Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Edited by Divetus

On Monday, as soon as Jing Huan woke up, he found that someone in the dormitory discussion group had been constantly @him.

Half squinting, he began to shuffle through the chat records.

Lu Wenhao: My god! Is anybody there!!

Lu Wenhao: @Xiao Jing ya @ Gao Zixiang

Lu Wenhao: Come on, come on, come on, come out quickly. @Xiao Jing ya

Gao Zixiang: Damn you, can you just quietly go to class and not disturb your roommate's sleep? Laozi was woken up by your liveliness.

Lu Wenhao: Finally someone's here, I was fucking suffocating here.

Gao Zixiang: If you have shit to say, spit it out.

Lu Wenhao: [shares link - Campus BBS -<>]

Seeing his name, Jing Huan frowned and clicked on the link, completely confused.

The picture was at the main building.

Under the street lamp, he and Xiang Huaizhi stood side by side, and he was holding Xiang Huaizhi's left hand, smiling very happily.

It was the night he helped Xiang Huaizhi warm up.

So what? What about this picture?

Jing Huan ignorantly kept scrolling down.

3L: They're real! It's true!!

7L: Fuck, are there any insiders? Let's talk specifics bei.

10L: I said that there was something not quite right about them!! So handsome! If they were straight, how could they not have girlfriends?!

Wait…

Jing Huan seemed to understand something and sat up slowly.

20L: Thank you, LZ. My roommate has confessed to Jing Huan twice and has been rejected both times. She cried for such a long time, but now she's better. I sincerely wish him and Senior Xiang a long life and to grow old together.

37l: I'd like to ask LZ if they're from a photography agency? It's such a beautiful picture, they're so sweet….

79l: There are even gay lovers at our school! And so handsome! Fuck, I'm going to faint! I'm going to send it to my high school roommate to show off!!

155L: I also heard that Xiang Huaizhi helped Jing Huan vent a bit on the basketball court. So they were actually dating this whole time?

No…

It was him who helped Xiang Huaizhi vent a bit, get it right!

Finding that what he was focusing on was wrong, Jing Huan kept scrolling down with trembling hands.

173l: Haha, it's still Laoniang who is smart. I knew as soon as I saw Jing Huan that he must be gay, and a sunshine cute baby 0 at that! So, no matter how much I liked him, I never pursued him! But the other party is actually Xiang Huaizhi… That's something I didn't expect.

?

Sunshine cute baby 0, he knew each of these words individually, but lumped together like that, he had no idea what the damn meaning was.

After scrolling through the entire post, Jing Huan didn't know whether he should be angry or laugh. He exited the site and returned to the discussion group.

Xiao Jing ya: Can BBS track down IP addresses?

Gao Zixiang: You should calm down, don't automatically want to turn people into mincemeat.

Xiao Jing ya: This damn…What happened? I was just warming up Xiang Huaizhi's hands a bit.

Looking at all these comments, people who didn't know what was going on would think that he and Xiang Huaizhi had been photographed in bed together.

Lu Wenhao: I also don't understand, it was just holding hands… I held your hand every day last winter. Why didn't anyone say we were dating?

Xiao Jing ya: ?

Gao Zixiang: Nonsense, it's not like everyone doesn't have brains.

Lu Wenhao: ???

Lu Wenhao: What do you mean? Although I don't understand, you must be badmouthing me.

Gao Zixiang: The most important thing is the face, understand?

Lu Wenhao: I don’t understand.

Gao Zixiang: Two good-looking people holding hands, that’s called a perfect match. Anyone who looks at them will think they’re a pair.

Lu Wenhao: Don’t say any more.

Gao Zixiang: Someone good-looking holding hands with someone ugly, that’s called charity work, brotherhood, long live friendship, may it last ten thousand years.

Lu Wenhao: …I have to fight it out with you today. Wait for me ba, Laozi is carrying a knife back home.

Jing Huan was originally very depressed. Seeing these two fools chatting, his mood greatly improved.

He opened his chat with Xiang Huaizhi.

He typed: Ge, someone photographed us the night I warmed your hand and even posted it to the school BBS QAQ.

Just as he was about to hit send, Jing Huan paused and then only realized that he had actually added an emoticon.

What kind of bad habit was this…

He pressed the delete key, deleted the emoticon, and clicked send.

