Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 99 – Florida Man on Shrooms Lights Himself on Fire, Damage the Pyramid, and Steal Pharaoh's Golden Chocolate

Seeing how the thief escape through his grasp, Leo was frustrated. While shooting through the sky, he looked at the handgun.

It failed him. 80,000 years of lifespan investment wasn't worth it. His punch and kick were a lot stronger than this peashooter.

"I wasted my money. Hah…"

Leo sighed and landed 10 kilometers away from the pyramid. He turned around and softly kicked the ground, leaving a 100-meter-diameter crater behind – He leaped toward the pyramid, where Situ Nantian's fingers and ring fell.

After landing at the foot of the pyramid, the first thing he noticed was the pink mushroom forest.

Leo recognized it well. They were sweet dream mushrooms!

As soon as Leo stepped on one of them, a thousand mushrooms erupted, spreading their spores toward him. He covered his mouth and nose. Then, he put the gun away.

"Dammit. Not again."

Leo quietly purchased a can of spray paint and a lighter. Then, he started razing the terrorizing mushrooms. 

The mushrooms caught fire. The small ones stopped spilling spores and withered. However, the large mushrooms began to show some resistance by splitting themselves into smaller pieces, flying away from the fire.

At a glance, the mushrooms died at a rapid rate. In reality, the detached pieces of mushrooms devoured the Qi in the environment and regrew back to the previous form – They self-healed and multiplied.

Noticing that the resiliency of the mushrooms, Leo purchased a canteen of gasoline and poured the content on himself. Then, he lit himself on fire.

After turning himself into Ifrit, the spores that had been attached to his skin rapidly died. The pink mist around him also failed to get close to Leo.

Seeing that the trick worked, Leo calmly purchased a package of cigars from the system. Opening the package, Leo picked up one of the cigars and threw the package away before it caught fire. He cut the head of the cigar and lit it on fire. Then, he puffed a smoke.

*COUGH*

Leo coughed and spat. It had been too long since he last smoked, and his lungs rejected it. Still, it was enough to quell his pending anger and frustration.

"Dammit. I remember that geezer's face. He won't survive next time."

After complaining while keeping the cigar in his mouth, Leo looked around, scanning the burning mushrooms and searching for Situ Nantian's fingers and rings.

WIGGLE

It was not hard to locate all five of them. Several overgrown mushrooms shamelessly generated small thin branches, slithering toward the rings. As many mushrooms had the same goal, they concentrated their extensions on the rings, turning their branches into inter-connected balls.

Leo walked toward one of the mushroom balls. He grabbed it while his hands were still aflame, burning the mushroom ball. He also rubbed the cigar's tip on it as he smoked enough.

The mushroom ball resisted the flame. It regenerated back the burnt part, not wanting to part with the spatial ring and the finger inside.

Leo dug into the ball with his fingers. With a slight force, the mushroom ball was split in half, revealing the content inside.

A middle finger and a spatial ring were in there. Leo pulled the ring out and left the finger alone.

After leaving the finger alone, the mushrooms restored themselves, returning its shape into a ball and covering the finger, resuming eating it.

Leo rubbed the newly acquired spatial ring on his burning skin, removing the remnant mushroom spores on it. Then, he put it on and continued working with the other four mushroom balls.

.

A few minutes later, Leo secured all five rings. However, he kept the gasoline fire burning. It couldn't hurt him or kill him anyway.

After securing the rings, Leo planned to unload the content. However, the mushroom forest was not an ideal place. He looked around and searched for a better place.

But then, Leo gazed at the pyramid.

"Welp. Since I'm here, how about a little exploration? Nothing can go wrong if I open a few sarcophagi in there, right?"

Leo laughed and strolled around the pyramid, looking for an entrance.

.

.

An hour later, Leo finally found an entrance. He climbed the stone stairs as the cell gate was located at the middle section of the pyramid, where a small shrine was.

Leo approached the shrine and found a sacrificial table, covered by sweet dream mushrooms and molds. He ignored it and walked toward the cell gate. With a pull, the cell gate broke, revealing a small hole to enter.

As Leo was not into a claustrophobic fetish, he decided to expand the passageway. He grabbed a large slab of light yellow stone on the ceiling and pulled it.

RUMBLE

The stone came out like a Jenga game piece. Leo looked at the cube stone and weighed it with his feeling. Then, he tossed it toward the ground.

BOOM

The 10-ton stone smashed the mushrooms below.

Leo cracked his fingers and started doing the same with the other pieces. For the sake of safety, Leo climbed to the apex of the pyramid and removed the top piece. Then, he worked his way down.

.

.

