The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

“Lord Wumianzhe. Please lend me some money! As long as you are willing to lend me money, I am willing to do anything!”

The young lady’s face is blushing furiously red while her eyes are full of tears and desire. I am a little dumbfounded.

Just when I was about to head out, Victoria pulls onto my robe, refusing to let go whatsoever, saying that she wants to borrow money from me to buy some belt.

“That… Lord, we just got information that there will be a unique item for the auction this time called Edward’s Belt. If possible, I would also like to request this of you. For this, you can deduct my wages. I am still young and I can still work another 200 years under you.”

Diana, who had been avoiding me recently, bucks up her courage and tries to request for financial support from me for the happiness of her brother. She was even willing to sign a servant contract for a few hundred years for it.

When Elisa removed dozens of curses from Victoria’s body, including a Shaman’s Dark Arts in the mix, Victoria lived with her sister. However, perhaps due to listening too many rumors about me, she was a little frightened of me and always stayed out of my path. Even if we meet by the hallways, she would tiptoe away, as though I was carnivorous.

“Lord!! If only you are willing to buy that belt for me, I… I am willing to give everything up and use my technique I used on serving my father to please you. I know that you like boys! Last time, you rejected my service because of that. But, you should be happy since I have a chance to turn back into a male right! I will make you happy.”

“Victoria!!” Her sister Diana stares in shock at her little sister. She didn’t expect that concealed under Victoria’s cheerful look normally is such pain and sorrow. For the opportunity to turn back into a male, she is willing to sacrifice so much.

“Big Sister, say no more. There is only one Edward’s Belt in the world. If I were to miss this opportunity, I will have to live on as a woman for the rest of my life. As long as I can turn back, it’s not a big deal having to sacrifice my physical body to serve the demons!!”

The female Elf’s face shows her determination. For her goal, she is willing to even sacrifice her body to serve the demon. This reminds me of some heroic revolutionaries…

“Cough, then, as a ‘demon (With an emphasis on the word)’, can you tell what happened?”

The two Elves were trembling in fear. Under my pressure, they quickly explained the case to me.

Edward’s Belt, also known as the Belt of Edwina, is an Epic-class unique item that is cursed. Its only use is that it is able to completely change the user’s sex. Furthermore, when equipped, it cannot be removed by the user for the rest of his life.

Due to its bizarre effects, all of the people who accidentally put it on will not reveal it, otherwise being laughed at by other people is still a small matter. If someone were to hunt you down and kill you for the item, that would be too much of a tragedy.

This time, in order to protect his dignity as an Underground City Lord, the old Lion used the entirety of his influence to look for precious treasures that can help to build up the momentum for Eternal Night Scepter during the auction.

A certain subordinate Underground City Lord of the Lion King who has unique tastes killed the love of his love to hand over this Belt of Edwina over to him.

There is no such thing as a true secret in this world, the news that the belt is to be auctioned has been long revealed. To normal people, this precious treasure could be their worst nightmare but to Victoria, it is her only straw of hope.

“Lord, I’m begging you. I’ve had enough of the empty feeling below when I wake up. Also, the eyes that those guys look at me with seem like they will gobble me up in one mouthful. This is too hard to bear. Whenever I think of it, my goosebumps start rising up… Also, the day which comes once a month, to a man, is no different from a living nightmare!!”

Looking for this lady who is sobbing pitifully while crying about the nightmares of a male, I somehow felt that it was a little amusing. In this moment, for the sake of Wumianzhe’s image, I can only try to best to suppress my laughter so as to not be disrespectful… But, I suddenly remember the words she just said.

“Wait! You mean that the reason why I rejected you last time is because your physical body is a female? You even said that you would be willing to serve me when you turn back into a male? That is to say, you think that I’m gay!!”

There’s no man who can pretend that they didn’t hear such a rumor about themselves. Thus, my blood boils and I immediately question her.

“Who said it!! Who fabricated these rumors! I will make them suffer!!”

“But, all of the big sisters in the team said so. Isn’t your lover City Lord Adam? Besides, the reason why the both of you haven’t married for more than a century is because you both have each other. Although I’m still young so I don’t really understand, this hundred years of twisted love makes one really feel touched. Big sisters even have novels and drawings with both of you as the models… Wuuuuu, big sister, why are you covering my mouth.”

