The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Translator: StarveCleric  Editor: StarveCleric

What is my relationship with this unlucky man in front of me?

I’m afraid that it is difficult to explain it properly.

There was a period of time in the past when we were adventuring companions. After that, for a longer period of time, our relationship was one of a hero and a demon king. Then, for the longest period of time, it was one between a prisoner and a jailer.

Now that the jailer says that he is tired, old and reluctant to work, he decides to hand the prison over to the prisoner?

“What kind of joke is this? Handing over the entire city to a Lich like me? I am the demon king who almost destroyed the world, stop joking!”

Adam laughs bitterly.

“I also don’t think that it is a good plan. Then, who else do you think I should pass it on to?”

That’s true, who can he pass it on to? Little Red, as a red dragon, is true to the unique traits of her race. Eat -> Sleep -> Wake up -> Play -> Tired -> Sleep… If she were to become the city lord, I’m afraid she would have sold it away for gold coins by the next day.

What about the last of the three heads, the Saint Margaret? She is smart and knowledgeable and thus, she should be the forefront candidate.

“Margaret is no doubt the forefront candidate but she said she was quitting.”

Of course she would quit. She spent over a hundred years of her youth here and now, not mentioning how that blockhead still remains oblivious, he even intends to die for love after such a long time and shove his responsibility onto others. Margaret is already showing a lot of restraint by not coming here to fix him personally.

Looking at the man who have a look of unhappiness on his face, my anger bursts. How did such a good lady like Margaret fall in love with this idiot?

“Damn it, if only I had a great girl like Margaret in love with me…”

“Hehe.” Adam laughs gleefully, a laugh which makes one want to punch him hard in his face.

“Bastard, you have already hit me.”

Alright, actions speak louder than words. Since I am already thinking of it, why should I hesitate. Let me give this old handsome two black eye circles.

Afterwards, the two of got into a messy fight but 10 seconds later, due to the disadvantages of my job, I was suppressed by his physical strength. As he sits on my spine and starts to pull my thigh bone back, I can only slap the ground and surrender, frustrated.

“Stop folding it! My bone is about to break, about to break! It broke! You bastard, if only I was still a Holy Knight…”

“Okay, now speak, are you taking over or not!”

“Not taking over! It was tough for me waiting for my sentence to end to be released and I still have matters to deal with. Giving me the position of a jailer to keep this prisoner tied up here? What kind of joke is this!”

“Prison huh? Until now, you still view this city that we built with our blood and sweat as your prison? Can you bear to watch it lose its guardians and become the satellite city of some other underground city lords?”

“Definitely…” I was intending to say ‘definitely a prison, who cares about it’ or something like that but while saying it, I hesitated.

Do I really think of the city that took me hundreds of years to build with my own hands as a prison that binds and restrains me? I have to say, of my long lifespan, the days in Sulfur Mountain City are one of my happiest.

Diverse races cohabiting, no large-scale war for many decades and the citizens are satisfied with their current life. This unique city is most probably different from any other city on the continent of Eich. This is the city that we built brick by brick.

“I concede. To let those greedy pigs take ownership of the pearls that we painstakingly created is indeed vexing. Then, what do you want me to do? Don’t tell me that you want me to become the City Lord. You know that I have things to do so I don’t time the effort to do it, just give your bottom line.”

He knows me, and I know him as well. He knows that I cannot accept becoming the City Lord. Most probably, the lines that he is spouting out now are prepared by Margaret. By taking a step back, he is actually advancing through by making some things seem more acceptable to me.

“Hehe, your reactions are exactly the same as Margaret mentioned. Since we are all unable to take over as the City Lord then, let’s hand it over to the next generation, shall we?”

“Next generation? We are all single so what is the next generation you speak of? You mean…”

“Yes, Ann, my disciple, your rumored girlfriend, red-haired Ann. She’s back.”

——————————–

Ann, orphan, age… probably about seventeen eighteen.

Don’t look at me like this, she is an orphan that Adam adopted. The last time I met her was around seven to eight years ago and Liches aren’t really sensitive to the passing of time. The fact that I can roughly remember her age after so many years puts me in much better position than the others.

As for the thing about being my rumored girlfriend, it is only a joke. Back then, when she was still a young, the two of us brothers were complaining about how we don’t have girlfriends and kept hurting each other. She said that she pities me and promised to marry me when she grows older. Thus, Lich Roland and his necrophilia girlfriend became a commonly used laughingstock.

“Stop joking, pass it on to Ann? Are you sure that there will be anything left of Sulfur Mountain City the second day?”

What kind of person is Ann? Using just one word to describe, rascal!! The world’s most rascal-ly rascal king!

When we first met, I was using rubbing some maintenance oil on my bones. It was a high quality good, snake-cow oil with a special salt added in it. Just as I was happy over my shining skull…

“Hah, shoot!”

A shout from a child-like voice and the scenery in front of me retreats rapidly. The view in front of me rotates continuously and only that day did I know even Liches can die of giddiness if their head spins too fast.

That day, my brain flew out a few miles and a headless skeleton scared countless passer-by to death. Finally, I found my brain in a rubbish bin…

Even though I no longer had the ability to smell, but that afternoon, I was disgusted by those trash and smelly bugs.

Only then did I know that the aged 6 Ann was currently in a craze over the sport we 2 ‘invented’, Soccer. Her favorite hobby then was to follow her instincts, which was to give a loud shout and kick anything that is round, regardless whether it is a rubbish, a kitten or puppy on the street.

Well, a Lich’s skull is also round, and the reflection from the shiny head is similar to a white ball…

I am not a petty person, so I won’t squabble over everything with kids but it seems that she fell in love with the sensation of kicking everything with a huge force.

