Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

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Edited by Divetus

When he realized that the rain on his hand had made Jing Huan's hair wet, Xiang Huaizhi withdrew his hand and quietly waited for his answer with half-lidded eyes.

Jing Huan held the doorknob and finally managed to find his voice. He used a voice that sounded like a broken gong to ask, "Ge… How did you know I lived here?"

"Lu Hang told me," Xiang Huaizhi answered.

In fact, when the two of them had come back together previously, Xiang Huaizhi had specifically watched him. After Jing Huan entered the building, within a few minutes, the light on this floor turned on.

But, the truth seemed a little perverted when said out loud.

So, he might as well push all the responsibility onto Lu Hang.

Jing Huan let out an "oh".

Xiang Huaizhi passed the gift box to him.

Jing Huan hurriedly took it over, not really bothering to look at it, and hurriedly said, "Thank you."

Fuck.

What was this ah!

He already said that he'd turn himself in when he was well! Why come and arrest a person now!!!

Jing Huan swallowed, and the stabbing pain in his throat thoroughly cleared his head.

Xiang Huaizhi peered through the slightly opened door and shook the bag in his hand.

He didn't know why this person, who had figured out his identity, wasn't confessing everything to him, but he might as well accompany him in this act.

He explained, "Lu Hang has a fever, and I bought him some fever-reducing medicine along the way. Since you're ill, you can have some first."

"…"

Fever my ass..

Just now, wasn't Lu Hang happily doing instances with him!

Knowing that Xiang Huaizhi had specifically sent over this medicine for him, Jing Huan summoned up his courage and said, "This is really too much, thank you."

Jing Huan, you must absolutely be calm.

You don't know anything.

As long as your acting is good enough, Xiang Huaizhi's fist can't reach you.

Xiang Huaizhi wore a dark green coat and because of the rain, the color grew darker.

Since he knew he was sick, Jing Huan had closed the window and drawn the curtains shut. He had no idea that it was raining outside.

"Did you get soaked by the rain?" Jing Huan asked, "Didn't you bring an umbrella?"

His original intention was to lend Xiang Huaizhi an umbrella.

But before he had finished speaking, he was interrupted.

"En," Xiang Huaizhi said, "Lend me your place to take shelter from the rain?"

Jing Huan: "…"

Fuck!!!

In that moment, goosebumps rose on Jing Huan's arm——

What to do?

What to do about the game that's currently open on my computer?

How the fuck do you want me to act this out?

Even an Oscar winner wouldn't be able to fucking act this out ah!!!

Refuse ba.

Directly drive him away!

Just say that he's too sick and uncomfortable! Say that the room is too dirty to let people see! Say that it's inconvenient for him to live with others!

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Is that okay?"

"…" Jing Huan's heart was pounding, but his face was calm, and then he opened the door slowly like opening a coffin for himself. "Yes, of course."

As soon as Xiang Huaizhi stepped inside, he could see a shoe rack as high as his waist. Each row of the rack was full of sneakers with a considerable price tag.

Men were naturally sloppier than girls. On the ground in front of the door, there were even a few pairs that couldn't fit on the rack, and were crookedly stacked on the side.

Although it looked messy, there was no unpleasant odor in the air.

Jing Huan wanted to get Xiang Huaizhi a pair of slippers, but after searching around and craning his head down for a long time, he remembered that he only had one pair of slippers at home.

So he took off his slippers. "I only have one pair of slippers, but you can probably barely fit in them."

"No, you wear them yourself." Xiang Huaizhi's eyes were still on the shoe rack, and acting as though he didn't have a care in the world, he asked, "Do you really like sneakers?"

The answer gushed to his mouth and was immediately swallowed down by Jing Huan.

He stood there, his back stiff.

Wait a minute…

Before, hadn't he said that his parents were fucking divorced, and his persona was living as a pitiful, impoverished young girl???

Xiang Huaizhi looked at the shoe rack up and down for a while, and then understood.

The shoes at the top of the rack were the most expensive ones while the cheap ones were at the bottom. The ones outside of the rack were also expensive, but they were worn often.

