Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

At the end of the wedding ceremony, the two game characters were sent back to their original positions, and the people around them consciously left them an empty space. They were in an intimate position, looking at each other affectionately, with a quiet look of having known each other for years.

Unfortunately, that was all just on the surface.

Right now, the world channel alone had already been knocked completely upside down.

[World] Ocean King Gege: Holy shit!! I just knew that the whole situation wasn't that simple!!!

[World] Love Porridge: Don't quite believe it. If it really wasn't him before, why didn't he clarify the whole situation when he got his account back?

[World] Unknown Cave Owner: Everyone saying they don't believe it came over from the server integration ba? God Xiang has been in this server for so many years and has always been very low-key. It was exactly around March of this year that his playing style suddenly changed. At that time, I even guessed that he wasn't playing his account.

[World] Little Strawberry: If you say it like that, it sounds like it's really true, but why not clarify?? Before, Immortal Mengmeng sold her sad story everywhere, but God Xiang said that he had long ago contacted the victims and was willing to compensate them… So, what was Immortal Mengmeng thinking? And actually chasing after to try and kill Xiao Tianjing??

[World] My Ex is Dead La: Lololololol Immortal Mengmeng has been dating a surrogate for months lololol!!!

[World] Ji Xiaonian: No matter what, Xianxian was also a victim, OK? Can he be completely absolved of blame just by saying it was a surrogate? Isn't it up to you to take responsibility for something that went wrong with your own account?

[World] Floating ya: So, how do you want God Xiang to take responsibility? Him paying money still isn't enough, it can't be that you want him to pay with his life?

[World] Not Your Cup of Tea: Don't say anymore, isn't the most wretched one Xiao Tianjing?

[World] Momo: How is Xiao Tianjing wretched? She just got married to Yearning For, and she's just whispering lovey-dovey couple talk with her husband in front of Yuelao right now.

Who knew how long it took for Jing Huan to drag back just half of his soul.

As soon as he had semi-recovered, he saw that sentence.

Whispered lovey-dovey couple talk was of course not being said; after the wedding, the team channel had been completely quiet.

Jing Huan moved his mouse with great effort and blocked all the chat channels. The world was wiped half clean in an instant.

Then, he buried his head and continued to digest the megaphone Yearning For had just sent out.

From March to August, it hadn't been him. His Jiejie's situation… had happened precisely during that time period.

His first reaction was that Yearning For was lying.

Just now, what that person said was right. If the account really hadn't been controlled by him during those months, then why had Yearning For wanted to carry all that blame?!

It's not like he's an idiot!

Jing Huan was surprised and uncertain. He decided to just ask clearly. He said, "Gege…"

Fuck.

No

Why was he still calling this man Gege ah!!

Hearing this form of address, Xiang Huaizhi's eyebrows gently pinched, and then he asked him, "Saw the megaphone?"

"…" Jing Huan's heart sank. "Saw it, it's… What did you mean ah."

His voice was shaking.

Fortunately, it wasn't obvious. If he wasn't holding his mouse firmly, he wouldn't have noticed it.

Thinking of the strong words Jing Huan had said to Immortal Mengmeng before, Xiang Huaizhi asked, "If I'm not a slag man, would you still like me?"

Jing Huan felt that he was in hell.

Could he say he wouldn't like him?

He couldn't.

"Of course I would ah." Jing Huan struggled to get every word out.

Xiang Huaizhi let out an "en" then understated. "This account was given to a booster in the past; I have never been together with anyone else before."

Jing Huan's eyes went black.

Jing Huan felt as if he had been struck by lightning.

A few seconds later, he forced himself to calm down. What Yearning For said was not necessarily true. What if he had just been seized by a sudden impulse to wash his reputation clean?

“But, the battle videos you saw were all me operating my account.” Xiang Huaizhi suddenly said.

Jing Huan's thoughts were interrupted. "…. Ah?"

"So you don't have to worry about liking the wrong person," Xiang Huaizhi explained.

"…"

Only then did he remember that the first time he had fooled around with Yearning For, the first excuse he had used was that he had been attracted to him by his battle videos.

