The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

“Lord! We, the demirams, have been making a living rearing goats for generations after generations. That day, after expending much effort, we finally found a fertile grassland. But just as we were loosening the restraints on our darlings, the demons came!!”

“That’s right! She stole our darlings and even tried to take away our possessions. Look, she even said that she was a law enforcer [1]. Where on earth do you find such a thief-like law enforcer?”

In front of me were a bunch of indignant demirams. These short and diminutive beastmen were well-known to be cunning and annoyingly talkative. Right now, tears were flowing down their cheeks and their faces screamed of indignation—it was as though they had met with great injustice.

“My Lord, you must redress our grievances! Our entire fortune has been stolen by these demons.”

“That’s right! My poor little Sia. He was barely 2 months old, not even past the age of breastfeeding. Yet, he was taken away from his mother by those demons. How can this be allowed!?”

“When the wind blows from the South, the snow floats along. Our goat is still so young, but that heartless wolf came to our house and…” [2]

I had seen many pitiable people in court, but the sight of the demirams gathering in a group, crying and lamenting together, wasn’t something I got to see every day. As expected of the artistic demirams—they even started staging a musical about their grievances.

Initially, I was still rather touched, but after watching it for half a day, I realized that their standards were so-so and their lines were repetitive. I lost my interest, yawned, and began to announce my verdict.

“The law enforcers are not guilty of malpractice. The Camusi Demiram Tribe can retrieve their goats under custody after paying their fines. This is my final verdict. The plaintiffs [3] are not to file any appeals.”

“My Lord!!”

“This is unfair!!”

On the defendant [4] stand, Town Security Vice Captain Yawen heaved a sigh of relief. The plaintiffs were still busy bemoaning to the heavens about the verdict, but I refused to budge from my stance.

“Court Police, take them out. Next.”

“Corrupted officials are rampant; our justice system isn’t fair!! The foolish judge sides with the evil officials!!”

Sigh, it always ended up like this. However, I felt slightly displeased at being called a foolish judge to the face.

“Intentional slander towards the judge! I sentence you to a fine of 10 gold coins. On a side note, the next time you release your cattle on the city’s greenery, your cattle will be directly confiscated.”

While they did have the rights to rear their cattle, they had used Sulfur Mountain City’s own greenery for ranching. It was no longer a problem about personal freedom but more of damaging public property.

Just within the past 6 months, we had spent a few hundreds of thousands on the damaged grasslands and gardens, and this was just calculating the cost of the resources and manpower required for the operation. On the other hand, what the demirams saved were only a few hundred gold coins of grass feed.

This time, the demirams specialty of arguing right from wrong had worked against themselves. They actually tried to sue the Town Security for malpractice in enforcing laws—they surely must take me for a fool.

“Right, the one who said that I was a foolish judge just now, go to the community center and volunteer for 2 months of free labor. Anyone who adds in anymore crap will end up like him. Next time, go to the grass patches to buy grass feed or ranch outside of the city. If you were to continue ranching as you please, your entire tribe will be driven out of Sulfur Mountain City.”

Towards the scheming but lazy demirams, taking a nap while bringing the goats out for ranching was already an extremely tiring job for them.

To make them work like the other races could be considered a harsh punishment, and for the greedy them to do free volunteer work for others was definitely a harsher punishment than the death penalty.

The more you speak, the harsher you get punished. Instantly, the crying and singing stopped as they lined up orderly to leave the court.

Thus, I nodded my head, satisfied.

“Next!”

I looked at the case files for the next hearing, but as I stared at the smiling defendant, I couldn’t help but frown. No wonder the other judges left this case to me. It wasn’t an easy case to tackle at all.

“Defendant, Beifeng [5] Herault, Dracon [6] Hunter. Accused of kidnapping and inappropriate sexual actions.”

The evidence on this fellow was sufficient, and the man himself had confessed to the act, but this case still left me with a splitting headache.

His methods may be dirty, but Hunter Beifeng had just completed the dream of hunters by succeeding in capturing a druid as a pet. However, after he succeeded, he committed obscene acts with his ‘pet’ in public on numerous occasions. What’s more, sometimes the druid would transmogrify into a bear, sometimes a panther, sometimes a bird—it was just that there wasn’t a single time they did it in human form… Furthermore, the druid was male, and Beifeng was a male as well…

“Too dirty! Too disgusting! This severely affects the social values and culture of the entire Sulfur Mountain City. I strongly request subjecting this homosexual with a fetish for beasts to the death penalty under the reason of ‘correcting the social values of Sulfur Mountain City.'” The goblin prosecutor [7] on the plaintiff seat spoke passionately. This case had been brought up from the ground level to the Supreme Judge, and now was the critical period to push it through.

“We must heed notice to the identity of the dracon defendant. In their eyes, ‘being partners with beasts’ is a tradition and a natural thing to do. Citizens of Sulfur Mountain City have long prided themselves on being accepting towards the culture and traditions of other tribes. The basic principle of our codex states that we can only punish those who have tread on the laws and in our codex, is the act of engaging in sexual activities with wild beasts prohibited? Since it isn’t prohibited, then it isn’t a crime. Thus, he cannot be passed off as guilty and even more so, he cannot be punished!”

Reading out his interpretations towards the codex, the Elf Defense Attorney Krose [8] managed to gain the upper hand, despite his looks of despise and disdain towards his defendant.

