Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Lu Hang glanced at Jing Huan's expression and chuckled, "No, I'm joking. It's not the kind of big belly you're thinking of."

Jing Huan blinked a few times.

What other kind of big belly was there?

These were Xiang Huaizhi's private matters, so it wasn't good for him to pry. He could only nod. "Oh…"

"But Xiangxiang really isn't single." Lu Hang added.

Xiang Huaizhi finally had an impatient expression on his face. "You're planning on becoming part of the paparazzi after graduation?"

"No plans like that yet." Lu Hang said with a smile, "I'm going to go home and inherit my billions."

Lu Wenhao laughed, "Coincidentally, so am I."

Then, the two of them started to spin tall tales. By the time they arrived, they had already discussed what kind of helicopter they would like to use for their graduation ceremony to somehow look both high-end and low-key.

Jing Huan didn't take part in their talk, but he listened to them the whole time and was entertained the entire way.

The farmhouse was built in the wilderness and beside an unknown lake that had a large ship on it. It was probably the "ship dinner" advertised by the farmhouse.

The ship looked a little old, but it seemed clean. Jing Huan was very satisfied.

A middle-aged woman standing at the gate saw them from afar. As soon as the car stopped, she hurried out to meet them.

The woman was the farmhouse owner's wife, and seemed full of warmth and sincerity. She even made an effort to try to help with these big men's small bags.

Lu Wenhao had booked a large private room. They would eat some home-style dishes here at noon to stave off their hunger and then go have dinner on the ship while admiring the scenery.

However, the areas all around were sparsely populated, and it would probably be dark at night. There might not be anything nice to look at, but the feeling of the night breeze would be good too.

After lunch, Lu Wenhao got up first. "Come on, let's assign tasks. Which do you want to do: fishing, picking vegetables, or picking fruit? I'm going to go first: I'll go pick the fruit!"

Lu Hang said, "I'll go fishing; I have experience. Wait for me to arrange a fish feast for you guys in the evening."

Gao Zixiang immediately said he would also go fishing.

The three of them all turned to Jing Huan.

Xiang Huaizhi turned his head and asked, "What do you want to do?"

Jing Huan had originally wanted to pick fruit, but you had to take the owner's small car to go to the orchard. The car looked dirtier than the dorm that he had returned the pot to.

"I'll go pick vegetables ba."

Lu Wenhao was stunned. "Woah, no way, I was just casually saying it. Do you really want to go work in the fields ah?"

"Fishing is too boring."

Xiang Huaizhi looked away. "Then, I'll also go pick vegetables."

The farmhouse's fields were just opposite of the main gate, and there were all kinds of things planted there.

Lu Wenhao sat in the owner's small car, getting smaller and smaller, and his voice echoed in the field. "Huan—Huan! Pick more peppers! Super hot ones!! Ones that will light my butt on fire!!!"

Jing Huan held a bamboo basket in both hands, and instantly, his appetite completely disappeared. He wanted to run after the car and dump the bamboo basket on the fool's head.

He was about to open his mouth and curse Lu Wenhao out when the back of his neck was suddenly covered by a warm heat.

Xiang Huaizhi pressed his hand against his neck and gave him a light but forceful push. "Why bother? Let's go."

Because the fields were near the lakeside, the air had the scent of lake water flowing through it. Although it wasn't as fresh and pleasant as a sea breeze, it also didn't carry the foul smell of rotted fish or pollution in it.

When he arrived at the field, Jing Huan squatted down and carefully looked at the vegetables in the ground.

Xiang Huaizhi's footsteps paused, and then he squatted down with him.

"What are you looking at?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan said honestly, "Seeing if there are any insects."

Xiang Huaizhi looked at the sludge on a cauliflower leaf. “Usually there are, just wash them away with water.”

After listening, Jing Huan’s face was all wrinkled.

He understood; after all, it’s a kind of thing growing in the ground. It was impossible for it to be clean, and who knew how many insects have crawled all over it. It was okay if it was all washed clean and then brought up to the table, but letting him see it all so directly&#k2026;

He definitely wouldn't touch the food tonight.

Jing Huan pulled up his gloves and then began to pick the vegetables.

While turning around, he also joked, "Ge, am I way too unreasonable?"

"No." Xiang Huaizhi denied.

Jing Huan guessed that Xiang Huaizhi would say so, and his smile grew larger.

When they reached the pepper field, Xiang Huaizhi asked, "How many peppers should we pick?"

Jing Huan wouldn't look straight at him. "Don't pick any, don't pick any, tonight let's eat light."

