The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

“Nine Yin [1] White Bone Claws!!”

Following the tradition where one had to shout out the skill’s name while using it, I roared as my claw struck down heavily on the body of the skeleton soldier.

*Kacha!* Two bones fractured simultaneously.

Looking at the otherworldly secret manual named “Nine Yin White Bone Claw” [2] in front of me, I used my mana to regrow my injured fingers while I sighed in frustration.

“Another useless object. I had definitely fulfilled the conditions of possessing white bones and claws. I had even substituted the ‘nine yin’ with ice elemental magic. This should be compatible with the skill, but I was still unable to use it.”

I casually threw it to one side, placing it together with the rest of its ‘seniors’ from other worlds, forming a collection unvisited by anyone.

Yes, this was a product that originated from another world. From the introduction stated on the secret manual, it seemed to be an extremely powerful offensive magic, capable of penetrating anything and usable under any circumstances.

“Exactly where did I go wrong? My interpretation shouldn’t be wrong. Doesn’t yin simply refer to ice and the negative attribute? Nine means a lot, so I made sure to produce ‘a lot of ice,’ and I also have my ‘Bone Claw.’ Then, why is it not working?”

But then again, if the books on complex magic from this world were to be put in another world, they would be nothing but useless trash as well.

“Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms [3], the legendary magic rumored to be capable of destroying Dragons. Initially, I thought I could finally seek payback from Little Red, but in the end, I almost died from just one of her strikes. To make things worse, she even ridiculed me by making me do the skeleton dance.”

“Buddha’s Palm [4]. It may sound very mighty, but this is obviously Holy Magic used to curb those of the dark and evil attribute. If I were to really learn it, I should maybe consider allowing those Priests of the Holy Light to brainwash me.”

These otherworldly secret manuals were all obtained from my unreliable System’s gachapon.

At the start of every month, the System would give me a single chance at the gachapon function, allowing me to choose among mystical secret manuals, godly equipment, or unique and rare treasures.

Even though there was a greater than 90% probability that I would get something useless, I still chose to draw among the mystical secret manuals, gambling for that less than 10% chance of receiving a true treasure.

In fact, beside the pile of unusable secret manuals was an extremely old bookshelf. Placed on it were the treasures I would occasionally get.

“Discussing the organization structure of the undead army and its manpower allocation to overcome blind spots. Teaching you how to theoretically maximize the fighting power of your undead army. — Kel’Thuzad.” [5]

“The mystery of the past and the present, the restriction of space and time? Totally pointless! I am the true master of space and time. — Raistlin Majere.” [6]

“The way to create soul equipment and phylacteries. How can you call yourself a final boss when you get destroyed in a single round? Convert to an undead to revive 10 to 20 times and disgust your opponent to death. — Tom Marvolo Riddle.” [7]

“The 18 basic self-defense strokes for mages—let Uncle Mordenkainen teach you how to fight physically! Who said that mages can’t use martial arts! A dahh!! Waghhh!” [8]

“Magic puppet army and large AOE war spells—Evangeline’s choice of graceful magic spells. A true great magician doesn’t dirty his own hands. Let your subordinates drown your enemies! Let your enemies die without even catching sight of you!”

Such magic classics filled half of the bookshelf. These profound magic knowledge books that came from other worlds were collection items that I treasured more than my own life.

For a lich who had given up his own body in pursuit of endless knowledge, this otherworldly magic knowledge was more important than anything else.

But, to ascertain whether these magic spells were workable, was, indeed, a very troublesome task.

It seemed that the only way to deduce the usability of this knowledge, which came from many different worlds, was to try them myself.

“Six Pulse Heavenly Sword – Duan Yu Version [9] … Isn’t this just a watered-down version of a laser? Although shooting light swords out of the five-finger tips is creative, what does ‘fixed probability that it may work’ mean? To rely on such an unreliable skill—isn’t that making light of one’s life? This is probably only suitable for protagonists who depend on their luck to survive.”

“The biggest bullshit of all is that Crossing the River with a Reed technique! [10] What Floating Magic that does not expend mana! What the lighter one’s body weight is, the better one is able to unleash this skill! I am only bones and yet I sink instantly. In the end, Elisa even had to find a fisherman to hook me up from the river; how embarrassed I was then.”

“Master, the Evil Points from the Underground Prison for this month has been tallied. We collected a total of thirty-nine points, two points less than last month. We have two prisoners who are unable to generate any more points. I suggest we replace them.”

Elisa’s reminder reminded me that it was once again the start of a new month. This time, I was determined to get something good.