Jing Huan's ears were boiling hot. He said, "These are all high quality fakes."

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Uncle and auntie are actually willing to let you wear high quality fakes?"

"…"

He forgot, Xiang Huaizhi had met his parents before.

Jing Huan felt a bit cold again.

He wanted to straighten out the contradictions in his lie and make it plausible, but the more he said, the more ridiculous it became.

The corner of Xiang Huaizhi's mouth imperceptibly twitched, but he didn't continue to tease him. "First take some medicine."

Jing Huan's previous pot of hot water was nearly empty. He poured a cup of hot water for Xiang Huaizhi and walked out of the kitchen to see Xiang Huaizhi sitting on the sofa with his eyes on his computer screen.

Jing Huan nearly dropped the cup.

Shit.

Why had he wanted a convenient layout in the past and rented a place without a bedroom?

The only separate rooms in Jing Huan's residence were the kitchen and the bathroom. The bed, sofa, and table were all in the living room. It looked great, felt comfortable, and was his favorite type of room configuration. It was perfect for living alone.

Now he regretted it, really regretted it.

He forced himself to put the cup in front of Xiang Huaizhi as if nothing had happened.

"You just got caught in the rain. Have a hot drink…"

"Are you still playing NCH?"

The room was dead silent.

Jing Huan's breathing unconsciously grew a few beats faster.

"Just casually playing." Jing Huan coughed a few times, randomly picked up the medicine on the table, and forcibly tried to change the subject. "How many of each of these are you supposed to take?"

Xiang Huaizhi looked away from the screen, took out a small rectangular box from the plastic bag, and opened it up. It was a digital ear thermometer.

Jing Huan reached out to stop him. "You don't need to open that…"

I have that.

?

Jing Huan what are you doing?

You said your thermometer couldn't measure your temperature!!

Xiang Huaizhi looked up at him. "En?"

"This…" Thinking of the lies he told when he was in primary school, Jing Huan took a deep breath. "I don't know how to use it."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't speak. He tossed the manual aside, turned around with the ear thermometer, and raised his hand up to pinch Jing Huan's ear.

Xiang Huaizhi's fingertips were still cold. Jing Huan felt like his ears were going numb and subconsciously wanted to hide.

Xiang Huaizhi reached out with his hand to press on Jing Huan's neck.

"Don't move." He took the ear thermometer, and after checking that it could be used, he put the front end into Jing Huan's ear.

Jing Huan sat on the sofa and suddenly didn't know where to put his hands and feet.

From his childhood and until now, even though he wasn't some big Ge, Jing Huan was still considered a small overlord. During his rebellious period, he didn't provoke others, but others also didn't dare to provoke him. Whether it was a fight or a test, he had never panicked.

At this moment though, he felt that his face could fry an egg.

Damn it.

Is this the price of lying?!

Laozi is wrong, Laozi will never dare to do it again.

The ear thermometer was probably in his ear for only 10 seconds or less, but Jing Huan thought it felt longer than the hundred minutes of college entrance examinations.

Then, he heard the person next to him say in a quiet voice, "38.9 degrees."

Jing Huan was surprised. "So high?"

Xiang Huaizhi dropped his eyes.

Directly in his line of sight, Jing Huan's pupil's quivered wildly and an overwhelming panic welled up in his heart.

"When I woke up and measured it, it wasn't even 38 degrees," Jing Huan widened his eyes. "Really."

Xiang Huaizhi threw the ear thermometer probe cover into the trash can and opened the medicine box.

"Take two of these each time when you have a fever." Xiang Huaizhi's fingers were long, and while he was talking, he took the medicine out of its packaging and stored them in a small box.

"For this one, take one pill at a time, twice a day, every day."

Jing Huan stared at Xiang Huaizhi's fingers. His hands were really beautiful, even he, as a man, thought so, so long and straight.

"This…" Xiang Huaizhi squinted at him. "Are you listening?"

Jing Huan returned to his senses. "Of course!"

It wasn't until he took the medicine that Jing Huan felt that his performance just now was a little unreasonable.

