Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 104 – Florida Man Sings on Mountain, Becomes Disney Princess and Haunted by Ghost

"Hmm."

"Hmmmm."

"HMMMMMMM!!"

Leo meditated, mimicking how a cultivator in novels always did. However, he knew nothing about Qi circulation and breathing.

After 10 minutes of sitting idly, Leo gave up. He stared at the growing black sprout next to the dragon fruit plant.

"You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna spit on it and accelerate its growth. Once it's big enough, I'm gonna eat it."

Leo picked up another ripened dragon fruit and waited for it to fully mutated. When the fruit turned black, he dug another hole and plant the fruit. After he covered the hole, he spat on it.

Although Leo had the urge to urinate on the mutated plant, he remembered that he planned to eat it. Thus, it would have been a stupid idea.

The saliva fertilizer worked wonders. The first sprout rapidly grew while the second one shot out from the ground. However, both plants were different.

The first mutated plant was identical to the white plant except for its color. On the other hand, the second one transformed into a roper tree as all its branches and leaves became long black tentacles.

Leo's expression turned dark when he saw the second black plant. Before it could grow further, Leo uprooted it and snapped it in half. He cut the tentacles and started eating them even though the shapes and the tips resembled the THING.

The appearance was indeed disgusting and repulsive. Fortunately, it tasted like wasabi and nuts.

The wasabi smell kicked Leo's nose. He paused several times as he got high from the herb.

"WOOO!!"

It was addictive. Leo wished that he had some sashimi to go along with the dildo-looking wasabi plant. However, he was sad that he didn't let it mature and multiply.

Leo looked at the roots of the broken roper. He replanted it and spat on it twice, begging it for forgiveness. Unfortunately, the plant was already dead.

"Hah. Life is hard. Anyway, I need to try again."

Leo picked another ripened fruit from the white tree and mutated it. As usual, he buried the fruit in the ground.

Luck was not on Leo's side. The new one came out looking like the first mutated plant.

Leo's face turned ugly. He felt like he gambled in a gacha game, rolling for a five-star character. Then, he got a 3-star or a 4-star character instead.

"Again!"

Gambling could be addictive. Leo rerolled his life gacha game, growing another plant.

The fourth sprout rapidly grew. But this time, it mutated into a black bamboo tree.

Leo dropped his jaw and watched how the black bamboo tree shot to the sky. It rose up 20 meters before it began growing branches and leaves.

PLOP

Bamboo shoots quickly emerged around the black bamboo tree. In a few seconds, they grew into new black bamboo trees. When they matured, new bamboo shoots came out.

The loop went on for 12 circles before the bamboo trees devoured all nutrients from the soil and Leo's spit. When the growing spree ended, over 500 bamboo trees occupied half of the mountaintop.

Leo smirked and injected his Qi into one of the spatial rings. Then, he pointed the ring at the bamboo.

WHOOSH

All of them entered the ring's pocket space, including a portion of the soil of the mountain. 

"Hehehe. This is fun. Again!"

Leo grabbed another ripened fruit from the white tree to roll another gacha. While burying another fruit, he sang Eduard Khil's Trololo Song.

The eyeball and Taxi gave Leo a weird look at first. But after listening to the troll song, they got infected. As the song was not complicated, Taxi quickly learned it.

"YEY-YEY-YEY-YEY-YEY YEY-YEY-YEY YEY-YEY-YEY! HOHOHOHOHO!"

Taxi stopped smashing and sang along. Leo also played with it, singing the entire song from the beginning. The eyeball bobbed its body up and down while the white plant waved left and right. The mutated black plants also started moving.

By the time Leo realized it, he turned into a Disney princess, singing with his wild friends.

The black plants soon matured. They began producing black dragon fruits. However, as if they learned what Leo had been trying to do, the ripened fruits fell from the trees and dove into the soil. They moved deeper into the mountain and traveled away from their mothers.

PLOP

PLOP

Black fruits absorbed the remnant of Leo's radiation and spit. They soon grew on the cliffs of the mountain and remained there.

Leo didn't notice that the black dragon plants multiplied. He was busy singing and relaxing. As Taxi and the plants enjoyed his little concert, Leo kept looping the song over and over again as if he wanted to sing the 10-hour version of the song.

CLINK

CLINK

As Leo kept singing, his rainbow aura produced white glittering light. They spread everywhere on the mountain and sank into local trees. As soon as they touched the particles, the trees mutated.

This time, they didn't turn black. All of them were white, the same color as the white dragon fruit plant. As more of them turned white, the mutated trees returned the favor by producing countless strings of white Qi, sending them back to Leo.

