i'm not a bad man

Chapter 333: Be happy in everything
The words Luan Yu's mother said to me finally allowed me to piece together the complete picture of the day Luan Yu left the RV; before that, I always thought she packed her things with an expressionless face, and then By the way, she washed my clothes and was indifferent the whole time. At this moment, I realized that she had been crying, and my intuition and imagination had been making me hate her, hate her ruthlessness, hate her abandonment, hate her The pursuit of money…

I love her, very much, but this kind of hatred gradually wears away the love in my heart, and I even begin to despise her and feel ashamed to have been with her...

I rarely think about myself and what I have given her in the past two years.

Or, none of us are at fault, the fault is fate, because there is nothing wrong with me chasing freedom, and there is nothing wrong with her wanting stability, but fate happened to let us meet, and then we were pulled, entangled, and contradictory, but it was difficult to let go... …

At this moment, I began to hate fate. If it were a person, I would definitely kill it. However, it could not be embodied. When I wanted to kill it, only a gust of wind blew in through the gap in the window. Blowing makes the flowers in the vase sway...

I was in a trance again, looking at the photo of Luan Yu's body. Her hair seemed to be blown by the wind. I saw her sad look again, at the Erhai Lake in Dali, under the blue sky and white clouds in LS, in Shangri-La. Next to the giant prayer wheel...

The wind stopped, and the sunlight passed through the glass of the window and shone in again. Only then did I wake up and found that even Luan Yu's photo had a shadow, which was spread out on the table. However, there was no appearance of Luan Yu in the shadow, just a figure. The black shadow, just like Luan Yu's life, is forever frozen in that small photo frame...

I wanted to cry a little bit, but I couldn't shed any more tears, so I just stared blankly.

……

"Child, please go... don't come to us again... seeing you will remind us of Xiao Yu..."

"Auntie...me."

"You should live a good life by yourself. Death is like a light extinguishing. Don't think about Xiao Yu anymore." After a pause, she looked at the health care products I brought, and then said: "I will accept these things you brought. Even if we get to know each other... from now on, don't have any more human entanglements... Let's go, child... Live your own life... Don't let us become a burden on your mind, and you shouldn't be a burden on ours... …”

I finally nodded and replied with a choked sob: "I know, auntie...you and uncle take care..."

"Take care of yourself."

……

After leaving this old community, I stood alone on the street, breathing in the slightly cool air in the morning. There seemed to be a smell in the air, which was the smell of Luan Yu's hometown, or maybe it was the smell of flowers. In Kunming, flowers are It can be opened all year round.

I looked in the direction where the wind was blowing. I didn't see any flowers, but I saw Qiao Jiao. She was sitting in the coffee shop closest to the window, looking out the window in a daze...

I followed her gaze again and found a square not far away. Standing in the square was a man flying a kite. Looking up, the kite flew very high, very high, leaving only a miniature, as if trying to break free. Tangled in its thread, leave this world completely...

After that, Qiao Jiao and I's eyes met. She put down the coffee cup she was holding and walked out of the coffee shop quickly. We looked at each other for a long time without saying a word.

……

In the afternoon, we left Kunming just like that. It was as if this city had never existed in our world. I just slept on the plane and when I woke up, I had already returned to Qingdao.

The air in Qingdao is cold and the sea is turbulent. Compared with Kunming, the experience and perception are completely different. So the moment I got off the plane, I tucked my clothes tightly.

I don’t know why Qiao Jiao wants to go back to Qingdao. We could have flown directly from Kunming to Zhengzhou and then returned to the small town; I should have gone back earlier, because those who beat me because of the name change controversy were still waiting for me to sign the letter of understanding.

"Han Chao, I'm going to do something. Let's have some free time first. At seven o'clock in the evening, we will meet at May Fourth Square and then drive back to the small town together."

I responded, and she took a taxi and left first.

Being left alone at the beach, I suddenly fell into confusion. I once pursued the so-called freedom with infinite enthusiasm, but now that I really have free time, I don't know where to go. Although, Qingdao is a city where I have lived for nearly two years, but I really don’t know where to go.

