Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

When Jing Huan returned home, he felt a bit cold. He turned on the taps of his rarely used bathtub, planning to take a hot bath.

After only soaking for a little while, his cellphone on the edge of the bathtub vibrated.

It didn't stop vibrating.

Jing Huan slowly reached for it.

Lu Wenhao: [Photo]

Lu Wenhao: @ Xiao Jing ya, how do you like my picture?

Gao Zixiang: Pretty good, gay enough.

Jing Huan looked at the photo, which was of him and Xiang Huaizhi from behind.

But… had they been leaning against each other so closely just now?

At the time, he had just been chatting with him and hadn't paid any attention to these kinds of things.

Xiao Jing ya: How much memory does your cellphone have? Should I send you some videos?

Lu Wenhao: Shit, you even watch videos? Please send.

Xiao Jing ya: ?

Lu Wenhao: I thought that handsome guys like you don't have any physiological needs. Quickly send me some!

Xiao Jing ya: I gave you a rope, and you hung yourself with it? No videos, scram. Delete the picture, what are you taking pictures of your daddy for?

Lu Wenhao: No ah, I want to send it to the forum to get some experience points.

Xiao Jing ya: ??? [DieForMe.GIF]

Lu Wenhao: No, you see, there were so many people on the road tonight, so someone else must've taken pictures of you two! It's better for me to come here in person than letting others post it. It just so happens that, when you get to level 7 in the forum, you can start creating groups. I'll just have to trouble you with this post, how about it, Ge has the right idea?

Xiao Jing ya: You can try it if you want to die. 🙂

Lu Wenhao was, of course, joking with him. After a bit of banter, Jing Huan kicked him out of the group chat and didn't add him back in until he was finished with his bath.

Jing Huan took a bath towel and didn't wipe his hair for a while. He sat cross-legged on the sofa and scrolled through the forum.

He hadn't opened the post that Chichi had sent over earlier because of his guilt. Now that he had some free time though, he couldn't resist wanting to take a peek.

The result was that he saw the forum was plastered with his own game ID.

To be fair, when he had been all-powerful in his old server a few years ago, he hadn't even been as flashy as now.

He read several posts and in the end, finally clicked on the hot post with Immortal Mengmeng's ID.

The first 300 posts on the topic either ridiculed Immortal Mengmeng for being an unreasonable drama queen or ridiculed Xiao Tianjing for being mindless and shameless.

Jing Huan was used to it. Although he was still angry, he didn't want to go up and knock some sense into those people.

The more he read, the more vexed he got. He also wasn't reading carefully at that point, just quickly flipping through posts. He was just about to close the topic and leave when suddenly he was hooked in by another post.

342L: What the fuck. Latest news: Yearning For posted screenshots from the game of him and Xiao Tianjing on his homepage! And the commenting section is only open to Xiao Tianjing alone…

344L: Not in Illusion server, screenshot please!

345L: [screenshot] It's real…Yearning For couldn't have read the post ba? Otherwise, how could the previous post have just said it, and then right after, he posted it?

355L: Could it be that Xiao Tianjing is a stalker around here. [shuts up]

Jing Huan frowned. What had the previous post said? Why hadn't he seen it?

He flipped to the front few pages and after what felt like forever, found the post that the group had been talking about.

After he finished reading it, Jing Huan himself was confused.

Of course, he hadn’t cajoled Yearning For to post up their photos. Right now, he actually earnestly wished that Yearning For would immediately turn on him and divorce him.

So… Why did Yearning For suddenly post their game photos?

It couldn't be that he had really read this post?

And he did all this just to make sure Jing Huan wouldn't be laughed at by the people on the forum??

Jing Huan didn't dare to think about it closely. He silently meditated on his guilt while closing the post.

At the same time, a message popped up at the top of the screen.

Xiang Huaizhi: Do you have class tomorrow afternoon?

Xiao Jing ya: Nooope, what's the matter la.

After sending that, he only discovered a few seconds later that the person who sent the message was Xiang Huaizhi, not Yearning For.

… Fuck.

He looked at his "Nooope" and "la" and considered whether or not it was too late to take back his message.

Xiang Huaizhi: Running.

Xiao Jing ya: … Okay, around what time, Ge?

Xiang Huaizhi: At 3, will that work?

Xiao Jing ya: [nodding]

Having pinned down the time, Jing Huan hung up the bath towel on the balcony, locked the doors and windows, before returning to the computer and logging into the game.

The first thing that he did after logging in was click on Yearning For's home page. Under his latest photo, there were more than 2000 likes.

Jing Huan glanced at it and then clicked on the comment section.

As was said in the post, there was a line of bright red letters at the top of the comment section—Yearning For's comment section is only open to his wife, Xiao Tianjing.

Jing Huan: "…"

He hadn't even known that there was such a boring setting in NCH. How had Yearning For learned about it…

He hesitated and finally left a cat's footprint in the comments section. He didn't want the place to seem too cold.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Jingjing! Come and eat melon!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … My melon??

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: No la, it's about Immortal Mengmeng.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Oh oh, what melon?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Weren't you hunted down and killed by Regardless of Lovesickness before? It turns out, that at that time, there was a side account that kept whispering in her ear and constantly splashing dirty water on Chunxiao and brainwashing her, so she would think that you, as Don't Frown, and Chunxiao had something going on. In the end, who do you think the side account belonged to?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … Immortal Mengmeng?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: [frightened] You can even guess that!!!

