Broken wings

Since that day, she has gone to the shop in the afternoon to guard, so that her mother can take a nap.

Listening to all kinds of nagging words every day, they all say that she is not doing well here, not doing well there, she feels that she has tried her best, but she still can't achieve their satisfaction. She thought to herself, you can't hold me to the same standards you expect from my mother, can you? She also wanted to see how long she could endure it, and when she couldn't bear it anymore, she would go back to Guangzhou.

Dad often can't eat the food she cooks, and my sister said that he often vomited out after a few bites of food, and he didn't have much energy. Dad couldn't get used to her cooking, Qi Xiu thought that it didn't make sense to be at home like this, and Daddy's angry shouts of disciplining his grandchildren every day made her feel very irritable.

It's not all to blame for his father's short temper, his grandson is indeed too slow to eat, he has no interest in eating, he can play with his heart, and he can eat less if he can eat less. And he is a little bigger, and his father is afraid that he will become a little man when he is hungry, and he will not even be able to say that he is related in the future, but he will not force him to eat every day. Early in the morning, although I didn't scold her, I was annoyed for a long time, and finally after a conflict, I bought a ticket for the next day and left. When she returned to Guangzhou, she had to find a job again, because she had been at home for more than a month, and she was also dismissed.

She was looking for a job in Guangzhou for more than half a month, and her brother wrote to persuade her to go home.

She is not at home, her father

always forgets to drink medicine, her mother is watching the shop, her father can't eat well, she needs to recuperate, and now in order to earn so much money, her father's health is not good, and her mother is tired and sick. The family is taken care of by her sister, her sister also has her own home, her mother-in-law also has opinions, the child is raised, and now she needs to be taken care of, only Ruyan is in charge alone, which is unreasonable. She is idle outside, and she doesn't have so many worries, but now her parents' bodies need to be taken care of, and she can't just take care of herself and throw all the mess to her sister.

They all want her to go home and find a job, to do the work, to drop off the children in the morning, to cook for them, to take care of them when they are not well. This is the responsibility of being a child, and I can't get rid of it, and I have to think about it for my sister, and I can't find her alone for everything. If you can't find a job, you won't do it yet.

After receiving the letter, Qi Xiujin was silent for a long time before he wrote back, his father couldn't eat well, and his mother was so tired that he fell ill, as long as his mother didn't go to guard the stall, these could be avoided. Originally, business was not good in the summer, she got up every day before the chickens crowed, and came back after dark, and she had to cook, wash clothes and do housework, and no one could stand it. Don't let her do it yet, each of the three children sends them one tael of silver a month, and three taels of silver is enough for them to live. He also talked about the reason why he didn't want to go home, he and his sister didn't live at home, he didn't know what kind of life he lived every day, and he stood and talked without backache, and his mother also said that he would stay at home to take care of his father this year, so what if he didn't do it? Does she give me money? Do you give me money?

Go home by yourself, first of all, get up early and be greedy, get up every day, sleep when you are young, get up late for a while, and get up late for a while. Secondly, when he cooks by himself, his father has said more than once that it is not delicious and does not suit his appetite, and sometimes he vomits after eating two bites. Again, if you can find a job, the family usually has a tael of silver per month, and from the time of the hour to the time of the child, you are either at work or on the way to take care of children and the elderly. One or two pieces of silver, give a large family to spend, and you can't afford to lose a single child.

And the little nephew is very skinny, he looks good and pays a lot, and he doesn't have any credit at all, he takes it for granted, but he doesn't look good at it, something happens to him, it's all his own responsibility, and she can't afford it. The last is her mental pressure, listening to the number every day, her father is either counting himself, or counting the child, and the only good mood she has is gone.

She didn't want to go home, as soon as she thought of going home to live, she felt that there was

no hope for life, her brother was inconvenient, she couldn't count on him if there was something at home, and her sister had a family, so she felt that she was the most suitable person to take care of the family. But she was reluctant, she didn't know if it was because she didn't have a sister's filial piety, or if it was something else. If she doesn't look at the store, she can take care of the family, but they give her three taels, which is enough for them to spend.