“Those leather balls are made for girls to kick, they burst as soon as I use a bit more strength. But Uncle Bone’s skull gives a feeling that is full of magic and is much more interesting than those other useless balls, kicking it feels extraordinary satisfactory.”

After that day, I only feel great resentment towards the innocent smiles of rascals.

What is most incredible about it is that, ignoring how her attacks are completely unpredictable, there is actually no malice behind them. The defensive spells I cast on myself mostly activates in response to malice… Thus, the days before I rewrote my defensive spells were really memorable.

It turns into a disaster every time I meet her.

In those days, I often only hear her signature greeting “Hi! Uncle Bones.” before the vision before me retreats back swiftly, the heavens and earths rotates 360 degrees around me before accurately entering a hole…

My hatred for little rascals also began from that.

After that, when rock’n’roll and rapping were in trend, the rascals heard from some unknown sources that using bones infused with magic makes the best magic drumstick and has the effect of sending the crowds into overdrive…

As for the highest-grade bone-related magic ingredient, other than the bone dragon, what else can compete with the ultimate undead creature — Lich.

Fine, her band ‘Skull Rock’ eventually managed to stun the entire city but if it wasn’t for that instruments couldn’t be considered a member and that the music my rib bone played was praised as being outstanding, how could I be happy over this incident.

When she read from her storybook about an ice castle and frozen mountains, she actually thought about creating an art exhibition with bones as the main topic.

“We don’t have snow here, only sulfur… But a large dosage of sulfur is poisonous. However, we are also well known as the City of Undead so let’s use undead as art materials! My artistic cells are burning with passion!”

When this lass left the city and went to bring catastrophe to the outside world, the entire country went into a state of wild joy. The happiest ones are probably the undead of the East District who were the victims of a large number of her pranks.

Dullahan Polo Competition, the King of Skull Dancers Competition, the Siren’s “I Am A Singer”, she totally doesn’t have any fears that a normal person should have and the entire East District turned into an undead theme park.

TL: “I am a singer” is a super popular show in China.

The current undead theme aimed at tourism originated from this idea and the ‘using undead tourism as a selling point, prop up Sulfur Mountain City’s economy’ plan has already been realized.

“Don’t say it like that, that lass Annie may be playful but isn’t it due to her playfulness that closes the distance between the undead and the rest of the population. Don’t you feel that being the lord of this city does not require one to be exceptionally powerful but rather, the ability to view all of the citizens equally? In this aspect, Annie is superior to all other candidates.”

“Hmph, Margaret must have asked you to say that.”

“Hehe, this is also my true thoughts. If her popularity wasn’t that great, everyone wouldn’t have bothered playing along with her.”

“…As the new head, it is not sufficient to have a positive external image and be popular among the citizens. There must be arms working in the shadow as well. So, what both Margaret and you want me to do is to give her a hand?”

“It is sufficient to just set her on the right path, it won’t take too long. If you feel that she would be unable to do a good job then, you can totally replace her, since there probably isn’t a person that can stop you here.”

Adam laughs gleefully. “Furthermore, little Annie is your fiancée. Helping her should be one of your duties.”

I didn’t reply to his words. Initially, I intended to reject him but a sudden change in the situation disrupted all of my plans.

In this instant, a golden interface appears in front of me.

“Ding! Congratulations for triggering an Epic mission, The Revival of the Phoenix.”

“Quest objective: Investigate and resolve the dangers that Sulfur Mountain City would encounter. Groom Annie.Layde to become a capable leader-like figure before Adam’s demise.”

“Quest rewards: Epic-class discount voucher (Using this, you can purchase any Epic-level and below merchandise from the System’s merchant at half price), the right to start quests of the main storyline.”

“At least… before leaving your hometown, pass it down to someone reliable. After all, you wouldn’t hope to see only rubble when you come back.” (System)

“Quest failure penalty: Would turning you into skull with a mushroom growing on it be good? Or would a skull growing from a mushroom be better? Both of them aren’t good? Then let’s make it a mushroom skull growing from a skeleton.”

In the past, I triggered quite a few of the system’s darned sudden quests but they were often about getting rid of a number of beings and awards some unreliable glory titles. It was the first time it was giving something proper.

But in this instant, I was attracted by its rewards, “the right to start quests of the main storyline”. In that instant, I understood that it was time for the events of that game walkthrough to begin. The so-called main storyline probably refers to what the game players experience in the history, the unwithstandable Seven Catastrophe of Hell.

This was all within expectations and what really makes one’s heart move is the other reward.

“Discount voucher? If I can purchase my body at half price, doesn’t that mean that I can bring forward my revival?”

But following immediately, another mission pops out.

“Ding! Congratulations on triggering an Epic mission, The Return of the Lich King Again (Why did I say again)”

“Quest objective: Who cares whether it is some evil god or a sinister plot, bow down before the Lich King. Absolute violence may not be able to resolve everything but at least, it can resolve the protesters. At the shortest time possible, become the City Lord, rebuild the Yongye army and let the living once again taste the fear of an Undead Calamity.”

“It is time to make the lazy bones of the East District start moving. If they were to continue frolicking about, it might really turn into an undead theme park. They are about to forget the honor as the East Wolves of the Night.”

“Quest rewards: The right to start the storyline for The Feudal System and The War for the Continent, and a perfect SemiGod Lich body.”

“Quest failure penalty: To say the truth, for a cunning fox like you whose ability to bring calamities is unparalleled, I can’t think of a reason why you would fail the mission.”

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