Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish was shocked at first but then recalled the tone that the girl had used to talk with her a moment ago and suddenly understood.

She had played with Xiang Huaizhi since she was a child. She knew how alluring he could be but also how cold he was, especially towards girls.

For a while, she had even suspected that Xiang Huaizhi was gay. She couldn't help mentioning it during a meal, only to get suddenly pummeled by her parents.

But now, Xiang Huaizhi had kept a girl who called him Gege in his fixed team. The relationship between these two seemed to be pretty good.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish was now very interested. "What did you call me?"

Jing Huan was stunned and even more embarrassed.

He raised his hand and rubbed his head. He leaned against the chair.

No way, how could he have just started a fight with a young girl…

"I… was wrong to call you that," he said, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Kiss Kiss Fish Fish asked, "Are you and Ge real friends or game friends…"

"Female warrior, go around the back and do some combos." Xiang Huaizhi interrupted their conversation, "You, give me blood pools."

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish murmured "hmph". "Alright, alright, understood."

Jing Huan didn't speak any more. He placed a blood pool in front, and after the CD was ready, he went around the boss and completely filled up the female warrior's health bar.

Five minutes later, the boss fell to the ground, and all of them were sent back to the main city. Xiang Huaizhi didn't stay there for long, continuing on to the instance emissary to rush off to the next instance.

"Ah, another instance?" Kiss Kiss Fish Fish pursed her lips. "Let's go do something interesting."

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "Go by yourself."

"Why are you like this…"

"Cousin, what do you want to do?" Lu Hang asked, "This Gege will take you."

Lu Hang had met Kiss Kiss Fish Fish before, but only once or twice, and they hadn't talked, so he couldn't have recognized her voice that night.

"Don't call me whatever," Kiss Kiss Fish Fish said. "Anything but another instance. Play a few rounds in the arena, open up a few Opportunity Stones… Finding a few people to play a Ten-Thousand Yuan Match would also be good."

The Ten-Thousand Yuan Match, called the battle of life and death in the game, was a system-monitored PK between two teams of players with gold gambling settings.

The upper limit of gold gambling in the game was very low. Players usually increased their bets in private, usually starting at yuan, so players all called this kind of fight the "Ten-Thousand Yuan Match." Players in Jing Huan's old server liked to fight it out with Ten-Thousand Yuan Matches every day, but they didn't seem that common in Illusion server.

The players on this server all liked to do sneak attacks in wild maps.

It seemed that this cousin was also a RMB player, her only hobbies being PK and spending money.

"No, we live in a harmonious society, so no fighting." Lu Hang said. "How about I take you to look at the scenery after finishing this instance?"

"Such a big man going to look at scenery?" Kiss Kiss Fish Fish said with dislike, "That's too girly."

Lu Hang: "…"

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish checked the time. "Gege, why don't you and I fight a few matches together in the arena."

Xiang Huaizhi didn't even consider it. "Not fighting."

"Why!"

"I have a teammate."

"Who is it?"

"Fairy Fox Cave."

The Fairy Fox Cave who had suddenly been cued, immediately said in a magnanimous tone, "It's okay, don't worry about me, you guys go ba."

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish thought for a bit and didn't say anything more, but directly opened a private friend chat.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Ge, what's your relationship with this Xiao Tianjing?

[Friend] Yearning For: Little children shouldn't worry about so many things.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: I'm only two years younger than you?!

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Are you guys married?

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Probably not, there's not even a couple's title hanging around you guys….

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Then, you guys just started dating online? Getting ready to get married? Or is it an ambiguous relationship?

She had sent so many messages, like rocks sinking into the ocean, but Xiang Huaizhi's avatar never stopped moving.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: If you don't reply to me, I'll ask her myself. [smile]

[Friend] Yearning For: Give me back all the equipment from just now.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: How can you ask that!

Xiang Huaizhi knew that his cousin wasn't a peaceful person. She would definitely ask Jing Huan when her curiosity could no longer be suppressed.

[Friend] Yearning For: Just ordinary friends.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: Ordinary friends call you Gege??

[Friend] Yearning For: When did you also become this gossipy.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: I've always been gossipy.

[Friend] Yearning For: New Year is coming soon.

[Friend] Kiss Kiss Fish Fish: ???

[Friend] Yearning For: If you want to go home and have a good New Year, don't bother her.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish was shocked.

They had been together since they were young, and who knew how many of her weak points Xiang Huaizhi knew, but he had never used them to threaten her. This was the first time, and it was even for an online friend.

Kiss Kiss Fish Fish grew even more certain!

