The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

As the top organization of the judiciary system of Sulfur Mountain City, the Supreme Court is normally shrouded in a quiet and serious atmosphere. Just like the teachings carved on the wall of the hall ‘Properly attired, upholding the law strictly and diligently, talk less and work carefully’. What it means is for those working within the legal system to have a serious expression, use simple and concise language and work swift and effectively. Thus, they are looked upon well by the citizens. But, the situation is slightly different today.

The silent corridors are filled now rowdy and filled with arguments. The ‘prisoners’ who are carrying metal chains waiting for their hearing filled all of the cells. Even more so, the empty field is crowded with people.

At the corner of the field, a giant goblin robot man is reduced to a lump of useless metal. Or rather, considering that it has filled almost half of the area of the field, it should be called a metal jungle or a metal junkyard.

Beside it, a group of goblins and Dwarves are surrounding it, crying. There are even goblins who started dancing their Hip Dance passed down by their ancestors (also known as tropical culture belly dance), as though treating this robot man as one of their family members, sending it off.

But on the outer perimeter, numerous citizens who were affected by the disaster weren’t in the mood to appreciate this ‘passionate dance’ that was filled with foreign culture. Following Sulfur Mountain’s traditions, they used tomatoes and smelly eggs to welcome these trouble-making engineers. Of course, beside the enraged citizens are goblin merchants who have sold quite a bit of ‘ammo’.

The guards of the Supreme Court were too busy running about to bother about these small things.

As the Watch Room and Town Security Headquarters are completely destroyed, there was a lack of space to house the suspects. If Sulfur Mountain City Jail was still in its perfect state, they could be transferred over. But due to the aftereffects of the jail raid back then, a portion of lightly-sentenced criminals were transferred to the Watch Room. This time, all of them had to be moved away, so only the Supreme Court is left.

The 4 Halls of the Supreme Court are already on the move but manpower seems to be still lacking.

Sounds of shouting, crying, being pursued and beat up and pleas to be spared has converted this somber and silent hall of justice into a market full of haggling.

At the same time, the me who frowned and tried my best to ignore the racket outside but ultimately ended in failure could only order the guards to seal the doors and windows completely and pull down the blinds to bring the court hearing a silent environment.

Yes, court hearing.

My plan to escape through the night, oh, no, I mean emergency dispatch plan was heartlessly refused by Elisa from the very start.

Sulfur Mountain City can do without Lich Roland, but if the one who was somehow on the way to becoming the 4th Head after the miracle, Sulfur Mountain’s king behind the veils, the Supreme Judge Wumianzhe, were to disappear suddenly, I’m afraid the outcome might even be more serious than the effects of an earthquake.

More importantly, the other people are totally unprepared. Even the documents for diplomacy aren’t prepared yet. It would only turn into a scene if I were to work individually.

However, if I were to remain here in my capacity as Roland, I can start to count exactly how much bones would be left of me the next day. I believe that the Town Security whose home has been crushed would definitely not have the patience to listen to my explanation. In fact, blowing me up to make soup could be considered a merciful act.

I may have done many deeds that I won’t be able to complain if the victim were to use my bones to make soup, but I really am innocent this time. I was just randomly shooting my mouth in anticipation of explosion and firework. Who would have expected that they would come up with that toy… Thinking about that 20-meter tall iron giant, I shivered uncontrollably.

“A simplified version of a metal Titan? A monster-killing machine that is enough to defeat a Legend-rank? Seems like they really accidentally managed to create an incredible machine.”

Of course, the other side effect of Roland No.2 being strong is that a huge price was paid to deal with it. That makes the crime of the mastermind, Roland, even heavier.

Thus, I can only end up allowing the Town Security to watch the scene of ‘Lich Roland’ riding on a Bone Dragon across half of the city until he escapes from Sulfur Mountain City… At least, until I manage to prove my innocence, Lich Roland is not coming back.

In this instant, I met with my first trouble, which is right in front of me now… This case is way beyond the capability of any other judge, so I ended up stepping up to the task.

On the Judge Stand in the 3rd Court, I glance at the crime reports that is stacked like a mini hill, then glance at the defendants with a ‘look of innocence’. On the Plaintiff Stand, the agitated Town Security are shouting ‘accursed Roland’, ‘just wait for the day I feed you to dogs’, ‘Lord Wumianzhe, please give us the authority to directly draw our swords and deliver the verdict. I will cut him into 13 pieces and bring him back’ and ‘Momo doesn’t care about his deal with the legal system, please allow Momo to bring a team to raid his house. There is bound to be tons of banned goods in his house and after we sentence him to life imprisonment, Momo is going to give him first-class treatment. Haha haha!!’. Hearing the frenzied laughter of these homeless Dark Elves, my head started to hurt.

