Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

When Jing Huan woke up, he immediately sensed that it was snowing outside.

He laid in the bed on his side, covered by the blankets up to his shoulders and distractedly stared at the extravagant curtains for a while.

Xiang Huaizhi had drawn himself closer, but his breathing sounded very even, so he should still be sleeping.

Jing Huan pushed himself up, drank the mineral water on the table and then laid back down after grabbing his cellphone to send a message.

Last night, they just did as they pleased. After all that, he forgot to discuss the lie with Gao Zixiang.

After pressing the power button twice, he found that the phone ran out of battery, so Jing Huan connected it to the charger. In the two minutes of waiting for the phone to be charged enough to turn on, he lifted Xiang Huazhi's arm and put it back on his waist.

As soon as his cellphone lit up, WeChat messages started to come in one by one.

Gao Zixiang: I'm doing a livestream, showing off the mixed apparel rewards…

Gao Zixiang: The minute you showed up, my livestream's popularity increased by a couple thousand..

Gao Zixiang: [May you be happy and prosperous, big fortune and great profit]

The cellphone's light blinded his eyes a bit. Jing Huan squinted and read the message over several times before he finally understood the meaning of those words.

He thought about the message he had sent to Gao Zixiang yesterday, and his fingers froze.

Happiness Every Day: ?

Happiness Every Day: You fucking… you couldn't have said something earlier?!

Gao Zixiang: Don't blame me, you didn't give me a chance ah.

Gao Zixiang: Besides, I thought you were going to a nightclub or something, who would've thought…

Happiness Every Day: [kitchen knife] [smile]

Gao Zixiang: But don't worry, I smoothed everything out with Auntie. I told her via WeChat that you were keeping me company at my house because my parents were spending the New Year abroad.

Jing Huan's killing intent decreased a bit.

Happiness Every Day: My mom believed that?

Gao Zixiang: Do you even have to ask, don't you know who I am!

Jing Huan breathed a sigh of relief, his worried heart relaxed and instantly started beating lazily again.

Compared with his previous voice changer accident, a little public display of affection was nothing in his eyes.

Jing Huan replied, "Dad doesn't blame you, kneel down peacefully ba", then locked his phone and set it to the side, wanting to get in a sleepy state again.

The arm around his waist suddenly tightened a bit, and the boy's palm moved to his stomach before he asked in a hoarse voice, "Hungry?"

All his sleepiness disappeared.

Jing Huan's heart pounded as soon as he woke up. "A little bit," he said honestly.

Xiang Huaizhi closed his eyes and rubbed against Jing Huan's nape for a bit. "Then, let's get takeout."

Since it was actually still snowing outside, it took a long time for the takeout to arrive. Xiang Huaizhi casually put his coat on to grab the takeout. Jing Huan stayed in bed for a bit and clicked on the red envelopes he received on WeChat this morning.

As soon as Xiang Huaizhi went out, Jing Huan jumped up out of bed, fished out the red envelope that Xiang Huaizhi had given him out of his coat pocket, and took a picture. Then, he followed the crowd and posted it to his WeChat Moments.

The hotel had ample heating, so Jing Huan could enter the bathroom barefoot. When he saw himself in the mirror, he instantly blushed.

He couldn’t help but reach out and rub the red mark on his neck. It didn’t hurt, and it couldn’t be rubbed off. Rubbing it actually made the color deeper.

Jing Huan has had pale skin since he was a child, so these red marks were particularly obvious

He gave up on trying to treat them and decided to just wear a turtleneck when he goes to do his New Year visits tomorrow.

Xiang Huaizhi soon came back up with the takeout. As soon as he entered the room, he saw Jing Huan sitting on the bed with his legs slightly parted and his head bowed, looking like he was pondering something.

Xiang Huaizhi swept a glance at his legs, quickly withdrew his gaze, put the takeout down, and picked up the mineral water that Jing Huan had drunk and gulped down a mouthful.

Jing Huan looked up with a complex expression. "Ge, you were getting revenge on me ba."

Xiang Huaizhi: "?"

Jing Huan pointed to the mole on his leg.