Finally, I took a taxi to where the RV had been parked.

Everything is depressed because of the arrival of winter. I can't see any green. My eyes are full of withered yellow that has lost its vitality. And in this withered yellow, I found the beer that I threw away after drinking beer one day. The beer bottle finally has a little green color.I picked up the beer bottle and looked at it. The label had been washed away by the rain and lost its color, so the bottle itself became more and more green. I put the bottle in front of my eyes and looked at the world through the bottle again. I thought everything was Everything will turn green, but what you can see is the sad past, mixed with the remaining joy of this life, swaying feebly in a place not far or near...

How can I be happy?

How should I live a good life like Luan Yu said?
At this moment, I have developed a deep-seated fear of life and destiny, even though I once loved life so much...

What kind of wisdom is needed to truly see through the essence of life?

I lit a cigarette, sat cross-legged on the weeds, and kept thinking about this issue; in fact, four years ago, when the stray dog ​​I adopted was thrown down from the building by my parents, , I have already thought about this problem. Although it is just a dog, it is also a living life. It knows how to be close to me, knows how to please me, and knows how to lie silently at my feet to accompany me when I feel lonely and helpless. Holding me... But just for a moment, it lost all kinetic energy and lay coldly on the ground...

I couldn't stand that image, I was almost depressed.

This is just a dog that has been with me for less than a month. You can imagine how much trauma and impact Luan Yu's departure caused in my heart. During the two years we were together, we were almost inseparable. Even when they sleep, they have to hug each other.

Thinking of these, I couldn't help but look up to the sky. I imagined that she just went to another place. She didn't disappear, but I couldn't sense her.

……

When I was about to finish smoking a cigarette, my phone vibrated again. This time it was a message from Lu Xi. She asked me where I was and said she had something for me.

I didn't tell her the exact location, just where the RV had been parked before, and she could find it because she'd been here before.

……

Ten minutes later, Lu Xi came. She was still driving the Aston Martin she had driven before. It was very powerful. I could hear the roar of the motor from a distance, but when Lu Xi came to me , but very light.

"Han Chao..."

I turned to look at her, and she sat down next to me, not caring whether the floor was dirty or not, as if she was a good friend who could play with me no matter what.

Her clothes seemed to be moving, and then I heard a "humming" sound. It was at this time that Lu Xi revealed the thing in his arms. It turned out to be a puppy, which looked to be two or three months old. look like.

She smiled and said to me: "A friend picked it up. I didn't have time to take care of it, so I posted it on WeChat Moments. I happened to see it, so I went to pick it up... I just took it to the pet store to wash it. I took a bath and dewormed him, and he behaved so well!"

After saying that, she said to the little native dog: "Let me introduce you... This is your Chao brother... He is a ruthless person. He can drink up to two kilograms of alcohol... So, I always call him Han Er. Jin... In addition to drinking, he has also been to many, many places... If you have a distant heart, then you can accept him as your new master..."

I was stunned for a moment before replying: "You want to give it to me?"

"Well, I'm too busy. Sometimes I don't go home for several months. It's not appropriate for it to follow me... I've already given it a name. It's called Joy... just think of it as a good wish... …After you have it, I hope you can forget the pain you once had and be happy in everything.”

After saying that, she handed this little local dog called "Xi Le" into my hands. After I took it, I stared at it for a long time, and suddenly I felt that it seemed a little bit similar to the dog I picked up four years ago. They are similar; they are both white, have long tails, and they also have a tuft of black hair on their foreheads, which looks a bit funny...

Does life really have reincarnation and it comes back again?
"Han Chao, what are you thinking about?"

"It...it looks like the dog I raised four years ago!"

"really?"

I took out my phone and rummaged through the previous photo albums, and finally found the photo I had taken of the little native dog. Lu Xi came over to take a look, and immediately showed an incredulous expression.

(End of this chapter)