On one side, Prosecutor Katarina is currently reading out the public complaints to amass evidence…

“4.20 in the afternoon, smoke suddenly rises up from the Watch Room. Then, making use of the chaos, the engineers from the outside came into contact with the rest in the Watch Room. The both parties were equipped with engineering equipment from the start to the end…

“Objection! Since smoke was rising up, what evidence did you have to infer that my client is equipped!! My client could have been making use of the smoke to cook their lunch instead.”

The goblin Prosecutor Roren interrupts the words of his colleague and proposes an extremely absurd idea.

“That’s right, we were only barbecuing sweet potato/smoking fish.” The defendant’s side starts clamoring. goblins and Dwarves have an innate passion for jeering.

“Only man-eating fishes could be found in the river of Sulfur Mountain City, where can you find fishes to barbecue!!! Also, going by that pathetic fishing skills of yours, you don’t have to dream of succeeding your entire life.” Katarina roars in anger. As expected for a Female Hunter from the Amazon Tribe. Her golden ponytail sways along with the wind and her aura was as sharp as a dagger, making her reminiscent of a War Goddess on a hunt. But, what she was concerned about was slightly off the target…

“No, as long as the correct method is used, man-eating fish also can be caught. We have Parker’s fishing rod…”

I finally understand why goblin Roren, despite being highly skilled in prosecuting, decides to defend his own race. This fellow is obviously making a fool of things. Furthermore, being familiar with the act of prosecuting, he knows that Prosecutor Katarina likes to stay factual, making it easy for her to be led to a dead end. Then, if he were to make a foolery of the court, then this judgement would be inconclusive…

In previous days, it isn’t a big deal to let a hearing end up as a farce but in this instant, for specific reasons, it must definitely not be allowed!

“I can’t let it go down like this. If the goblins are proven innocent, then Lich Roland would have to take the core of the blame.”

Looking at the Town Security Elves who were angered to the point they were on the verge of biting their tables, I made up my mind to make sinners pay the price… Let the metal plate bitten apart be my witness, my bones are definitely not as hard as the metal plate.

“Roren.Jinbi, may I ask you where were you at 4.20 in the afternoon yesterday? Don’t bother lying, you know the consequences of lying in my court.”

As expected, the moment I asked this question, the temporary Defense Attorney who was still talking passionately then instantly became speechless.

I touched my forehead in frustration, portraying an image that there was nothing I could do about it. In reality, a beautiful smile was blooming under my mask.

“Easy peasy. I knew that you rascal wouldn’t stay at home obediently. Now is your turn to take the blame for me.”

“Roren.Jinbi, to violate the law despite being a part of the judiciary, you have really put the Supreme Court to shame. Now, obediently shut your mouth up and sit at the Defendant Stand. Right, apologies to those Dark Elf ladies first, look at the harm you brought to them.”

Hearing my words, Roren removes his mask, symbolizing stripping himself of the identity as a member of the judiciary. After apologizing with a lowered head, he sits obediently like a small kid on the Defendant Stand together with his brethren.

“Right, that who, find Suicidestorm for me too. I dare use my knee to guarantee that the fellow is definitely involved too. You don’t know him? Suicidestorm from the Hall of Legislator. That short one…”

“It is Magicstorm!!” A sharp child-like voice unique to Dwarves echoes from the Spectator Stand. Miheuer.Magicstorm jumps over the barrier and walks to the Defendant Stand.

I secretly praised how heroic this fellow was but after walking halfway, I see him turning back to say something.

“Since we committed the crime, then we should be punished. What are you all waiting for.”

Afterwards… A messy bunch of them comes down… There were goblins, Dwarves and even Humans together with other races, totaling up to around 30 to 40 people. Probably, all of the engineers of Sulfur Mountain City are gathered here.

Looks like none of those engineers expected that the incident would be blown so big, so they all came to confess obediently.

Shaking my head, I looked helplessly at the empty Defense Attorney Stand.

“I don’t think it is possible to find a suitable defense attorney in a short period of time so you all just try to defend yourselves. Eaglestorm, tell me why even though you all shouldn’t be involved in the matter, why did you all appear on the scene.”