…

Only a fool couldn't guess that.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Immortal Mengmeng wanted to replace Chunxiao as the deputy guild leader, and she hated you as Don't Frown, so she tried this scheme. Yet as a result, today, she asked someone to help her with her dailies, but she gave the wrong password, and everything was revealed.

Jing Huan wasn't interested in this matter. He was about to just type out a few sentences in response when he discovered an interesting point.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: It was just a side account saying some things… and Regardless of Lovesickness believed it?

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: It wasn't that she believed it, but she just got a bit suspicious. How can there be love without suspicion these days? Even more with online dating where you can neither see or touch your partner… At that time, Regardless of Lovesickness and Chunxiao really quarreled for a long time. Fortunately, they had already been together for so long, so they didn't break up over it, but it would be hard to say what would have happened with a pair with weaker feelings…

Jing Huan had never dated anyone, so how could he know about these things?

But what Love is For You to Eat had said did give him some other ideas.

A vague plan sprouted in his head, all in less than half a minute.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Of course, I didn't mean that online dating wasn't good…

Jing Huan returned to his senses, his eyes shining slightly. He hammered out some words in reply.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Mmhm, I understand. The most important thing is understanding people la! Whoever dares to open a side account to badmouth Gege to me, I'll be the first one to refuse! I would definitely rush to the novice village and kill him!!

*

"Xiangxiang, help me kill this quest's boss," Lu Hang said with his legs crossed to the person behind him. "It takes three people to activate the battle. Anyway, Xiao Tianjing isn't online yet, so first get over here and help me complete this thing."

"Where?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"Wait at the main city transporter, I'll come right away," His cellphone rang, and Lu Hang set his character to automatically walk there while taking a look at his phone. After reading the message, he laughed. "You and Jing Huan are on our school forum again."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't care. "Here now, hurry up."

Lu Hang was really curious, and he couldn't help but ask, "You were secretly photographed, aren't you angry?"

"It doesn't matter," Xiang Huaizhi said lazily.

Lu Hang tutted two times and looked at the photo again. "You don't say, I was really scared that night… You two are really too ambiguous. No wonder other people think too much about it."

Even he, as a close friend, thought that they were a bit much.

"Take it easy," he said, half-jokingly. "Don't forget that you're a family man now."

Xiang Huaizhi's mouth pulled up at those words, and he gently let out an, "En."

Entering the battle page, Xiang Huaizhi was about to start playing when he saw a line of yellow characters jump out.

【Your Huan Gege has added you as a friend 】

Because he had been gathering items from around the game before, he hadn't turned the ignoring strangers function back on. After seeing this prompt, Xiang Huaizhi opened the system settings and prepared to block the messages.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: God Xiang! I'd like to make a report! Xiao Tianjing is a very vain bad woman who has evil designs and is always changing her mind!!!

Xiang Huaizhi pointed his finger, clicked, and opened the person's profile.

Your Huan Gege, Level 0 Fairy Fox Cave, one glance and you could tell it was a side account.

It wasn't even worth killing.

As he was just about to blacklist him, he caught a glimpse of the other person's personal signature.

Before each player created an account, NCH would force the player to fill out personal data, including the personal signature.

Your Huan Gege's personal signature was "Kobe24".

"…"

A guess floated in his heart, and Xiang Huaizhi frowned, his face showing a rare puzzled look.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: God Xiang, why don't you reply to me!

[Stranger] Yearning For: ….

[Stranger] Yearning For: Why are you saying this?

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: Do you think someone, who as soon as they meet you, tries to constantly latch onto you and purposefully tries to act cute and sweet is a good woman?!

[Stranger] Yearning For: ?

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: And you guys have been together for so long, and you have given her so many things, but what has she given you! Nothing! You have only given, but have gotten no gains!

Jing Huan sat in front of the computer, typing passionately, and splashing dirty water directly onto his own head.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: She has such a sweet voice on the Internet, but she might not be like that in reality! Maybe she's actually an unrivaled, super big, ugly girl! You see, her game homepage doesn't even have a selfie. It must be because she's too ugly to show herself to people!

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: And if she really liked you, how could she go do fireworks and play in the arena with Qiufeng? Obviously, it's because she wanted to hang onto both of you. If she couldn't get you, then she'd take Qiufeng and marry him!

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: Think about it, think about it carefully!

Xiang Huaizhi read it and laughed. What role was he playing now?

One glance was enough to tell that this person was a first time offender, full of loopholes, revealing his identity in every sentence.

It was as if he was afraid Xiang Huaizhi would believe these things.

Most of what Jing Huan had sent was copied from the forum.

He had noted down 38 golden sentences last night. As of now, he had only used five of them.

His eyes lingered on his notebook, just thinking about what to say next when he received a reply from the other person.

[Stranger] Yearning For: Finished thinking it through.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: So?

[Stranger] Yearning For: I think you have a point.

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: ?

[Stranger]: Yearning For: Then do you think she wants me for my fame or my money?

[Stranger] Your Huan Gege: ???

Shit?

Jing Huan was holding his notebook and froze in front of the computer.

No way…

How many messages has Laozi just sent?!

You're too easy to influence, aren't you?!!

—

Juurensha: Huanhuan: ….I haven't even gotten through half of my notebook yet!!!!

Divi: What would you do if your online lover tried to splash dirty water on themselves? Huanhuan your ideas are too wild LMAO.

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