Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 83 – Florida Man Teaches Children How to Brush Teeth, Eats Toothpaste and Get Hospitalized

4 AM, Imperial Palace

After listening to Tang Xuan's report, Situ Nantian looked at the chancellor in solemn. The emperor also massaged his temples as he had never expected it.

"An emerging celestial being, I see. This is indeed an issue."

Situ Nantian suggested, "Should we contact our ancestors and inform them?"

Yan Xiang shook his head, "No, we can't. He isn't breaking any mortal world's law. He suppresses his strength to the quasi-immortal stage, and he hasn't committed any taboo."

"But he killed junior cultivators?" Situ Nantian frowned.

Tang Xuan had another opinion, "Everything was self-defense. Daoist Florida Man never attacked anybody first. The incident yesterday occurred because the third prince's henchmen picked a fight with his pet."

As Tang Xuan chatted with Leo, he learned a bit about his personality. From his point of view, Leo wasn't a bad immortal. He seemed fair and friendly to talk to.

In order to prevent a mishap, Tang Xuan was determined to convince the emperor not to provoke Leo. After all, he might be the miracle that his Sixth Element Sect and the Tang Clan had been searching for.

Situ Nantian narrowed his eyes as he saw through Tang Xuan's stance. However, as this matter was beyond his power, he shut his mouth and calculated his actions.

Although Situ Nantian couldn't do anything to a celestial being, that didn't mean he would stay idle and do nothing about the matter. He secretly pulled out a communication talisman under his sleeve. When it came out, it turned to ash. However, it delivered Situ Nantian's messages to a higher realm, where his ancestors resided. After sending a cultivator's SMS, he continued observing the emperor and Tang Xuan.

The emperor shifted his gaze between the two seniors. He asked them for advice, "Then, what do you think we should do?"

Tang Xuan took the initiative, "It's simple, actually. First, we should issue him a permanent permit to possess essence stones, so none of the princes or clans will seek trouble with him. Secondly, our status is lower than his. We should be the ones visiting him and showing him respect. That way, we can avoid unnecessary conflict and be on good terms with Celestial Florida Man. And lastly, he cultivates life force and he is selling rare herbs for lifespan. I suggest we form a trade agreement with him so that we can gather precious herbs, artifacts, and rare materials while we get on his good side. Once Celestial Florida Man becomes our friend, our kingdom will benefit from his presence, protection, and his goods."

The emperor nodded as the reason was sounding. He looked at his mentor next, "What about you, master? Any thoughts?"

Situ Nantian smirked. He had another idea.

"Your Majesty, the laws of our mortal world are sacred. Even though Daoist Florida Man suppresses his cultivation base to be in our world, that doesn't mean that he can prolong his stay. I recommend we inform our ancestors so that they can dispatch the Heavenly Court Army to apprehend him. No celestial being should be on a mortal world!"

Tang Xuan was stunned. Situ Nantian's words were the same as a declaration of war, and it might put countless lives in the world in danger.

"Are you insane?! Informing the Heavenly Court?! If they come here, not only regular people will be affected, half of the cultivators will be purged because of their overwhelming aura! Many people will die!"

The emperor agreed with Tang Xuan. He had seen how terrifying his father was when he ascended, and he didn't want to feel that terrifying pressure again.

"He's right, master. Celestial beings are terrifying. They only need to look at us, and we will all die from their aura and presence. There's a reason why immortals create the convention laws and prevent others from descending to a mortal world."

Situ Nantian was disappointed. He snorted, "Your Majesty, I taught you once, remember? Celestial beings that don't stay in their immortal realms are scums. Cowards from those worlds always hide in a mortal world because they can't compete with their peers. They are the losers that should be removed."

"They are stronger and more talented than us, though," Tang Xuan rolled his eyes and mocked Situ Nantian. As the latter was older than him but they had the same cultivation base, it could be said that Situ Nantian was one of the talentless mortals, who failed to become a celestial being.

"…"

Situ Nantian closed his mouth and glared at Tang Xuan. He smacked his lips and stomped. Then, he vanished from the palace.

Noticing that Situ Nantian left, Tang Xuan scoffed, "Talk about cowards, there's one right there. Well, he has escaped because he can't win a debate."

Emperor Yan Xiang shook his head, "Leave it be, Chancellor Tang. By the way, is it true that immortals and celestial beings can convert vegetables and food into rare herbs? Can they turn normal spirit stones into essence stones too?"

