i'm not a bad man

Chapter 301 Quantitative Change Causes Qualitative Change
Late at night in a small town in winter, it is really quiet and boring. Sitting on the roadside, I couldn't wait for a taxi, or even an online taxi, so I just looked around boredly...

Everything is so depressed, even the river in front of me has exposed its river bed. The river bed is covered with dead grass, and the dead grass is covered with some snow that has not yet melted, which brings a little moist feeling, but I still feel far away. It's far from enough, and this winter is so boring and lifeless.

I couldn't help but think of the scene when Luan Yu and I first came to the small town. It was not like this at that time. I just remember that the streets and alleys of the small town were covered with all kinds of green plants and flowers, and the river was full of water. Both sides of the strait are covered with barbecue stalls. People sit across the strait. The sounds of conversations, fist pumps, and children's play blend into the long night with the evening breeze, driving away boredom and boredom. It seems to turn the small town into a A paradise without worries.

Of course I preferred the small town at that time, and I couldn't help but look forward to it. When I get through this winter, everything recovers, and spring flowers bloom, will I have a different mood?

……

"Hey, why are you so bad? You fall deeply in love in just two days, and you talk like true love. I'm telling you, hey, have you fallen in love today? Have you dated and dumped me? And you said it's rare to find true love. I want you to tell all the scandals now. Only then will I listen to your confession and hear you say that you really like me and really want to fall in love..."

Suddenly there was a burst of singing from the river. Although it was a little faint, it instantly touched my mood... This kind of mood almost covered all my decadent days in Qingdao. I drank at Saozhu's bar until the sky was dark every day, drinking. To the point where a woman must accompany her...

This is the song Zuo Xiaowei sang the most when she was singing in the bar. Not only because it is a popular song on Douyin, but also because it represents the inner turmoil and confusion of a woman. Zuo Xiaowei may not like it herself. But those men who spend money in the bar will definitely like this tone and the feeling of distance even though they have fallen into the arms of a woman...

In my opinion, this is no longer a song, it is a mutual exploration and teasing between men and women, which helps the bar create a feeling of ambiguity and impulsiveness, so Zuo Xiaowei, who was being sheltered by others, sang it over and over again. .

This is clearly Zuo Xiaowei's voice. In such a small town with such a sparse population, there will never be another person with such singing skills.

I looked around and realized that I was only about one stop away from Zuo Xiaowei's house.

……

I got up and followed the direction of the sound, walking towards the half-dried river around the city. I found Zuo Xiaowei sitting on a sunken landscape platform. The street lamps standing on the river bank were a little weak. Looking at her, it made her look a little lonely.

She must have come earlier than me. If I came here after me, I wouldn't have waited until I heard the singing to find her, because there were no other passers-by on the road, so let alone a living person, even a cat It is impossible to escape my eyes even when walking on the road.

……

I just walked up behind her and shouted...

Probably because she was wearing headphones, she couldn't hear me, but she caught sight of me out of the corner of her eye. She was subconsciously startled, then took off her headphones and looked at me with her mouth open.

I was a little embarrassed because this way of meeting was really too hasty.

In order to relieve the cramped feeling, I deliberately looked around, then raised my hand and said, "If I told you that I walked here, would you believe it?"

"Do you have that much free time?"

Zuo Xiaowei replied in a nonchalant manner, and then wiped the corners of her eyes with an extremely subtle movement. Only then did I realize that there were tears in her eyes.I am a person with a relatively sensitive and delicate mind. Combined with the fact that she sang the song that she sang almost every day in the bar, I concluded that she must have many unknown worries in her heart, and she had very complicated problems because of these worries. Otherwise, who would be willing to sit by the river on such a cold night?
I did not sit down next to Zuo Xiaowei, but stood by the guardrail opposite her, keeping a certain distance from her.

After a period of silence, I finally said to her: "I was sitting on the roadside just now and heard you singing... You must have been sitting here for a while, right?"