BOOM

BOOM

BOOM

A few minutes later, Leo removed over 500 blocks of stones. However, he couldn't see any room or passageway yet.

While Leo took his time, a certain horse followed his scent there. Taxi galloped in the sky. From under his feet, thunder cracked, and lightning bolts struck random trees and mushrooms on the ground.

When Taxi found Leo, he neighed.

"SMASH <3"

"Oh."

Leo turned around and found Taxi. Upon noticing that the pony was standing in midair, Leo was jealous.

"Dammit, Taxi. I thought you were like me. I didn't know you could fly!"

"Smash UwU"

"What do you mean it's easy?! I can't even fly!"

"Smash :P"

"No, you suck! I'm faster than you even though I can't fly!"

"…Smash? :D"

"Huh? You're going to teach me?"

"Smash XD"

"Noice! But dude, aren't you stinky? You want me to give you food four times a day? That ain't funny."

"SMASH >:D"

"You…"

Leo facepalmed.

From the conversation, Taxi offered a costly deal – He wanted four meals of immortal grass for 100 years. In exchange, he would teach Leo how to fly like him.

As Taxi's technique didn't have a name, he simply called it "Horse Steps".

Although Leo hesitated, he thought of Wu Buyi and the cultivators back home. He imagined their reactions when they learned that he couldn't fly. Also, Leo couldn't forget the aerial chase earlier.

"Fine. How many immortal grasses do you want per meal?"

"Smash <3"

"Dammit, 200? I can't feed you too many! Your buddies are invading my house right now, and they might have already taken over my farms. I can't guarantee that many. How about 50?"

"Smash! D:"

"70!"

"SMASH!! D:<"

"Ugh, fine. 100, deal!"

"Smash! XD"

While settling a deal, Leo's hands never stopped moving. He removed pyramid jenga stones one after another.

Taxi observed Leo's action. He tilted his head, wondering why Leo was lit on fire. Also, he looked down and noticed the pink mushroom forest.

Upon noticing the sweet dream mushrooms, Taxi shrieked in fright. It started running in a circle as if it was walking up a circular staircase. A minute later, he was three kilometers above the ground.

Leo looked up and frowned.

"You are overreacting. Those mushrooms can't reach us here."

"S-S-Smash…"

Taxi shook his head, refusing to come down.

Leo sighed. He resumed working, removing the pyramid's blocks.

.

After removing the 2,000th piece, Leo finally found a hollowed area inside. When Leo found out that he could finally get inside, he laughed.

"Yup. This is the way. Just remove everything!"

Leo jumped into the only hole, which led him to a hollowed area inside the pyramid. He landed in the middle of a dark hall, supported by stone pillars.

His eyes changed from red to green, adapting to the darkness in the pyramid's chamber. As soon as his eyes adapted to the dark, he found a gold statue of a rabbit trent pharaoh, sitting on a gold throne.

Leo grinned, "Is this the real rabbit trent king? Is this why the quest doesn't end after I ate everything?"

Believing that the pharaoh was the quest target, Leo leaped toward the statue and threw and straight punch at its face.

BOOM

The gold statue exploded, scattering gold stones everywhere.

"…"

Leo wryly smiled. Judging from the impact feedback, he realized that he punched a gold statue, not a creature. Moreover, the statue was hollowed inside.

He looked into the hole in the statue's neck. Then, Leo found gold coins with the face of a rabbit. They all emitted gold radiation.

Seeing the gold coins inside, Leo peeled the statue's skin.

CLANK

After pulling the neck and the shoulder parts out, it was as Leo had guessed. Inside the pharaoh statue was a stash of countless gold coins.

"Meh, trash."

Leo picked one of the gold coins and took a bite. Unlike the cartoon meme, Leo's teeth snapped the gold coin in half. Then, he chewed it as if it was chocolate.

It tasted like 100% chocolate. The bitterness made Leo stick out his tongue and shut his eyes.

"Ew. Dammit. What kind of rotten gold is this?"

DING

<Your lifespan has increased by five years.>

Leo paused for a minute, staring at the system message window. He stiffly turned around and threw the other half into his mouth. Then, his attitude turned 180 degrees.

"This is the best food I ever have! Original chocolate FTW!!"

Because of his good mood, Leo's brain efficiency rose. He got an idea.

Leo looked up and shouted at Taxi, offering him a new deal.

"HEY, TAXI! IF YOU TEACH ME HOW TO USE QI AND MY SPATIAL RINGS, I'LL ADD 100 BLADES OF IMMORTAL GRASS TO THE TOP OF THE PREVIOUS DEAL! HOW ABOUT IT?!"