Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Fer, Sui, Dora-chan and Grandpa Gon gathered in front of the treasure chest.

“Let’s open it,” said Fer.

He deftly flicked the cover open with his forepaw…

Pssssttt—!!!

Black smoke suddenly shot out from the chest.

“Ffunn,”

With a light snort, the black smoke was quickly dispersed by the magic enhanced snort. Once the smoke disappeared, they all leaned over to peer into the chest.

““Hey, are these gold coins?””

“It looks like the ones that Master has a lot of.”

“Humph, what a shabby monster.”

“Skeleton Kings are supposed to be one of the top undead, right next to Lichs. It spoke human language too, but the prize is such a bust…”

If any other Adventurers were here to witness this incredible scene, they would have wailed and gnashed their teeth at the Gluttonous Quartet’s behaviour.

That’s a large chest full of gold coins, you know? A great fortune, you know?

Any normal Adventurer would have cried with joy.

The chest of gold would be enough for a full party to live on for the rest of their lives so long as they don’t live extravagantly or make stupid decisions… like purchasing a dragon fang sword.

“I guess we should take it with us,” said Grandpa Gon as he placed the treasure chest into a magic bag.

“Mu, since we have nothing else to do, shall we eat first?”

“”Ou!””

“”Food~~””

It was a unanimous decision.

Soon, four large tubs of sandwiches were laid in front of the familiars. The excitement they showed for the contents of these plastic containers went above and beyond their reaction to the treasure chest.

“Meat Sandwiches!”

Everyone grabbed one and begin chomping into their meal.

“Master is a genius, fried meat on its own is incredibly delicious, to put it between bread…”

“”Yummy~~””

“”Thank you, Master, for the lunch boxes!!””

“Hmm,” Fer was the only one wrinkling his face. “It’s not that I hate this, but does Master really have to put leaves into the bread?”

““Hey, there are some without vegetables.””

“”Veggie~ crunchy~””

“I don’t mind it,” said Grandpa Gon. “It gives the sandwich a different and more refreshing texture.”

“Someone switch sandwiches with me, I want meat only!”

““No way!””

“I wish to taste both types. It is more interesting to alternate between ones with vegetables and ones without…”

“”Sui wants both too~~!””

“Tch.”

Unable to exchange, Fer reluctantly ate the ones with shredded cabbage as well. The Gluttonous Quartet were in the middle of chomping through their meal when something strange happened.

A greyish fog rose from the sea and the broken-down wooden ship from earlier materialised within the fog.

Then…

“I liiiiiiiivvveeeee!!!” the Skeleton King roared to the sky from the deck of his ship, both fists in the air.

Then, his red eyes caught sight of Fer, Grandpa Gon, Sui and Dora-chan eating together below the ship.

“Ugh— you’re still here?!”

The Skeleton King began to panic.

“Ohoo~ looks like this fellow respawns after half an hour, how efficient,” commented Grandpa Gon.

““Yeah!! I get to go next!!””

“”Ehhh~~ Sui wants to go next~~!””

“Now, now, let’s be reasonable. How about we go by seniority? As the oldest one, I should naturally go first…”

“Gururururu, who’s getting carried away now?”

“”Hey! Seniority by age is unfair!””

“Ahem, whatever it is, let’s eat first before fighting, hm?”

“But of course,”

“”Yeah, I want two more sandwiches.””

“”Sui too~~””

With that, the Gluttonous Quartet ignored the Skeleton King and helped themselves to more sandwiches instead. The Skeleton King was flabbergasted.

“What the… I used to be the most feared pirate captain of the great seas! I went down with my ship during a battle with a Kraken, but still manage to rise above a mere insignificant undead to become a Skeleton King!”

His words, however, were lost to the four who were too engrossed with their lunch to care about the Skeleton King. Seeing these creatures ignoring him, a cunning idea entered his head and he suddenly leapt forward and swung his great sword down.

“DIE—-!!!!”

The single sword slash split into multiple attacks in that one swing and struck down.

Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank!

“Mwahahahaha- hah?”

Instead of the expected massacre, four monsters looked up at him, not a single scratch on them or their food. No, surely not! Surely not even Fenrir or Dragons could escape unscathed from such an attack!?

Could it be… a barrier??!!

They could use barriers?!

“Hey, those who dare get in the way of our meals deserve death.”

“How annoying, I shall take care of this insect right now. Guwaaa—!”

In an instant, overwhelming light burst out of Grandpa Gon’s mouth. It was his Dragon Breath attack.