"Yes, Your Majesty. There is no mistake. Celestial beings condense a great amount of elemental essence in their bodies. Some of them even transform their dantians into a pocket universe to store extra essence. When one reaches the celestial stage, they can start using "Domain Laws", and those abilities are necessary to survive the immortal realms."

"Is that so…"

Yan Xiang was already aware of this, but he asked Tang Xuan to make sure. He, too, had seen his father using a domain ability, and it was terrifying.

"Anyway," Yan Xiang changed the subject. "Now that we know, there's no point investigating Magpie City and Celestial Florida Man. I'll issue an edict to summon Yan Zhu back, and I'll propose your idea in the next meeting. Also, the mystic realm portals will be open in two days. We should be ready for the expedition."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

Tang Xuan was relieved that the emperor listened to him. For now, the imperial court wouldn't end up becoming an enemy of the mysterious immortal.

.

.

6 AM, Leo's Domain

"HEEEOOOW."

Gao Yan opened his mouth wide and yawned. Last night, he barely slept as too many things happened yesterday. Moreover, he slept on the hard floor, and his back was aching.

The others were still asleep. Their expressions were terrible as they also struggled to rest on the hard and flat floor. Everybody was used to straw beds, so the store's cold hard floor was uncomfortable for them.

"Ow. Dammit. Today, I need to build my bed. Otherwise, it will be painful at night again."

Gao Yan stretched, and his back let out a loud crack. He gasped as he felt weird, but his back got better. After tilting his neck hard and adjusting his bones, Gao Yan was ready for the new day. But unlike modern people, he didn't brush his teeth or take a morning bath.

When Gao Yan walked out of his room, he looked at the elevator. He wanted to check the strange place in the sky again as he hadn't toured enough.

Unfortunately, as soon as he came out, he found Leo, who didn't sleep all night. The latter dragged his feet to his bedroom, and their eyes accidentally met.

"Oh, you," Leo waved his hand, calling Gao Yan over.

"Y-Yes, senior?"

"When the others wake up, tell them to move their belongings to the new home. I built it last night."

"E-EH?!"

Gao Yan was stunned. Last night, not only Leo took care of the intruders, but he also built their new home? He was moved.

The alchemy disciple was overjoyed. He saluted Leo, "Thank you, senior! I'll go wake up the others now."

Gao Yan turned around and was about to drag his friends out. However, Leo tossed something light and hard to the back of his head. He stopped and turned around, scratching the back of his head.

"S-Senior?"

Leo pointed at the ground, where he had thrown a package of toothpaste, toothbrushes, and soaps on Gao Yan.

"Y'all stink. Go brush your teeth and take a bath in the toilet. Don't come out to work until you're clean."

"…"

Gao Yan looked at the modern packages of soaps and toothpaste. In his world, the local commoners used ginger and herbs instead of liquid toothpaste. As for cultivators, they cleaned their teeth and bodies with their Qi.

Seeing the bars of soap and toothpaste, Gao Yan was confused. He picked them up and flipped them around like a chimpanzee checking a new toy. 

Leo saw Gao Yan's reactions, and he sighed. He strode toward Gao Yan and picked up a toothbrush and a toothpaste tube. Leo unsealed the package and demonstrated how to use them.

"Look here. This is how you brush your teeth. Squeeze it a little, and the toothpaste will come out. Put this thing on the toothbrush. Put a bit of water on it. Then, you put it on your teeth and start brushing it. Also, don't brush them too hard. You only need to gently swipe this thing between your teeth and allow the foam to cover your mouth, not freaking SANDING it. I've seen many fools using toothbrushes as if it was toilet brush, and they leave scratch marks on their teeth. Human teeth are fragile, and they can dent! Be gentle, alright?"

"…"

Only half of the instruction entered Gao Yan's ears. The latter wryly smiled as he didn't understand why Leo said so much. Still, he understood the first part of the instructions.

Leo sighed and gave up on Gao Yan. He returned to his room, "I'mma go to sleep. Do whatever you want today after you move to the new building. Oh, you can pick any room you want."

Leo entered his bedroom and locked the door.

"…"

Gao Yan looked at the soap bars, toothbrushes, and toothpaste tubes. Then, he snickered, "Okay?"

.

Later that morning, there was an incident. One of the disciples mistook a tube of mint toothpaste for a treat. He swallowed the entire tube's worth of modern toothpaste and got a severe stomach ache.

Wu Buyi healed the idiot disciple and scolded him for eating strange things without asking Leo and him. Still, that disciple would have a constipation issue for weeks to come.