Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 57 – Naked Florida Man Challenges Lightning Storm, Waving Nation Flag and Cursing God

= Present =

Standing on the alchemist workshop's ceiling was Leo. He spread his arms, taunting the heaven.

"Smite me, I dare you! I broke promises. I slept with your mother… your sister and your dad, too!"

BANG

A yellowish lightning bolt directly struck down and the light pierced through Leo's chest. An electric current ran through his body, but his muscle fibers and cells absorbed everything.

Leo burst into laughter. He was not the same as when he first came out from the alien spaceship. Green lightning bolts did nothing to him.

He had seen seven types of lightning bolts. The first type was white bolts, which only caused electricity and heat damage. Leo had never measured the voltage, but he used to struggle with it after the first evolution. But after the second mutation, Leo was no longer affected by simple heat and electric current. 

The second type was the memorable green lightning bolts. It defied physics as it had a physical form. Leo got struck by it once when he successfully survived the second mutation. Despite being stronger than most mutants and monsters on Earth, the lightning used to leave a gaping hole in his chest, and Leo almost died.

The purple lightning belonged to the third category. Its destructive force and heat exceeded that of the previous tier, and it was a homing type. Leo once faced them during his third mutation, and the lightning bolts followed him to the underground bunker, where he sheltered from the outside world.

There were four more colors – Yellow, Orange, Red, and Black. Every rank was stronger than the previous color. So far, Leo had gone through everything in the previous world.

"IS THAT ALL YOU CAN DO?! GIMME MORE!"

Leo chortled as he glanced at his lifespan status.

<Current Lifespan: 11,557 Years…>

Leo had been hit three times so far, and every strike increased his lifespan by 500 years. He could never be happier.

BOOM

"Again!"

BOOM

BOOM

"Oh, yes! Baby!"

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM

"Ahn! Kimoji---!"

Leo's clothes were burnt, leaving him naked. However, he and his brother stared at heaven in enthusiasm. Had any modern people seen him at the moment, they would have called the cops to take the pervert exhibitionist away.

Windstorm picked up as the lightning bolts zapped Leo's chest. His hair and beard fluttered by the strong gale, and tree leaves were sucked into the sky.

Seeing how nature stole his precious iron pine leaves in the nearby forest, Leo was enraged. He purchased a flag pole and a red-blue flag. Then, he waved them.

"See this? This is Florida! Come down here and catch me if you can! I'll let you touch my butt cheeks!"

As if the tribulation clouds were offended, the lightning bolts changed color from green to purple.

BOOM

The lightning bolts were no longer random. Like homing missiles, they concentrated on Leo's chest and head as if Heaven tried to roast or burn him alive.

Unfortunately, Leo received no punishment. He was rewarded with the heavenly energy, which increased his life force.

DING

<Current Lifespan: 14,641 Years…>

<Current Lifespan: 15,154 Years…>

<Current Lifespan: 15,666 Years…>

The national flags were instantly burnt to ash, but Leo's skin remained smooth and flawless. He sneered and waited for the clouds to upgrade their power.

BOOM

BOOM

DING

<Current Lifespan: 16,173 Years…>

<Current Lifespan: 16,689 Years…>

..

<Current Lifespan: 22,745 Years…>

Patience was key. Leo counted his fingers and whistled in a good mood.

BOOM-BOOM

Two purple lightning bolts came for his crotch. However, the long glossy thing was harmless.

"Nope. Can't touch dis."

BOOM-BOOM

Two purple lightning bolts attacked his eyes in unison. Extreme heat and electric current blurred his vision for a moment, but they did nothing to his eyeballs other than temporarily blinded him.

DING

<Current Lifespan: 24,819 Years…>

When Leo's sight adapted to the collective heat and statics, he noticed that the dark clouds slowly dispersed. He pouted in disappointment.

"Only 30? Lame! You used to hit me 100 times straight. How come you're so lazy?"

Leo rested his hands on his shoulders. His boner was killed.

DING

<Repairing!>

Despite being the only one that got hit, the first workshop's rooftop was charred black. However, the blackened part slowly regained color as the building automatically self-repaired.