He has never let anyone wait on him to take his medicine since he became sensible.

As Xiang Huaizhi watched Jing Huan finish taking his medicine, he took out a paper towel and casually wiped his own forehead with it a few times.

Jing Huan only then said, "I'll get you a towel."

"No need, I'm nearly dry."

Outside, the rain gradually came down harder. As the raindrops hit the glass, it made a small brittle sound.

Jing Huan had just wanted to say something when the cellphone on the table suddenly rang.

When he unlocked it, it was a WeChat call.

From Qiufeng.

The two of them were startled; but this time, Jing Huan reacted lightning fast and immediately declined the call.

Fuck!

Is this the legendary take my life in a click while I'm sick!!!

Qiufeng: ?

Qiufeng: Have you gotten your takeout? Your AFK time has run out, come back and refresh the AFK status.

There was a turn limit on AFKing in NCH. If you AFKed for more than 40 turns, you would have to click the AFK button again, or the character would just stand in place.

"Take out?" Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows, looking very natural.

"En, I ordered someone to bring me some medicine, but they still haven't come yet…"

Jing Huan typed out a response under Xiang Huaizhi's scorching gaze.

Xiao Jing ya: Kick me out of the team ba!

Qiufeng: Ah, it's okay, how much longer do you need? I'll AFK and wait for you. Anyway, the monster spawns in the last ten minutes have been cleaned up and haven't been refreshed yet.

Xiao Jing ya: Don't wait for me!

Xiao Jing ya: Just kick me out directly!

Laozi can't return today!

Qiufeng: What's going on with you? 0.0

Qiufeng: Don't worry. I just checked, Yearning For is AFKing in Fairyland, he can't catch us. [blink] [shy]

?

???

Hello???

What are we doing here that would require Xiang Huaizhi to run over here and catch us???

What kind of hatred or complaints do you have against me to retaliate against me in this way???

Jing Huan didn't even want to reply anymore, and just directly locked his screen.

Xiang Huaizhi had a panoramic view of the content and asked, "What quest were you doing?"

"…" Jing Huan muted his cellphone. "Farming a wild map."

When he finished saying that, he added, "It's a team of people doing it; I can't grab the monsters, and I just so happened to see the people from the guild. I was freeloading so I'll just leave the team now."

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "You're not going to go refresh your AFK status and go on autopilot?"

Jing Huan shook his head. "It's too much trouble to AFK for only 40 turns… And, I'm going to have a rest in a bit, I'll just not farm it."

His cellphone screen had been on the entire time, full of Qiufeng's messages.

Qiufeng: Just joking haha.

Qiufeng: Or, if you give me your account I can help you fight ba.

Qiufeng: What materials do you want? I'll see if I have any extra.

Laozi doesn't want anything.

Scram!

Jing Huan couldn't endure it anymore and reached over to turn his cellphone faced down on the table.

As soon as he was about to speak, the person next to him stood up.

"Although I haven't played for a long time, I can still AFK," Xiang Huaizhi said. "It's okay. Go to sleep, and I'll help you farm."

Jing Huan's eyes widened and he reflexively tried to grab Xiang Huaizhi's sleeve to stop him.

Xiang Huaizhi had long legs, and in two steps he was already by the computer. He shook the mouse, and the screensaver disappeared.

Xiang Huaizhi moved his mouse and in a practiced motion, turned on the AFK mode. "You play a female account?"

Jing Huan: "…"

Jing Huan said in a heroically tragic way, "Men's equipment is expensive, and playing a female account saves money…"

Xiang Huaizhi's gaze shifted down, and he suddenly let out a soft "oh" sound. "And also married."

Jing Huan frowned. "En, just…"

He was stuck for quite a while and couldn't come up with a reasonable excuse.

So he struggled to get up and walked behind Xiang Huaizhi. "I'll do it myself ba, won't bother you."

At this time, Qiufeng's voice came out from the speakers.

Qiufeng let out a "yi" sound. "Xiao Jingjing came back?"