Xiang Huaizhi gave him an amused look and bent down to pick some anyway.

Jing Huan just managed to catch his smile. He paused for a moment and suddenly asked, "Ge, who are you dating? Are they from our school?"

Xiang Huaizhi's motions paused, and then he continued to pick peppers. "Are you very curious?"

"Of course I'm curious," Jing Huan looked at his fingers. "And… If she's from our school, I need to contact the school forum administrator to delete the posts about us."

That forum was the school's semi-official website, and it wasn't hard to find administrators to delete posts off of it.

Before he had always thought it didn't matter, so he hadn't bothered to care about this situation.

Xiang Huaizhi frowned and looked up at him. "Why delete them?"

Jing Huan was stunned by the question.

He let out an "ah". "Ge, you haven't read the posts? Those people are talking about completely messy things…"

"What did they say?"

Jing Huan blinked. "Just… Saying we're a good match."

Of course, the comments weren't just that simple. The group had not only decided which of them was in charge but also "the informant" said that he had rented an off-campus house to do sticky, earth-moving things with Xiang Huaizhi.

Their imagination was too damn rich.

Of course, Jing Huan didn't say any of that. He said politely, "Anyway, it's around a hundred posts now, and it's all something your girlfriend wouldn't like to hear about."

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows. "You actually read all of the posts?"

"…"

Jing Huan coughed, "No, whenever Lu Wenhao and them get bored, they always tell me about it."

Xiang Huaizhi looked away and threw the peppers into the basket. "No need, they won't mind those things."

Jing Huan nodded, "Oh."

So he really was dating someone ah.

When did it happen? He remembered during the sports festival, he saw that there wasn't a single girl that dared to send water to Xiang Huaizhi ah.

It didn't take much time to pick all the vegetables. They gave the vegetables to the chef in the back, and then went around the farmhouse.

They learned from the staff that the big houses behind the farmhouse were all owned by the farmhouse's owner. The owner was bored and had therefore opened such a shop. It was just for fun, not really for earning money.

Jing Huan expressively sighed, "The rich live in seclusion, but the poor are actually thinking about which helicopter they want to buy after graduation."

Xiang Huaizhi lowered his head and laughed.

Jing Huan's ears turned numb. Subconsciously, he stopped and turned to look at the person next to him.

Xiang Huaizhi had a faint smile. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing," Jing Huan said, returning to his senses and raising his hand to rub his nose. "Ge, have I ever told you that your voice is very similar to a friend of mine?"

Xiang Huaizhi forced himself to stop smiling and repeated in a murmur, "A friend?"

Jing Huan nodded imperceptibly. "It's very similar."

Xiang Huaizhi looked at him, and after a while, he asked, "Is it a very good friend?"

Jing Huan frowned and thought for a long time. "Not really…"

"Huanhuan!"

Lu Wenhao interrupted him as he bit into his peach. He stood at the door and waved to them. "Let's go! All aboard the ship!"

There were only three tables on the ship, and they were among a group of guests on the ship.

It was dusk, and the glow of the sunset dyed the horizon red, as if it had been splashed with paint.

Jing Huan's elbows were randomly propped on the boat's railings, and he was dispiritedly observing the scene with his legs crossed.

When he was a child, he had gone with his parents to see a lot of places like this. He wasn't interested in these mountains and rivers, and he was also tired after spending an hour or two wandering around. Now, he was just counting on the chef's skill to not be too bad.

Lu Wenhao took the menu and said, "Holy shit, you guys didn't go with me, but the boss' orchard was really big, and the fruit was really fresh. I feel like he could just open up his own business since after all, aren't there a lot of bored and idle people who like to pick fruit… Would you like the fish steamed or braised?"

Lu Hang puffed on a cigarette. "We've fished up so much, let's get one of each: steamed, stewed, braised, and boiled."

Saying that, he handed the cigarette box to Jing Huan. His index finger lightly tapped the bottom of the box, and a cigarette popped out. "Huanhuan, take one?"

Xiang Huaizhi was sitting between the two of them, and he reached over and flipped the cigarette box shut. "He doesn't smoke."

Everyone was stunned.

Jing Huan regained his composure and said to Lu Hang with a smile, "Thank you, but I really don't smoke."

"Never smoked, or you don't dare to now?" Lu Hang thought he was only saying this because of Xiang Huaizhi and said, "Don't be afraid of him, at worst we can go upstairs to smoke."

"Never smoked." Jing Huan said, "I don't like the taste."

"I couldn't tell before, but you're actually pretty well-behaved." Lu Hang put the cigarette box away.

