Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan looked at this golden slanderer sentence in front of him, not knowing where to even start.

Hell.

Why is this person like this ah?

Didn't they just get married?

It still could count as their newlywed period, could you have a little more trust in your wife??

Jing Huan was stuck when his friends notifications lit up again.

[Stranger] Yearning For: Speak.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: …What do you think?

[Stranger] Yearning For: I think half of each.

Shit!

Laozi wasn't like that!!

Even at first, I just wanted to trick you into having feelings ah! Who wants your reputation or your money!

Jing Huan couldn't help typing out the words, "it probably isn't as bad as that." After typing that out, he suddenly came back to his senses and quickly deleted them.

He almost forgot that he was here to destroy Xiao Tianjing's image.

Jing Huan looked down at his notebook with his eyebrows deeply furrowed and decided to use the 28th golden sentence.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: [nodding] And across the computer screen, who knows if the person sitting there is actually a person or a dog… God Xiang, you're so rich, you must also be a handsome man in real life, why bother doing this illusory online dating! It can't be that girls in reality aren't cute or sweet enough!

[Stranger] Yearning For: Actually not enough.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: ?

[Stranger] Yearning For: Do you know my wife?

Jing Huan stared at the two words "my wife" and was too scared to type.

[Stranger] Yearning For: I have never seen anyone cuter or sweeter than her.

Jing Huan was stunned, and his cheeks were completely red.

Brother, haven't you met too few girls ah!!!

If it's really not possible, I'll introduce you to some ah!

He glanced at Yearning For's words briefly but didn't dare to read them carefully. He immediately clicked a button to clear the screen.

Facing those two words, he couldn't have a good chat at all.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: Talking cute doesn't mean she's cute in real life ah… She must be very ugly, or why else has she never sent you a single selfie!

[Stranger] Yearning For: How do you know she didn't send one to me?

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: … I guessed.

[Stranger] Yearning For: It's true she's never sent any, but it doesn't matter. I don't care about her appearance.

Then would your honor mind if he had a thing?

Jing Huan clutched at his hair and looked down at his notebook of golden sentences.

The third golden sentence was: I think Xiao Tianjing bewitched Yearning For, otherwise I really can't understand why Yearning For is attracted to her.

When he saw this sentence, he had scolded that lord for a long time, but now, it really seemed a bit damn reasonable.

At the beginning, he had put on a loli voice because Liang Ran and Immortal Mengmeng both sounded like that, and he thought that loli voices would hit right at Yearning For's heart.

But who can tell him, why does even Yearning For, this kind of low-key, cold, and lofty super great god, also like damn loli voices!!!

Do you think it's not good to marry a valiant and heroic female expert, travel together naturally and elegantly hand in hand, and enjoy the carefree and unrestrained life of a wanderer?!

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: But didn't you also say, she has other plans? Maybe she wants to cheat you out of your money?

[Stranger] Yearning For: That's great. I have what she wants, so she won't divorce me.

?

What do you mean??

Jing Huan suspected that he was dreaming.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: … I'll ask you, is the original person playing this account right now?

[Stranger] Yearning For: Yes.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: … [suspicious eyes]

[Stranger] Yearning For: [voice]

Jing Huan clicked on it with trembling fingers.

“Even though I don’t know who you are, you should have heard my voice before.”

Jing Huan: “&#k2026;”

It was definitely him.

[Stranger] Yearning For: Do you have any more you wish to say?

Jing Huan sat in front of the computer with a dejected air and a lowered head, typing numbly.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: Yes.

[Stranger] Yearning For: Talk then.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: You really don't want to divorce her?

[Stranger] Yearning For: You seem to care a lot about the matters between me and my wife.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: … I have a friend who wants to marry you and has entrusted me to drive a wedge between you two.

Jing Huan thought, he was the most noob slanderer in the world.

[Stranger] Yearning For: Not divorcing.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: … All right.

Jing Huan had no choice but to log off.

Before logging off, he suddenly thought of something and reopened their chat box.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: [share song- Singer S.Wing Orchestra - QQ Love]

Seeing this shared song, Xiang Huaizhi gently raised his eyebrows and just flipped and pressed the boss to the ground.

Lu Hang happily pocketed the reward. "There's still some time, let's do a Jianghu quest… Hey, why did you leave the team?"

Xiang Huaizhi directed his character to fly to the novice village and threw out a faint sentence. "Have things to do."

Enough of playing along with this guy's act, he had to figure out the meaning of this play.

The novice village was sparsely populated. In recent years, even novices entering the black hole of NCH would choose to directly buy an account, which was convenient and saved time. There were very few people who would open a beginner level account; most of them were workers from the game studio itself.

Xiang Huaizhi soon found the person he was looking for from a pile of "XX No.1" and "XX No.2" accounts.

The avatar chosen by "Your Huan Gege" was a shota fox. His tail was smaller than that of a female fox fairy's, his ears were fat, and his head was round. He was standing by the stream of the novice village.

He set up a team and stepped forward, inviting the other party to join his team.

At the moment of his invitation, the little fox disappeared.

You couldn't leave the novice village without upgrading to level 10, so there was no way to just fly away. Xiang Huaizhi opened up Your Huan Gege's information and refreshed it. Sure enough, the system prompted him that the player wasn't online.

Xiang Huaizhi was about to leave, but he saw a swish, and the little fox appeared at the scene again.

Jing Huan looked at the black robed man standing beside him and couldn't help but internally mutter, "Fuck."

