Thus, I was incapable of becoming the Demon Lord who tried to destroy the world. It was a pity, however. My foolish twin brother, Karwenz Mist, replaced this useless brother of his and had done many mind-blowing great things, eventually walking into the gates of purgatory.

Maybe, before long, I would need to face the Demon Lord named Karwenz Mist.

Thus, no matter what, I must live on. Even with this incomplete and damaged soul of mine, I must still live on until the day Karwenz returned to the surface.

Therefore, no matter what, I needed strength. Regardless of which world it came from, whether the strength was righteous or not…

“This is a solemn promise from I, Roland Mist. I will resolve the problems that I had created! Thus, even if I have to soil my own hands, even if I must become unscrupulous, I will gather sufficient Evil Points to revive myself, become stronger, and deal with that foolish brother of mine.”

“Master Lich, just interrupting for a moment—do the things that you just said have anything to do with the current situation? Before you continue with your impassioned speech, please return back to reality and look behind you.”

Just as I was getting more and more riled up, my companion ruined my moment.

I turned back and looked. All the dark elves who were currently chasing me were cutting close. Their eyes were blood-red from their lack of sleep, and their originally beautiful oval faces had been distorted from hatred. Judging from how deep their grudges appeared to be, it didn’t seem to be a good time to reason with them.

“Don’t run! You bastards!”

“I will skin you alive!”

“Hehehe… Hand those bones to me! Hand them to me! My dowry, my 30 years of hard work, gone in a single night!”

“Momo has already bought seaweed and chili! Tonight, I am going to eat pork ribs soup… The pork ribs in front, are you listening? You are going to be the main dish for tonight! Stop!”

It seemed that the grudges from yesterday’s explosion really weren’t trivial. I would be a fool if I were to stop now; I cast a Floating Spell on myself and hastened my footsteps.

This time, I overdid it a little. The Town Security troops were equipped for war. If I were to be caught by them, even though I was just bones and could not be skinned, I would be taken apart and fed to the dogs.

However, I wasn’t the only one being chased.

“The Beyar brothers—why are they chasing you too? Were you two selling counterfeit goods again?”

The Beyar brothers were well-known dishonest merchants, even among the greedy goblins. As long as you paid sufficient money, drugs, counterfeits, and similar items—they had it all. Furthermore, to save money from paying taxes, they didn’t even bother to apply for a license.

Naturally, this kind of dishonest merchant would often come head to head with the Town Security. Through these clashes of revolution, we had forged a deep bond of friendship.

“Who knows what’s wrong with those bitches. It seems that some fool had offended those crazy bitches. Since yesterday afternoon, they had conducted a search on the entire city, shouting phrases like ‘Swiftly and heavily, we shall severely punish those committing crimes,”Destroy those illegal traders and **,’ and ‘Return Sulfur Mountain City its blue sky!’ Tsk!”

The Master Engineer Jinya Beyar was the older brother, and at this moment, his thick, lush hair had been shaved. He was extremely pissed.

Although his looks are so-so, the System showed me that he was a LV59 goblin Master Engineer, just a step away from the LV60 Gold rank.

“This bunch of lasses are incredible. Although the Town Security is lacking in personnel, it is amazing how their entire force is composed of solely Holy Knights. Holy Knight is a tanking job, resilient to attacks. Furthermore, not mentioning how they are equipped with dwarf mithril chain mails, dark elves are blessed with strong magic resistance and a resilient physique, similar to a steel can. Some of their leading figures are even armed with godly weapons. With this kind of equipment and personnel, they could be pulled to fight a war between gods and demons, much less operate as the Town Security in a city.”

Yingou Beyar was the younger brother. During his search and arrest, his clothes had been burnt and his tools destroyed, which resulting in his overflowing anger at this moment.

A LV57 Master Alchemist, he should have specialized in the treatment of patients. However, it was the nature of those related to the goblins to be unreliable.

At least, as far as I could remember, half of the medicine that Yingou made would explode upon consumption. The other half? They would explode even when unconsumed.

“Endure it! Sulfur Mountain has been dominated by the 3000-strong Town Security for more than a day or two. Those accursed gold coins, their equipment weren’t that advanced in the past! Wait till I find out who was the one who betrayed us and sold such good equipment to them for mere profit—I will definitely make him unable to survive in Sulfur Mountain City.”

“Other than the gingerhead dwarf on Flower Street, who else could it be? Other than a Master Smither like him who specialized in armor, who else could make a mithril chainmail of such level? When I shake those lasses off my tail, I will smash his shop. Who asked him to bring harm to his brothers?”

