How to Raise Your Regressor

"Noelle? Are you okay?" I asked the groaning assassin.

She had clutched her chest and was panting heavily, as if she was about to have a heart attack.

Fucking noob.

Hmm, but what if she's actually going into cardiac arrest? What if while I'm wondering when she'll stop with her stupid act, she's fighting for her life and hoping that I'll see the signs and call a fucking doctor or something?

What if she dies on me, with my amused eyes as the last thing she sees before she leaves for her next life?

That would be awesome I mean that would be a yikes from me.

I can't let her die. I mean, who will I pull my epic prank on if she's not there?

At the very least, she cannot die until I finish all the phases of my current prank.

Huh, fuck, looks like I have to protect these motherfuckers. What has my life come to?

I cri.

"Yes…" the woman in question exhaled deeply. "Yes, I'm fine," she took another deep breath and sat up straight.

"Are you really okay? You should rest a bit more."

It's important for my act to look like I care about her. F.

"No, no, I'm fine, really."

"Well, if you say so."

But it's also important for my act to not show too much care, because if I do I will confirm her suspicion that the one who baited her back at the Seminar was none other than me.

In other words, I have to make a delicate balance between care and indifference. Wow. What is this, a shitty reverse harem romance novel?

"Like I was saying, during the meeting, we discussed something that has the potential to change the future."

"Right," I nodded, making myself look excited enough to not miss a single word that left her mouth.

I swear to God I'll hang myself if I don't get an Oscar after this.

"It was actually created by someone we don't know."

Hmm, that much is allowed as per the contract. I didn't want to restrict them too much, after all.

And it actually works pretty well with my new plan; to make a one-man secret organisation that runs the world.

People should know that there is someone hiding in the shadows.

"Is that so? Do you know who they are?"

That person is me, obviously, but according to my act, I should not know that.

"No. None of us know him. The Royal Family might have an idea, however."

Well, even among the Royalty, only Voloha knows that the creator of the artificial Elixir is Samur Eckart, the R&D Head of the New Dawn Guild.

The rest know as much about me as an average attendee of that Seminar does aka nothing.

"Ah, then Voloha might be able to tell us."

"Huh, you are right," Noelle raised her eyebrow, as if just realising that fact.

This woman is not that bright, is she?

Damn.

"Anyway, what's the thing that could change the future?"

"Ah that is…" she trailed off.

"It is?"

Come on Noelle, do it.

"It is…"

"Yeah?"

Do it.

"It is an artificial…" she nervously glanced at me, as if hoping that I'd stop her.

I obviously did not plan to, so my demeanour should show the same.

"It's something created by human hands."

Boy oh boy is she treading on thin fucking ice here. One wrong word and she'll die a horrible death after feeling pain that even I won't wish on my enemies.

Hmm, but this makes me wonder though; what is scarier to an average human?

Dying after going through pain beyond their wildest dreams, or having their existence itself erased which would mean that someone else will be credited for everything they have ever accomplished in their entire life, that all their ideals, dreams, hopes would be wiped out, that everyone they have ever loved will just forget about them and act as if they never existed?

Hmm, I might have to conduct an experiment regarding this someday, though I would need a sufficiently large enough sample size to actually arrive at a proper conclusion.

Oh well, I'll reserve that for later, by which I mean I'll do it when I'm bored.

"Okay, but what is it?" I asked Noelle.

One more word that gives me even slightly more information than she has already given me and the contract will activate and do its job.

"I…"

"Yeah?"

"I… I can't tell you," she sighed heavily as her head drooped.

Did she finally give up?

Sed.

"What? Why not? Are you afraid of a notice?"

"I lied about that," she closed her eyes and looked up at the ceiling, as if realising just how close to eternal death she actually was.

"Why would you- ah," I made my eyes widen. "I see, you were testing me."

"…" she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"I'm disappointed in you, Noelle," I sighed. "Well, whatever. It's not like I expected much."

"…" she bit her lips, as if my words had hit her where it hurt.

"That aside, have you fully recovered? Do you feel pain anywhere, or do you still feel dizzy or exhausted?"

"No," she shook her head. "I feel energetic, rather."

Obviously.

"I see. Then, would you like to return to the party or do you want to rest some more?"

"Hmm… let's go the party."

"Are you sure?"

I mean, they'll probably blame me if Noelle fainted again, not that she would because the first time she did was because of me, but still.

"Yes, completely sure," she smiled slightly and got up from the bed.

"If you say so."

She straightened her dress, wore her heels, wiped her face using a handkerchief and ran her hand through her dishevelled hair in an effort to set them.

Obviously, she wasn't very successful. After all, combing hair by hand is like raking leaves with a pitchfork.

"Do they look good?" Noelle asked me as there was no mirror in this room.

There was one in the bathroom that was attached to this room, of course, but either she hadn't realised that or didn't want to go through the trouble.

"So-so," I replied with the truth.

"Tch. Whatever, let's just go with it."

"Try this," I took out the small comb I always keep in my pocket (I like to keep myself neat and tidy, after all) and handed it to her. "There's a mirror in the bathroom."

"Couldn't you have given this to me sooner?" She sighed and went to the bathroom.

About 2 minutes later, she returned. Her hairstyle wasn't the best, but it was passable for a party.

"Let's go."