The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: imperfectluck  Editor: Kurisu

What exactly was business? My personal understanding of it was that one party would use an appropriate price to sell an appropriate product to an appropriate customer while trying to obtain the greatest possible benefits.

In that case, since the Onibabas had their own territory and authority here in the Chaos Abyss, what product would they find irresistible?

Weapons, the most commonly traded product in the Chaos Abyss? Some high-quality weapons, then? The Onibabas didn’t know how to smith, so maybe they would have some need of this, but actually they were quite skilled at witchcraft and alchemy, along with enchanting.

In this specific area (where the Onibabas gathered) and at specific times (1-2 days to 1-2 months), powerful magic weapons with continuous effects were their most popular product (with most of them being fake), with endless victims ending up scammed.

Normal magical items and equipment wouldn’t even interest the Onibabas, as they wouldn’t lack such things.

Slaves? Dream on. The Chaos Abyss would never lack for slaves. Survival would be the utmost priority here. Freedom would be far too extravagant to hope for.

Maybe you would think that I met a troublesome business opponent to deal with. It seemed as if the Onibabas didn’t need or lack for anything I could sell them.

However, there was something I had which the Onibabas would absolutely find irresistible…

“Shampoo! Skincare lotion! Skincare oil to add more nutrition for your skin! Since you’re all still female, I refuse to believe that you won’t be interested in these beauty products!”

I tossed a bunch of apparently random items in front of all the Onibabas. What they saw was various cans and bottles containing liquids that resembled fruit juice and milk being laid out in front of them. The labels on these cans and bottles indicated their uses. These were all the latest beauty products from secret sources.

“Wait a moment, that’s all my daily use makeup collection! These are all the highest-quality products that I just obtained from Amelia before we left; where am I supposed to replenish my supply down here in the Chaos Abyss!”

I ignored my silly cat’s pitiful wailing and unhesitatingly tossed out all of her makeup products. They were all such a waste of space in my storage bag!

“Slimes have no need for makeup. You can just change into any appearance you want! Rather than applying all this ridiculous stuff on your face, you might as well apply some sticky slime fluid instead!”

“I… I’m going to kill you! So what if I’m a cat; so what if I’m a slime? Do slimes not have the right to love beauty? I also know that applying all this isn’t necessary for me, but why is it that others can have what I can’t!? I’m also a woman, so I also want to spend my money on products that I know are clearly useless!”

The silly cat was just as troublesome as always, and I felt like I was treading on dangerous ground here. I decided not to think too deeply along these lines in order to save myself from being killed by my cat.

“I do all this because it makes me happy!” The silly cat’s reply was absolutely adamant. From a certain standpoint, the silly cat was indeed rich and could do what she wanted with her money.

However, some issues couldn’t be resolved with money alone.

“I’ve had enough! My cat applies all sorts of ridiculous things on her face every day, along with cucumber facial masks! People won’t think that you’re crazy, but they’ll think that I, as your owner, am crazy instead! I’ve had enough of everyone’s looks of pity! I’m clearly a normal person! I’m not someone who would put makeup on my own cat!”

Cough, it seemed that our antics were likely going to embarrass us in front of others. I finally managed to ride on Harloys’ back and conquered the silly cat by the time that the Onibaba named Black Seven started looking at the products before her with interest but without being serious.

That was because the Onibabas being ugly and old in appearance was a racial trait that was impossible to change. All newly born Onibabas would swiftly age after birth. They had also gotten used to other species’ fear and discrimination against their looks. It was inconceivable that I would attempt to sell makeup products to the Onibabas.

No species would naturally be born loving ugliness. Their ugly appearances was similar to a type of natural curse. However, while magic could dispel curses, no magic or alchemy could change one’s physical appearance. Inborn ugliness was a very part of nature. How could that ugliness possibly be dispelled?

Whenever Onibabas went out in other dimensions, they would typically wear a fake face as most Onibabas were skilled in illusion magic. Most of the time, they would disguise themselves as young and beautiful women, which was the best indication that the Onibabas also wanted to be beautiful.

“Please go ahead and try these products for free.”

Black Seven hesitated a little, but then felt that she would likely be safe on her home turf. She wiped some skincare lotion on her hand, then almost dropped the lotion bottle in astonishment.

The black skin and specks on her skin were now disappearing at a visible rate. All the ugly specks completely vanished, and her arm now resembled that of a young person’s. Meanwhile, the rest of her entire body was still an ugly Onibaba’s, making her body seem completely abnormal.

“Let me try!”

“Don’t fight, don’t fight!”

“Mine! Mine!”

Before Black Seven could even react, the door to the room we were in suddenly crashed open. Three more Onibabas simultaneously rushed in. With great excitement, they fought over the makeup in these bottles. These Onibabas who had just been spying at us and laughing at how I was fighting with my cat were now all fighting amongst themselves.