The small red patch around the mole was both obvious yet ambiguous.

"Yes," Xiang Huaizhi said. "Do you dare to just randomly send out nudes in the future?"

Jing Huan was stunned and only managed to react after some time. He retorted, "Back then, I just took a picture of my thighs, how could that count as a nude…?"

Jing Huan only then thought of Xiang Huaizhi's concentrated lower eyes from yesterday, and the way he had repeatedly gnawed at that spot. He found it a bit unbearable.

He had thoroughly devoured several times, and reached out to push him away, but then Xiang Huaizhi would lift his head to look at him with eyes unlike usual. There was no indifference, and it also couldn't be regarded as tenderness; there was just an adult man's lust and sex appeal.

Jing Huan felt that he was hopeless. It was so early in the morning yet there was all this perverted garbage in his head…

He recited a few mantras he created himself to clear his heart, picked up his clothes and put them over his head. Then he sat up and went to eat the takeout with Xiang Huaizhi.

In the afternoon, they went out to watch a Chinese New Year film together.

The New Year Festival time was like a bunch of immortal gods fighting each other, any movie picked during this time would have its own highlights. Jing Huan picked out a comedy film shot by a famous director. The movie was wonderful and full of laughs, and it left Jing Huan in a good mood after watching it. As they were leaving the theatre, he also took a movie theatre flyer on the way out.

After getting in the car, Jing Huan flipped a few pages of the flyer. "Ge, are you free on the 17th?"

Xiang Huaizhi: "Yes, won't have anything after the third day of New Year's."

"Let's go see this one?" Jing Huan pointed at a suspense film's poster in the flyer.

"Okay."

Jing Huan flipped to the flyer's back page, and suddenly lowered his head, laughing.

Xiang Huaizhi had already opened the ticket purchasing app and turned his head to ask, "What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing, it's just… will you feel bored dating me ah? Besides movies, it's just more movies."

Jing Huan said this, and as if he thought that he didn't say it properly, he quickly added, "It's mainly due to inexperience. After we've dated for longer, I'll take you to do something a bit wilder."

A bit wilder?

In a split second, Xiang Huaizhi thought about a lot of things. He was silent for a while before asking, "Inexperience? You haven't dated before?"

"No ah." Jing Huan paused and curiously asked, "Have you dated before then?"

"No."

Jing Huan smiled. In fact, he didn't care whether or not Xiang Huaizhi had ever dated anyone else before. Lu Wenhao who talked nonsense every day had once said that life without a puppy love was incomplete.

But knowing that he was Xiang Huaizhi's first love, he still felt happy. Nothing else, just simply happy.

Jing Huan propped his elbow on the car's center console glove compartment, drew closer to Xiang Huaizhi's side and said, "Okay, rest assured, for making me your first love ba, this great lord will treat you well."

Xiang Huaizhi listened to him, and his heart itched. He softly laughed, turned his head while staying in the same position, and captured Jing Huan's mouth.

When Jing Huan returned home in the evening, Mama Jing casually asked him a few questions.

Who knew if it was because he had practiced many times with Xiang Huaizhi in the past, but Jing Huan smoothly answered everything with a natural expression. When he returned to his room, he let out a sigh of relief and awarded an Oscar to himself in his heart.

Jing Huan took a bath and then changed into a high collared shirt.

Jing Huan logged into NCH and moved his character to go to the guild, but was prompted that today's dailies had already all been completed.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Is it the original person on?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Yeah. 0.0

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Why are you still using cutesy emoticons?!!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I'm used to it now. ^▽^ What's up?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Come to kill the cargo escort boss? I triggered an encounter, it's a ten person instance.

Jing Huan knew about this boss. It was easy to kill with low rewards. However, killing ten of these cargo escort bosses could trigger a reward roulette, and those who were lucky could win good things.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Can I also take my Gege's account?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: No way. Unless you tell me what you were doing between 12:30 a.m and 4 a.m last night.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: It was known that you went offline at 12:30 a.m, and then God Xiang came on at 4 a.m to do your dailies. Requesting for the detailed report of the 4 hours in between, and the content of the report shall be no less than 2000 words.