I remained quiet. If my comrades were to know that the Town Security’s Holy Swords were bought from me, that I was the intermediary for the sale of the chainmail and that it was I who had struck a legal deal with them to let me off that once, we probably would be unable to remain as friends.

“Old cow, what happened? Usually, they would just overlook you. Did you do something recently?”

A tall tauren warrior ran beside us. He possessed a square face and an honest smile hung on it. His innocent eyes were filled with righteousness and bewilderment, as though he was ignorant of the reason he was being pursued.

“I didn’t do anything. I was just thirsty and wanted to drink some milk. After all, theirs are so big, so they should have quite a bit of milk in them. Isn’t it normal for taurens to want to drink milk? Isn’t it normal for a nature-loving tauren to be nude? Why must they chase with me so furiously with weapons?” [2]

Even though his square face looked incomparably honest, and his innocent voice tinged with the grief of being falsely accused, he was a pervert. Even when confusion and righteousness spelled out on his face, he was still a nudist.

At the current moment, he was completely naked. His fit and wild body caused the females by the roadside to scream non-stop as he waved his hands in sync with the movement of a certain object…

“The Bull Demon King is here again!” [3]

“Mummy! It’s so scary! I can’t get married anymore!”

“Where? Where? Let me see how long his toothpick is, to dare to wave it around. Hohoho! As expected of a tauren, so it seems that it isn’t a toothpick but a mace. The tauren in front, please hold on! Let me give it a try.”

The sounds of screaming and mysterious noises that echoed from the back made him even more complacent, inducing him to perform bodybuilder poses amidst his run, thus generating all kinds of screams among the crowd.

Although most may know him as a pervert, they were not aware that Tauren Xueti, through my eyes, was a LV89 Legend Warrior. Even in Sulfur Mountain City, where many strong people gathered, he was considered as the cream of the crop.

But, no matter how strong he was, he was still a pervert… I had to say it twice because it was very important.

“Damn! They have blessed silver arrows! Emperor Orloss’ Sacred Sword and the Angel Slayer. Sh*t! To even have dozens of nameless evil-slaying holy swords, even the extravagant Auland Kingdom aren’t as outrageous as they are.” (Lilith)

Leading at the forefront of those being chased was Lilith Milan. Known as the Prince of the Night, she had a reputation for being a passionate casanova in the entire city, and she was the dream of countless rich young ladies in the Underground World.

It was just that for someone who viewed her disposition as important as her life, her attire was now battered. Even a LV72 Gold-ranked Blood Tribe Assassin could only escape frantically in the presence of such a powerful enemy.

That’s right, she’s a her and not a him… Her other nicknames include The Frenzied Wild Lilith, The Sentimental Milan, and The Moving Obscenity and Female **.

Due to the common fate of being suppressed and beaten down by the Town Security, the Freedom Gentlemen Alliance was created (better known as the Gentlemen Alliance). To the Nudist Tauren, The Moving Obscenity and the Explosion Maniac Brothers, the Gentlemen Alliance was just another name.

After our comrades were captured by the operation ‘Swiftly and heavily, we shall severely punish those committing crimes,’ the only survivors at this moment were the stronger top brass of the alliance.

“The lich who has a screw loose! Even the weakest lich is of Legend-rank, so turn back and cast a Great Cleavage on those bitches!” (Lilith)

“If it was 300 years ago, I could give it a try… However, my phylactery is damaged at the moment and my control over magic is unstable. Well, I could still cast Great Cleavage, it’s just that I am unable to direct it at my target accurately. Of course, it is impossible for me to die once more, but are you sure about it?” (Roland) [4]

Great Cleavage was a powerful spell used by the best mages. Legend had it that it was capable of destroying anyone it struck. However, I had no interest in classic spells. Not to mention that my phylactery was currently damaged; it was impossible for me to unleash such a spell. However, even though I might lose out to them in terms of fighting prowess, I refused to lose in a verbal war.

” Tsk! Useless!”

As expected, once I mentioned the possibility of the spell going out of control, they, who were afraid of death, wouldn’t allow me to use it.

However, if the Town Security troops were to continue pursuing me like this, my good person reputation that I had been trying to build up would go down the drain. Thus, I decided to make my move.

“Slippery Oil Spell!”

I instant-cast a 1-circle magic, and a large area of oil appeared before us. As a lich, floating through the use of magic was the bare basics. Thus, I simply floated across the oil.