I merely sat on the sidelines and watched the show… while suppressing the silly cat’s resistance.

Indeed, being naturally born ugly was something incurable. But once technology was sufficiently advanced, even cosmetic surgery wouldn’t be so difficult. And in this area, the wood spirits who were capable of regrowing lost limbs or reconstructing physical bodies were by far the most advanced in the field.

When I woke up in this current life of mine, I discovered the wood spirits’ talent in this area and made an offhand comment that they would surely make a great deal of money if they went into the beauty business for women. Actually, the wood spirits had indeed gone ahead and developed into the beauty industry, creating various lotions and other products with instantaneous beautifying effects. Not only that, their scheduled cosmetic surgeries were so numerous that you would have to make a reservation three months in advance in order to get in line for a cosmetic surgery.

Of course, such changes wouldn’t be permanent. Maintaining one’s new beauty would have its price. You would have to continuously use the wood spirits’ products in order to maintain your newfound beauty. This made it a long-term profitable business for the wood spirits.

Perhaps a priest of Holy Light combined with an undead mage who was skilled at surgery would also be able to accomplish the same feats as the wood spirits. However, only the wood spirit species wouldn’t be limited by any belief system in doing all this on such a grand scale. Or, perhaps it should be said that only the wood spirits had thought to use their advanced technology to make money from women who loved beauty all over the world.

When I heard that an entire 25% of the wood spirit species’ income now stemmed from their makeup and beauty products and services, becoming their second largest income source after their weapons industry, even far surpassing their medical and agricultural industries’ income combined, I could only sigh that “women in every world are always the same.”

And now, the scene before me once again proved my words true. The Onibabas even engaged in melee which they viewed as vulgar and barbaric all in order to obtain these lotions.

“Cough, cough, I’m still right here.”

When I reminded them that I was still here, all I received in response were magic spells filled with evil intentions aimed right at me. It seemed that the Onibabas had never intended to pay me anything for my products in the first place.

And since the Onibabas in hiding had come out already, they naturally intended to kill me and steal my wares.

As for the so-called concept of a long-term trade route or trust? Nobody in the Chaos Abyss would ever trust another. Any wealth that didn’t have sufficient power to protect it would be nothing more than a bomb of misfortune. And if you really wanted to have a trade route, why have any middlemen? Just forcibly take out all the information necessary from the brain.

You wanted to do business in the Chaos Abyss? Sure, but you would have to first prove that you were strong enough not to be robbed and killed.

“Hahaha. Perhaps I didn’t tell you all that my younger brother is the Prince of the Chaos Abyss, and that my girlfriend (Harloys: ex-girlfriend!) is a Demon Earl…”

Black Seven laughed uproariously as if I had cracked a really funny joke.

But right now, half of her face seemed young, while half seemed old. This made her seem like something out of a horror movie.

“Heehee, you’re truly amusing. Even if your sister is a Dragon Queen, or your brother is a Main God, that doesn’t have anything to do with your current predicament. They’re not here right now…”

I felt rather helpless, and the silly cat widened her eyes in surprise. Was Black Seven actually precognitive, or was she just such an unlucky self-jinxer?

The next moment, the entire house I was in seemed like it began to shake continuously, with all the tables and chairs becoming alive and running around everywhere.

Onibabas surrounded me from all directions. The evil magic in the air made it obvious that they were preparing some vicious voodoo magic against me.

Something also went wrong with my ability to channel my mana. It would seem that this house was a well-prepared trap all along.

It was common sense to never challenge any type of mage in their home base. And so, I snapped my fingers, transforming the entire world around me.

We were now within the pitch-black world of my personal Hell. In this section of Hell, we were in a plains with a circular gladiator arena all around us. Undead were in the stands, cheering for what was about to happen. They watched over us, desiring the blood of the living.

“Since it seems to be impossible to discuss business at your place; perhaps my home will be a much better location for discussing business. Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention that I was formerly an Undead Emperor who was also on the Calamity Rankings at the time. (Harloys: you’re still on the Calamity Rankings!)”

The Onibabas were looking all around them in confusion. This had already surpassed their understanding of what was happening. But the next instant, when I told all of this to them, they all broke out into cold sweat as if they had just woken up from a nightmare.

They forced themselves to remain calm on the surface, but their expressions were still filled with panic and anxiety that revealed their insecurity. It would seem that even the hermit Onibabas knew what the Calamity Rankings were.

“Since you’ve all calmed down now, could you please listen to my request now? Perhaps you’ll all give me a price that I’m satisfied with in exchange for a safe trip back to your homes? I never force anyone to buy from me or take advantage of others, honest!”

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