Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting, While I Started a Farm

Jiang He walked up and studied his ‘maid’ in curiosity.

Before ‘harvesting’, the maid stood atop two enormous green leaves like a plastic model, her eyes closed and her presence weak.

Still, her eyelashes were very long and her figure stunning.

Most importantly, her face was white and tender—and her cheeks a little babyishly plump like a child’s. Moreover, she looks just like that sensei whose name Jiang He remembered vaguely to be Sora.

“An angelic face, a devilish figure!”

Those words suddenly popped up in Jiang He’s mind.

Still, there was one thing that he was not contented about—the maid’s clothes, identical to when it was still a paper doll, was rather lewd…

“That said, the food she would make while wearing that… would definitely be very delicious.”

With that thought in mind, Jiang He walked up, hugged the maid to pluck her from the leaves.

[Ding!]

[+1000 Farm Points]

As the System Notification jingled in his mind, the maid he ‘plucked’ opened her large round eyes, looked around in curiosity before finding Jiang He. She agilely curtseyed then, and said,

“Goshuujin-sama.”

Jiang He: “…”

There were question marks all over his head, but he could guess that she must have meant ‘master’. Still, why would the maid he had planted speak the language of a certain island nation?

She then spoke another pile of gibberish, and Jiang He could not understand a single word.

Still, Dumbo promptly slithered out and it saw Jiang He’s confusion.

Beaming with its dog mouth, it said, “Master, I know the island nation’s language. Should I speak to her?

“Really?”

Jiang He was quite surprised.

Dumbo actually knew that country’s language?

Truly, dog looks could be deceiving.

But was the beast not a Sichuan Wolfdog? It even grew up here in Jinyintan village and probably never left this place despite its age. How could it have learned another language when it was bad at Chinese?

“Could it be…”

“Mysterious Soil has such effect?”

Jiang He had to give it to the Mysterious Soil. He nodded at Dumbo, despite nursing the impulse to cut himself down and plant what remained.

Rising on its rear legs, Dumbo came to stand beside Jiang He. The dog even coughed a few times, clearing its throat before saying, “Ay you, tiny island nation flower girl!”

???

Jiang He’s eyes widened in disbelief at Dumbo, even as the dog continued barking in its Sichuan-Xibei accent whilst imitating the intonation from an old war film, “Don’t afraid, don’t drop tears!”

“What does your dad and mom do fer a living?

“Tell me all, you understand?”

The maid merely stared blankly at Dumbo.

Scratching its head with its paws, Dumbo exclaimed in surprise, “Is she really from the island nation, master? She doesn’t understand the language…”

What…

The hell!

As a vein bulged over Jiang He’s forehead, he sent Dumbo flying with a kick, yelling furiously, “God damn it! Get over there and stop embarrassing me!”

Dumbo whimpered as it landed, and rubbed its bottom in grief.

‘What?

‘I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?

‘Isn’t that how you speak the language? She definitely isn’t from there since she can’t.’

On the other hand, Jiang He couldn’t help laughing after he kicked Dumbo away.

The ‘island nation’s language’ really broadened his perspective!

Nonetheless, he turned towards the maid, musing to himself for a moment before saying, “Do you understand me?”

The maid nodded and said with her girly voice, “Master…”

“You can speak Chinese? Good. I’ll be calling you Sora from now on.”

With that, he checked his phone.

It was past seven o’clock—time for dinner.

Jiang He promptly waved, drawing out a thick, huge thirty-centimeter eggplant from his System Backpack along with an equally large golden cucumber. Then, after getting two catties of Leopard Python meat, he handed everything to the maid.

“The rice is over at the storehouse, go cook… wait.”

As another idea struck Jiang He, he brought out another 18cm carrot.

His intention was clear.

A plate of fried eggplant over meat.

A coleslaw of cucumber and shredded carrot.

Jiang He had also wanted to add a pepper then, since fried eggplant over meat without pepper was soulless… but he resisted the idea after a look at his maid.

He feared that the side effect of the pepper proved too severe.

What if he could not hold back?

Sora nodded in understanding, curtseyed again before turning to leave the yard.

Lighting himself a cigarette, Jiang He took one long puff before breathing a mouthful of smoke, and was unable to hold back a praise. “Such an obedient maid… well, I don’t have to cook and do the dishes starting tonight.”

With that, Jiang He turned towards the nine bullet trees.

“Hmmm…”

“Why does it feel like the name ‘bullet tree’ is so weird…”

He muttered inwardly as he stepped up and studied the trees.

Each tree had ten chains of bullets dangling, and every chain had ten thousand bullets. Disappointingly, however, the bullets were no different from the bullets before.

“What a shame.”

“I thought that planted bullets would increase in firepower or some other function, such as auto-aim, explosion, increased chance of armor-piercing and the like…”

Jiang He shook his head, aware that such thoughts were unrealistic.

With such bullets, the only other thing he needed was his Strengthened Gatling Gun, and he would rule the world as long as rank-nine elites or above did not show up.

He reached out to pluck one of the bullet chains.

[Ding!]

[+100 Farm Points]

There were fewer farm points than imagined, but this was already quite good since there were a lot of them—nine trees meant 90 bullet chains, and it would provide him with 9000 Farm Points and 900 EXP.

Jiang He checked the System after he was done harvesting.

[Name: Jiang He]

[Cultivation: Rank-Six Pinnacle]

[Ability: Royal Sword]

[Martial Arts Cultivation: Indestructible Diamond (Initiate+), Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms (+), Blind Princess’s Eight Practices (Second Practice+), Strengthened Nine Yang Technique (Second Tier+), Ninefold Thunderblade (First Fold+), Dragon Elephant Prajna (First Tier+)]

[Owned Land: 888m²]

[Farm Level: 3 (EXP 4390/5000)]

[System Backpack: 12 boxes]

[System Shop: Unlocked]

[Farm Points: 15900]

“Eh… My farm’s EXP somehow reached four thousand, three hundred, and ninety points?”

Jiang He’s eyes twinkled.

Since it was already 4,390, was that even far from the checkpoint of 5,000 points?

Most importantly, his Farm Points were now 15,900, and that was even after Jiang He had redeemed two packs of Mysterious Soil, one composite fertilizer pellet, and nine nitrogen fertilizer pellets, the latter two for planting a maid and the bullet chains.

Otherwise, Jiang He probably would have reached thirty thousand points.

Nonetheless, fertilizer and Mysterious Soil were necessary. Who wouldn’t put fertilizer on their crops?

“Fifteen thousand and nine hundred points… Mastery over Indestructible Diamond needs ten thousand. I’ll just learn it!”

With that thought…

[Ding!]

[-10,000 Farm Points]

[Congratulations, Host. You have gained mastery over Indestructible Diamond.]

A System Notification could be heard in Jiang He’s head. As he firmly charged Indestructible Diamond., a sheen of golden light materialized over his whole body, just as a layer of Nature Qi surrounded him and protected him.

If the Nature Qi was not pierced, no physical attacks would reach him.

“Not bad, not bad…”

“I’m now safer with mastery over Indestructible Diamond. Even without the Dark Golden Combat Suit, an average rank-eight would have a hard time hurting me.”

Jiang He nodded contentedly.

Then, when he left his yard, he found Mu Wanqiu’s car parked outside his gates.

Dressed in her usual body-hugging spandex, the stunning-proportioned lady stepped out then.