When her mother saw her words, she was also shaken, she was tired and sick, and she didn't

want to go to the stall, but she didn't have the right to speak at home, so she asked her to tell her father. Qi Xiu Jin analyzed the relationship with his father again, and said that he would give money every month, if his mother didn't go to see the stall, she could take care of them all, and they would give him the 100 wen she sold every day. Now he can earn 100 yuan a day, but if he has a physical problem, can this little money make up for it?

Dad still insisted that his mother go to see the stall, saying that there was more than 100 yuan a day, since he came out of the hospital, he had spent almost two taels of silver, and he couldn't do it without entering the account, and at the end he accused her, saying that she had such a big tone and the money she had earned outside for so many years

Qi Xiujin began to be angry again, since he came out to work at the age of thirteen, he gave them all the money he earned in the past few years, and then he grew up, although he did not give them at the end of each year, but he also gave five or six taels of silver every year. He also calculates like this, money money, money, he hasn't spent a penny on them since he got out of school, and he has given them fifty or sixty taels one after another over the years, which is already his income for five or six years, why do they still say to themselves sarcastically every time: What about the money you have earned over the years?

In fact, every time she gives them money, that is, she has a psychological comfort, and she feels that she has

fulfilled her filial piety, but if she doesn't go home, the whole family will feel that what is the use of giving money, what is needed is for her to go home and take care of the family. She gave the money, and they received it, and they would never remember her well, because it had been like this for so many years. Anyway, she made sure that she had a clear conscience, and there was nothing more to say.

She had insomnia.

After living for more than twenty years, she rarely had a time when she was truly happy. For so many years, she has always been envious of others, wanting to be someone else, and wanting to live someone else's life. When I was young, I envied the children who had a harmonious family and were not beaten, I envied the students who had a strong personality and were not bullied after going to school, and I envied my colleagues who had the ability or had a happy family after going to work.

Along the way, she longed to experience that kind of life, whether it would be better than her life.

Everyone has their own destiny, their own path, almost thirty years, every time I mention family, not a single happy and good thing, really strange, is there really no good thing? But occasionally, she really felt like she was out of breath, and there seemed to be no one around her who lived like her. She looked at the people around her from the perspective of a bystander, and she thought, why can't I be as happy as them? They also have their own baggage and burdens, why are they happier than me?

She felt like she was bound in chains, no one could control her movements, but it was the mind, not the body, that was bound and affected.

She feels that she doesn't have a "sense of worthiness", and it is natural for others to have good things, but she is not worthy, so she does not deserve to be happy and happy. I've been struggling, I've been struggling.

Her life is like this, she has

no choice, but she is not willing to be worthless all her life, and has been seeking the approval of others.

She really hopes that she can have a "sense of worthiness", have "real happiness", and have "endless altruism".

Life is her own, and she really wants to go through it. Despite her terrible fate, she also wants to bottom out.

-

With the experience of the past, Qi Xiu did not want to take care of him at home for a second time.

"I can't help much here, there are still a lot of things to do in the camp, you can just take care of it at home. Qi Xiu Hajj looked faint, seemed to be calm to say these words, my sister was a little hesitant, my mother is like this, she should want to accompany her mother for a while, why is she in such a hurry to leave? So I responded in a trance, "Okay, I take care of you at home, you don't have to worry, take care of yourself outside, have time to come back to see your mother, she was always talking about you some time ago, and she was about to become sick, although she didn't say it clearly, but we all know that she misses her daughter." "

Qi Xiu's nose was sour, and she looked up at the sky, because her face had slowly turned red after drinking, and she said after a long time: "You go in, I'll sleep with my mother tonight, and I'll leave tomorrow morning." "

"Huh. My sister agreed, gave her a worried look, and slowly turned around and went into the house.