Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 73 – Florida Man Trainee Murders Police Officer Using Pokemon

Chancellor Tang Xuan and Ye Tianxie gave Leo a meaningful look. As the latter didn't kneel, they took it as a clear sign that Leo had no intention to submit to the Yan Empire.

Ye Tianxie was enraged, but his expression was emotionless. He calmly warned Leo.

"Please show respect to the emperor's presence and his decree. Otherwise, we will take you as a rebel, and we will apprehend you, sir."

Hearing the warning, Leo was overjoyed. He laughed, "Come and apprehend me. I won't bow my head to a stupid paper!"

"…"

Ye Tianxie deeply sighed. He wished he could kill Leo right now, but his cultivation base was lower than the quasi-immortal stage. He swallowed his frustration and glanced at the Chancellor.

Chancellor Tang noticed the glance. He slightly shook his head as he had no intention of provoking the mysterious expert. He continued reading the decree even though Leo refused to kneel.

"Hear the decree. The emperor has noticed that you are in possession of contraband items "Essence Stones". By the imperial laws, section 29, all sources of essence stones belong to the imperial court, and all cultivators and citizens must hand over their essence stones to the imperial court officials if they acquire them from an unauthorized source. If refused to comply, the carriers of essence stones will be treated and prosecuted as a rebel, and their seven generations will be executed."

"Oh, cool. What a nice empire. Picking up a stone from a roadside can get your seven generations killed. Superb!"

Leo slowly clapped and snickered in a good mood. Because of his interruption, the officials and agents behind Chancellor Tang and Ye Tianxie gnashed their teeth and circulated their Qi, preparing to strike Leo.

Chancellor Tang deeply sighed and raised one hand to stop them. His other hand still held the paper as he continued reading.

"Still, because Life Sword Sect has never attended any annual meeting in the imperial palace, any related crime committed by the local cultivators in the Life Sword Sect's territory will not be prosecuted. Instead, the emperor wishes to invite you and representatives from Life Sword Sect to the imperial palace so that he can issue you a permit to possess essence stones!"

Ye Tianxie and the others were stunned as they had never heard of this before. When they were in the throne room, the emperor didn't mention anything about the exception.

Noticing the people's expressions, Chancellor Tang sneered at them. He smiled at Leo.

"Secondly, as Death Sword Sect and the Fatui Cult have been secretly and indirectly suppressing the Life Sword Sect, the emperor believes that the sect has a legitimate reason to request compensation. Therefore, the emperor temporarily grants the Life Sword Sect and Cultivator Florida Man the permit to possess unauthorized essence stones for one year, and they are allowed to monopolize the new sources of essence stones until the next annual meeting. This condition persists until further changes. And that's the end of the decree. Please receive the edict."

"WHAT?!"

Ye Tianxie was frustrated. He couldn't believe that the emperor's edict was real as the emperor's order back then was different. He snatched the scroll from Chancellor Tang's hand and reread everything.

Unfortunately, everything in the scroll was exactly as Chancellor Tang had read. No word was exaggerated.

"How can this be?! I thought the emperor ordered us to kill him and seize his essence stones!" Ye Tianxie protested.

Chancellor Tang scoffed, "Are you questioning the emperor?"

"N-No…" Ye Tianxie wasn't Chancellor Tang's opponent. He receded and lowered his head. Still, as he worked for the third prince, he was dissatisfied with this decree.

Meanwhile, someone else was also unhappy. Leo's expression was dark as the guests over here came in peace instead of trying to be a cliché bully. He deeply sighed.

"I'm disappointed," Leo complained.

"Hmm? Why are you disappointed, fellow Daoist?" Chancellor Tang didn't understand Leo. He tried his best to protect the Life Sword Sect and give them a way out of the political strife, yet Leo didn't play along.

Leo waved his hand, "Forget it. I ain't going to the imperial court whatsoever. My essence stones belong to me, and I won't hand them over. The same for the essence stones in the Life Sword Sect, you can't have them."

Chancellor Tang grinned and reminded Leo, "The emperor won't force you. In fact, he has no intention to antagonize you. He simply sends me here to investigate the new source of essence stones. But if you're unhappy with the imperial court's laws, you can always share your opinion with me, and I can report back to the emperor. In fact, if I want to, I can even change the laws."