Xiang Huaizhi: Saw it. Do you mind?

Jing Huan was stunned.

He was the one who had taken the initiative to hold someone else's hand, why would he mind.

Xiao Jing ya: Don't mind ah… It's just that I caused you to be misunderstood.

Xiao Jing ya: Why don't I go on the forum to explain a bit ba?

Xiang Huaizhi: I also don't mind.

Xiang Huaizhi: I have things to do here, let's talk about it next time.

The chat ended in a hurry, and Jing Huan was left holding his cellphone, a little confused—so should he go on to explain or not?

Before he could think much about it, his cellphone suddenly vibrated.

Xiang: Awake yet.

Xiao Jing ya: Awake Gege \ \ ^ 0 ^ / /

Xiang: Login to the game.

Jing Huan checked the time. It wasn't even ten o'clock yet.

They were going to do instances this early?

Disturbed by that post, his sleepiness was gone, and he got up after replying, "Okay".

After washing up, he logged in to the game and afked in the main city, wanting to order breakfast first to fill his stomach. However, the take-out menu hadn't even loaded yet when a dialog box popped up first.

[Yearning For invites you to join his team. Yes, No. ]

"…."

Jing Huan clicked "Yes" and wondered if he should turn off the share location feature to his friends, or he'll expose his position all day long without any privacy at all.

Thinking of this, he moved his mouse to Yearning For's information, and as expected, he couldn't see his coordinates.

"Good morning, Gege." Jing Huan saw that his friend list was nearly completely gray. Neither Love is For You to Eat nor Long Road Ahead were online. "It looks like we're the only ones online?"

"Morning." Xiang Huaizhi replied and took him out of the city.

Jing Huan had just woken up. He was lazy and didn't speak or type. He just wanted to see where Yearning For was taking him.

After several scene changes, they arrived at the Valley of Falling Flowers.

Jing Huan finally couldn't help but ask, "Gege, are we on a date…"

"No," Xiang Huaizhi said, "We're completing your business."

Jing Huan was stunned and raised his hand to fill up his health bar. He had quietly guessed something in his heart.

They had just walked to the most beautiful waterfall in the Valley of Falling Flowers, and Jing Huan hadn't even seen anyone yet when the chat channel first popped up with a message.

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: I love you too. For the rest of our lives, wherever we are, I will never leave or abandon you. [heart]

Ji Xiaonian was standing under the cherry tree, and next to her was a refined scholar. They seemed to be on a date. They were dressed in couple clothing, and the characters were tightly hugging each other, completely lovey-dovey.

Jing Huan seemed to have seen the name of the scholar before on the ranking list of the server, but he didn't have much of an impression of him.

Of course, that didn't matter.

Jing Huan didn't think that Yearning For brought him here to eat dog food.

Sure enough, he hadn't even asked when a line of yellow characters first appeared.

[Attention please! Team leader Yearning For has issued a compulsory PK to Ji Xiaonian! ]

Jing Huan: "…"

Ji Xiaonian had obviously discovered them as well. Unfortunately, Yearning For was so fast that she didn't have time to run away.

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: ???

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: Are you crazy? Sneak attacking me??

Xiang Huaizhi didn't respond, throwing out an immortal binding cable and not leaving Ji Xiaonian a chance to escape.

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: What does that matter have to do with me, are you going to camp me every day? Only knowing how to bully women, really shameless [vomit]

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: Slag man [despise] nausea [vomiting] dog man and woman [spits]

Ji Xiaonian was an expert at being deliberately ambiguous and ridiculing. Soon, she had covered the entire chat with her words.

Jing Huan's liver ached, and he slammed the keyboard, typing out a heap of words to fire back.

"No need to argue with her," Xiang Huaizhi said.

Jing Huan paused. "How did you know…"

"Your keyboard is very loud." Xiang Huaizhi's voice was flat, completely unaffected by Ji Xiaonian's words.

"…"

Jing Huan returned to his senses and silently deleted all the words in the dialog box.

No, has he gone crazy?!

He had just actually wanted to defend Yearning For?!

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: What, I'm so accurate, you don't even dare to talk anymore?

At this time, the scholar who had just been on a date with Ji Xiaonian finally opened his mouth.