“Great Lich System!”

Following my command, a golden interface appeared in front of me.

There were only 3 choices available, “Gachapon,””Quest,” and “Strengthen.”

Quests could be divided into daily quests and main storyline. Daily quests normally consisted of mundane tasks in exchange for small rewards. As for the main storyline, its menu was displayed in gray, which apparently indicated its ‘locked’ status at the moment due to unknown reasons.

Strengthen was another function that I had prior experimentation with. Reflected on the choice’s interface were my stats, albeit it also being colored in gray, indicating its unavailability.

Nonetheless, this was not due to the malfunctioning of the System but, rather, my personal issue.

[Roland Mist, Male Lich (Phylactery wounded, unable to strengthen until phylactery is repaired.)

Strength 5

Agility 5

Intelligence 30

Charm -88

Willpower 5

(10 is the base stat of an average human. Other than a mage’s main attribute, Intelligence, the rest are a trashy 5)

Job: LV60 Mage / LV1 Lich / LV20 Law Incanter (Total LV81, Fighting Power Evaluation LV79, Golden Pinnacle Mage)

Soul Imprint: Mark of Justice, The Crown of Undead (Damaged), The Ice Treader (Damaged), Son of Light (Destroyed).]

“Ahhh, my fighting prowess fell by so much! Iron Bloodline, Bronze Body, Silver Pride, Golden Will, Respected Legend, World Saint, Immortal Myth, and Indestructible SemiGod—to think my rank dropped from SemiGod to Gold in such a short period of time…”

A Soul Imprint was the crystallization of a mortal breaking into the realm of Legends. It was the convergence of one’s life, experience, and strength, the stepping stone to even greater heights. Since each person only possessed one life, they could only have one Soul Imprint.

I, on the other hand, had four Soul Imprints. Unlike the other short-lived humans, I had experienced four lives whereby my four Soul Imprints were a representation of me dying three times and entering the realm of Legends four times.

The Master of Ice, The King of the Dead, The One Blessed by Holy Light—they were all once my pride and glory. But, at this instant, they were damaged and incomplete.

However, to still be able to remain so lively after experiencing death three times, I guess I should be feeling satisfied. Moreover, considering the damage to my Soul Imprints and ignoring my inability to get stronger, the very fact that I was still alive was already an incredible feat in itself.

It was just like what my comrade, nicknamed Voldemort in another world, had said. Without reviving a few dozen times and transforming three to five times, how could I be considered as the ultimate boss?

Although significant amounts of losses were sustained with each time I perished, overstepping the boundaries of death and returning to the human world was able to garner me high returns as well.

The first time I died in battle, I had barely stepped into the realm of Legends. The second time, I had managed to reach the sixth rank, Saint Pinnacle. Nevertheless, it was only right before my most recent death a hundred years ago that my phylactery got damaged, causing my fighting prowess to dip steeply. At that time, I had already attained the eighth rank, SemiGod.

“…The loss of memories and valuable knowledge does make my heart ache, but overall, there is still improvement… However, it is so humiliating to die here and there, especially getting killed in the streets time and time again which made my reputation plummet. On top of that, I have to change my armor again.”

Anyway, I wasn’t really feeling discouraged since this wasn’t my first time having to start from scratch. As a matter of fact, as long as I could earn sufficient points to repair my phylactery or even recreate my body, with the help of the System, retraining would help me reach even higher grounds.

“Even if bones are all that are left of me, I will persevere. Of course, I already had enough of being a lich. Although my talent in Ice Magic and Necromancy is superb, my stats are too skewed. If I want to climb higher, a perfect living physical body is something I need to have. Cough, it definitely isn’t because I no longer wish to remain a bachelor after witnessing many couples get married.”

“Hm? Who dares to despise me? The number of undead in the east part of the city getting married isn’t small in number and those of the Blood Tribe have even created families. Then, why is it that although we are all undead, liches have to be single for life? Liches also need love!!”

Liches were built slightly different from other beings whereby their souls weren’t infused into their bodies. Instead, it was placed in a treasure chest, the phylactery.

As long as the phylactery remained undestroyed, even if they were killed, they would just revive on the spot after a period of time. However, if something were to happen to their phylactery… experiencing a steep fall in fighting prowess and being stripped of the power to grow stronger for over a century could already be considered a positive outcome, just like in my scenario.

However, in the case of mages, knowledge was equivalent to power. Therefore, despite the restrictions on the growth of my fighting prowess as a result of my phylactery being destroyed, this otherworldly knowledge was able to bring me great returns.