After ordering their dishes, the people at the table began to chat. Since Lu Wenhao was there, no matter what they talked about, it wouldn't be dull. Xiang Huaizhi listened quietly, and from the corner of his eye, he saw the person next to him with his head lowered and playing with his cellphone.

A few seconds later, the cellphone in his pocket vibrated.

He turned a deaf ear to it and took a sip of tea from the table.

"Huanhuan, which girl's birthday present are you rejecting now?" Lu Wenhao made fun of him on purpose.

Jing Huan laughed and typed out a few more words, and only then locked his cellphone and set it back on the table. "I'm not chatting with girls… Will you die if you don't slander your daddy every day?"

"Can you chat with a man for so long?" Lu Wenhao asked doubtfully.

"I love to talk to this man. You can't stop me even if I talk to him for three days and three nights." Jing Huan tossed a peanut at him. "There are so many appetizers on the table, how come they still can't stop you from talking?"

Xiang Huaizhi softly let out a breath.

Suddenly, he found that the whole situation was funny. What had he wanted to hear from Jing Huan before? He couldn't have expected him to say, "Your voice is very similar to my game husband's voice"?

It was impossible as soon as he thought about it, only the word "friend" could be used.

He took out his cellphone and flipped through the messages.

Xiao Jing ya: [shared - NCH Parenting Guide: How to Raise Demon Race Babies?]

Xiao Jing ya: [shared - NCH Parenting Guide: Which sects are best for Demon Race Babies?]

Xiao Jing ya: Gege, look at these two posts! A month after the baby is born, they can pick a sect. You should take a look and see what sect to choose for him when the time comes! *^▽^*

Xiang: Whatever you like. You can take him with you and let him pick whichever sect you like.

Seeing the message, Jing Huan scratched his head.

One month after the baby was born, we would've been divorced for a long time already, so how could I take him anywhere…?

In his mind, Christmas day was going to be the day of their divorce.

He was thinking about how to reply when the boss' wife brought out two dishes.

Lu Hang put out his cigarette, got up, and said, "I'm going to the bathroom."

Jing Huan turned off his cellphone and said, "I'll go too."

Happily, there were two bathrooms, and they were both very clean. Jing Huan was relieved. His impression of the shop increased a bit.

When he came out, Lu Hang was washing his hands.

The way back was dark, so Lu Hang wanted to wait for him. After he dried his hands, he walked over and waited beside Jing Huan.

He looked at Jing Huan's hands and laughed, "How can your hands be paler than that of a young lady's?"

Jing Huan said, "It's hereditary, my mom is also pale."

Lu Hang glanced at his hands a few times and suddenly thought of something. He took out his cellphone from his pocket. "Oh right, Huanhuan, let's add each other as WeChat friends."

"Sounds good ah." Jing Huan wiped his hands. "Let me scan you."

"Okay." Lu Hang opened up his QR code and handed it to him.

Jing Huan held up his cellphone, and his smile froze when he saw the screen of the other boy's cellphone.

The cellphone gave a little "tick," and Lu Hang's WeChat information appeared on his cellphone screen.

Lu Hang stood there for a while, and half a minute later, the guy in front of him was still motionlessly holding up his cellphone.

He frowned and asked, "What, it didn't scan?"

Jing Huan was given such a fright that he immediately pulled the cellphone against his chest, securely covering up the screen.

"No, no, I…. Yes, it didn't scan."

He couldn't even say a complete sentence.

Fuck?

Fuck??

Why was Lu Hang's WeChat username Little Road Little Road Certainly Wouldn't Get Lost"???

Jing Huan's scalp was numb, and he even felt like his breathing was rough..

Lu Hang nodded, "Then scan it again. Or, how about I scan you ba?"

"No, wait I… " An outrageous idea came to Jing Huan's mind, and he gulped, "Do you have Xiang Ge's WeChat? I, I want to add Xiang Ge first…"

Lu Hang gave him a baffled look. "Don't you have his WeChat?"

He said that, but Lu Hang still scrolled through his friend's list, found his roommate's WeChat, and sent it over to Jing Huan.

Jing Huan stared at the familiar shadowed avatar. His whole being felt as if he had been struck by lightning. There seemed to be countless branches growing under his feet, all deeply rooted in the earth. In half a second, thousands of words flew through his head, but in the end, there was only one word left——

Fuck.

Was it too late for him to go die now?

—

Juurensha: !!! At long last! Huanhuan has figured it out!

Divi: *deep voice* It was at this moment, that Huanhuan knew, he fucked up. What now boy?!

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