Red Envelope Group of the Three Realms

Panda Novel

Goddess Chang’e: Brother Xiaobei! I know you’re hiding the truth to protect me… But today is the Qixi Festival. I think it’s time for us to be open about it!

Sheng Gongpao: Open up about what?

Zhu Bajie: Open up about what?

Everyone: Open up about what???

“Open up about what?” Chen Xiaobei stared at the screen, confused. “Today is Qixi festival. Chang’e cut Shen Gongpao off for a reason. She must be helping me! Right now, the only thing that can help me is… I know!”

Chen Xiaobei: Fine! I cannot hide it anymore! Actually, Goddess Cheng’e and I found each other to be very agreeable and have been in love for a while now. We’re actually a very loving couple!

Sheng Gongpao: What?! How is this possible?!

Zhu Bajie: Impossible! This is absolutely impossible! How can my goddess be in love with someone else?!

Everyone: No way! Goddess Chang’e is the most beautiful woman in all of the three realms! We still think of her!

Goddess Chang’e: This is true. I’ve liked Xiaobei gege* for a long time! And he likes me too… That’s why we got together… Hehehe…

Zhu Bajie: No! I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it…???

Chen Xiaobei: Whether you choose to believe it or not, this is the truth! ?‍♂️

Goddess Chang’e: Yes! ?

Sheng Gongpao: Long-distance relationship? Internet romance? Who do the two of you think you’re lying to? A three-year-old child? You just came up with the lie! I don’t believe it!

Zhu Bajie: That’s right! God Shen is right! The two of you want to participate in the Red Envelope Snatching Session, that’s why you’re pretending to be lovers! We’re not that gullible!

Goddess Chang’e: I am a girl. Why would I use my good reputation as a joke? I am telling you the truth! Xiaobei gege and I really are lovers!

Sheng Gongpao: Fabrication! Continue to fabricate your lies! Unless you show us evidence, we will not believe you!

Zhu Bajie: Yes! You can claim you’re lovers, and I can claim that I am Goddess Chang’e’s husband! Unless you show us proof, it’s all a sham!

Lei Zhenxi: Mm! That makes sense! We need evidence! Anyone can make up stories! Without actual proof, no one will believe it!

Tu Xingshun: Yeah! Goddess Chang’e is the most beautiful woman in all the three realms! Without proof, no one will believe that she would fall for a common man!

“This is going to be a problem…” Chen Xiaobei could feel a headache creeping in as he read the messages on the screen. “Chang’e meimei was just trying to help me but I am completely unprepared. Where am I going to find any evidence?”

Goddess Chang’e admitted that Chen Xiaobei was her lover to help him, but unfortunately, Shen Gongpao was obviously not falling for it!

Without any sort of evidence, Shen Gongpao would never acknowledge that Chen Xiaobei and Goddess Chang’e were lovers and he would never let Chen Xiaobei join the snatching session!

It was back to square one! The problem remained unsolved!

Goddess Chang’e: You want proof? Fine! Everyone in the group knows about this!

Sheng Gongpao: What? You have proof?

Goddess Chang’e: Of course! When the Three Realms Red Envelope group first started, Xiaobei gege dedicated a couplet to me during the first couplet competition. @Libai @Dufu, you remember, right?

Li Bai: Of course, I remember! That couplet had startled the heavens and stirred the hearts of gods! He defeated all of us!

Sheng Gongpao: What… What couplet…

Du Fu: Ten thoughts to be missed, missing your king, missing your hometown, missing your country. Four pair of eyes are feasting on the flower, the moon and Chang’er.

Li Bai: Amazing! Thinking back, it really was an excellent couplet!

Goddess Chang’e: God Shen! Do you see it now? That is the couplet that Xiaobei gege personally dedicated to me. I was won over by his literary grace, and I really adored him. Finally, we decided to be together!

Sheng Gongpao: Oh, spare me the bullshit! That one couplet won the heart of the most beautiful woman of all three realms? Do I look like a child to you?

Goddess Chang’e: It’s no wonder Shen Gongpao has been single for over 10,000 thousand years! You don’t understand women at all!

Sheng Gongpao: Who… Who said that I’ve been single for over 10,000 thousand years…?

Goddess Chang’e: We girls like sweet speeches and honeyed words, especially the kind the poetic, romantic and passionate kind! No woman can resist that! If you don’t believe me, you can ask the other goddesses!

Goddess Chexia: I can testify to that! When I saw that couplet, I was so envious!

Silver Jade Fox: Me too! If someone writes a couplet like that to me, I would marry him instantly!

Zhinu: Actually, Niu Lang gege and I got together because he has such a sweet mouth! ?

Goddess Chang’e: God Shen! People have testified to it, and there’s also material proof! What else do you have to say?

Sheng Gongpao: I.. I…

Zhu Bajie: I still don’t believe it! That’s one-sided proof! That’s not enough to verify the truth! If you like God Chen, you would have given him a token of love too!

Sheng Gongpao: That’s right! @Chenxiaobei! Show us that token of love! If you can show us, I will believe that you and Chang’e are lovers!

Chen Xiaobei: Hehe! That’s simple!

Chen Xiaobei removed the Seven Treasury Fragrant Pouch from his chest and took a handsome selfie with it.

Then he sent it to the group chat.

Chen Xiaobei: Everyone, look! This is the token of love that Chang’e meimei gave me!

Sheng Gongpao: Bull… Bullshit… Anyone could have given you this Fragrant Pouch! I don’t believe it!

Chen Xiaobei: What?! Are you still refusing to acknowledge it? I believe that the members can testify to that. Someone will be my witness!

Goddess Zhinu: I will! This fragrant pouch uses a Rainbow Cloud Thread. Chang’e asked me to lend it to her! None of the other goddesses did!

Goddess Zixia: I can be witness to that too! I saw with my own eyes, Goddess Chang’e sewing the pouch! You will not find another one like that in all of the three realms!

Princess Iron Fan: Both of them are in love with each other! This is so romantic! Even the blind can see that God Chen and Goddess Chang’e a couple made in heaven! ??

Zhu Bajie: Oh heavens! Oh hell! Chen Xiaobei and my goddess are together! I don’t want to live anymore… Sob sob sob…??

Chen Xiaobei: Shixiong shen, do you see now? This is all the proof! Even Bajie Ge has accepted the truth! What more do you have to say?

Sheng Gongpao: I…

Chen Xiaobei: If I remember correctly, shixiong Shen is equitable, fair minded and transparent, right? You won’t break your promise, will you?

Sheng Gongpao: I… Why would I do that…

Chen Xiaobei: Great! If that’s the case, then let’s start that exciting Red Envelope Snatching Session! ???

Footnote:

Gege: literal meaning, brother; could be used to address an older man to express respect, admiration, or friendship. Women also use it to call their lovers to express intimacy.

Meimei: literal meaning, younger sister; could be used to address younger girls in a friendly or warm manner. Men also use it to call their lovers to express intimacy.