Leo didn't notice the white strings of Qi. They gathered behind him and slowly condensed together. After 10 minutes, the threads evolved into essence droplets, and the water droplets slowly grew larger.

.

Four hours later, Leo stopped rolling the mutated plant gacha. He spat at the white plant and the eyeball, giving them some rewards.

"That's enough for the day. I'll try again later. Anyway, it's been fun, guys."

Taxi was bored with the song. His throat was also parched, and it flew away to search for water. As for the eyeball and the plants around Leo, they looked disappointed as they had never listened to a song before – They still wanted more.

Seeing how sad the eyeball was, Leo came up with an idea. He browsed the online shopping system and searched for a high-spec phone with a long-life battery.

AI-PHONE 69 was the latest smartphone model from Leo's era when the nuclear war started. The ads boasted that the phone came with a 69-gigapixel camera, and a cutting-edge A69 Bionic processor, capable of clocking up to 5000 MHz.

Looking at the handheld transparent phone brought Leo back. He remembered that he once used the phone to zoom the moon instead of using a proper telescope.

Fortunately, the price was affordable. It cost only 1,000 years of lifespan.

Leo purchased it. When he got it, he set up the phone and used the internet. But the next moment, he slapped his forehead.

There was no internet in this world. What was the point of having a phone?

"I'm stupid. Welp. What a waste of money."

Leo shook his head. He rubbed the smooth touchscreen, admiring the home screen.

DING

<Would you spend 1,000 years of lifespan to upgrade the AI-PHONE 69?>

"…"

Leo forgot about it. He could upgrade every item that he had purchased from the online store shop. However, the upgrade fee was usually expensive.

"If I upgrade it, can I even use the internet?"

The system didn't answer the question. Once again, it left him in the dark.

"Welp. Screw it. Upgrade it to the max level possible!"

DING

Instantly, the phone was upgraded to level 8.

WHOOSH

The appearance didn't change in the slightest. However, the home screen drastically improved. The top right corner, which showed the status of the battery, revealed the infinite symbol on it. Secondly, it picked up a WiFi signal!

"What in the freaking Florida?! How is there a wifi signal here?"

The phone soon updated all its apps and rebooted. When it was done, Leo checked the setting menu to see the phone's details.

No bloatware came along with the phone. There were only three apps; a weird internet browser with a ring icon, a camera app, and a mysterious app with a picture icon of a general store.

Curious, Leo fiddled with the phone, trying to access the internet. He also checked where the wifi signal came from.

It wasn't hard to find where he got the signal from. The wifi router was registered as "RING".

Leo immediately looked at the alien ring that merged with his finger. He frowned.

"It's you, isn't it?"

He rubbed the ring and tried to inject his Qi string into it. However, the response was different from regular spatial rings – There was no pocket dimension inside.

However, as Leo played with the ring, he sensed something odd. Instead of finding a pocket dimension, he sensed an embryo of a living being.

While Leo was playing with the ring, the condensed essence of light finished condensing itself into a finger-sized water droplet. It then rushed into Leo's alien ring.

"Hmm?!"

The corner of Leo's eyes caught something entering his alien ring. It went into his finger and the embryo.

CLINK

A wisp of something came out. The light wisp orbited around Leo. After lapping him thrice, it phased through nearby plants and the eyeball monster. When it was done, it dove into Leo's chest.

Leo saw the streak of light disappearing into his chest. He frowned and closed his eyes, trying to find the weird thing in his body. Unfortunately, his cancer cells failed to find the weird light.

"What was that?!"

Leo scratched his head and looked around, but he didn't find anything.

.

Behind Leo, a floating male toddler manifested. He looked exactly like Leo was he was young.

The transparent toddler giggled and sat on top of Leo's head. However, the latter didn't sense his presence. On the other hand, the eyeball monster stared at him as if he was the only one who could see his appearance.

The toddler smiled and hushed the eyeball monster. The latter jumped and waved its tentacles, trying to get Leo's attention. The eyeball hinted and pointed at the top of Leo's head, telling Florida Man that something was there.

"What is wrong with you, little eye? Oh, right, not enough song, right? Give me a moment. I'll pick a 10-hour version and let it play for as long as you like."

Leo failed to catch the hint. He browsed the internet and found the YouTube site. He opened the 10-hour version of trololol song and put the phone next to the white plant. Then, he walked to the teahouse pavilion to sleep.

The toddler stuck out its tongue at the eyeball. It turned around and followed Leo to the pavilion while it continued to gather light particles around him.