Jing Huan felt as though he had one foot in his coffin.

No way!

He would never give in that easily!

His friend notifications were overflowing, and every message was bursting with congratulations, congratulations, congratulations.

Congratulations my ass!!!

Jing Huan closed all the messages and finally found the person he was looking for.

Long Road Ahead: Congratulations Xiao Jingjing ah. Every cloud has a silver lining after all!

Xiao Tianjing: …. En 🙂

Xiao Tianjing: But is the stuff in the megaphone all true?

Xiao Tianjing: It's just that, it's not that I don't believe Gege haha, I'm just a little… surprised.

Long Road Ahead: Hahaha, I understand. Don't worry, it's all absolutely true. We have the address and phone number of the booster, but that guy ran away and didn't even return home. Xiangxiang still hasn't managed to catch him.

Xiao Tianjing: …..

Long Road Ahead: Immortal Mengmeng also knows about it, it's just that her brain is missing a few screws. She probably wasn't satisfied ba, so she kept going after you.

Xiao Tianjing: …I seem to remember that there was another person involved called Slow Heart? Was she also cheated?

Long Road Ahead: You even know about that? Yeah, Xiangxiang also contacted her. He was going to compensate her for her loss, but in the end, that girl was very tough and said to just count the whole thing as her own bad luck. She deleted her account and left that very night.

Okay.

Very nice.

Jing Huan was already lying flat in his coffin now.

He gripped his mouse and thought to himself, if he opened up the video channel and prostrated down on the ground, while honestly and sincerely apologizing to Yearning For, he could try to keep his corpse intact.

He had a lifeless look in his eyes, and he was imagining a hundred ways of his death when he saw the game screen suddenly go dark.

[Yearning For has set off a bunch of Love Of My Life fireworks for you. ]

[System Announcement: Yearning For has set off Love Of My Life fireworks for Xiao Tianjing at Old Moon Temple, and their intimacy score has increased by 999 points.]

Bursts of fireworks bloomed in the sky, illuminating the marriage tree beside the Old Moon Temple, and also blowing up Jing Huan, who was under the marriage tree.

These Love Of My Life fireworks could only be bought by couples who had just gotten married, on that specific day. It wasn't expensive, it was just a damn 9999 gold.

9999 gold, the price was enough for the fireworks to light up the entire main city and also post a notice to the entire server.

Jing Huan told himself to calm down. He could still pay back 9999 gold.

"Ge…"

[Yearning For has set off a bunch of Love Of My Life fireworks for you x9]

?

???

Jing Huan watched their intimacy score rise, and his heart was practically bleeding at this point.

He finally found his voice. "Don't keep setting them off!!"

If you keep setting them off, Laozi can't pay you back!!!

"En." Xiang Huaizhi said, "Finished setting them off."

Jing Huan's voice was weak. "Ge, I, I have something I want to tell you…"

"Wait a little bit." The fireworks were so noisy that Xiang Huaizhi only vaguely heard his last sentence.

He opened up his volume settings, turned down the game and then continued to read through the game strategy post.

I can't wait!

Let me talk! Let me die early and go ahead and reincarnate!!!

Jing Huan toughened up his heart and opened the controls of the voice transformer, just wanting to turn it off.

[Yuelao: Yearning For and Xiao Tianjing have prepared an Ever Flowing Wedding Banquet for guests for a period of 24 hours.]

[Current] Don't Ask when I'll Return: ?!

[Current] Peachy Fate: [kneeling]

[Current] Chunxiao: [thumbs up]

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: ??????

Ever Flowing Wedding Banquet, 999 gold an hour, a total of 30 tables and as long as there was a vacancy, anyone in the server could sit down and eat. Half a minute per person and each player would gain a small buff to their stats.

Jing Huan was about to pass out.

He slowly opened his phone and checked his bank card balance. His eyes were full of despair.

Looking up again, he discovered that they were no longer at Old Moon Temple.

Jing Huan was led to the sedan chair NPC.

