i'm not a bad man

Chapter 510 Tell the truth

To love someone is to be able to pick it up but not to let it go. Even if there is only one kind of fire, you will try your best to start a prairie fire... This is Zuo Xiaowei's feeling about love. No wonder she says that she is a love brain and only has love. Only people with weak brains can think like this and be so persistent, as if the world without love would be the end of the world, and love is the only hope to rekindle life.

I have never thought that I am also a love brain, so I can't understand her feelings deeply; when it comes to love, I am a man who can choose to give up; therefore, I once let go of my first love Zhao Yingrou, and I also let go of my relationship with her. Luan Yu, who has traveled through 296 cities, and Qiao Jiao, who followed me all the way to the small town. Even Lu Xi, who once fulfilled all my fantasies, I still let go.

I think the pain of love can be endured. There are two ways of my endurance. The first is to fall down in the bar. The second is to be like this now, being indifferent and shifting my attention to another thing, trying to get New compensation.

In short, I don’t want to live in too much pain. I am afraid of the endless pain. From the moment my family went bankrupt, I have been afraid...

This fear of pain made me afraid to look at Zuo Xiaowei, who I characterized as a love brain. In fact, I was sure that I could handle her because I knew she was a love brain.

For the first time, I felt that teasing someone was not something to be happy about; perhaps, I was not happy just because the person I was teasing was just a poor woman, and she still loved me.

At this moment, I lowered my head and took another silent puff of cigarette.

……

It wasn't until the cigarette in my hand was almost finished that I said to Zuo Xiaowei: "Let's make good music together and strive to make another good album recognized by the market. This is the real purpose of our being together."

Zuo Xiaowei looked at me with some frustration and replied: "I seem to have said something that was not calm enough again."

"Let's think about what to eat tomorrow."

"What do you want to eat?"

After thinking about it for a while, I replied: "Braised tofu, with a little spiciness."

"Okay, I'm going to finish the rehearsal tomorrow and go to the supermarket to buy...I remember that you really like to eat lion heads. I'll buy some more meat and make lion heads for you."

"Although I like to eat it, making the lion's head is too troublesome. I can just eat it casually."

"I'm not afraid of trouble, as long as you like to eat."

I finally raised my head and looked at Zuo Xiaowei. There was still a hint of drunkenness on her face, but the expression that wanted to satisfy me was so sincere, so sincere that I, a person who had already been indifferent, felt that she Tried my best.

So, I also wanted to tell her the truth. I picked up the cup, drank all the remaining liquor in it, and finally said to her: "Xiaowei, do you know? Before I came to BJ to find you, I I have been staying in hotels for a long time, and every day I either go out to eat or order takeout. Anyway, I just make do with it... But when I came to BJ, although this house was rented, you kept it very clean, and I didn’t have to order takeout. , I can eat what I like every day, as well as clothes, and I no longer have to save dirty clothes... I have been wandering outside for so many years. I used to live in a van, and then I stayed in hotels most of the time. After thinking about it, What you give me now is probably the feeling that only a home can have... If we don't talk about those annoying things and those unavoidable troubles, this home can really make me calm down. I even enjoyed it a bit..." After a short pause, I closed my eyes again and said with emotion: "Even the freshener you put in the house has the smell that I like." Zuo Xiaowei smiled sadly and replied Said: "Don't think of this as a kind of favoritism with ulterior motives, just..."

"No, only when there is use value can a person have ulterior motives... As I am now, I have become so useless that I can no longer be useless. What else can I use to make others achieve their goals?"

"Maybe others will think you are useless, but I will never think so... Because I know better than anyone else who gave me the results I have today... But in my eyes, you are also a very strange person. Man, I never seem to really understand you. With your talent, it is obvious that you can develop in our industry. Even if you cannot become famous, it is very easy to live better materially than ordinary people. The thing...but you have never been in this circle."

I shook my head and laughed softly: "You think it is too easy. There is never a shortage of talented people in this world, and those who are buried are always those talented people. It is precisely because you think Only by worshiping me can you fantasize that I am omnipotent... I have never denied that I am a talented person, but what really makes you accepted and recognized by the public is not my talent, but capital... …Without Guan Yubo and Qin Minhong supporting you behind your back, even if you had the songs I wrote, you wouldn’t be able to become an instant hit…This is the real reality.”

“So, capital can turn the world upside down, right?”

"You can also understand that it is omnipotent."

Having said this, I lit another cigarette for myself. This night, I had drunk enough wine and smoked cigarettes enough. The only thing I was not sure about was whether I spoke the truth enough.

Just when I was thinking whether I had said enough, Zuo Xiaowei fell into silence. If she had put on a radiant coat because of her admiration, it was time to take it off.

Otherwise, when I actually take over the scenic spot, she may not be able to accept this reality for a while.

I want too much. If the opportunity is enough, I even want to annex the 5A-level scenic spot owned by Guan Yubo, and then become an unshakable mountain in the small town's cultural tourism industry.

This time, I am here to change the history of the small town. Chang Tianming’s model of getting started by being involved in gangs has long been unworkable in this era of information explosion, and the small town also needs to keep pace with the times. , people like me are needed to create new history and make it brilliant!
But high returns also come with high risks, so I received the call that threatened my life.

It would be a lie to say that I am not afraid of death at all, but what worries me more than death is: Will there be reincarnation after death?If there is reincarnation, is it reincarnation in this world or in a higher dimension?Or, death is like a lamp going out, there is no so-called reincarnation, only ashes and smoke?
Of course I will think about this problem, because the woman who I spent time with, the woman who accompanied me through 296 cities, and even the woman who had sex with me every day, has already left first, so , youth is no longer an insurmountable barrier between me and death. People live in this world, and there are really too many accidents...

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I finally spoke and said to Zuo Xiaowei, who had been silent for a long time: "Tell me, if one day I die, will the world change in any way because of my death?"

Zuo Xiaowei looked at me blankly, probably because she didn't know why I raised the topic to the level of death. It took a long time before she said to me: "I don't know if other people have changed. If it were me, If... I, I feel like I can’t survive... I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s really uncomfortable. Just thinking about it, it feels like I’m going to destroy the world.”

(End of this chapter)