“…What is the use of a 1-circle magic? Even the weakest among the fellows behind us is of the Bronze rank.”

In the eyes of the pissed off Jinya, a 1-circle magic spell was useless to any warrior that could fight.

But this common sense was only limited to normal mages, and I am no normal mage, you know.

* Peng! *

Right after he stopped speaking, Jinya stepped on the ground and fell uncontrollably. No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to stand up anymore.

“Jinya, I guess the only thing powerful about you is your mouth. See how I—it can’t be! How can it be so slippery!!?”

Right after he laughed at his elder brother, his younger brother, Yingou, followed in his footsteps.

“I improved it.”

Improvement? More like I reshaped the spell.

The normal Slippery Oil Spell only used oil derived from animal fats for the spell. However, I chose to utilize top-grade oil used for machinery. At the same time, I adjusted the level of friction on the road, thus generating zero friction on the surface.

After my rank had been locked and I became unable to use higher circle spells, I spent my efforts on improving my current spells.

For the normal Slippery Oil Spell, warriors who were slightly more experienced could disregard it altogether. As for my improved Slippery Oil Spell, even though it was just a 2-circle spell, Gold-ranked warriors still had to tread carefully around it.

But my pride immediately crumbled in the face of reality.

“Ha!”

Using his hoofs as a sleigh, the cow slid across the oil as though he was sliding on ice while throwing glances at the crowd. Despite his seemingly clumsy heavy body, he possessed excellent balance.

“Well done. I see that the crazy lich’s brain can function properly occasionally.”

The sly vampire lady jumped on the back of the stupid cow and hitched a ride.

“Hurry, let’s go!”

Seeing that the Town Security was closing in the distance, we ignored the Beyar brothers who were still struggling in the oil and swiftly left.

Just as I had expected, equipped in heavy armor, the Dark Elf Town Security Knights fell down one by one in the oil, creating a huge mess.

“Damn it, why is it so slippery?!!”

After complaining, the vice-captain, Victoria, finally got up with much effort, but she slipped and fell once again.

“Save me!” The shouts of help from the Beyar brothers drifted towards us.

While showcasing his muscles, the cow-head turned around with the intention to head back to save them. However, Lilith pulled him back on track to escape.

“Those guys are wearing heavy armor; they aren’t able to catch up with us…”

“I am not worried about them. If the Beyar brothers were to realize that they were unable to escape… Surely you wouldn’t have forgotten what they have on their bodies?”

The cow-head might have a slow reaction speed, but he definitely wasn’t a fool. After patting his head in realization, he lowered his head and proceeded forward.

“Boom!!” Sound of explosions could be heard from our backs, proving that our judgement to leave them behind was correct.

Engineers and alchemists were already experts at causing explosions. If we were to add the prefix ‘goblin’ in front, the probability of an explosion occurring increased by 10 folds. Ignoring the fact that the Beyar brothers would choose mutually assured destruction when they realized that they were in a dire situation, they had many messy toys on them. Just by bumping and falling a few times, those things might just explode if your luck was bad.

“Bastards! Grab hold of those two fools.”

“They’re running! Hurry up and chase them!”

A cloud of smoke rose in the background, and the Slippery Oil Spell caused the fire to intensify. However, judging from those curses behind us, this kind of unplanned small explosion could barely hinder those powerful knights who were fully clad in mithril.

However…

“Slippery Oil! Slippery Oil! Slippery Oil!”

The ground behind us gleamed with the shine of oil. Foolish elves equipped in heavy armor, slowly train your balancing abilities on my oil.

“Prepare to die!!”

Hearing that yell, I realized that my happiness was short-lived.

Appearing from the corner of the street was the captain of the Town Security, Diana. In her hands was the sacred sword that I sold to her, the Silver Avenger.

Immediately, we changed direction. However, led by their vice-captain, Yawen, another group of dark elf knights darted out from a corner.

“Damn it, it’s a trap!”

As the three groups converged, we realized we were surrounded!

“Bastard! I thought that you were really a good person, but… the dress that I just bought is completely ruined!”

“And my tidbits!”

“My cosmetics!”

“And Momo’s  mimi !” [5]

“Isn’t your mimi originally this small?”

“No! It is my pet cat Mimi! Also, my breasts are at least bigger than yours.”

“I am a male; don’t you feel embarrassed comparing yourself to me?”

“I’m sorry, you look too effeminate. I forgot that you are a male.”