They must have some problems!!!

Jing Huan didn't know that he had become the topic of conversation between the two cousins. He was ashamed whenever he thought of the conversation just now, but he couldn't stop himself from remembering.

Finally, the WeChat notification sound saved him.

As if he had been rescued, he immediately picked up his cellphone and thought that no matter who was looking for him right now, he will catch ahold of them and talk for several hours.

Counselor: Are you there?

Never mind.

Jing Huan closed the chat box with glassy eyes.

He'd better continue to wallow in embarrassment.

Counselor: I know you're there. What's the matter with your profile picture?

Counselor: Come out, there are some things I need to discuss with you.

Xiao Jing ya: I just saw your message. What things ah, teacher.

Counselor: Did you obediently go to class this week?

Xiao Jing ya: Look at what the honorable you has said, have I ever skipped class?

Counselor: [smile]

Xiao Jing ya: [smile]

Counselor: Okay, let me tell you what I'm really here for. Our school will have an evening celebration at the beginning of next month, did you know?

Xiao Jing ya: I didn't know.

Counselor: I didn't draw well in the lottery. Our class got a program, a stage play, so you come along as well.

Xiao Jing ya: ?

If it's your own thing, then do it yourself. If it's what you drew in the lottery, then perform it yourself, why can't the honorable you understand such a simple principle!

Xiao Jing ya: I've never acted in a stage play. Teacher, your honorable self should go ask someone else, ba.

Counselor: You're the first actor I've set up. I don't need you to do anything, you can even just stand around there not moving if you want. But I heard Wenhao say that you are good at singing ah?

Xiao Jing ya: The honorable you actually believes his lies, he keeps saying every day that he's getting skinnier.

Counselor: …..

Counselor: Don't attack your classmates. You're the face of our class, you have to go up. Also with you there, your classmates will be much more enthusiastic. Come to the classroom on Saturday and have a look at your role.

They discussed this for more than half an hour. Finally, the counselor couldn't endure it any longer and began to recount Jing Huan's truancy stories from the past week, and Jing Huan had no choice but to surrender.

At the thought of performing in front of all his classmates, Jing Huan felt ashamed.

A stage actor is called a performer when he is on stage, but he was going to be called a clown.

Making a note to find Lu Wenhao to settle accounts, as soon as they finished the instance, he typed out "I'll go first then 886" before dropping out of the team.

Before he could logout, his friends notification started flashing.

[Friend] Yearning For: You're not playing in the arena tonight?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: 0.0 Aren't you taking your cousin?

[Friend] Yearning For: Not taking her.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: That's not very good is it…

[Friend] Yearning For: No, come to the arena entrance.

Jing Huan hesitated and still went.

No other way, being a dog was just this humbling.

Having fought halfway through a match, Xiang Huaizhi faintly realized there was something wrong with him. "What's wrong?"

"En?" Jing Huan was stunned. "Did I make a mistake?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "You're not talking."

Jing Huan sighed. "It's nothing, just now the counselor came to find me…"

"You got caught skipping class?"

"How could that be!" Jing Huan said. "It's just making me perform at next month's celebration."

Celebration?

Xiang Huaizhi thought for a bit, and it seemed that there was such a thing.

"How is that something to worry about."

"I don't want to go. I can't act, and I'm not interested in singing." Jing Huan said. "I just want to sing to Gege."

"Then sing."

"I… ah? " Jing Huan was struck dumb.

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Didn't you want to sing to me?"

That was just complete bullshit! Just let it go and call it done! There's no guarantee of services here, okay?!

Jing Huan let out a dry laugh. "We're playing in the arena now Gege, it's not convenient…"

"This match is nearly over, you can afk."

"?"

I dug a pit for myself.

Jing Huan now wanted to go two minutes back in time and drag himself away from his computer.

Having reaped what his words had sown, Jing Huan stiffened his resolve, opened his music software, and looked at his song list——

"Seaman," "The Ordinary Road," "Cao Cao".

No matter how he looked at them, none of them were songs girls should sing ahhhhhhhh.

"… What does Gege want to listen to?"

Xiang Huaizhi raised his eyebrows. "You're actually providing DJing services?"

That's not it.

There's also the service of: killing, cremating, and then mourning you, all packaged into one free service. Do you want it.

He carefully expressed, "Whatever you say, I still might not be able to sing."

Jing Huan didn't know how reluctant his voice sounded right now.

Xiang Huaizhi kept smiling as he listened to him. He didn't really want to listen to him sing with a voice changer, but he thought that Jing Huan's sweet-talking mouth shouldn't spoil people too much.

