Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan sat on the bench beside the basketball court and almost got hit by a basketball.

Fortunately, Gao Zixiang's speed was quick and he stepped forward to intercept the ball. Then, he turned to Lu Wenhao and said, "Be careful. I'll be the only one living in the dormitory if you really hit him."

Lu Wenhao was panting but managed to say, "Don't worry, even if I was killed by Huanhuan and turned into a ghost, I would remember the way back to the dorms."

Jing Huan came back to attention, and his face was calm. "Today is a very good day, don't keep talking on and on about ghosts and gods."

"A very good day?" Gao Zixiang thought about it for a long time with furrowed brows. He made sure that today wasn't some holiday before he asked, "Why today?"

"On October 17 of the lunar calendar, no ground should be broken, and marriage is advisable." Jing Huan finished, got up from the bench and clapped the dust off of his palms. "I'm going back."

"Don't ah, I still want to have a basketball match with the guys next door." Gao Zixiang hurriedly called out to him. "Go back after the match, there's no homework to do today anyway."

Jing Huan shook his head. "Have things to do."

Lu Wenhao was already used to it. "What, hurrying back again to watch the game?"

Jing Huan frowned and answered honestly, "Not today."

If I said it, you might not believe it.

Daddy is rushing back to get married.

On the way home, Jing Huan couldn't help but think about what had happened last night.

When Yearning For asked him when he wanted to get married, he was solidly speechless for the next ten seconds.

Then… Yearning For directly dragged him to Old Moon Temple.

When he saw the line "Are you willing to become husband and wife with Yearning For?" appear in the game, he almost knocked his glass of water over.

He clicked "Not Willing."

Are you joking? He had chased after him for several months, not leaving himself any face, in order to make Yearning For lose face and confine himself to becoming a hermit for the rest of his life.

I finally managed to coax you into my hands and you want me to marry you at five in the morning?

There are no guests here at all, are we just getting married with the air as the witness, huh?!

So he said politely, that since this was his first time getting married in-game, he didn't want to do so in such a cursory way, making his tone sound as wronged as necessary.

After listening, Yearning For was silent for a moment and then simply said that he understood.

As he thought about it again right now, Jing Huan still didn't think the whole thing was actually real.

Last night, he had just casually said that sentence, not actually wanting to get married.

But Yearning For had actually agreed.

How come Yearning For had just agreed like that!

… Why did Yearning For agree?!

No matter how Jing Huan thought it through, he couldn't figure it out.

It couldn't be that he had said something last night that had greatly moved that slag man's heart???

After a long time, he still hadn't reached any conclusions, so Jing Huan resolutely gave up and took out his cellphone to send some messages.

Xiang Huaizhi was taking a bath when he heard the vibration of his cell phone. He stopped, turned around, wiped his hands dry on a towel, then woke up his phone.

Xiao Jing ya: Gege (/ / / V / / /) your bride has gotten out of classss.

Xiang Huaizhi's eyes lingered on those two words, and it took a long time for him to reply.

Xiang: En.

Xiao Jing ya: What is my bridegroom doing! [rubs hands]

Xiang: Taking a bath.

Xiao Jing ya: [blushing] Then, finish taking it first! I'll be home in a minute.

Xiang Huaizhi finished bathing and came out, the towel loose on his shoulder, and the ends of his hair dripping.

He immediately raised one hand to the towel to wipe at his hair and moved the other hand to reply to messages. When he raised his eyes, he just happened to see Lu Hang minimize the page he was looking at in panic.

A second before it minimized, Xiang Huaizhi saw a familiar game scene.

He walked to Lu Hang's side. "What are you looking at?"

Lu Hang said at once, "Nothing, just looking at some gossip on the forums!"

Xiang Huaizhi's brow furrowed a little. "My gossip?"

"…" Lu Hang coughed, "How could I?"

Xiang Huaizhi said clearly, "Open it up and let me see."

Lu Hang hesitated before finally opening up the web page.

Xiang Huaizhi was right. The main point of the post was a screenshot of him and Jing Huan in the game. They were in a team and standing in front of Yuelao, one in front, and one behind, both very close.

Xiang Huaizhi moved the mouse to scroll through it and the more he scrolled, the more his face sank.

Lu Hang hadn’t been lying; no one was gossiping about him.

Because throughout the entire post, everyone was mocking Xiao Tianjing.

4L: How are these two people at Old Moon Temple? It can't be that they're planning to get married ba? Xiao Tianjing has finally attacked and seized Yearning For???

5L: Attacked and seized my ass, they’re not married. Xiao Tianjing is always proposing to him every single day, she’s used to it.

11L: Wasn’t it like I said, how can a young lady just have no bottom line. For the sake of a man, she doesn’t have a lick of shame. You can tell with a glance that her family education isn’t good.

Speeches like this had piled up to more than 60 comments.

Lu Hang could obviously feel that person next to him was angry and comforted him. "Aiya, the forum is always like this, it's not like you didn't already know. There's no need to take it seriously."

Xiang Huaizhi stood up straight, rubbing at his hair a bit more vigorously than before. "The forum has always talked about them like that?"