“Repairing the phylactery takes 80,000 points while recreating a body only takes 100,000 points. How foolish would I have to be to use my points to repair my phylactery?”

Sneaking a peek at the 49,763 points reflected on the System’s screen, I lamented over the fact that I was not even halfway through accumulating sufficient points for my resurrection. I sighed and turned my attention towards the final option—Gachapon.

Gachapon draws were only available once a month. Other than secret manuals, it also offered “godly weapons” and “unique and rare treasures.” However, speaking from experience, I normally wouldn’t choose either of those two.

“Earlier draws had gotten me an Evil-Slaying Sacred Sword that almost killed me, a Fountain of Life that actually had a natural ability to drive away evil, and an East’s Exotic Red Fruit that was all-natural and boosted one’s longevity. Although the East’s Exotic Red Fruit may seem like a good draw, how am I supposed to consume it when I don’t even have a digestive system? In the end, I fed it, along with The Fountain of Life, to my dog without a second thought… Forget it, knowledge is power. I guess I better obediently try my luck with the secret manuals.”

On my command, the golden roulette started to spin.

“The Art of Mass Teleportation, The Art of Great Destruction, The Secret to Manipulating Beasts… Hurry and stop!”

The roulette spun faster and faster…

“The Holy Judgement! The Plans of Fate! The secret manuals of the Holy Church that are reserved only for the top brass! Even if these are of no use to me, I can still sell them to the Holy Church. There is pretty good stuff included in the draw this time; hurry and stop!”

The roulette spun even faster…

“FFF Cult Flame Interrogation Magic Manual! [11] Sounds like it will fit me perfectly; hurry and stop!”

Alright, the pictures on the roulette couldn’t be seen clearly anymore.

This was the part about gachapon that depresses most people. Although the treasures were right in front of you, the roulette would just spin right over what you want.

Furthermore, it was a once-in-a-month opportunity, so I was unwilling to close my eyes and quietly wait for the results. Finally, after ten torturous seconds of valuable secret manuals flashing past my eyes, the cruel roulette stopped.

“‘Sunflower Bible, let elder sister Dong Fang teach you how to weave flowers.’ [12] What is this!? Even the needlework for weaving flowers can become a secret manual?!”

Even so, a glimmer of expectation resided within me. Wasn’t there a saying from the past that experts were often eccentric? Maybe the weaver was also a legendary expert.

However, it didn’t take long before the cruel reality struck me hard once again.

“Isn’t it stated in there that anyone who does not possess ‘The Root of Desire’ is eligible to practice this? All I have left are bones, so why am I still unable to practice this skill?”

Note:

1. Yin is normally associated with females, coldness, and the moon.

2. The ‘Nine Yin White Bone Claw’ is a skill from a very famous Chinese wuxia trilogy by Jin Yong, the Condor Trilogy (射鵰三部曲).

3. ‘Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms’ a fictional martial arts skill that appears in multiple Jin Yong novels, such as The Legend of the Condor Heroes, The Return of the Condor Heroes and Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils.

4. The Palm of God, or Buddha’s Palm, is a skill in used in classic Chinese movies and, more recently, in Kung Fu Hustle.

5. WOW reference.

6. Raistlin Majere is a fictional character from the Dragonlance series of books created by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman.

7. Reference to a *certain* series about witchcraft and wizardry.

8. DND reference.

9. Liu Mai Shen Jian Duan Yu Ban (The 6 Pulse Heavenly Sword, Duan Yu Version) is a pretty godly skill in Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils. One of the protagonists, Duan Yu, happened to learn this skill by chance, but due to his lack of proficiency, the skill sort of only works on a chance basis.

10. Yi Wei Du Jiang (Reed), is a reference to a story of how Bodhidharma crossed a river by riding on a reed he plucked by the riverside.

11. A joke in the series Baka & Test – Summon the Beasts, in the series people who get confessed to or hangs out with girls etc., will be ‘kidnapped’ by a group of people and brought back to be interrogated. You all should check it out if you all never watched this anime.

12. One of the top martial arts skill in The Smiling, Proud Wanderer. In the story, there is an evil cult called Sun Moon Holy Cult. A man in the cult known as Dong Fang Bu Bai usurped the position of the cult leader through schemes, stole the Sunflower Bible from the previous master, and practiced it to become probably the strongest person in the series. It is known for this saying: ‘If you want to practice this skill, direct your knife towards your manhood.’ (That’s why he is called Dong Fang Sister; he becomes more and more feminine in the series.)

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