Liking someone didn't mean having to always please their every whim.

With him, it was okay, but if it was someone else, wouldn't he be bullied to death.

Thinking of this, Xiang Huaizhi's mouth unconsciously tightened, and his smile disappeared.

"Forget it," he said, replenishing his potions and continuing to find a match. "Next time ba, the next match is starting."

Jing Huan was searching Baidu for "what songs do boys like to listen to girls sing?". He was stunned by his words and answered, "Oh…"

This man's mood changes so quickly, he must have been an actor his previous life.

—

The next day, in the classroom.

"Daddy, Daddy, I'm wrong, I was so wrong." Lu Wenhao put his hands together, bowing to the person beside him, the flesh on his arm wobbling with his motions. "I really didn't think that he wanted to make you act in a play."

"You didn't think, my ass." Jing Huan gave him an angry glance. "You're finished. Don't try to run away after class."

"I really didn't know! He asked me how your singing and dancing was, and I said that you can sing well, but that your dancing could kill someone…"

Jing Huan looked at him suspiciously. "What position did he arrange for you?"

"Ah?" Lu Wenhao blinked innocently. "Xiang'er and I are in the props group."

Gao Zixiang had a conscience and nodded. "To be honest, I was beside them when they were chatting."

Right.

Jing Huan couldn't vent out his sulleness, so he was forced to just swallow it down.

In the middle of the class, Jing Huan was so sleepy that he couldn't take anything in. He just took out his cellphone to play with.

Before opening the game, he sent a message to Yearning For.

After five games of Tetris, he still didn't get a reply.

Jing Huan cut back to the chat box and stabbed the other party's profile picture with his index finger.

Not replying to your daddy again!

He didn't notice that the person next to him had been frowning and watching him for a long time.

"Huanhuan," Lu Wenhao finally couldn't help but come up and ask him, "Are we good bros?"

Jing Huan didn't turn his head. He concentrated on building blocks. "Depending on the situation."

"…" Lu Wenhao was silent for a long stretch. "When I was dating someone online, weren't you the first one I told?"

"It's not like I really wanted to know."

"Shit, just say if we are or not!"

"… We could count as that."

"Then tell Ge honestly now," Lu Wenhao asked in a serious voice, "Are you dating someone? Don't worry, I'll definitely keep it a secret for you!"

Jing Huan was stunned, and the horizontal square fell down, blocking the two spaces he had carefully arranged.

He turned his head and frowned doubtfully. "Have you not woken up yet?"

"I'm awake," Lu Wenhao said. "No, look at you now, you're completely like someone who has fallen into the sea of love."

"?"

Lu Wenhao stretched out his fingers and counted them out one by one. "First, while you were playing the game, you cut back to WeChat ten times."

"My ass," Jing Huan interrupted. "Can't I wait for news from my friend?"

"You're not even that diligent when you're waiting for your mother's messages. Okay, okay, keep listening to me." Lu Wenhao put up another finger. "Second, every time class is over, you run back to your rental house. You're rushing back to voice chat with your girlfriend, ba?"

"…" Fuck, he really had guessed it half-right.

"Third, your profile picture has changed, and your theme in your friend circle has changed," said Lu Wenhao. "Changed it all for that girl, right?"

"…" Shit, he had guessed about 90% of it right this time.

"Fourth, you've been talking in a strange way recently, dropping in cutesy stuff," Lu Wenhao said, inexplicably smoothing out his eyebrows. "You learned it from her ba?"

"Fifth, just now she didn't reply to your message, and your face turned as black as charcoal. That must be your girlfriend, or else it's the person you like…"

Jing Huan coldly interrupted him, "If you count in my ear again, I'll print out the photos of your ex online lover and mount them in your ancestral hall."

Lu Wenhao finally shut up.

After class, they all left the classroom together and discussed whether to go downtown during the weekend.

"Lu Wenhao?"

The three of them all looked back and saw Lu Hang and Xiang Huaizhi standing behind them.

Xiang Huaizhi was looking down at his mobile phone, and he looked up a bit at them approaching.

Lu Hang smiled. "Even from far away I thought it was you guys. Where are you going?"

"Ready to go to dinner." Lu Wenhao asked, "Lu Ge, why are you here?"

"One of our classrooms has been changed to one in this teaching building, and we just got out of class," said Lu Hang, holding a basketball in his hand. "How about it, play a round?"

"Okay ah." Gao Zixiang said, then he paused. "But at this time, the basketball court has no room ba?"

Lu Hang blinked at him. "I had people save us some space, let's go."