Leo looked around. The forest around the store was devastated by the windstorm, but most of the mutated pine trees stood tall. Only the blue trees and regular pine trees lost most of their branches.

Fortunately, Leo stored most of his merchandise in his warehouse. Sacred wood blocks and processed items were safe in the building. As for the store and the second workshop, it was still intact.

Leo returned to his room and put on a new set of clothes. Then, he returned to the cauldron, which just completed the pills.

The cauldron was glittering in rainbow colors. Leo widely grinned and touched it to see what the workshop made for him.

DING

<You have refined 16 Medium-Grade, 13 High-Grade, and 1 Superior-Grade True Immortal Pills.>

.

Medium Grade True Immortal Pill

Permanently increase physical strength by 25%

Increase Yin and Yang Qi by 500 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth Element Essence by 500 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Lifespan by 500 years.

.

High Grade True Immortal Pill

Permanently increase physical strength by 35%

Increase Yin and Yang Qi by 700 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth Element Essence by 700 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Lifespan by 700 years.

.

Superior Grade True Immortal Pill

Permanently increase physical strength by 50%

Increase Yin and Yang Qi by 1,000 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth Element Essence by 1,000 years' worth of cultivation.

Increase Lifespan by 1,000 years.

.

Leo's eyes almost jumped out of the eyes sockets as soon as he saw the funny numbers. He also choked.

"ONE THOUSAND YEARS PER PILL?!"

He fell to his knees, praying to Jesus while hugging the cauldron. He was never this happy.

"I'VE FOUND A CHEAT! THIS IS SO BROKEN, AND I LOVE IT!"

After kissing the black pot, Leo gazed at the hovering rainbow pills over the cauldron. He reached out to collect them. As soon as Leo touched the superior pill, it zapped him. He could also sense strong radiation coming from it.

Leo smirked as the radiation was harmless to him. He popped the pill into his mouth. Although he didn't care about strength boost or Qi, the one thousand years of lifespan booster was necessary to him.

"NOOOOOOO!!"

Leo frowned as he heard someone's desperate cry from afar. He chewed the pill like a snack while his hands collected the floating rainbow pills. Then, he turned around to look where the noise came from.

When Leo turned around and looked up, he found a dozen jetski boat-like flying ships and a hundred people standing on floating swords to the south. To the north, a thousand cultivators also surrounded the forest while they rode on their floating weapons. Moreover, a dozen old men on a massive flying claymore sword observed Leo from the sky.

Leo was stunned. He didn't know that he got so many visitors.

"This must be my lucky day!"

Leo rubbed his hands, looking forward to welcoming customers. Unfortunately, the next words of a cultivator from the south stunned him.

"HAND OVER THE IMMORTAL PILLS!!"

Leo's smiling face froze. His friendly expression turned dark, but the corners of his mouth curved up wider.

"I beg your pardon?"

.

.

An Hour Earlier

The South Peninsula of the main continent belonged to the Situ Clan, the prestige craftsmen clan. This family produced over a thousand elite alchemists, scribes, blacksmiths, and merchants, and they also joined prominent alchemy sects, blacksmith unions, and array schools. Aside from the Ouyang Clan, they were considered the wealthiest family.

However, no matter how rich they were, mortals had a finite lifespan. Every clan member desired nothing more but a way to increase their longevity and restore their youth.

At a harbor town, one of the Situ Clan's elders sat on a peer, holding a fishing rod. He waited for a fish to bite the bait while he meditated, circulating his Qi. Because of the deep meditation, the fisherman somewhat dozed off, being half-asleep.

The fisherman was a skinny old man with a white goatee. He wore a ragged grey robe, which barely covered his skin. He was also short as his height was merely 5 feet tall. His tattered straw hat latched onto his head, hiding his bald head.

BZZ

While the fisherman enjoyed his daydream, something in his hat buzzed. The fisherman slowly opened his eyes as he heard someone's voice entering his mind.

'Grandfather, our scouts from Magpie City have reported that pill tribulation clouds are gathering there. Someone has made an immortal pill. Should we take a look?'

"Immortal pill, you say?"