“Those evil engineers are enemy of nature. Chirp chirp, that unnatural creation made of a black-color cursed material (Human-made iron giant), the twisted being that roars and spins is an existence that that desecrates nature (That being is a wood felling machine, of course it is an enemy of nature), woof woof, so as the sons of nature, we must cleanse this cursed land (So we want to get rid of him)…”

While trying my best tolerating his weird accents, the middle of his sentences was filled with a few weird callings of the animals. In the start, I was still trying to translate it into human language but looking at the equally confused spectators, I finally snapped.

“Speak human language! Otherwise I will lock you together with Beifeng.Herault!!

The dracon Beifeng’s hobbies is already well-known all over Sulfur Mountain City. His evil actions of catching Druids and treating them as pets makes people feel even more shock. To the victims and their Druid brethren, that man is as good as the very incarnation of fear.

“He seemed to have actually forgotten that he is a man, and think that he really is a dog! Chasing his tail every day! What exactly did that dracon do to him!!”

‘Dragon of Ultimate Evil’, ‘Nemesis of Druids’ Beifeng.Herault, that is how all the Druids in Sulfur Mountain City calls him… Even the Great Druid Eaglestorm, upon hearing this name, instinctively trembles.

“We saw the metal giant and it really goes too much against our teachings. My brothers said that we shoot beat him up and I thought it over. I felt that we should really beat him up, going by the book that my grandfather left behind. So, we went to beat him up, hehe.”

Looking at the Great Druid who was still laughing simple-mindedly, I… I am speechless. He is really direct this time. But, looking at his dumb face, I can’t help but want to punch him.

“Calm down, calm down. Reputation, reputation, this isn’t the first time that these fellows aren’t being reliable, so I shouldn’t get angry with them… Cough, fine, then the next matter. The Holy Knight army who suddenly joins in the fight. Tim, I can already roughly guess what did you all do.”

“My Lord, please look into it. We are only fulfilling the duties and responsibilities as a Holy Knight.”

“Un, looking at that huge machine destroying a portion of the city wall, you all shouted ‘Holy Light, that sinner is worth a fight’, ‘For Holy Light, charge’, and then charged towards it? Then, you casually destroyed another 2 parts of the city wall and over 30 houses?”

Alright, I can understand that they were dispirited when their original chances at ‘chivalric acts’ were stolen by the judicial system and it was a hard-found opportunity for them to finally act, so they got into their top gear but…

“I’m only halfway through. Why aren’t you explaining how you end up fighting with the Druids? Do you really think I don’t know that you had a grudge with Eaglestorm after the nude running incident previously? Later, remember to send the reparation bill slips to old Bill. I hope that his stomach is feeling better, it was quite scary when he vomited blood previously. Un, the bill this time will be tripled, so that maybe you all can learn from your lesson.”

Ignoring Tim who looks like the sky has fallen down, I turned my gaze towards an uneasy young man.

“Lucas, you just converted from a Holy Knight to a Justice Knight, so why did you bring other students from Nanxiang to cause troubles? You even specially picked your ex-comrades to beat up, don’t you know that for a law enforcer who is learnt in the law to break the law, your crime is much worse?”

TL: Nanxiang is the law school created by Roland, if you all don’t remember.

I had great expectations for this young man so I was curious why even though they were here to save the civilians, but it ended up in a group fight between Holy Knights and Justice Knights. If I didn’t remember wrongly, Lucas and Tim should be quite close.

“I… I don’t have a problem with big brother Tim and big brother has always been very caring towards us. However, other than big brother’s Third Order, the Holy Church’s First Order actually came as well. They intended to play the part of the hero to seduce girls, so I lost control of myself…

Other people had looks of confusion on their face but I immediately got what he was saying.

The First Order of the Holy Church in every district is known as the Ceremonial Order. Rather than Holy Knights trained for combat, they are more like handsome guys used for social event and ceremonial purposes.

The First Order only has one mission, to find the local nobility and merchants for donations and sexy ladies tend to be more generous with their money…

So, the members of the First Order are carefully picked out. Un, the requirements are that they must have a good face, skilled in diplomatic language so that if they can accidentally make the noble ladies happy, the donations would naturally be more.

So, while the other teams are busy destroying evil, the First Order is busy with balls and dealing with rich ladies. While the other teams are training under the hot sun, the First Order is in the secret chamber doing group facial… Furthermore, for their image, the maintenance of the steeds and armors of the First Order is sponsored by the Church. This difference in treatment naturally makes the image of the First Order terrible in the eyes of other Holy Knights, but I must say…

“Doing facials are expensive and the money came from our pocket, you know. Furthermore, when we attend balls, it feels terrible to have to maintain your image despite drinking to the point of wanting to puke! Do you bastards think all those rich ladies are all beautiful like flowers? In reality, a large portion of them are like pigs! Even though these oily trotters are disgusting, we must tolerate it. If we were to accidentally chop down on them, it will become a diplomatic problem you know!”