"…"

Are women's instincts too scary, or had the two of them been too blatant?

Although she said all that, in the end, Chichi let Jing Huan take Xiang Huaizhi's account along.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: This instance has single-person quests, we need to divide them. Come into the guild YY?

Jing Huan replied with an okay.

After seeing the people in the YY channel, Jing Huan doubtfully frowned.

Why were several Promise guild members in their YY channel?

It couldn't be that the two guilds had quarrelled again?

As soon as Jing Huan jumped into the channel, he heard the people chatting inside.

Unexpectedly, the two guilds who had previously been fighting and killing each other on the Silk Road before asking who's your daddy, were remarkably mild today.

"Ugh, I slept late last night because I was listening to the story. My mom dragged me up this morning to do New Year's stuff, and now I feel like I've lost half my life…"

"Same, it's lucky that it's Chinese New Year. If it was a working day, then I would've just died right there."

"Ah yes, losing sleep in order to eat melons." This was Don't Ask when I'll Return's voice.

Jing Huan asked, "What melons?"

Don't Ask when I'll Return played the game on full screen. He couldn't help frowning when he heard the voice.

A little familiar, but he couldn't remember who it was.

But someone who could get into the locked channel must be someone from the guild. He said, "God Xiang and Xiao Jingjing's melons, you weren't there last night?"

Jing Huan: "…"

This was when he realized that he hadn't turned the voice changer on.

Since everyone already knew now, it was impossible for him to speak in a female voice again. After a moment of silence, he asked, "No, I went to bed early. Can you tell me about it?"

Don't Ask when I'll Return's gossipy habits rose to the surface again.

Don't Ask when I'll Return said, "It wasn't much. You know Half Life and Sheep Hair ba? Promise Guild people. They know God Xiang in real life. Tch, they told us a lot about God Xiang's and Xiao Tianjing's many steamy entanglements in the 3-D world.

Jing Huan sneered.

His and Xiang Huaizhi's steamy entanglements? His two sons certainly didn't know about them; they must've made up a few stories to amuse these people.

Don't Ask when I'll Return continued, "In exchange, we also shared some stuff that happened in the server."

Jing Huan asked, "What stuff?"

"Like, you know ba, that incident with bringing a Meimei into the arena, the thing with God Xiang killing people for love, and also the luxurious wedding event of the century…"

Jing Huan: "…"

Jing Huan questioned, "You actually remember quite clearly, you must've talked about a lot of stuff last night ba?"

Don't Ask when I'll Return proudly smiled. "But of course, they also sent me a gift of more than 1000 roses! I suspect that I was a storyteller in my last life."

"Thanks to Xiao Tianjing and them, our two guilds got closer overnight."

"I'm going to give the deputy guild leader a suggestion and ask her to give Xiao Tianjing a NCH peace award."

Don't Ask when I'll Return had just talked to that point when the game screen suddenly crashed—someone had sent him a window nudge, and his garbage computer couldn't handle it..

"Shit, the computer froze. Wait for me… Wait, why aren't you guys talking?" Don't Ask when I'll Return skillfully killed the game process, and only then remembered to ask, "Right, who are you in the guild ah? Your voice is a bit unfamiliar, do you not often come to the guild YY?"

Because the game process was killed, the full-screen game interface suddenly disappeared, and the YY channel appeared in front of Don't Ask when I'll Return.

He glanced at the YY channel and then immediately sat there motionlessly.

At this very moment, the YY channel only had two people. One of them was him, and the other one had a yellow horse on top of him followed by the two words——

[Xiao Tianjing]

Don't Ask when I'll Return: "…"

"Continue talking ah, why did you stop?" The green voice button in front of Xiao Tianjing's icon lit up. He kindly put forward a suggestion. "You speak so well, why don't you write a book ba?"

—

Juurensha: Awww Huanhuan saying he'll treat XHZ well was so sweet.

Divi: Huanhuan trying to be smooth and XHZ is like looking at a kitten trying to tickle his heart. More cheese, and more funny guild drama.

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