This Eroge Won't Make Me Fall!



I stretch my hands above my head and near the group sitting on the ground, all of them out of breath from the intense pressure I had just released. The people in the carriage seemed to be down too, so this was a good pastime.

"Now then, why have the soldiers of Pinot Kingdom attacked me?"

"Y-you!" A man on the ground with a helmet on his head and an axe on his back looked at me and spoke up. Around him, swordsmen and archers all glared at me, slowly trying to stand back up. It seemed like they weren't the elites, though, since they were already wasted from just a little bit of pressure.

"You can't… take our prince… away…!"

"Albert?" I asked. "Why, I can take my bitch wherever I want."

"M-my bitch!"

"Eugy, weren't you planning to make good relations with all the countries?" Titania swooped in, reminding me that even if they weren't elites they still were people of another country.

"But, do these guys count? It looks like they will move at Albert's beck and call."

"In that case why not stomp his face?"

Good idea.

I stomped the man's face and spat on the ground.

"Go and call all your others hiding in this forest. Let's set the record straight. I do not appreciate people attacking me out of nowhere."

The other soldiers alternated their gaze between me and the axe guy, so I shoved his face deeper into the tree behind.

"Go! You dumbasses!"

The other soldiers dashed away and went to call the rest hiding in the trees. I made the axe man get on all fours and sat on his back. After checking in on the people in the carriage, Keith, the two teachers, and a groaning Albert walked over to me.

"You're sitting on someone after defeating them," Miss bitch spoke. "Guess you can do one thing right. Scoot."

Oh.

I slid to the side and Irina Leslet sat on the man too, her legs crossed over just like mine.

"So, Albert. Mind explaining already?"

Albert looked around before sighing. "These guys are way too overbearing."

"Kah!"

The man below us grunted at Albert's words.

"I keep telling them to stay in the country but they followed me anyway thinking I'll be attacked by rebels and whatnot."

Despite how smart he was and how easy he found it to manipulate anyone with a semblance of intelligence, Albert was unable to work with one type of person.

The ones with no intelligence.

"Anyway, yuyu, you shouldn't have let them herd the rest."

"And why is that?"

"There's probably a group of them on every exit from the country. They immediately assumed you were kidnapping me, and guess what would happen now."

This guy had some serious family problems. The door of the carriage opened once more and more people tumbled outward, it was Noa and Meryl, guess this was also a good way to test who our strongest hands were.

"Fuck… I got reminded of that old man…" Noa muttered.

"What old man?" I asked, screaming.

"Agares? Was that his name?"

…

"Titania…"

"I don't think so, no."

I guess I wasn't growing into more of a demon. Those two walked over with haggard steps and complimented me on the chair. It sucked that I had to share but whatever. Not long after, exactly what Albert guessed had happened and more of his soldiers came around.

I heard a scream coming from the top, and down came a woman swinging a sword, hiding the sun behind her.

The sun was hidden, but I noticed something shining around her.

"What's that?"

"What? That's a person. Are you handling it or should I?"

I ignored Irina's words and focused on the small glowing orb that circled around the woman. "Not her, that thing."

"What thing?"

"I see nothing."

Strange, I clearly saw something.

Then, that thing faded away and the person coming down almost reached above us. I still didn't move, looking for that thing again.

"RETURN OUR PRINCEEE!"

"Haha," Irina sighed and slapped my back. "Fine."

She picked up a twig from the ground and pointed it up. Before the person could attack, Irina focused and pointed the twig at the approaching enemy. "Hocus pocus, turn into a frogus."

In the blink of an eye, the person tumbling down suddenly became a frog that fell flat on my face.

"C-croak! Croak! Croak!"

My head knocked back, I turned my gaze through the feet of the frog toward Irina and muttered. "What's your relationship with the sorcerer of the swamps."

"That child? I taught her too."

"I see."

Goddamn bitch.

"Croak! Croak!"

"Since Mina is here I guess that handles the worst of it," Albert said and turned around. A lot of the other soldiers that were planning to charge at us saw him and the frog and stopped.

The frog transformed with a tiny little armor which was pretty cute. I handed it over to Noa and got off the chair before locking an arm around Albert's shoulder and dragging him along.

"Prince!"

"The third prince is here!"

"Dude, seriously, why don't you handle them?"

"Give it a test, yuyu, just do it."

Funny.

I scoffed and looked at them. "All of you, what's 2+2?"

"Twenty-Two!!"

"No you dumbfuck! It's a trick question! You're supposed to square it, it's six."

"No, you multiply, of course, it's five!"

My jaw dropped.

Albert hid his face behind me and cried. "Do you understand, what it was like to fight a principality with these guys? I was so sick and tired I fought the final battle by myself."

"Oh, dear god."

"Do you get why I needed protection, Yuyu?"

"Wait, wait. Alright." I scoffed again and looked at them. "Hear ye! Your prince and I are friends, we're going on a vacation together! Fuck back off to your country."

"WHAT?"

"Ok. This Prince and Me. Friends! Vacation outing. Do you get it?"

"WHAT?"

I coughed once more and asked Albert to speak this time. "Go back home! I am going for an outing with my friend."

"WHAT!?"

"Lord have mercy." I sighed and smacked my chest, then Albert's, and then shook our hands.

"Oh! They're friends!"

"Nice going prince! We thought you were getting kidnapped."

"I was worried they might be rebels, but it's just friends."

I patted Albert's back, commending him for surviving with these guys. In the end, I still did want to leave a good impression so we took a break here and had a mass grill party for the next few hours.

It was easy to go and hunt meat and as for equipment, I usually carried that in my spatial storage, only barbecue gear.

I talked with each and every one of their commanders and decided to give them a gift too. It felt like a waste to hand over things of value, so instead, I gave some of them cool rocks, one a limited edition banana peel and one even settled for a normal coin, except, it's front half was on the back, and it's back half was on the front. That one was so impressed he forgave me for sitting on him.

The soldiers of the Pinot kingdom, like a whirlwind, came and went by.

Once they were gone and the evening sun had come along, we all were the only ones left. I was still curious about what I had seen, but something else came first.

When I had heightened my senses to sniff the soldiers out, I had also sniffed someone else.

"What are you doing with that large box?" Asked Keith, watching me bring out a giant one from the back of the carriage.

"It's trash, we don't need it."

Keith only shrugged his shoulders and helped me throw the box away. We left it back and got into the carriage once more.

"Let's go."

The carriage kicked off.

"HEY! HEY!! DON'T LEAVE ME BEHIND!!"

And Luka's voice was deafened out. Fuck off.