“Not againnn—–!!!”

The Skeleton King shrieked as he and his ship disappeared under the attack. This time the treasure box they collected held a dagger that has a large blue sapphire in the middle of the handle. The sapphire was surrounded by smaller diamonds and other gems. Next to the dagger was a gem-encrusted scabbard.

“A knife? Can this thing even be used to cut vegetables?”

“It’s not even a magic dagger, so it’s another bust.”

“”It’s shiny though, at least there’s that.””

“”Sui makes prettier knives~~””

Once again, the Gluttonous Quartet looked down on a precious item that would have sent any other Adventurer weeping with joy.

“Just put that thing away, Dora,” muttered Fer. “I’m going to take a nap.”

“Hmm, I believe I shall too,” said Grandpa Gon. “You two may attack when the Skeleton King respawn.”

[1]

“”Ou! In that case, me first!””

“”No, Sui~~!””

While the two smaller familiars argued, the Skeleton King eventually respawned. This time, it hid itself.

However, it was too bad that Fer has excellent senses. He blinked and yawned, “Hey, that thing has respawned.”

““What? Really? Where?””

“”Where~? Where~?””

“Behind those rocks over there…” said Grandpa Gon.

“”Here I go!!!””

“”Dora-chan~! No fair~!!””

Sui was bouncing with anger, but Dora had already unleashed his Ice Spear attacks.

Thud thud thud thud thud!

The rotting ship was immediately covered in ice.

“Wh-wh-why is this happening—??!!”

The Skeleton King wailed as he sank into the waters with his ship.

Yet another treasure chest appeared. This time, it contained 10 precious jewels.

““What a bust,”” muttered Dora-chan. “”Only ten useless stones. Oh, well, I’ll play with these for a bit before putting them away.””

“”Boring~~””

In fact, the ‘useless stones’ were 10 large diamonds about 10 carats each or more. These diamonds were clearly precious stones that were worth a lot of money. Sui and Dora-chan ended up playing with the diamonds during that half an hour’s wait.

““Oh, looks like it’s materialising again,”” Dora-chan squinted at the gathering fog.

“”Sui gets to fight it~!! It’s Sui’s turn~~!!””

“”Ou! Go get him!””

“Can’t you guys just leave nowwww—-!!!”

Pew! Pew! Pew!

This time, the Skeleton King and his ship melted out of existence from Sui’s Acid Attacks. The Gluttonous Quartet looked inside the fourth treasure chest of the day.

““Hey, what’s this thing?””

“A red stone. Is it a jewel?”

“Umu, according to the [Appraisal] that’s something called the ‘Philosopher’s Stone’. Whatever that means.”

“Oh, look, there’s a piece of paper under the stone,” said Grandpa Gon as he delicately picked out the paper with the tips of his claws. “Hmm, this is a… reward from Demiurgos-sama to our party for punishing those unscrupulous fellows from the Church of Rubanov. Apparently, this stone could turn regular iron into Mithril, [2] Orichalcum and Hihi’irokane.”

“Hooh~~ an actual gift from God. And this Hihi’irokane is something that is rarely seen. I believe I only laid eyes on it a handful of times.”

“”Oi, why do good stuff appear when it’s Sui’s turn?”” Dora-chan grumbled.

“”Yay~ yay~ good stuff~~ good stuff~~””

To the eyes of these Gluttonous Quartet, this Philosopher’s Stone was seen as a ‘good stuff’. If word got out to the world that something like this appeared in the market, the world would probably descend into anarchy as various factions plotted to steal, cheat, murder or even go to war over it.

“Should we go home? The sandwiches are good, but I feel like I could eat more.”

“Hmm, the monsters here aren’t even that interesting,”

“”Eh, I think we’re just too strong~!!””

“”Sui wants to eat Aruji’s food~~””

Indeed, though they had collected several kingdoms worth of fortune, nothing could be more valuable to this Gluttonous Quartet than their master’s cooking.

Skeleton King: And don’t you ever come back!!

Gumihou: Yeah, Gumi totally took the time to diss Elland the Dragon Maniac

[1] Added more details for the ‘argument’ over who gets to kill the respawned Skeleton King.

[2] Orichalcum

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orichalcum

[3] hihi’irokane – Some kind of red mythic metal depicted in some ancient Japanese legends. Lighter than gold, but harder than diamonds and does not rust. Even said to be able to bring water to boil without heat.

https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Hihi%27irokane

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