The noisy dark elf knights surrounded us from all three directions. Ignoring the internal strife between the dark elf siblings, judging from how they were rubbing their knuckles against their palms, they were probably prepared to strike at any moment.

Under such circumstances, the first thing I did was …

I performed a cart-wheel and dodged a strike from my back. Then, following up with a Floating Spell, I floated a foot off the ground to escape from another slash.

“Bastard, so you were the one who dragged us down. How many times has it been?!”

As expected, the aggressors were the old cow, who had an apologetic look on his face but used full force in his attacks anyway, and a crazy vampire who was busy castigating me.

… As expected, my foremost priority should be to get rid of these two foolish comrades who were already too used to betraying others. They were much slyer, and thus more difficult to deal with than the dark elves. After coming to a realization that the operation carried out this time was my fault, they wouldn’t spare a second thought to betray me.

If I were to be captured this time, even if the dark elves didn’t deal with me personally, my cellmates would surely take good care of me.

“Ah! I mustn’t get caught by any means!”

Under the combined attacks of two of the top ten fighters in Sulphur Mountain City, my movements were a mess as I tried to dodge their attacks. As for the dark elves, they were willing to sit by the side and watch the dog fight. Some of them even brought out chairs to enjoy the show.

“An opportunity!”

How could those bitches understand the solid friendship we forged under oppression? Just a single look and we understood what we had to do.

The cow-head grabbed me and Lilith with both of his hands and threw us out of the blockade.

“You bastards!”

When the dark elf knights finally came to, we were already out of the blockade. The poor cow, despite having the strongest fighting prowess of all, due to his meaningless principle of not hitting women, was pushed down to the ground by a group of female knights.

“Old cow, we will remember your sacrifice!”

“Lich, what did you do!!”

“Yesterday, when they caught me, I burnt their barracks.”

“Well done! I have wanted to do that for a very long time.”

I laughed for a bit, as though I was pleased with my actions, but then I casually pointed a finger towards her.

“Art of Truth, Incapacitate!”

Due to my sudden attack, the unwary vampire’s movements were sealed.

Although my Art of Truth could only stop her for a few seconds, that was more than enough.

Her eyes were filled with incomprehension. We had already escaped from the Town Security, so she was unable to understand why I would choose to betray her.

But the next instant, she understood. The mad lich Roland was well-known in the city for bringing harm to others for no apparent reason or benefit to him. Otherwise, despite bring the incarnation of fear, why would he gain the glorious title of ‘screw-loose’?

As the army drew closer, the incapacitated Lilith Milan, despite her indignation and anger, could not do anything.

As she was pushed to the ground by the dark elf knights, the System notice finally rang out.

[Daily Quest: Betrayal is complete. Quest Objective: Betray 3 comrades who trust you; the reward depends on the strength of those who were betrayed.

Quest Progress: Jinya Beyar, Yingou Beyar, Lilith Milan—the average strength of the three are above the Gold rank and your current strength. As the quest is completed perfectly, you are rewarded with 10 Evil Points.]

“As I thought, betraying all of you is worth the effort.”

Alright, since the daily quest was completed and I had received my reward, now was the time for me to really try to get away.

After turning into a quiet corner, I put on a special silver magic robe with golden linings and a faceless silver metal mask. I stood there quietly, waiting for my pursuers to catch up.

“My—crap! Sorry, lord!!”

After turning the corner, the furious Town Security troops immediately turned into obedient little girls.

As Diana rushed over, she suddenly caught sight of me and her smug expression disappeared completely. She became as quiet as a hibernating cicada, not daring to talk at all, behaving as how one would act when looking at their superiors. Finally, as the captain, she bucked up the courage.

“Chief Justice Lord Wumianzhe, why are you here?”

Yes. I, Roland Mist, had another identity. I was the city’s top judicial officer, Chief Justice Wumianzhe, The Indefatigable One [6]. I was not their direct superior but their superior’s superior’s superior’s superior.

Note:

1. Cause and effect. He changed fate (cause), so the effects of his actions will change the world.

2. Taurens have cow heads and human bodies.

3. Journey to the West reference

4. Phylactery refers to the object which one’s soul is deposited. Has the same concept as a horcrux.

5.  Mimi  is also used as a slang for breasts.

6.  Wu Mian Zhe means the one who doesn’t sleep, and has sort of a literary meaning of how he overlooks the entire city for crimes at every single moment. Its English translation is ‘The Indefatigable One.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know so we can fix it as soon as possible.