Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 96 – Super Hero "Florida Man" Speedruns a Boss Fight, "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That"

After a night's rest, the unconscious cultivators in the pagoda regained their senses. They sat up at the same time the morning sunlight shone through the windows.

Everybody was dizzy. The young disciples had a high fever while the elders only had a mild headache.

Yao Qiqi was among them. She sat up and wobbled.

The six-year-old girl looked different from before. After she drank several mouthfuls of rejuvenate tea, her physique age regressed three years, reverting her body to a three-year-old child. No matter how everybody looked at her, she was just a little child that shouldn't be here.

However, her cultivation base was no joke. Despite looking like a kindergarten child, she entered the mystic realm as a foundation establishment cultivator. Moreover, after she woke up, her Qi volume surpassed that of a peak golden core cultivator even though her cultivation base remained the same. 

Yao Qiqi yawned. She looked around and found Xu Nuan, who was her current mentor and new mother.

"…Good morning, mama."

Xu Nuan turned toward her adopted child and carried her in her arms. She brightly smiled, "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

"Just a little dizzy. What was that noise, mama?" Yao Qiqi hugged her foster mother and smiled. She loved being spoiled.

"I don't know either."

Xu Nuan bitterly smiled and gazed at Han Hao and Han Meng. Their conditions were as bad as hers as their faces were as pale as a sheet.

While everybody checked on their disciples and their colleagues, Xu Nuan heard the voice transmissions of Dongfang Mei. 

'Is everybody alright?'

Xu Nuan closed her eyes and replied in her mind, 'Yes, senior. Everybody has recovered.'

'What about Qiqi?'

'She's doing fine. Actually, this might be a fortuitous encounter for her. I think her Qi volume has tripled'

'…Keep on protecting her. She's our hope and dream.'

'Understood.'

Xu Nuan wasn't the only one who got to talk to their team leader. Han Hao also heard the voice of Hua Jiashan.

'Is there any casualty?'

Han Hao deeply sighed and muttered, "No, sect master. Everybody survives. Only minor injuries."

'Very well. Everybody has five days to cultivate. After that, send all disciples back, and we will begin collecting as many herbs and fruits from this mystic realm.'

Hearing that they would get to spend a couple days treasure-hunting, Han Hao was overjoyed, "Yes, sect master! We'll do our best."

'Oh, by the way.'

"Yes?"

'While you're unconscious, Daoist Florida Man entered the pagoda. He has gone ahead of me and Dongfang Mei. I don't know which floor he is on, but he should be at the top by now. If something weird happens again, ignore my orders and evacuate everybody out of this mystic realm.'

"Huh?"

'Just so you know, Daoist Florida Man comes here with a thunder unicorn. I think it's his new mount or pet.'

"…"

Han Hao's eyes turned into two small dots as he didn't know how to react to Leo's deeds. His action reminded him of Wu Buyi, who semi-betrayed Life Sword Sect to bootlick Leo. He wondered what the alchemist friend was doing.

"Sect master, which mystic realm portal is Daoist Florida Man using? How did he come here?"

'Have you forgotten about his portal platform? He made one for himself, no?'

"…"

Han Hao smacked his forehead with his palm. He saw that platform, but he didn't pay attention to it. Finally, he understood why Wu Buyi volunteered to be by Leo's side.

"If Florida Man is here, that damn fox should be here too. You're a damn shameless, Wu Buyi! How could you leech that quasi-immortal by yourself?! You should have told me!"

It was too late to regret.

.

.

While everybody was ready for a new day of exploration and cultivation, Leo picked up a 9th-rank monster core of the dead rabbit trent and put it in his pocket. He wanted to eat it, but he needed them for the longevity pills that he hadn't made yet. Then, they resumed their journey to the top of the pagoda.

Fortunately, they simply needed to walk across every floor and climb every stair inside the pagoda building. They didn't have to parkour or jump over small platforms like a certain popular game that required players to climb random objects until they reached the space.

As both Taxi and Leo had experience, they rushed through the next 50 floors, hoping to find another boss or a checkpoint.

On the 250th floor, they found what they wanted. Two rabbit trents stood tall, blocking the path to the next level. As soon as Leo and Taxi showed up, they hissed and attacked him.

Leo grinned. This time, he didn't let Taxi fight. He charged toward the rabbit trents.

"Nom-Nom mother-trucker! Gimme your lifespan and your monster cores!!"

.

A minute later, Leo got his hands on two more monster cores. As he had more than one, he bit one of the apple-sized monster cores to see how much he would get.

After eating the entire monster core, Leo got the result.

DING

<Your lifespan has increased by 2,000 years.>

Leo pursed his lips. It was not bad. However, he wondered if the longevity pills would give him more than 2,000 YOL. As such, he kept the second rabbit trent's core in his pocket.

The climbing resumed.

On the 251st floor, things changed. Instead of finding a blank floor with a strong Qi pressure as usual, they found three rabbit trents, standing guard in front of the stairs to the next level.

"Hohoh?"

Leo licked his lips. He loved this pattern.

"I guess we have more monster cores in the menu. But the real question is, how can I transport them home?"

He crossed his arms and approached the three rabbit trent monsters, looking at the cute creatures.

.

.

While Leo was busy climbing the pagoda, Situ Nantian departed from the heaven-piercing mountains. They traveled east, heading toward the pagoda town that Leo was in.

Situ Nantian never stopped reading the book after he got his hands on it. He learned so much that he wanted to know more. While he read it, he also taught the other clansmen.