In the eyes of the elves who respected nature, Hunter Beifeng’s behavior should have warranted his death a few thousand times, but in the court, he could not compromise his professionalism as a lawyer for his personal gains.

Just as Krose mentioned, due to the lack of a law dictating that his actions were a crime, the prosecutors were not even able to name out the exact name of his crime, much less determine the punishment he should be receiving.

“Which codex of law would outlaw such a disgusting crime like beastiality!! If this bastard turns out to be innocent, then how can we continue to uphold the dignity and fairness of the law!”

Hearing that, the goblin prosecutor was filled with fury. Even though he wore a silver mask that covered his facial expressions, from his furious tone of voice and the veins popping from the mask, he seemed to be on the verge of exploding.

But this was to be expected. For this case, he spent great efforts and went to court twice. Now that they were in front of the Supreme Judge, he was even more determined than ever to not let that pervert escape the claws of justice.

I looked at the lizard face of the pervert and he looked back at me. His face was calm, not a single hint of insecurity or restraint a defendant would normally have.

Furthermore, my SemiGod court robe was still in its activated mode. To exhibit such calmness under the pressure of a God-tier equipment, it could only show that he really believed that he was innocent and his heart was free of guilt. Thus, the equipment was rendered ineffective.

“Different culture? No, the other dracons do not share the same hobby as him. He probably has knowledge on the law or has been informed of it, making him aware of the fact that we aren’t able to judge him guilty. Hoho, as expected, there are always interesting crimes in a foreign world.”

“Hoho! So can I go back now? My pet is still waiting to be fed.”

As I started laughing, that dracon started laughing along with me.

That seemingly calm expression and laughter was a kind of challenge to me, and it caught my interest.

“Bam!”

The gavel struck down and I made my judgement.

“Judged innocent; the defendant is to be released.”

The codex did not state that such an act was illegal, and since the laws that I wrote had a loophole in them, I admitted defeat this round.

Hearing this, that Beifeng Herault let out an honest laughter, but his smile was full of glee.

“Of course, Sulfur Mountain City’s judicial system [9] is the fairest in the world.”

But…

“Prosecutor Lowe, don’t be mad. You should have known earlier that since it is not deemed as a crime in the codex, I cannot judge him guilty.”

Lowe knew this, and it was because he was aware of this that he was so furious. To allow a sinner to escape the reaches of justice was as good as an insult to the Supreme Court and the judicial system itself.

“But, my lord…”

“Have you finished preparing for the law drafting meeting at the Hall of Legislation next week?”

“Hmm?! Oh, I understand!!”

Due to my sudden seemingly unrelated question, Lowe was stunned briefly before realization struck him, and a hint of a smile creeped across his face.

As the Supreme Court, we were not only an organization that dealt with judging criminals. Among the 4 Subordinate Halls, the Hall of Legislation was responsible for drafting up new laws. The Supreme Court, other than conducting the final inspection, had the authority to create new laws and define their legal understanding.

“Yup, since our friend Herault here has helped us to find a loophole in our legislation [10], then let’s fill it up. Krose, when the new law has passed through, send a few plainclothes to talk frequently with our friend to send him here soon. After all, we have to give our thanks to him.”

These words didn’t seem to have been missed by Beifeng Herault. In this instant, his face steeled, as though imagining the moment he got caught and sent in here again.

As for deciding never to do such a disgusting act in the future? From the very start, for him who viewed ‘treading along animals’ as the greatest joy in life, it was never an option.

Hearing this, even Defendant Attorney Krose’s face was filled with joy and relief.

“Yes, my lord. I will go handle it immediately. ‘Treading along animals’ is such an unnatural and disgusting action; he should be punished! Doing it public, his punishment must be doubled!”

“Right, remember to add in a section against the abuse of animals. Such actions should warrant the removal of the owner’s rights to own pets. This should be sufficient to serve as an insurance to block all the means of that guy to commit such actions.”

As an honorary member of Sulfur Mountain City’s Pet Lover Club, how can I allow such a person to continue oppressing those cute little animals? Let’s directly remove his rights as a pet owner.

Finally, Beifeng Herault started crying. If he were to want to continue staying in Sulfur Mountain City, then his hobby of ‘treading with animals’ would have to be halted from now on.

Thus, under my scheming, the dignity of the law was preserved.

What if that fellow decided to turn over a new leaf? Let’s first not talk about how I personally thought how difficult it would be to change his fetishes, but if he really succeeded in changing, it would be a matter for celebration.

“Next!” Even though these cases were troublesome and boring, weren’t all jobs the same?

Boring and tasteless, but sometimes, it felt significant and meaningful.

Note:

1. ‘Law enforcers’ refers to the people who go out and catch criminals (i.e The Police, Town Security).

2. Lyrics from ????????

3. The plaintiff is the one who brings a case against another in a court of law.

4. The defendant is the one being sued (the one which charges are being pressed against, i.e the demirams and Beifeng).

5. ‘Beifeng’ literally means Sorrowful Wind. Dracon is his race and Hunter is his job.

6. Decapitalizing dracon, here. <- Note to all our previous readers.

7. Prosecutor is the lawyer who institutes the legal proceeding against someone (helping the one suing, i.e the goblin prosecuting lawyer).

8. Defense attorney is the lawyer on the side of the defendant (i.e Krose)

9. Judiciary is the branch in charge of the interpretation and application of the law (i.e the courts).

10. Legislation refers to the act of drafting up laws.

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