After vaguely guessing what he was going to do, Jing Huan felt a little nervous, opened his mouth, and said, "Ge…"

[Wedding Sedan Chair Driver: Today is the day of marriage between Yearning For and Xiao Tianjing. I hope they will always be united and harmonious! Bride on the sedan chair please—]

Jing Huan was forced into the sedan chair.

The bridal sedan chair was magnificent, and the welcoming team following in front was also energetic and powerful. Yearning For sat on a white horse with a big red flower ball tied to his black robes.

This was the most expensive sedan chair. Every two steps, silvers or items would fall out. Jing Huan wasn't sure about the price, but it couldn't be cheap.

This was the most expensive wedding he had seen since he had started playing NCH so many years ago.

He wasn't the bridegroom, nor an onlooker picking up silvers from the bridal sedan.

He was the bride.

What is all this ah!!!

As Jing Huan was scratching his ears and cheeks in embarrassment, there was a sound in his earphones.

"I checked a lot of strategy posts and asked some people."

Jing Huan was stunned and slowly squeezed out a sentence. "What…"

"The wedding seems to be just these few different processes," Xiang Huaizhi said. "I didn't know what you wanted to do, so I just did them all."

Jing Huan: "…"

"Originally, I wanted to spell out your name with fireworks like you did for me last time, but there wasn't enough time. I'll make up for it next time."

Jing Huan choked.

Now his head was a complete mess, and many emotions like guilt and shame rushed to his throat and made him speechless.

"You… didn't have to make it this big. "

Jing Huan was willing to bet that in less than half an hour, the wedding would be known to all the servers of NCH.

Maybe there would be shady people who would say that Yearning For wanted to show off his wealth. People in the forums dared to say anything while wearing the armor of anonymity

Xiang Huaizhi didn't care about any of this. He just wanted to give Jing Huan a perfect wedding.

But, he had never been married in the game. He didn't know how to make the other party happy, so he could only pile up all the best things and give it all to him.

Looking at the sedan chair behind him, he asked, "Do you like it?"

Jing Huan was ashamed beyond words, couldn't find a place to hide himself and his shame and was about to have a heart attack.

He didn't know what to do.

If he laid all his cards down on the table for Yearning For, this grand wedding feast would turn from a good story into a complete joke.

Yearning For might immediately drag him down to divorce him, unfriend him, and then chase after and kill him.

Jing Huan wasn't afraid of being hunted down and killed. He admitted that he had found the wrong person and done some bad things. If Yearning For wanted to kill him a hundred times, it still wouldn't count as too much.

But…

But then.

"Why aren't you talking?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Even if there was going to be a showdown, it couldn't be in the sedan chair.

Jing Huan stiffened his resolve and said, "… I like it, thank you."

The bridal sedan chair proceeded around the main city and returned to the origin.

The two of them came down from the sedan chair and were surrounded by people who were congratulating them.

"Another thing," Xiang Huaizhi said.

"No need! I'm already very satisfied! Really!" Jing Huan said.

Xiang Huaizhi stared blankly, and then let out a short laugh. "It's not that… It's not about the wedding. "

Jing Huan responded, "Then what is it…"

He couldn't take anymore tonight.

Yearning For took him to his house.

"Married now, so we can only live in the same house." Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Do you want to live in a bigger house, or, should I go live in your small house with you?"

Jing Huan's mind was blank. He asked, "Where do you want to live?"

"Come and live with me ba."

"…"

Jing Huan felt like his face was burning. He grabbed some of his hair and took a long breath. "Gege… No, Ge…. Oh, forget it. I'm just a little curious… Why did you suddenly agree to marry me?"

At this moment, Jing Huan was waiting for Yearning For to say, "I was annoyed into it by you," so he could immediately show all his cards, apologize, and stick his neck out for him to cut.

But Yearning For was silent for a long time.

Then he said calmly and quietly into his ear, "Because I like you."

—

Juurensha: XHZ, when you're all in, you really commit!

Divi: Don't worry Huanhuan, I felt your pain with you. Holy moly, the wedding cost like 20k USD? Please, I feel like we've lost the conversion between gold and yuan, say it ain't sooo. You're dead meat Huanhuan.

Fanart by Tsubame of Yearning For and XHZ:

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