“Hehe, Lord, I’m sorry, it is all the random ramblings of those below. There aren’t many people who know about the secret between you and Lord Adam. We will help to keep the secret, so rest easy!!” Covering the mouth of her little sister who spilled the massive news, Diana nods her head in sympathy.

At this moment, 10 thousand mud horses (Cao Ni Ma) runs through my mind and I could hear the rumbling of lightning by my ear.

TL: Homophone for screw your mum

“Lord Roland is already a Lich, so his love with City Lord would be even tougher… Ah, I really want to reveal these details to those artists. Their drawings are too conservative, too outdated. It is a life and death ** same-sex love, so beautiful!! No, Diana, you must control yourself. You mustn’t reveal Lord Wumianzhe’s secret for your own desires.”

If I knew the thoughts of this seemingly serious and proper female knight, I would have killed her with a single strike of my hammer or find a pillar to knock my head with on the spot.

“WHO. SAID. IT! WHO IS THE ONE WHO SPREAD IT FIRST!!” If a rumor spreads to a point where there is even a book on it, I find it hard to believe if there’s no mastermind behind it.

“Lord… Lord Silver Rose. It has already been 15 years… Everyone thought that it was true. The drawings already have more than 100 versions, so everyone thought you have acknowledged them.

In that instant, my rage suddenly cools down. I am speechless.

“Elisa!! Fifteen years ago? Isn’t it around the time when I asked her to spread rumors about Adam?”

I felt like raging but yet, I found the situation quite hilarious. Back then, didn’t I order her to spread rumors about Adam so that he won’t be able to find a girlfriend? As usual, looks like I managed to shoot my own foot again.

Back then, I was even surprised by how the rumors was so effective. Looks like, the content of the rumors was secretly changed by the cunning Elisa. How could a man whose sexuality is twisted be liked by women? No wonder all of the men and women trembled in front of Wumianzhe after the incident.

“As I expected. Elisa, the reason why I am unpopular and why I can’t find a girlfriend, no matter how I think about it, it is your fault!!”

Back then, whenever I said such words, there would bound to be an icy-cold voice who retorts coldly to my comments.

“No, the reason is because your brain has been dunked in water/ Do you need me to give you a mirror/Wanting to date even though you are an undead, hehe.”

Fine, even if she isn’t here now, I am used to adding in her venomous comments in my head.

At this moment, the venomous-tongued lady, who is used to hiding in my shadows, is currently lying quietly in her own room, unconscious. Thinking about this reality which makes one feel helpless, rage rises up from within and the next moment, it disappears.

A feeling of weakness spreads through my body. I weakly wave my hand in denial.

“I am not gay. Help me explain the matter properly and confiscate those messy things, then I will help you get that belt.”

After hearing my reply, the two Dark Elves are so happy that tears start flowing down. Hugging together, they nod their head. But, behind the walls, a bunch of men jump out and frantically waves their hands and shakes their heads. There is even a thief who used the sign language that thieves use for reconnaissance.

“Un… ‘Don’t agree’ Why is that so?”

Looking carefully, some of them are rookies from the Hall of Legislation, some of them are judges from the Hall of Judgement. There are elderly and the young there, the only common point is that they are all male and that they were wearing the same badge with the same logo on it.

“Victoria Fan Club No. 1 Fan!” Alright, I roughly get it.

“Men and women are actually the equal, only small Vicadore is superior.” This may seem a little twisted and he is the only person there who is nodding and shaking his head at the same. Apparently, he is stuck in a dilemma…

“Long live Queen Victoria!!” Hey, this fellow actually managed to hit bulls-eye on the truth of history, he does have talent as a seer.

I understand that the news must have leaked somehow, that’s why these fellows are rushing here to prevent Victoria from turning back into a man.

Facing the agitated guys, I flash a faint smile and signal out a few hand signals myself.

On the other side, the Dwarf who is well-versed in the Thief’s sign language is deciphering my message word by to word to his companions.

“You all can go to die for all I care. Tomorrow, all of you submit a 10000-word essay up for me to check! The topic is a discussion on normal core values! If any bastard dares to not submit their essay, they will be sent to feed Beifeng.”

