Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 125 – Florida Man Accused of Being Pedophile after He Escorted Lost Child to Her Parent's Home

After tricking 200 cultivators into drinking diluted saliva, Leo started collecting their rings and talisman papers. Meticulously, Leo inspected every spatial ring and ejected useless items. Then, he used them to store the mutated corpses to bring back home. 

When he finished cleaning the mess, Leo went back to the pile of human corpses that the cultists had discarded.

Although Leo wasn't a religious person, he held his hands and prayed.

"Y'all can rest in peace. I've avenged you. Those mofos are now rotting in hell."

Leo bitterly smiled and patted the mountains of corpses with his bare hand. Dried bones and old dead bodies instantly turned to dust while wet corpses turned black.

As Leo had no intention of desecrating regular people, he pointed his finger at them.

"Cancer cells, can I have some fire Qi, please? I need a torch to burn them."

FWOOSH

Leo's blood cells were always cooperative. A stream of flame came out from Leo's fingertip and burn the victims' remains.

Meanwhile, Cat and her mannequin subordinate had nothing to do. As Leo seemed busy, they helped him gather the mutated corpses into one place. While they were at it, they secretly stole a couple mutated corpses and shoved them in Cat's mouth.

As the black mannequin lady was originally Cat's blood, her time in this world was limited. 10 minutes after coming out to life, she reverted into a puddle of black blood and returned to Cat's body.

Cat's dao avatar also returned to her side after she had possessed the mannequin. She patted her master's human head and laughed at her.

.

When all the dead victims got their respective cremation, Leo turned his attention to the living. He gazed at the captives, who survived the onslaught earlier.

A hundred cages trapped over a thousand men and women. Most of them were poor people in ragged clothes while over 100 of them were children.

Unfortunately, not everybody was lucky. When the cultists extracted their blood earlier, they got hit by their Daoist techniques. Everybody in the cages was dead. 

Leo opened the cages and inspected the victims one after another, searching for survivors. Unfortunately, no miracle existed for the weak.

Although sad and angry, Leo patiently burned the carriages along with the corpses of the victims, disallowing the other cultists from outside to use their dead bodies for dubious purposes.

After thrashing and burning everything, Leo looked at Cat.

"Have you played enough?"

"…Meow," Cat pouted as she thought that Leo would scold her.

"Let's go home."

"Meow <3"

"Also, you have a lot of explanation to do. Did you steal my food again?!"

"MYA!!"

Cat's pupils dilated. She reverted to her chomper form and sprinted away from Leo in panic.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Leo laughed, but he didn't run after her. He gazed at the underground city and narrowed his eyes.

He hadn't found the Fatui Cult's treasury yet. Unless he could steal their valuables and treasures, this cult could always recover their losses. For the sake of annihilating the Fatui Cult to its roots, Leo didn't follow Cat home. He explored the city and searched for other cultists. After all, the underground city was huge.

.

Walking randomly in the underground city for six hours, Leo got a lot of souvenirs for Gao Yan and Wu Buyi. He found several bottles of pills and herb fields in some gardens and collected everything.

After ransacking the last house, Leo stopped exploring the underground city. He turned his attention to the other sections of the underground labyrinth.

Aside from the sacrificial altars and the city, Leo found a hundred doors, which connected to other rooms and hallways. When Leo explored them, he discovered that the hallways brought him to the surface instead.

Not wanting to leave yet, Leo returned to the underground city. He backtracked to the area that he had fallen into earlier as he remembered that there were other paths that he hadn't checked yet.

Getting back to the abandoned underground area with smelling salt doors, Leo looked at the south gate, the north gate, and the west gate. He shut down the sense of smell for the sake of his sanity and approach the south gate first.

Once Leo stored the purple doors, a new path led him to a new area. Walking along the hallway, Leo came across a prison area.

The same purple steel bars and prison rooms were made from the same material, which seemed odd. Leo looked into each cell to see if anybody got trapped there.

Unfortunately, only old skeletons remained. Spider webs, stale air, and trick layers of dust told Leo that nobody had come here in ages.

Leo covered his nose and explored further into the prison to search for a survivor.

At the end of the prison hallway, Leo came across a 10-meter-tall prison cell. Inside the room was a dried corpse of a little girl, whose arms and legs were chained to the wall. Strangely, on the bars, silver talismans never stopped shining, emitting strong yang element essence.

Leo glanced at the talismans. Then, he looked at the prisoner's corpse. After that, Leo checked the talismans again.

"I have a feeling that something will go wrong if I steal these talismans. Should I remove it? Decision. Decision."

Leo crossed his arms and deeply pondered, calculating the pros and the cons. His instinct cried that he shouldn't remove the talismans as they might be sealing something dangerous inside, especially the chained little girl. However, his greediness urged him to snatch the talismans and eat them to boost his lifespan.

But in the end, Leo's confidence in his abilities supported his greed. He pulled the silver talismans on the bars and shoved them in his spatial rings, keeping them as food.

RUMBLE

The earth trembled as soon as Leo removed one of them. The other talismans also ceased emitting light, and the yang element essence around the cell was gone.

Leo paused for a moment as he had a bad feeling about this. He wryly smiled.

