The Monk That Wanted To Renounce Asceticism

Panda Novel

Red Boy frowned and thought, “Why is this darn fish so troublesome?” Just as he was about to say something, he realized that Fangzheng didn’t appear angry at all. He was holding a bamboo rod which had a metal hook attached to it. He placed the hook in front of Salted Fish and said, “It’s fine if you don’t want to go in the bag. Why don’t you bite on this hook while I carry you instead?”

Salted Fish’s expression turned darker when he saw this. F**k, is he really treating me as a dead fish? He subconsciously imagined Fangzheng carrying a bamboo rod on his shoulder with the hook on one end, and hanging from it was a huge salted fish, shaking back and forth as he walked. When the wind blew, he would even spin… Salted Fish could not help but shiver and put away his cane. Then, he lay down on the black cloth and said, as though he was entering an execution chamber, “Let’s do it!”

When Fangzheng saw this, he chuckled, thinking, “You thought I couldn’t do anything to you?”

Fangzheng wrapped Salted Fish in layers of black cloth before throwing him across his shoulder. The two ends of the cloth went over his shoulders and were tied at his chest.

“Master, are you really planning on carrying him?” Red Boy could not help but ask. Such treatment was far too good! He had never received such treatment before.

Fangzheng chuckled. “Of course. Having a salted fish walk around randomly would only cause trouble.”

“Reverend One, can you open a hole so that I can see the world outside?” Salted Fish shouted from inside the black bag. Apart from it being a little stuffy, he was rather comfortable inside the black cloth bag. He felt like he was on a high-class ox-driven cart.

Fangzheng didn’t know what Salted Fish was thinking, but if he knew that Salted Fish was thinking of him as an ox, they probably wouldn’t be going down the mountain but would switch to beating the salted fish for the day.

With Salted Fish clamoring for a hole, Fangzheng got Red Boy to produce a hole where Salted Fish’s eye was.

Red Boy was quick and agile, and with his fingernail as sharp as a blade, he easily opened a perfect hole which allowed Salted Fish’s eye to see through. Those not in the know might even imagine that the black cloth bag was inlaid with a precious fish eye gem if they took a cursory glance. At this point, Salted Fish felt completely relieved and knew that the monk was taking him down the mountain. With this in mind, Salted Fish smiled smugly. Hah, so what if I fooled you? Hehe.

Before his smugness set in, however, Fangzheng picked up a bamboo rod and used a hook to pick something up. Due to the angle, Salted Fish was unable to see it. However, when Fangzheng fished for the item, Lone Wolf, Squirrel, Monkey, and Red Boy instantly scampered off, as though they were hiding from the plague. Instantly, Salted Fish instinctively knew that something was amiss!

Salted Fish’s fear was verified the next moment.

A pair of stinky shoes were being held up by the hook and landed at the hole beside his eye! When the wind blew, the smell surged into the hole! Salted Fish took in a smell that was worse than his own and immediately felt suffocated. His eyes even unconsciously rolled back!

Salted Fish yelled, “Hey! What’s that smell!?”

Salted Fish was really unsure of what the smell was. The people who could stay on Mount Numinous were all either Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, or Arhats. All of them were untainted and free of bodily odors. Even the ordinary people who could go up Mount Numinous were accomplished cultivators, so they naturally didn’t go up the mountain smelling bad. All of them would shower and change into clean clothes before heading up the mountain to pay respects to Buddha.

Therefore, Salted Fish had zero preparation against the smell of stinky athlete’s foot. He felt like a hundred thousand rotten eggs had gone putrid all at the same moment. It nearly made him puke.

“Stop shouting. These are This Penniless Monk’s shoes. When we go out, we need to bring some things after all,” Fangzheng said.

“Can’t you wrap them up?” Salted Fish tried hard to hold his breath, but the moment he opened his mouth, the smell poured into his mouth. To even have his tongue taste that smell, his stomach began churning in disgust.

Fangzheng chuckled. “There’s no other choice. These shoes smell, so they need some wind; otherwise, it won’t be comfortable wearing them.”

“You might be comfortable later on, but I’m about to die! Take them away, quick!” Salted Fish yelled.

Fangzheng said, “There’s nowhere else for me to put them. Just bear with it. We are about to leave. Remember, keep quiet and don’t move. If you make a sound, This Penniless Monk will send you back, and you can forget about going out again.”

Salted Fish couldn’t stand the smell as he tried hard to hold his breath, but the smell seemed like it was a magic spell as it lingered around his head, refusing to disperse. Salted Fish thought, “Is this the legendary stench of ten millennia ¹ ?”

With him about to step into the Formless Door, Fangzheng narrowed his eyes. He refused to believe that Salted Fish would be able to hold on.

And indeed, the instant Fangzheng was about to push open the Formless Door, Salted Fish yelled, “I submit! Stuff those things of yours into my Meru scales! I can’t stand it! This is murder!”

Fangzheng was instantly amused. He hurriedly removed all the food he had hung at his chest and asked, “How do I put it in?”

When Salted Fish saw this, he came to the realization that the darn baldy had used the stinky pair of shoes to make him confess and submit. It had been a face-off between two shameless people indeed, and ultimately, he was no match! Since he had already said it, he could no longer retract it. Therefore, Salted Fish clenched his teeth and said, “Whatever you wish to put in, hand it over. I’ll naturally store it for you. Whenever you need it, just tell me, extend your hand over, and I’ll release it for you. However, you have to open a hole in the cloth bag. I won’t be able to hand it to you if you can’t touch my fin.”

Fangzheng was immediately delighted. He quickly untied the cloth bag and made another hole. But here came the problem, with Salted Fish hanging vertically behind him, he would need to stretch his arm to his back in quite an odd manner if he needed to retrieve anything. It would be quite troublesome, but if he hung Salted Fish the other way around, it would be more convenient. However, Salted Fish refused.

After some thought, Fangzheng tied Salted Fish by his waste like a short knife. Others would see Fangzheng dressed in white monk robes, with a black piece of cloth hung by his waste. To the back of his waist was a black bundle that looked like a short knife. Those not in the know would never imagine it to be a salted fish, only thinking that this retro-styled monk had a short knife hanging behind him. After all, a covered up fish had about the same shape as a knife.

With this setup, Fangzheng could easily retrieve objects. He just needed to swipe his hand behind him to retrieve something. He tried to put food in and retrieving it and repeated the action several times. He found it really fun.

“Are you done having fun?” Salted Fish shouted out in frustration.

Fangzheng gave an embarrassed smile and removed the stinky shoes. Upon seeing this, Salted Fish put on an extremely ugly expression. With that crappy thing being stuffed into his scales, he probably wouldn’t be salted fish in the future, but salted stinky fish! However, it was ultimately better than having them right in front of him and being suffocated! He had no choice but to submit. But at the next moment, he saw Fangzheng throw the shoes to the side and got Red Boy to keep them. Clearly, there would be a use for them in the future.

When Salted Fish saw this, his expression turned even darker. As he thought, the crappy shoes were meant to disgust him! And they would be used in the future again! This darn baldy sure was impressive, with him being unafraid of being exposed and not bothered about being perfunctory. After he forced him to submit, he threw the shoes to the side and left! Salted Fish could not help but sigh inwardly. When did Buddha become blind? Why did he take in such a shameless a**hole as a monk? Sigh. As he lamented, he apparently forgot that he was also a shameless salted fish which the Buddha had taken back…

Fangzheng pushed open the Formless Door, and the next moment, darkness filled his vision.