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“As long as it has not been revealed, then schemes and sins are non-existent.” This is a well-known saying among the Dark Elves. Lorci encourages her daughter to slaughter each other and in the end, the strongest and most cunning one would ascend to the throne. The ranking of each family in each city, even if it represents the highest glory and status, but it is also a target to assassinate.

From a certain sense, the rules of the game the Spider Queen plays with the Dark Elf is also the rules of the entire underground world. Even though I know that the Dragon Queen and Lion King pulled one over me, but I am unable to confront them head-on for revenge.

During the duration of the Conference, all acts of war is banned. Those who break this rule will become the public enemy of everyone else… But if I can’t exact vengeance on the openly, can’t I do it discreetly?

During the Conference, we offended quite a few underground city lords. In the underground world, there is no such phrase as repaying hostility with kindness. If you are unable to get back at the opposing party, others will just view you as weak, and weakness is a cardinal sin in this world. Those underground city lords don’t know what the meaning of offering a helping hand in times of crisis is. On the contrary, they are more likely to split your corpse among them

TL: Offering a helping hand in times of crisis -> Literally means sending charcoal in the middle of winter| Split your corpse -> Literally means multiple wolves splitting your corpse, meaning that they will divide your property among them after you are dead.

I threw the Scepter to them, obviously trying to land the other in trouble. Now that the other party has exacted vengeance through the Undead Lords, all of the underground city lords will probably be keeping tabs on the happenings and treat it as the crossing of blades between the new and old Autarch.

So, I must repay them back, repay them back with heavy interests. The repayment must be in line with the rules, making the other party feeling actual pain without a trace of bloodshed.

In reality, my head hurts a little. Going by logic, the closer we are to the date of the auction, the greater the stress on the Lion King will be. Undead Lords aren’t easy to deal with, so sitting by the side to view the fight between the 2 would be the best course of action. Then, at the end of their battle, I will add insult to injury. This is much more worth it than to challenge the old Lion King as the new generation.

But, if I don’t anything, not only will I be belittled by others, I also can’t take this lying down.

Victoria’s request has provided me inspiration for my revenge plot.

Purchasing the belt? From the very start, it is an impossible task. Firstly, we accidentally offended all of the underground city lords. If we were to express intent to buy anything, those underground city lords, who don’t have high regard of view, in order to get back at us, they would surely be willing to dump all their money in. Even if no one stands up and puts their money in, those Underground Autarchs also won’t let us go like that.

Since we are unable to buy it, then we might as well steal it. Of course, due to the matter with Eternal Night Scepter, the auction would definitely be on their guard and the defense would be tight. But, isn’t the world’s number 1 thief — ‘Child of Greed’ in my hands?

No matter how tight a defense is, it is targeted towards humanoid living creatures. Even safes and cages wouldn’t be able to keep out a liquid-like living thing with the ability to morph its shape freely.

The main body of Greed in the underground tunnel has died, as I expected, but this doesn’t mean all of the Child of Greed would simply die off. A portion of the Child of Greed has been taken by the Druids of the Wild Bull Alliance and treated as their ‘sacred object’. The animal alliance member who is drafting in others to spend their life together, that Beifeng, also caught of them to make it his pet. He used his abilities as a Beastman Hunter to keep them alive… I already can’t imagine what would he breed them into and what would happen after returning to Sulfur Mountain City.

“As I expected, I must dump this bunch of perverts here and let them fend for themselves.”

But now, I feel a bit thankful to these perverts. Otherwise, I would have to open the bottle of the main body of Greed which has been topped up while under the pressure of knowing what is going to happen… If I accidentally go too far, un, based on my understanding on myself, there is an 80% chance that I will go too far, and come with a shirtless city, Elisa would kill me as soon as she wakes up.

I should borrow an animal companion of a Druid and undergo Mental Resonance with this mysterious slime who is half-dead half-alive… Why don’t I borrow from Hunter Beifeng? Mental Resonance will instinctively cause one to share the physical memories of the undead. I don’t want to know a single thing about what the world’s strongest pervert has done.

Due to the trap I laid, the auction and the Lion King’s Residence are now history. Now, the Lion King and his family fortune should be together with the Dragon Queen.