Xiang Huaizhi put his cellphone in his pocket. "You guys go play ba, I'm not going."

"I'm not going either," Jing Huan said at once.

Lu Wenhao was not afraid to die and asked, "Whyyy, are you rushing back to voice chat…"

Jing Huan raised his fist at his head.

Lu Wenhao hurriedly hid. "Wrong, I'm wrong, just making a joke."

So after going down the stairs, the five people once again split into two groups and left.

Walking with Xiang Huaizhi, Jing Huan couldn't help but glance down at his shoes

"What, want to step on it again?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

Jing Huan shook his head violently. "No, I don't want to."

After a few steps, Jing Huan felt that something was wrong and looked around.

"What's the matter?" Xiang Huaizhi asked, noticing his movements.

Jing Huan's expression was complicated. "It's, Ge… Do you feel like a lot of people are looking at us?"

Xiang Huaizhi didn't feel that.

During ordinary times, he already got a lot of looks, so it was impossible for him to tell if anything was different today versus in the past.

"Don't think so."

Jing Huan wondered. "It may just be me imagining things…"

When they arrived at the boys' dorm, Jing Huan had just wanted to say goodbye to the person next to him when he saw that the boy had not stopped and walked in front of him.

He was stunned. "Ge?"

Xiang Huaizhi stopped, "En."

"You're not going back to the dorms?"

"We already walked all the way here," Xiang Huaizhi said naturally. "Let's go get lunch together."

They went to the golden chicken stew shop again.

In the middle of the meal, Jing Huan took out his cellphone, only then realizing that Yearning For had replied to him.

Checking the timestamp, it looked like it had been sent right after he got out of class. It should have been while he was walking, so he hadn't heard any notifications.

After eating his fill, Jing Huan had just wanted to pay the bill, but Xiang Huaizhi had already scanned his phone to pay for it.

"Let's go." Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan held his cellphone and blinked. "Oh… oh."

Walking out of the restaurant, the milk tea shop was still right in front of them.

Xiang Huaizhi asked, "Want some milk tea?"

"Okay ba…" Jing Huan hurriedly said, "I'll buy it myself!"

Xiang Huaizhi went to the end of the line. "I want to buy a coffee too."

Ten minutes later, Jing Huan came out of the milk tea shop once again carrying three cups of milk tea.

He stood on the side of the road, completely dazed.

Why did he feel like… he's been here before?

Carrying a coffee, Xiang Huaizhi walked up to his side. "Then I'll head back first."

"Oh, okay… Ah, wait!" Jing Huan's hand shot out to catch at his clothes.

Xiang Huaizhi turned back and looked at him doubtfully.

Jing Huan returned to his senses and asked him, "Can we go over to the side and talk?"

The two of them sat down on the seats outside the milk tea shop.

Jing Huan put the milk teas down on the table and asked, "Ge, is there something you want to ask me to help with?"

Xiang Huaizhi didn't understand. "What?"

"I mean," Jing Huan sat up straight. "If you need any help, just say it straight, no need… to do this many favors."

"…"

Xiang Huaizhi was finding out that Jing Huan's thought processes were not quite the same as everyone else.

He laughed despite himself and was just about to reply.

Jing Huan scooted up to him and asked in a low voice, "Which girl in our class do you like?"

"?"

"Don't be shy, Ge. This kind of thing I've encountered quite a few times, and I will definitely help you." Jing Huan asked, "Which girl is it? However, I'm not that familiar with the girls in my class, I can probably only get their number for you."

"…"

Jing Huan thought of something and said with a smile, "But I didn't expect that you would also worry when pursuing people under such circumstances ah."

The boy smiled and took a sip of milk tea. Xiang Huaizhi frowned and stared at him with a subtle look, his thoughts a mystery to all those around him.

Only after a while did he find his voice. "I'm not pursuing anyone."

Jing Huan made an "ah" sound.

"And I don't need anyone's number." Xiang Huaizhi said in a flat voice, picking up his coffee and looking at him with slightly drooping eyes.

"I just wanted to treat you to a meal. There's no other meaning or any ulterior motives. You don't have to think too much into it."

—

Juurensha: Hahaha, XHZ you're so right that Huanhuan's thought process is a bit…unique. And oooh, he seems a little hurt and pissed off that Huanhuan assumes he's after some girl in his class and that's why he's treating him so nice?

Divi: XHZ's like… wtf I just want to treat you well.. I'm not trying to date anyone else… (just you)

The great Tangmei/cousin scene by Camila:

And Huanhuan blushing after the Tangmei scene by sylviangatimo:

And we have a fanart page!

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