[Current] Moonlight and You: Yearning For, the two of you killing one woman, that's kind of bullying ba?

[Current] Yearning For: You can form a team.

After those words, Moonlight and You shut up at once.

A forced PK allowed players to form temporary teams. If Moonlight and You really thought they were bullying her, he could form a team with Ji Xiaonian to fight back.

That reminded Ji Xiaonian of that possibility, and she immediately opened a private chat.

[Friend] Ji Xiaonian: Baby, form a team with me! Let's take Xiao Tianjing away and destroy her equipment!

[Friend] Moonlight and You: … That's not very good, is it.

[Friend] Ji Xiaonian: ??? She brought people to kill me, what's not very good about it?!

[Friend] Moonlight and You: Then, what if we can't kill them?

[Friend] Ji Xiaonian: How can we know we can't kill them without trying?

[Friend] Moonlight and You: …

[Friend] Moonlight and You: No, darling… I put a lot of game money on me to get onto the rich ranking list. If I die, I will lose a lot of money…

[Friend] Ji Xiaonian: ?

[Friend] Moonlight and You: Niannian, look at the equipment on Xiao Tianjing. Any one of her items isn't worth as much as the money on me, why bother to fight them.

[Friend] Ji Xiaonian: You mean you don't care about me?

[Friend] Moonlight and You: No, how can I not care about you? I'll wait for you at the rebirth point and take you out to buy apparel later, okay?

Seeing that Ji Xiaonian wasn't saying anything now, Jing Huan couldn't help but ask, "Will they form a team?"

Xiang Huaizhi replied, "Probably won't."

Jing Huan was stupefied. "Why?"

"Today is the day the rich ranking list refreshes. Moonlight and You should have put a lot of gold on himself."

"That's why?" Jing Huan frowned. "Because of a little money, he won't even care if his wife gets killed?"

Xiang Huaizhi paused. "If it were you, would you care?"

"Of course la," Jing Huan didn't even have to think about it, "If Gege is killed one day, I will accompany him back to the rebirth point. We live together, and we will die together! Death cannot tear us apart!"

"Don't accompany me to the rebirth point," Xiang Huaizhi said slowly, "I will not die."

Jing Huan: "…"

This person wasn't romantic at all.

At this time, the person who had been silent for so long suddenly spoke.

[Current] Ji Xiaonian: If you're going to kill me, make it quick.

Jing Huan only then discovered that Moonlight and You had disappeared. It was only the three of them left in this area.

Later, Ji Xiaonian never opened her mouth again. When she was knocked down to the ground, Jing Huan even thought she was kind of pitiful.

At the end of the battle, only he and Yearning For were left at the scene.

"Wheat's Number One Fan is out of the safe zone now." Xiang Huaizhi suddenly said, "Was killing him last time enough?"

"Ah… It's fine, he hasn't tried to bother me since then." Jing Huan just thought of something. "Gege, how did you know that Ji Xiaonian was out of the safe zone?"

"Saw her while doing my dailies."

"Like that," Jing Huan sighed, "She is also actually pretty pitiful. She's been hunted down and killed, and her husband doesn't even care."

"En."

"Whatever, why should I sympathize with others?" Jing Huan calmed down. "When I was hunted down and killed, I didn't even have a husband!"

"…"

"And I still don't have one!!"

Xaing Huaizhi led him back, attempting to end this line of conversation.

Jing Huan didn't plan on letting him go. He opened his mouth and said, "Gege, marry me!!"

"Not marrying you."

"Why!"

Because you're a man.

This idea had just floated up when Xiang Huaizhi was a bit startled by it.

Although he couldn't say what part of it was wrong, but he knew that his reasoning… was a bit strange.

Very strange.

He subconsciously looked at the back of his hand. The temperature of that boy's palm from that night seemed to linger there.

"Because," Xiang Huaizhi paused and said, "I think of you as a friend."

—

Juurensha: XHZ attempting to friendzone Huanhuan…hahaha, it's not going to work XHZ, you have feelings for him! (Also that photo of the two of them that appeared on the forum, I love the imagery! If anyone wants to draw fanart of it haha…..)

Divi: You're gonna eat your words XHZ.

And a preview of a piece from Asami:

And from gu:

And from Camila:

And be sure to support the raws!