Before he went offline, he saw the invitation to join the team and fell into a trance, the words of Yearning For hanging there in the chat.

He suspected that he had read it wrong, but he couldn't help getting back online and checking again.

[Current] Your Huan Gege: …

[Current] Yearning For: …

[Current] Your Huan Gege: Are you here to kill me?

[Yearning For invites you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

Jing Huan hesitated and then clicked agree.

Anyway, it's just a side account. You can kill it 100 times if you'd like.

If you're just killing someone, why team up with them?

It couldn't be that you want to drag him to a place full of people?

After thinking about it, Jing Huan decided to say a few words to plead for himself and at least put on an act.

The sound from his earphones interrupted his actions.

"What are you playing at again today?"

Jing Huan was stunned.

[Team] Your Huan Gege: …..Ah?

Yearning For took him to the right side of the novice village. There was a bamboo forest there, and they stopped in front of the chessboard in the deep bamboo forest.

"Why did you make a side account?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

[Team] Your Huan Gege: ???

[Team] Your Huan Gege: Because… I want to badmouth your wife.

[Team] Your Huan Gege: If I use my main account to say things like that, you'll hunt me down and kill me ba? I'm not stupid after all.

Xiang Huaizhi thought it funny. "Why would I hunt you down and kill you?"

Jing Huan heard the sound of his chuckles, and he felt mystified.

Had he made Yearning For so angry that he became muddle-headed? What was so funny about this?

"NCH doesn't allow PK between husbands and wives," Xiang Huaizhi reminded him.

Jing Huan: "?"

"So don't worry, I can't kill you," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Countless question marks roared over Jing Huan's head.

?

What was Yearning For saying?

Why don't I understand a single sentence??

Who am I? Where am I? What am I going to do?

"Explain a bit," Xiang Huaizhi released his mouse and leaned back. "Why open a side account to come over here in front of me and curse yourself out?"

Jing Huan: "…"

Could he just go offline right now?

No.

Jing Huan licked his lips nervously. He had disguised himself so well, how had Yearning For seen through him?

"When you create a side account in the future, don't use your WeChat as your signature." Xiang Huaizhi advised. "It's easy to recognize."

[Team] Your Huan Gege: ….

[Team] Your Huan Gege: If I say it was a coincidence, would you believe it?

Xiang Huaizhi snorted, "What do you think?"

"Your Huan Gege" was silent.

Xiang Huaizhi sensed something and said in a deep voice, "No logging off."

Jing Huan who had just moved his mouse to the words "Close the game": …..

[Team] Your Huan Gege: I wasn't going to log off! >.<

Because it was a new account, the little fox was wearing Class 0 equipment, which looked very shabby and didn't seem suitable to stand beside the man carrying a divine artifact.

Xiang Huaizhi removed his game equipment, and the light on his body instantly receded. He said, "Open your mic."

Jing Huan wanted to slam his head into the screen and die right now.

After a while, he slowly turned on the microphone and called out, "Gege."

Xiang Huaizhi silently lifted a corner of his mouth, his tone as dull as ever. "What were you acting out today?"

"Acting out…" Jing Huan bit his lip and had a quick idea out of desperation. "An emotional—emotional test."

Xiang Huaizhi's eyebrows furrowed, and he repeated, "Emotional test?"

"Yes…" Jing Huan's brain was spinning fast, and soon, he had come up with what to say.

He told Yearning For the story about Chunxiao and Regardless of Lovesickness getting provoked by a side account.

"So ah, I just wanted to see… If someone used a side account to malign me in front of you, would you believe me."

Xiang Huaizhi fell into silence.

Hearing nothing from his earphones, Jing Huan called out uneasily, "Gege?"

"So, did I pass?" Xiang Huaizhi asked lightly.

Jing Huan was shocked and hurriedly said, "Of course… Didn't you recognize me right away?"

Because of nervousness and embarrassment, Jing Huan's hands were constantly fidgeting.

So, he turned off the following feature and, as usual, twirled around Yearning For a few times.

The little fox's tail was very stubby. When he ran around, it bobbed up and down and looked cute and naive.

Xiang Huaizhi stared at his tail and said, "Don't open up side accounts in the future."

How could Jing Huan dare to refuse. "Won't anymore! Absolutely not!"

Xiang Huaizhi said, "If someone speaks ill of you in front of me, if it's a side account, I'll blacklist them, and if it's their main account, I'll hunt them down and kill them."

"Mmm… Huh?" Jing Huan was stunned.

"I won't listen, and I won't believe them." After that, Xiang Huaizhi said, "If you have any questions in the future, you can come ask me directly. There's no need to test."

Jing Huan looked at Yearning For's unpretentious avatar. For a while, he felt like he was in a trance, and his heart was beating very fast for some reason. It was a long time before he said, "Oh…"

After a long time, he added in a low voice, "I was scared by that story. Chunxiao and Regardless of Lovesickness' feelings were so good, and they were still alienated… After all, it's online dating."

So it's normal that I don't feel safe!

You can't blame me!

After that, there was no sound in his earphones, and Jing Huan let out a breath and thought that he had passed the test.

Who knew how long it took for Yearning For to finally open his mouth. His deep voice broke his composure like a heavy fist——

"Do you want to meet?"

—

Juurensha: Yesssss, meet! Also Huanhuan hahaha, noob slanderer

Divi: It's your time to confess Huanhuan, meet in person and prostrate yourself you noob slanderer!

And we have a fanart page!

And be sure to support the raws!