"Gnosis is the core of a celestial being. It contains the solidified dao and karma of the cultivator. Whoever digests the gnosis of a celestial being, will obtain the power of gnosis, attaining the same strength as the former gnosis owner. This is a shortcut to reach the immortal stage!"

Everybody was astonished. They were grateful that Situ Nantian shared this knowledge with them.

"But that's not the end. Gnosis is just a replica of something grand. In the book, it mentions "Fate Crystal". It says that fate crystals are created along with a lucky newborn baby chosen by heaven. The fate owner has a tremendous amount of luck, and their talent defies all logic. Every person with fate crystal can be considered as the protagonist of the era."

"Wow."

"This is funny, though. Our ancestors also mentioned it a long time ago."

Situ Nantian remembered the teaching of his grandfather, who had ascended long ago. He always warned Situ Nantian not to antagonize the fate crystal bearer no matter what.

"Protagonists of the era… Hehehe."

Although his grandfather had warned him, Situ Nantian had another idea. According to the book of the mysterious immortal, it mentioned how one could become heaven's favorite child by stealing the fate crystal from the chosen one. Moreover, it also listed the quality of the crystals.

The lowest quality was named Heavenly Fate Crystal. The drawn image in the book showed a fist-sized crystal, and the book described that it enabled the bearer to create a new universe in their dantian.

The standard fate crystal, on the other hand, was called "Entity Fate Crystal". It came in various sizes, and the biggest one was rumored to be at least 500 meters in diameter. The book highlighted that these crystals used to be heavenly fate crystals, but the crystals absorbed their owners' luck enough to evolve.

Smaller Entity Fate Crystals could only be found among overlords of a realm, a planet, or a mystic realm. As for the bigger ones, nobody knew where they could be found.

After learning about the unique artifacts, Situ Nantian couldn't sit still. He desired those fate crystals and the power of gnosis.

He wanted absolute power!

Because of the enthusiasm and excitement, Situ Nantian flew past Leo's camping site, where Wu Buyi and Gao Yan had been staying in. The clansmen noticed them, but they ignored the two as their cultivation bases were too weak.

The group flew for six hours. At 1 PM, they finally reached the pagoda town.

Situ Nantian ignored the small pagodas. He gazed at the tallest one, which streaked through the clouds. Judging from his eyes, there should be about 300 to 400 floors.

"According to the book and that immortal, this place should be the lair of rabbit trent king. He should be the owner of this mystic realm."

Situ Nantian's subordinates got nervous. As the dead immortal didn't have a chance against the mystic realm overlord, they doubted that Situ Nantian could defeat it.

"G-Grand elder. Do you have a plan? How do we defeat it?"

Situ Nantian smirked, "Who do you think I am? I am SITU NANTIAN, THE HEAVEN'S SCRIBE! All my talismans are capable enough to kill weak immortals!"

"But sir… that dead immortal also-"

Situ Nantian glared at his subordinate, "You, shut up! You don't understand anything! This is our golden opportunity to obtain godly knowledge from the immortal realms! If we can acquire either a fate crystal or the power of gnosis, our clan will be the strongest, and we won't have to bow down to the Imperial Family anymore!"

"…"

The followers still doubted their grand elder. They looked at each other, wanting to bail from this mission.

While the crowd was reluctant to follow Situ Nantian's order or follow his lead, a loud boom came from the sky. Everybody looked up and noticed that the clouds around the top of the pagoda dispersed.

"Hmm?"

Situ Nantian narrowed his eyes as he could see through walls and objects. He noticed an aura of an old man, whose cultivation base couldn't be measured. Behind the old man, there was a 9th-stage thunder unicorn.

However, in front of the man and the horse, there was a terrifying aura of a monster.

Situ Nantian flinched in fear. The aura of the monster belonged to the being that surpassed the 9th stage. It could also be considered a sacred beast as its presence was similar to an immortal.

"Immortal beast?!"

That was the nickname of a 10th-stage monster beast or stronger beast. Usually, they rarely appeared in a mystic realm that was connected to a mortal world. However, they sometimes appeared as a guardian, protecting the most important place of a mystic realm.

Situ Nantian laughed. He flew up, planning to take advantage of their fight and steal whatever artifacts from the tower. He instantly hovered over the 400th floor, the top floor.

BOOM

Before Situ Nantian could do anything, a loud gong sound echoed. He flinched for a moment as he couldn't control his Qi. A few seconds later, he free-fell from the sky.

Situ Nantian didn't notice what the old man did to the 10th-stage monster.

.

.

Meanwhile, at the 400th floor, Leo bit his lower lip as he gazed at the broken gong.

"Why did you have to do that?! This is my favorite gong! I was planning to use it as my alarm bell!"

In front of Leo, a 10-meter-tall rabbit trent sat on his throne, staring down at Leo and Taxi. He scoffed after he destroyed the gong with a flying sword.

"You puny human is too loud. Your life, your treasures, and your meat will be the fertilizer for my kin-"

BOOM

Leo suddenly launched and counter-punch from a distance. The wind, caused by the fist, punctured through the rabbit trent king's chest, leaving a large hole.

"???"

The rabbit trent king looked down in confusion. He didn't understand what had hit him.

Leo stomped toward rabbit trent king. He jumped and landed on the king's lap and snatched the dangling red orb from the monster.

"Ain't nobody got time for that! Gimme your damn monster core. I need to finish my goddamn quest so that I can start farming my lifespan!"

"…"

The rabbit trent king's consciousness slowly faded. He had a thousand questions and rebukes to say, but Leo shut down his hope.

Just like that, Leo skipped the boss fight and went straight for the quest reward.