“Most importantly… Don’t just look at how they are surrounded by women. In reality, the First Order, to attract the fancy of rich ladies for more donations, they aren’t allowed to fall in love and still have to recite their lines every day, practice the art of being cool and try their best to act like a love saint. Even if he meets a hard-to-come-by good woman, he can only watch her and not eat her!! This kind of emotion feels even worse than failing to court her you know!!”

Alright, I didn’t verbally say out the complaints above… But looks like I accidentally spilled some of my dark history… Cough, when I was still a Page, I have been to the First Order. Despite hanging out the main fighting teams afterwards, but it took me more than a year to kick away those odd habits.

TL: Page is an apprentice Knight, usually used as a servant for knights.

“Don’t blame this little brother over here, we all understand, we all understand” The leader of the First Order Muln who was rubbing his hands together is a blonde handsome guy. Not to mention, he instinctively flings his hair and shoots a seducing gaze to the sides.

While disgusting men, there were women who shouted ‘so handsome’. I sent a look of sympathy towards him.

“59th Art of Head Flinging, 63rd Art of Seductive Gaze, looks like the church hasn’t really changed much these days. Seeing by how experienced he is, it should be a big hottie-level seductive gaze. In order to maintain his skill, he must at least practice it 300 times a day… He probably can’t even speak normally anymore and would habitually send seductive gaze to guys as well. He is really at the bottom of the pit for being pitiful

Thus, I spoke seriously to Lucas.

“Apologize to Captain Muln now. In this instant. Hurry up.”

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Little brother, we are all comrades under the Order faction!” While saying these words, Muln’s eyes were still scanning, as though looking for a target in the Spectator Stand. Then, he habitually sends seductive gazes all around.

As a senior and someone who went through the same thing, I knew that this is the instinct to ‘find food’ that they were forced to hone. However, in the young Lucas’s eyes, it was a look that he wasn’t taking him seriously.

“I… I definitely won’t apologies!! Even if I don’t be a Justice Knight, I… I won’t be a human anymore! I will go to the Undead District to become a Black Knight!!”

It was difficult for him to find a new faith but when he realized that he still had to lower his head to his sworn enemies of the past, this young man (?) was unable to handle the cruel truth and tears started flowing… But, he must be mistaking something, there are no Dark Knights in the Undead District, only Death Knights…

Cough, alright, back to the main topic at hand. At this point, things are quite clear now.

From the very start, the engineers created a gigantic robot man. Then, the Town Security came to apprehend them, but they ended suppressed by the huge physique of the robot giant. Afterwards, the Druids joined into the battle, followed by the Holy Knights who came to rid evil. At the same time, Tim made use of the chaos to settle his scores with Eaglestorm, so the Druid started fighting with the Holy Knights.

Further down, the Nanxiang Justice Knight intern thought that the First Order, who was here as support, was making use of this opportunity to flirt with girls, so they also made use of the chaos to attack them… This is really chaotic. In the end, no one even bothered about that robot anymore. Everyone fought their own battle, they are obviously using this as an opportunity to settle their private grudges.

If I were to really punish them, then a few thousand people who be locked in at once… Looking at the situation of our Jail and Watch Room which are still rubble, and in consideration of the fact that there are no casualties… This incident is really an unintentional accident.

“Pah!”

Thus, I resolutely knock my gavel down.

“Court temporarily put on hold, all of the accused will be released temporarily. Before getting approval from the Supreme Court, suspects are not to leave Sulfur Mountain City. The reparation fees for the destruction will be equally split among those who joined in and are involved in the fight. At the same time, the judiciary system will hasten the reparations for the Jail and Watch Room. When the mastermind, Roland, is found, the court hearing will begin once again.

Fine, everything ends up as Roland’s fault… Looking at the indignant Town Security who was on the verge of doing something, it seems like they intend to apprehend Roland personally.

“Looks like Roland isn’t coming back… Elisa, do you think Rosie or Robert sounds better?

“…” Alright, after the incident yesterday, she is in the midst of ignoring me…

However, this judgement has caused me to make up my mind.

“If I’m not here, these fellows are going to cause chaos throughout! Then, the ambassador party has been decided! I will bring these living treasures over and at the same time, fix Roland No.2 and thoroughly flip the Underground Alliance upside down!!”

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