Thus, I brought the little thing to the entrance of the temporary residence of the Dragon Queen and put it down, letting it navigate through the underground works…

Fine, let’s ignore the waterway’s horrid smell, as though as a salted fish has been placed for 30 months, ignore the pitch-black residents of the waterway and ignore once again the projects between several guards that involve the pitting of intelligence and courage. After much trouble, I finally reached my destination.

It is an extremely big treasure vault. A gigantic dragon sleeps at the entrance of the vault and the dragon is actually the Dragon Queen herself. Looks like they have had enough of the endless thieves and burglars these days.

Squeezing in from the vent, its interior actually has a wooden fence that serves as a blockade against the Child of Greed. But, with my direct control, this back door I created is only an instinctive fear towards it, how could it be able to stop me. After carefully creeping past several traps, I entered the core of the vault.

Numerous auction items are placed together. There is a capacity limit to a Slime’s body, so only a few items can be taken away. The first one that I should give up on is the Eternal Night Scepter that is placed at the center of the treasure vault.

“Hmph, almost the same as my handicraft. Just that there isn’t any soul feedback, I know that it is fake.”

Looks like the Underground Autarchs aren’t fools. There are only fakes within the treasure vault that the Dragon Queen is guarding. At the same time, I can sense that the real Scepter is still in the custody of the Lion King.

“The Key to the Water Elemental Dimension? Titan Core? Hehe, I really struck it rich this time.”

Being excessively greedy isn’t a good thing. After taking away the few most valuable items and the belt, I started on my journey back.

But, on the way, just outside the vent, I can hear the discussion between the Lion King and a certain person.

“You must protect the Scepter properly. If you screw this up, Lion, death isn’t the end. Your soul will be crying in agony in the Count’s lantern for eternity!”

“Yes, lord. Please tell the Count that I will complete the mission.”

A Count that can actually make an Underground Autarch act so meek? It should be a Demon Count. Listening to him mentioning a Soul Lantern, a familiar name appears in the depths of my brain.

“Demon Count, Soul Eater Kakajil.” Just when I wanted to inch closer to listen in, the voice sudden turns deep and hard to interpret. They must be talking about some secret, so they faded out their voices using magic.

But, for a Slime, they don’t listen with their ears, just the fixed tremor from the sound waves is sufficient.

“…Dimension Gate will open… The army of the Count will drown everything”

“Sulfur Mountain City… Fire Elemental God… Traitor.”

Apparently, from the look of these key phrases, the Lion King and the Demon has yet to give up. They seem to be plotting something, but it is a pity that something is interfering with my eavesdropping, causing the intelligence I get to be scattered.

Then, to prevent getting noticed by Detection Magic, I removed my control from the Child of Greed, allowing it to come back through the underground works by itself… Fine, I admit that it is the mainly that spell and the black thing that makes on nauseated.

Surprisingly, on the way back to the base, I felt that while it was climbing out of the underground waterworks, someone attacked it and it died.

“Looks like someone thought that it was an Assassin and killed it. Oh well, seeing the reaction from my Power of Law, it should be a comrade from the Hall of Judgement. I will ask them about it tomorrow to retrieve my items.”

Considering that it was already 4 in the morning, I etched the location where I lost connection with the Slime in my head and made up my mind to retrieve those items when day breaks.

The next morning, before daybreak, a high-pitched female scream caused the entire mansion to wake up earlier.

TL: Time system don’t work the same there.

“…This sound, seems like it is Krose… Wait, Krose! The number 1 beauty of the judicial system!!”

The place where the disturbance is at seems to be Krose’s bedroom.

I stare speechlessly at the blue sky. From my experience with misfortune, it seems that something has gone wrong again…

As expected, when I took out my Dwarf binoculars, what I saw is a young lady running around in tears. Along with the long pants for the male uniform, there is a brand-new belt. As for the upper body, there is a bloat in her shirt around the chest, the plump mountains cannot be covered even with both of her arms. The face of the beauty is surprisingly similar with Krose’s.

“Looks like the number 1 beautiful person is about to turn into number 1 beautiful lady. Can I feign ignorance over this matter? Right, prepare a file tomorrow. First, ban the Victoria Fan Club. Then ban the ‘Krose Fan Club’ which has an 80% chance of appearing. Un, I am a good person. These misfortunes really aren’t related to in any case.

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