Lu Hang was stunned. After a while, he realized who "them" was referring to. "Not all of them, of course. There's still some people who have said other things."

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "What else have they said?"

"They said…" Lu Hang faltered.

Xiang Huaizhi instantly understood and didn't ask anymore, turning back to the computer.

He had spent a lot of gold coins in the exchange this morning. At this time, his account was full of silver. No matter what server he was in, he could still make it to the top of the rich list.

"Lu Hang." He called out.

Lu Hang typed out another line in his friend chat, "Hm?"

"Apart from the wedding banquet, wedding sedan chair, and fireworks," Xiang Huaizhi asked in a normal tone, "What other things can be done?"

"You're asking the right person!" Lu Hang rolled up his sleeves and was ready to give him a good long explanation. The words were about to leave his mouth when he suddenly felt that something was wrong.

He turned his head slowly, his face full of amazement. "Wait a sec… You, why are you asking about this?"

*

As soon as Jing Huan logged in, his friend's notification flashed.

[Friend] Yearning For: Wait for me there.

Very soon, Yearning For appeared at his side.

After Jing Huan entered his team, he had just wanted to greet him with a coquettish voice.

[Yearning For gave you Jasper Hairpin X1]

Jing Huan opened it and was surprised.

Purple equipment. But also, it was the highest level of purple equipment with a market price, at lowest, hovering around five figures.

"Gege?" He asked blankly, "What is this for…"

Xiang Huaizhi's words were concise and comprehensive. "Betrothal present."

"…"

Jing Huan felt a bit stiff at the moment.

First, the equipment was really expensive. Second, he hadn't actually prepared a dowry.

Xiang Huaizhi seemed to have guessed his thoughts. "Just a bargain bought while walking around a bit in the streets."

Fuck.

Jing Huan's guilt over not even having lifted a pitiful little finger over wedding arrangements instantly disappeared.

From a player's vendor stall in-game the most expensive items could only be priced at 999 gold. Higher priced items could only be placed on the exchange, with handling fees going to NCH.

If this item was bought while walking in the streets, it was a real bargain.

"Thank you, Gege, but… I still haven't had time to prepare my dowry."

Feeling that he hadn't properly controlled his tone, Jing Huan sent out a lot of crying emoticons into the game.

Xiang Huaizhi responded, "No need, as long as you click agree."

While talking, they had already arrived at the Old Moon temple.

Standing in front of Yuelao again, Jing Huan still felt that the whole thing seemed a bit unreal.

He unconsciously held his breath and had already made himself ready in his heart.

But the Yuelao's dialog box didn't pop up, and the voice channel was quiet.

Jing Huan's heart was pounding—It's over, the slag man suddenly regretting everything ba?

He couldn't help licking his lips. When he was just about to ask, a WeChat notification popped up in the lower right-hand corner.

Yearning For: I'm getting married at five o'clock. Please come and celebrate with us if you're free, thank you.

As soon as this message went out, the originally lively guild group chat fell into silence.

Who knew how long it took before there was finally a response.

Don't Ask when I'll Return: What… I'll just go ahead and ask haha…God Xiang, who are you marrying??

Xiao Tianjing: It seems to be Xiao Tianjing. (*°▽°*)

Seize Every Minute: You don't rush to answer!!!

Yearning For: It's really Xiao Tianjing.

Seize Every Minute: ….

Love is For You to Eat: …..

Peachy Fate: …..

Xiao Tianjing: ^▽^

After a few minutes, the guild group chat calmed down.

To be honest, since Xiao Tianjing had joined their guild, people's ability to just accept things had improved a lot.

The Girl in my Heart: Congratulations, congratulations, nearly there now!

Don't Ask when I'll Return: Can you wait for me, we're still doing instances, already at the last Boss!

Chunxiao: Congratulations.

Qiufeng: Congratulations. [crying]

Before long, the Old Moon Temple was full of people.

[World] Floating Down: A lot of people are standing in Old Moon Temple ah? What's going on?

[World] Buying You Oranges: I see it too. It seems that they are all from Idle Pavilion; are there some guild members getting married today?

[World] I Have a Cat Yay: It's so crowded, I can't really see anyone, so who's getting married? The event is so big that even Chunxiao and Regardless of Lovesickness are here.

When a couple gets married, Yuelao will sprinkle wedding candies all over the Old Moon Temple to celebrate. Opening wedding candies could allow players to gain experience and game money. Although the amount was small, it was still better than nothing.

In addition, the discussion in the world was busy and noisy. In a short time, the idle players who had nothing to do rushed over to the temple. In a moment, the Old Moon Temple was packed full of people and even Yuelao had been covered up by all the players around him.

It was the first time Jing Huan saw such a grand occasion.

Maybe it was because there were too many people, but he actually felt a little nervous.

This was just a damn… It was just a marriage, how was it even more overblown than a weekend event?!

At five o'clock sharp, the dialog box popped up.

[Are you willing to become husband and wife with Yearning For? Yes, No. ]

Jing Huan gritted his teeth and thought, it was you who made such a big wedding by yourself.