"It's too stuffy at home, let's come out and get some fresh air." I nodded, acknowledging that it was a very dull night, then lit a cigarette, took a deep breath habitually, and said to Zuo Xiaowei: "Actually, this has always been the case. , I’m quite curious, the song you just sang should be the song you sing the most in the bar... but do you like this song in your heart? "

"No matter how beautiful the song is, there will be a day when you get tired of singing it, not to mention this is just a song of saliva..."

"Then you are remembering the time you lived in Qingdao..."

Zuo Xiaowei, who had not looked at me all this time, suddenly looked up at me and replied: "Yes, not only do I think of the years I lived in Qingdao, but I also miss that kind of life... because I want to Soon, I will be like Lu Xi, and I will no longer have the freedom to go shopping and go out as I please in my life, let alone show up in public."

"That's not a bad thing for you."

"If you think this is not a bad thing, then it is not a bad thing..." After a pause, Zuo Xiaowei said to me again: "What is a good thing and what is a bad thing?... There should be no clear definition. Let's talk about the boundaries... Tell me, is it a good thing or a bad thing that you insist on staying in this small town?... I don't think it is a good thing. You don't even understand what kind of person Chang Tianming is, so you are willing to do it. Do things for him... There are so many ways to prove yourself in life, why should you tie your future to Chang Tianming?... You should accept Yu Bo's 500 million and leave... With this 500 million Wan, you will become freer than before, and then take the woman you love with you and walk around the country ten times, a hundred times is enough."

I flicked off the ashes and said seriously: "Even if I am on the road from now on until I die of old age, non-stop, I will not be able to walk across the country a hundred times."

"Don't get into details with me here, just understand what I mean."

I flicked the cigarette ashes again, shook my head and replied: "I understand what you mean, but it is impossible to leave the small town... And, I can tell you very clearly, even if I take the 500 million and leave now, it will be over." It can't change the trend of this matter, because everyone who wants to invest here is very optimistic about the prospects of Danangou Scenic Area... Therefore, this is not about me tying my future to Chang Tianming. For me, This is something that happens naturally. No matter if this scenic spot belongs to Chang Tianming or Guan Yubo, or to anyone else, I will cooperate... What I really care about is the matter itself, which is what most men do. Whenever something happens, there will be normal logic.”

Zuo Xiaowei fell into silence, and after a long time she spoke to me: "You have really changed, you have changed inexplicably... You are really no longer the Han Chao I knew, the Han Chao I once knew. , you can not do anything for half a year and only want to have fun in the bar."

"Only I know my own mental journey. No one can really be the tapeworm in someone's belly... So, compared to me, haven't you also changed?"

"Yes, I should have changed a long time ago. I don't know why I wasted two years in Qingdao. In the end, I returned to the starting point, back to the person everyone expected me to be... People should learn to learn from others earlier. Only by bowing to fate can we avoid a lot of pain to the greatest extent."

After saying that, Zuo Xiaowei didn't give me another chance to speak. She turned around and walked towards her home, as if she wanted to end this dull and boring night before me.

I just looked at her back, and it felt like we didn't say anything, and yet we seemed to have said everything!

……

Facing the night and the cold wind, a person wandered towards his residence. Although he was wandering, his heart was more determined than ever before, because whether it was Qiao Jiao or Zuo Xiaowei, I gave them a reason why I must stay here. This reason certainly convinced me that I must leave my name in the history of tourism development in this small town.

I have been traveling for so long, visited so many cities, and seen so many scenic spots. If one day, I can create a scenic spot in my hand that is not only picturesque but also a spiritual habitat, then my life will not be in vain. There is such an experience of wandering outside for four years, because this scenic spot is the best summary of this experience, including all the connections and insights I have accumulated along the way.

So, how could my transformation be so inexplicable?
One day, I will reach this point, just like quantitative changes will definitely lead to qualitative changes.

……

Qiao Jiao really didn't care and left me on the edge of the small town. There was no way to get a taxi or call an online ride-hailing service. I could only walk to my residence on my legs...

Just when I couldn't help but call her because I was almost exhausted, a burst of bright light suddenly came from the opposite lane... Before I could react, I heard a harsh sound of brakes!
(End of this chapter)