"Meh. What could go wrong? At best, I'll just die again."

He shrugged and pulled other silver talismans, not leaving anything behind. After collecting the last lifespan paper, Leo glanced at the dead loli on the wall.

But the corpse was no longer there.

"…"

Leo's expression turned into a pokerface meme. The corners of his mouth slightly curved up into a grin, and his eyes looked up as if he mischievously mimicked a meme.

"F*ck."

CHOMP!

Something small latched onto Leo's back and bit his nape. Four small fangs poked his skin, but they failed to penetrate it. Still, the fangs managed to push his skin one centimeter deep.

While being attacked, Leo stood still. He tried chatting with the assailant.

"Erm, you might die again if you touch my skin. But I guess it's too late to warn you."

GRRR

The little girl inside the cell earlier clung to Leo's back. Leo wasn't surprised that she suddenly came back to life after he removed the talismans as he had seen this template in movies before. Still, he found it funny that he experienced this horror scheme first-handed.

The girl kept trying to bite him. A minute later, her four fangs broke in half.

"…Ugh."

Finally, the girl groaned. Then, her hoarse voice entered Leo's ears.

"…What…are…you?"

Leo snickered. While the girl clung to him, he leisurely walked out of the prison. He also introduced himself.

"Just a passing-by Florida Man. Nice to meet you, kid. Also, you're welcome."

The girl stopped talking. She seemed exhausted after the biting attempt. Still, she seemed immune to his cancer cells for some reason.

Leo was also surprised that the girl didn't mutate after touching him for a minute. He thought of the monsters in the mystic realm, such as a giant tarantula spider and thunder unicorns. He wondered if strong monsters managed to naturally evolve and develop immunity to cancer cells.

As the girl wouldn't die from cancer, Leo decided to give her a hand. After all, he might be able to extract her lifespan after this. Since she seemed to be thirsty, Leo created water with his Qi and splashed it on her face.

"You thirsty, kid?"

The girl accidentally swallowed the water. She coughed several times, but she drank it anyway. However, the water and Leo's attitude irritated her.

"…I'm… no kid."

"Really? How old are you, then?"

"…Older… than your grandfather."

"Oh? Are you over 50,000 years old?"

"Huh?"

The girl squinted her brows, confused. She slowly grabbed the back of his neck with her small hands and extended her fingernails. Slowly, she clawed Leo's nape.

Again, the claw was ineffective. Leo's skin was unharmed.

"…You… You're a monster."

"I got that a lot when I beat up some talking Kaijus. Anyway, thanks for scratching that. Can I ask you a favor and scratch my left back? I think my stupid cancer cells are having a feast of dust mites over there, and it's itchy. Can you scratch it for me?"

"…"

The girl froze. For the first time in her life, she met a weirdo, the strongest weirdo.

While chatting, Leo reached the west gate of the previous room. He walked along the hallway and reached another area. This time, it was a room, full of skeletons.

Leo sat and inspected a skull. Strangely, the skull had long fangs, but it resembled a human skull.

The girl glanced at the skeleton mountain. She groaned again.

"Damn cultivators. If I was in my prime, the likes of Situ and Yan couldn't possibly harm my kin!"

Leo smiled as she sounded a lot clearer, "Say, kid. Are you one of these dead people?"

"They're my people, so what?"

"Then, are you a vampire or something? Your kin's fangs are kinda long."

The girl snorted, "Don't lump us together with those blood-sucking fiends. We're the nobles of the night! We don't even need blood to live!"

"But your fangs…"

"Those are for hunting!"

Leo shrugged. He turned around and returned to the room earlier. Afterward, he tried the north gate next.

While walking the girl didn't give up trying to kill Leo. She clawed him, using the best of her abilities. However, he didn't budge, and his skin was unscratched.

Frustrated, the girl revealed her identity.

"You're not human! What are you?! Why can't I, the Immortal Lich Empress, kill you?!"

Leo stopped walking. He then burst into laughter.

"Immortal Lich Empress? You? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The lich loli was enraged. She punched the back of Leo's head, but it did nothing to him. From an onlooker's perspective, she looked like a little girl throwing a tantrum.

"How dare you humiliate this queen!? I'll kill you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep trying, kid."

"You…"

Ignoring the kid, Leo entered the north section of the abandoned area. Then, he arrived at a small courtyard with a decayed mansion.

Stone statues of gargoyles were half broken as they all lost their heads. The walls and the doors were also in ruins. In front of the mansion was a garden area, but only dead plants remained.

As for the mansion, it still looked as new. A red dome covered the entire building, protecting the resident from external influence.

When Leo approached the mansion, he discovered the same silver talismans around the area. Someone deliberately placed them around the structure as if they wanted to seal the residents inside.

Leo scoffed and collected the talismans around the mansion. Again, as soon as he picked one of them, the formation array was broken, and the array's effects were dispelled.

The girl narrowed her eyes as she observed how Leo collected the talismans.

"Why are you helping us?" Asked the girl.

"I'm not helping you. I'm just a scavenger, and I'm taking some goodies home."

"…"

"Anyway, nice to meet you, empress. Can you get off my back now?"