Whenever you've become a huge disgrace in the entire server, you can't blame me.

[Current] Don't Ask when I'll Return: Who fucking stepped on my foot!!

[Current] Peachy Fate: Stop acting up, OK?

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: Who is going to get married? Why is everyone all crowded around here?

[Current] Scheming Tonight to Get X: Qiufeng, right? I'm willing to also get married on the spot! Looking for a completely leveled up pocket healer to play together with!

[Current] Butterfly: Selling a seventh level crystal! Selling two Chaos Stones! If you need a shopkeeper, message me. [wave]

[Yuelao: Congratulations to Yearning For and Xiao

Tianjing, who have become the 9199th couple in the game!]

[Current] Butterfly: ????

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: ?!??

[Current] Qiaoyao: Holy, shit???

[Current] I Love XX: ???

[Yuelao: The wedding has started—the bridegroom and the bride will pay a visit to all the distinguished guests—]

[Yuelao: First, bow to the heavens and the earth. [heart] ]

Jing Huan watched himself and Yearning For being sent to the wedding platform by the system. They were both wearing wedding clothes and couldn't walk away or send messages before the wedding rites were finished.

Yuelao's words had been completely covered up by the players' dialog boxes. At a glance, Jing Huan saw a mass of question marks and exclamation points.

This was his first time getting married in the game. Although the person getting married wasn't actually him, he still felt nervous.

The kind of nervous where his hands were sweating and his heart kept pounding.

"Don't leave the team after the wedding." Yearning For's voice came out from his earphone, his tone the same as usual. People who didn't know any better would think they were doing instances, not getting married.

Damn it.

As expected, the experienced slag man really was calmer than him.

Seeing that the other side was extremely calm, Jing Huan felt defeated.

Just… It made him seem inferior.

But at least on the surface, he couldn't lose, Jing Huan thought.

So he answered, "Okay."

Then, he chewed on his lips, holding back his shame, and called out with a big red face, "Hus…band."

The voice was very small, but Xiang Huaizhi heard it.

It wasn't until the wedding procession was almost over that he whispered, "En."

The players in the game had just recovered from the shock and were about to congratulate the new couple when a dazzling megaphone came out.

[Megaphone] It's a Side Account, What About It: A slag man and a sl*t girl, perfect match, hahaha!

[Megaphone] It's a Side Account, What About It: Even this kind of slag man, you crazily propose to. Xiao Tianjing, you're really not that picky~

[Megaphone] It's a Side Account, What About It: Illusion Server's number one shameless couple has been born!

As the name suggested, it was a level 10 side account.

The melon eaters burst into a frenzy, all of them sending out surprised emoticons.

But the megaphones didn't last for long.

[Megaphone] Chunxiao: Congratulations on getting married, wishing you a harmonious relationship lasting one hundred years.

[Megaphone] Qiufeng: Congratulations on getting married, wishing you a harmonious relationship lasting one hundred years.

[Megaphone] Love is For You to Eat: Congratulations on getting married, wishing you a harmonious relationship lasting one hundred years.

[Megaphone] Long Road Ahead: Congratulations on getting married, wishing you a harmonious relationship lasting one hundred years, this single dog is beating a retreat!

All the people in Idle Pavilion started to fire off megaphones. Once that side account appeared, it was promptly ejected and wasn't heard from again.

Jing Huan was moved.

While he was moved, he also sprinkled a hundred words into the chatbox, ready to teach that side account a lesson once the wedding was over.

Two minutes later, when the wedding was over, Jing Huan was about to hit enter——

[Megaphone] Yearning For: Solemn Declaration: Because I wasn't well, this account of Yearning For was handed over to a booster in March of this year, and it wasn't formally retrieved until the end of August. What happened during this period of time has nothing to do with me. I was willing and promised to compensate the other players for the economic losses caused by this account during the time the booster was in control of it. I have a backup of the chat records with the booster, and I will post them to the forum later.

[Megaphone] Yearning For: In addition, I was the one who proposed to Xiao Tianjing.

The whole server was shocked when the megaphone came out.

The world channel immediately boiled over, and it was hard to even read any of the words in the chat.

Jing Huan sat in front of the computer as if frozen, blankly reading the megaphone word by word, back and forth, over and over again until he had read it ten times.

He recognized every word.

But he didn't understand what it all meant.

When his friend's message lit up, he reflexively opened it——

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: Wow wow wow!! I had said before, that God Xiang now and the way he was before was like two different people!!! Congratulations ah! This time I'm sincerely congratulating you!!

Jing Huan closed the dialog box. His lips were numb and his mind was blank.

[Yuelao: The ceremony is over! Off to the bridal chamber now! ]

[You have obtained the title of "Yearning For's Wife." ]

Looking at this title, Jing Huan, with a stiff expression, slowly raised his hand—and pinched himself hard.

—

Juurensha: Ohhhhh Huanhuan, do you feel bad now?

Divi: It went from 0 to 100 real fast. What will you do Huanhuan?

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