Situ Nantian stood up. He rubbed his goatee beard and nodded, "Send someone to snatch the alchemist before the likes of Ouyang get him! If he can make an immortal pill, he must know the recipe! Capture him, ALIVE!"

'Will do. Say, grandfather. When will you return? The Tang Clan's grand elder is looking for you. He said something about he needed your help to make some poison arrays for his clansmen.'

"That damn pest Tang Tian, I assume."

'Y-Yes, grandfather.'

"Alright. I'll head back right now. Oh, send the strongest elders there. Since the alchemist can make the pill, he must be at a soul formation stage or higher. Don't send nascent soul soldiers there to die in vain. Tell the men to expect a bitter fight since the other clans will be there, too."

'On it!'

Situ Nantian deeply sighed. He cut the voice transmission and collected his fishing rod. Coincidentally, something took the bait. He grinned and pulled the fishing pole.

ZAAA

A 5th-stage giant octopus caught the bait. From a glance, it was at least 100 feet long.

"Ah, how nice. I finally get my ink ingredient for my talismans."

Situ Nantian laughed. He waved his hand and placed a yellowish talisman on the monster's forehead.

BOOM

The talisman shattered, and so did its brain. The monster instantly died.

The elder collected the monster and the fishing rod in his spatial ring. He then turned around and paused.

WHOOSH

An array appeared around him. Then, he vanished.

.

WHOOSH

A few seconds later, Situ Nantian appeared in an enclosed chamber. The walls and the ceiling had countless symbols drawn on them, forming a teleportation array for the Situ Clan's family members.

The elder exited the room. As he came out, he found four nascent soul cultivators, standing guard in front of the room. They all saluted Situ Nantian.

"Welcome back, Grand Elder!"

"Welcome back, sir."

Situ Nantian nodded and looked around. He lightly took a step, but he vanished from where he had stood. Instantly, his body reappeared 300 meters away from the place, exiting the underground structure and standing in front of the underground dungeon's entrance.

Again, a dozen nascent soul guards bowed to him. Situ Nantian ignored them and took a long stride.

WHOOSH

This time, he traveled 10 kilometers, leaving behind his afterimage.

WHOOSH

With every step Situ Nantian took, he teleported 10 kilometers away. In less than a minute, he arrived at the Situ Clan's headquarters city – The Zenith Sith.

As Situ Nantian entered the main courtyard of the family and was about to visit the main hall to report his arrival, a hundred streaks of lights shot out from the grand palace, heading north.

Situ Nantian gazed at them. He noticed that two of the clan elders were with the people. He then deeply sighed.

"They must have gone for that alchemist. Well, it's not like they can get him before me."

He took his time, taking another stride. He appeared directly in front of the palace. After all, he had other business to do as he was the only quasi-immortal of the clan.

.

.

Meanwhile, among the cultivators that came from the north, one of the groups belonged to the Ouyang Clan. Leading the group was none other than Ouyang Feng, the grandchild of Ouyang Ke. He led the battalion of 20 nascent soul cultivators and two soul formation cultivators here to scout the place. However, he was ordered not to attack or provoke Leo.

Unfortunately, the youth failed to realize the gravity of the situation. He took the initiative to intimidate Leo first.

Not only Ouyang Feng came here to steal the pills, but the other cultivators from the north and south also had the same idea. They locked on their killing intent on Leo, and they all bellowed.

"SURRENDER AND COME WITH US, OR YOU'LL DIE HERE!"

"HAND OVER THE PILLS, OR DIE!"

"I AM BO CAI, THE KING OF MOUNTAIN BANDIT! Y'ALL CAN GET LOST OR STAY HERE AS A CORPSE!"

"YOU DARE?!"

"YOU WANNA DIE, PUNK?! I SAW HIM FIRST! THOSE PILLS BELONG TO THE FATUI CULT!"

"DEATH SWORD SECT CALLS DIBS ON THOSE PILLS. NOBODY INTERFERE!"

The noise kept getting louder as the guests started yelling and bickering at each other.

On the other hand, Leo drooled, gazing at the shop domain map, counting the number of red dots.

"225… 230… 235… Damn, I'm gonna be rich."