Qiufeng with a sound card, had a standard slag man voice. The "Xiao Jingjing" from his mouth was totally different from that of Long Road Ahead.

Jing Huan felt especially uncomfortable wearing headphones today, and had specifically connected speakers, so the effect was even more obvious.

Jing Huan's eyelids slightly twitched.

As soon as he wanted to say something, he saw Xiang Huaizhi suddenly press F5, the game's voice chat key.

His scalp felt numb, and he bent down without thinking to firmly cover up the microphone, opening his mouth to say, "No, Gege…"

I turned on the voice changer to 100%!!!

I'm already shameless, but I can't let you also humiliate yourself!!!

Xiang Huaizhi's movements slowed, and he lifted his head to look at Jing Huan.

Seeing him release the F5 key, Jing Huan also let out a sigh of relief. "Gege, my mic…"

"Now you know to call me Gege?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan: "…"

Ah?

Wait?

Laozi just called you Gege???

Jing Huan instantly became lifeless and began to slowly recollect what had just happened.

"If I said that I suddenly just stuttered," he blinked. "Would you believe it?"

Xiang Huaizhi silently raised his eyebrows.

"Alright then." Jing Huan was in his death throes and gave up after just two seconds.

He really couldn't keep up this act anymore.

"Go on," Xiang Huaizhi asked, holding the microphone stand. "What's wrong with this mic?"

"Just…has…that."

"Has what?"

Jing Huan said with difficulty, "Voice…changer."

The room fell silent, leaving only the purring sounds of the computer's cooling system.

Jing Huan was about to burst from embarrassment.

But, he was the one who had caused his own death, he couldn't blame anyone else. He swallowed and wringed the corner of his clothes. "I'm sorry, you… You can hit me ba! "

Xiang Huaizhi was amused by Jing Huan's appearance of facing death with equanimity.

But he didn't show it.

He pondered for a moment, moved the microphone away, then got up and said, "En, close your eyes."

Jing Huan's heart sank, and then he resigned himself to his fate and closed his eyes.

He clenched his teeth and waited for Xiang Huaizhi's fist. It was all dark in front of him now, and all of his emotions rushed in: embarrassment, trepidation, fear, and also sadness.

He didn't know what he was sad about.

It wasn't that he was afraid of being beaten, it was just that the person who was about to beat him was Xiang Huaizhi…

It left a really bad taste in his mouth.

After waiting for more than ten seconds, Jing Huan was completely restless. It was like a knife hanging over his head that just wouldn't fall, and it was very uncomfortable.

He couldn't help but want to open his eyes. Before his eyelids could open, a warm heat covered his cheek.

It was the palm of a boy's hand, brushing his face lightly. The strength of this touch, let alone a beating, it couldn't even count as a light slap—if he had to describe it, it was more of a touch or a "caress".

His father used to touch his hair like this when he was a child.

But, he felt that this time with Xiang Huaizhi, it seemed like there was something more to it compared to his father's touch.

As for what was more, he couldn't say.

All he knew was that his heart was beating like a drum, louder than the rain outside, as if the whole world could hear it.

"Alright, open your eyes." Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan slowly opened his eyes, but his eyes were at a complete loss.

Just like that?

It's over?

Jing Huan disbelievingly stood there and kind of suspected that he was dreaming.

Xiang Huaizhi sat back in the chair. In the game, Qiufeng sent a message in the chat box, asking Jing Huan if he had closed his mic and that was the reason why he hadn't said anything this entire time.

Xiang Huaizhi glanced through the contents of the chat and asked the person next to him, "Can I leave the team, I don't want to see his nonsense."

Jing Huan was pulled out of his thoughts and unthinkingly replied, "Yes."

As long as you're happy.

If you wanted me to go PK him until his username turns red, that's fine too.

The author has something to say:

Qiufeng: ?

—

Juurensha: Poor Huanhuan, feverish and freaking out, but at least XHZ brought him medicine and just caressed his cheek.

Divi: Huanhuan used "Gege"! It was super effective! Just a light caress for calling your hubby, Gege.

And we have a fanart page!

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