"Tsk!"

This annoyed Leo more. He wished these guests would attack him so that he could steal their lifespan. But judging from how the old man behaved and his tone, the plan was impossible.

On the other hand, the crowd was raring to attack Leo at any moment. Their red faces, squinted brows, and bulging blood vessels on their faces said it all.

Leo stared at the angry crowd and the friendly old man. Looking at the polarized expressions, he suddenly had an idea. He mischievously grinned and summoned lifespan status menus for them to see. Leo also verified their identities.

DING

Status menu screens appeared in front of the angry visitors. Chancellor Tang and Ye Tianxie could finally see their remaining life.

.

Name: Tang Xuan

Age: 1,209

Remaining Lifespan: 1,720 years, 10 Months, 12 Days, 9 Hours, 37 Minutes

.

Name: Ye Tianxie

Age: 211

Remaining Lifespan: 1,789 Years, 9 Months, 15 Days, 12 Hours, 21 Minutes

.

Looking at their ages and their lifespan, Leo was surprised and amused. His respect toward the thin old man was raised to another level as this person managed to live a thousand years. As for Ye Tianxie, Leo didn't think much about him other than a fat pig waiting to be slaughtered.

The cultivators behind Ye Tianxie and Chancellor Tang were flabbergasted. They looked at their remaining time ticking down while they tried to touch the hologram screens.

On the other hand, Tang Xuan revealed a faint smile and deeply exhaled. He laughed and uttered, "Wow. My secret is exposed. This is quite a useful technique. I wish my clan and the imperial court could use this ability 1,000 years ago. This would have made our lives a lot easier during the war."

"…"

Leo heard something interesting again. Although he wished to ask Tang Xuan what happened 1,000 years ago, he didn't bother asking as it was not the time to learn about their backstories and history. He coughed to get their attention.

"Well, let me introduce myself. My Daoist name is FLORIDA MAN, and I run a lifespan general store. We trade rare herbs, essence stones, and rare items for lifespan. I hope you understand what I'm doing here."

Finally getting Leo's introduction, Tang Xuan merrily laughed and saluted, "Friend Florida Man. Likewise, I hope we can have an amicable relationship. The imperial court is not your enemy, and we will never harm you."

"…"

Again, Leo inwardly cursed Tang Xuan for trying to pacify the situation. Still, Leo baited them into attacking him by revealing one of his bestselling items. He pulled out an essence stone from his pants pocket.

"!!!"

The crowd glared at Leo when the essence stone came out. Unlike the essence stones in the palace or their clan, which passed through many hands and contained thin energy, Leo's stone was brimmed with elemental essence as if its energy had never been extracted. Even Tang Xuan was stunned to see such a fresh stone.

Leo threw a bomb at them, "I'm selling this stone for ten years of lifespan. Anybody wants to buy it?"

"WHAT?!"

Leo burst into laughter in his mind as he added one zero to the price tag. Since these guys ruined Leo's mood, he returned the favor by ruining their opportunity to get his cheap items.

He didn't realize that it was still too cheap for the local's standards.

Ye Tianxie drooled as he was tempted to buy the stone. Still, he and his followers were disciplined, and they instantly suppressed their desire. The former secretly communicated with the crowd.

'Do not purchase the item or we might fall into his trap. The stone is still illegal. If we buy them, he will blackmail us later that we also possess illegal items.'

Everybody except Tang Xuan nodded. The latter glanced at his colleagues and shook his head in disappointment. He signed and continued conversing with Leo.

"I assume this stone is from the new source of essence stones, correct?"

Leo shrugged, "Probably."

"Then, could you tell me which mystic realm you got the stones from? I don't sense a spirit mine or a quarry around here."

"…"

Leo's lips twitched. His inner self yearned to flex these guys by converting a spirit stone into an essence stone in front of them. However, his logical thoughts prevented Leo from showing off and doing something stupid.

As Leo remained silent, Tang Xuan teased him.

"If I have to guess, did you, by chance, discover a way to successfully convert spirit stones into essence stones? I heard Celestial Stage Immortals could use every element in the world and could magically terraform wasteland into lush forests. Are you one of them?"

"…"

Bullseye

Leo maintained his pokerface, but his hands were already sweaty.

Seeing that Leo didn't react, Tang Xuan laughed and changed the subject to decrease the tension, "Do you have any other items to sell, Friend Florida Man?"

"Hmm."

Leo gestured and invited them into the building. Tang Xuan brightly smiled and followed Leo, entering the general store.

.

Although Leo and Tang Xuan already entered the building, the others still lingered in front of the store. Ye Tianxie and his men were still reluctant to compromise.

"Look at this!"

"Wow. This is so cool!"

While they were standing idly in front of the store, they heard loud noises from the disciples in the alley. Ye Tianxie and his men gazed in their direction and found several disciples and mannequin golems in the field, chatting and holding thorn vines that they picked up from the junkyard.

As soon as they noticed the thorn vines, the men's eyes gleamed. They sensed raw Qi from the items in their hands, and they seemed to be raw materials for good weapons.

"Hey, aren't those low-grade treasures?"

"Probably. I used to see that in a wood-type mystic realm. An elder from Amazonian Sanctuary turned it into a high-graded weapon. Many clans tried to buy it off her hand and offered her a hundred million spirit stones, but she refused."

"Really? Then, aren't those 100 million spirit stones in front of our eyes?"

"Yeah, I think so."

The crowd smirked. Ye Tianxie also sneered at the disciples as they could take advantage of them.

Without hesitation, Ye Tianxie strode toward the group of disciples. He flared the badge of an imperial official and shouted.

"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR POSSESSING A CONTRABAND ITEM! SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY, OR YOUR THREE GENERATIONS WILL BE EXECUTED!"

"W-What?!"

The disciples took several steps backward in shock and stared at Ye Tianxie in confusion. They looked at each other as they couldn't understand.

As Ye Tianxie took the lead, his men laughed and kicked the ground. They surrounded the group of disciples and snatched the thorn vines from their hands.

"GIVE THEM HERE!"

"NOOO!!"

The men kicked the young disciples away and admired the stolen materials. The adults got 10 thorn vines, and they immediately stored them in their spatial rings.

The commotion was loud enough for another adult to notice. Wu Buyi, who was in the middle of teaching Gao Yan about the workshop, heard the noise and came over. Then, he saw the scene of adults stealing items from kids.

"HEY!"

Even though Wu Buyi was just a nascent soul cultivator, he wasn't afraid of the crowd of cultivators with the same cultivation stage. He stood in front of the disciples and ejected a cauldron from his spatial ring, preparing for combat.

"RETURN THE KIDS' WEAPONS, OR ELSE!"

Ye Tianxie found Wu Buyi amusing. The group of nascent soul cultivators also sneered and mocked Wu Buyi.

"What are you going to do about it? Throwing the cauldron at me?"

"Hahaha! Don't say that. We're not supposed to offend the alchemist. It's common sense that we can't provoke them… unless it's self-defense."

"Heh. Right. Come on, alchemist. Attack me! Try it! We'd love to SELF-DEFENSE and ACCIDENTALLY kill you! After we're done with you, we'll sell those kids as slaves since they offend the imperial officials!"

Hearing the crowd's obnoxious taunt, Wu Buyi was enraged. He glanced at the granary and noticed that a certain plant had been eavesdropping on the conversation. Their eyes met.

Wu Buyi's mouth curved up. He looked at the imperial agents.

Suddenly, Wu Buyi shouted.

"NOM-NOM TIME, PLANT! THESE MEN ARE YOUR FOOD!"

BOOM

As soon as Wu Buyi declared, Cat jumped out from the granary and rushed Ye Tianxie's men.

"NOM-NOM MEOW!!"

CHOMP!

Cat was faster than before. In a blink of an eye, the upper torso of the guy near the granary disappeared into Cat's mouth, leaving only a bloody lower torso and legs.

"WHAT?!"

Cat gleefully chewed the cultivator and killed him in one bite. Her skin absorbed the lifespan of the victim, and her strength soared.

"Nom-Nom?"

Looking at the crowd, Cat maliciously grinned. Wu Buyi also jumped and stood on Cat's head, pointing his finger at the hostile visitors.

"NOM-NOM TIME, PLANT! LET'S EAT!"

"NOM-NOM MEOW!!"