The Empress's Gigolo

Panda Novel

Upon returning to Earth, the empress sprinted to her room and took a bath. That putrid smell was simply too much to bear.

Ren Baqian, Lin Qiaole, Qing Yuan, and Hong Luan vomited all over the floor.

Retch! Disgusting sounds reverberated through the house.

Lin Qiaole was crying as she puked. This was the first time she had been this seriously injured.

This horrendous smell was far more lethal to her than a hole through her abdomen.

“This is…? Retch…” Qing Yuan and Hong Luan asked while they vomited.

“Follow me… Retch…” Ren Baqian continued to vomit as he dragged Lin Qiaole over to the swimming pool and threw her in.

As if she really didn’t like water, Lin Qiaole sprang out of the pool the moment she touched the water. However, catching a whiff of that awful stench made her immediately jump back in… She grabbed the edge of the swimming pool with tears in her eyes.

Qing Yuan and Hong Luan jumped right into the pool without needing Ren Baqian to say a thing. They were hell bent on using the pool’s water to remove the stench.

Bringing them to the swimming pool rendered Ren Baqian breathless. He quickly made a dash for the toilet in his room.

Sounds of anguish and the empress’s rage could be heard through the house half an hour later. There was simply no washing off the smell.

While he racked his brains to find a solution, Ren Baqian noticed that the empress’s cries sounded as though they were filled with anger.

She wouldn’t take it out on me would she?

Then again, Ren Baqian deserved to take the blame since he was the mastermind behind this…

In his defense, there were several others who should be persecuted first, such as those who made the fortified smoke grenades and passed them to him.

Bang! The sound of the empress’s rage scared Ren Baqian into running out butt naked to search for a solution on his phone.

Before he could find anything, the empress stormed out draped only in a towel. She headed straight for his shower without stopping to look at him.

Ren Baqian wrapped a towel around his waist and went into her room. Sounds of water spraying could be heard the moment he entered.

Ren Baqian poked his head into the bathroom and saw that the entire shower system had been ripped apart by the empress. All that was left was a pile of spare parts on the floor, evidence of the empress’s anger.

Ren Baqian frantically gave Yang Sen a call. This was the wretched guy who had procured the goods.

What he wanted was a powerful weapon capable of turning around the tide of battle.

The smoke grenades were indeed strong, much stronger than he had expected. Their side effects were also too strong, way beyond what he had imagined. They didn’t serve to turn the tide of battle. Instead, they ended the fight through mutual destruction.

“How do I get rid of the smell?” Ren Baqian immediately spat through gritted teeth.

“You’ve got some on you?” Yang Sen asked.

“How do I wash it off???” Ren Baqian was getting agitated.

“Didn’t I tell you earlier that time will solve everything…”

“I need it gone immediately! I’m about to die from suffocation!” Ren Baqian hissed viciously. He truly believed that he might just suffocate and die since his nose had yet to adapt to the smell even after this much time. Each breath he took renewed the assault of the skunk spray.

“You can try using vinegar, detergent, or tomato,” Yang Sen answered.

Ren Baqian instantly hung up the call.

Yang Sen laughed deeply. He finally saw Ren Baqian defeat himself.

Just like he had said, time would solve everything.

The other methods might be effective if they were dealing with normal skunk spray. The purified, concentrated form used in those smoke grenades was much harder to remove, so time was really the only effective way to get rid of it. Although there might be better solutions, the lab wasn’t going to focus on finding them.

Ren Baqian was calling Shen Feng when the empress appeared with her body covered in soap bubbles. She quickly retreated after getting too close to Ren Baqian. The smell on his body was simply too overwhelming.

The thing was, she also smelled the same.

The combined smell from the two of them was much more significant.

The empress spoke with bloodshot eyes and asked, “How do we get rid of the smell? Retch…”

She hardly even felt the physical pains that plagued her body after rebounding from her heightened state.

“Please wait, Your Majesty. I’ve already requested for a few items to be sent over,” Ren Baqian replied, praying that they would be effective. He could feel that the empress was already teetering on the edge of sanity.

“Who is responsible for this?” the empress demanded with murder in her eyes. She was determined to see this person suffer for a long, long time!

Ren Baqian had nothing to say…

“Your Majesty, we’ll deal with that matter again once the smell has been removed. Maybe you would like to go for a longer soak? At least you’ll feel slightly better in the water.”

Ren Baqian heaved a sigh of relief as he watched the empress leave.

In her current mood, he would be in deep trouble if the empress found out that he was the culprit.

Yet, who would have imagined that the contents of those smoke bombs would be so deadly. Ren Baqian had only heard of its effects and had no experience with it whatsoever prior to this.

An hour later, Shen Feng arrived. The smell struck her like a bolt of lightning, forcing her to flee.

She left the two boxes in front of Ren Baqian’s door and ran to her car as fast as she could. She dialed Ren Baqian’s number from the safety of her car.

Ren Baqian split the items inside into three portions, one for the empress, one for himself, and one for Lin Qiaole.

An hour later, Ren Baqian came to the sad conclusion that nothing was going to wash the stench off…

Boom! Lin Qiaole burst through the wall in front of Ren Baqian, sending bricks flying in all directions. She lunged at Ren Baqian with bloodshot, tear-filled eyes and screamed, “A**hole! I’m going to kill you!”

Lin Qiaole finally figured out that Ren Baqian was the scoundrel behind all of this.

Boom! Boom! Two explosions rang out as the empress knocked down the walls of Ren Baqian’s bathroom. She flew at Lin Qiaole and gave her a good punch.

“I’ll kill you if you so much as touch him!”

“I want to kill that b*stard! This is all his fault… Retch…”

Hearing this, the empress turned to face Ren Baqian.

“You did this?”

Cold sweat ran down his spine…

“Your Majesty, I did it for the sake of the nation… I too have bled for the nation…”

Five minutes later, Ren Baqian was dangling out of the window on a rope as the cool breeze blew on his almost naked body. Clad only in underpants, his face was full of scratch marks and his head had a large bump. He was considering whether to drag Yang Sen out to share in the blame.

He thought about the empress possibly slaughtering the entire Messier 87 department and immediately pushed the idea aside…

Forget it, I guess I’ll have to face it alone.

There’s no other way to avoid causing more problems.

Thankfully, I have a cast-iron head!

“Such is life!”

After being literally hung out to dry for a day, Ren Baqian started to feel that the smell wasn’t all that bad. It was only as smelly as a pile of animal corpses rotting together by a public toilet on a hot summer’s day…

Even though he didn’t know what a pile of animal corpses would smell like, it was the first thing that the stench brought to mind…

Okay, maybe the smell was really that bad…

Retch…

He lost track of time hanging outside the window as he puked and reminisced about his youth. Then, someone opened the window above him.

“Your Majesty, I’ve sacrificed so much for the nation! Everything I’ve done was for Your Majesty!”

“Eh? Your Majesty? What’s that in your hand? Where’d you get that whip from? Ah! Oh! Eek!”

…

Mount Wu. An old man was sitting on a rock by the stream.

“Master, we’ve brought you your medicine and a change of clothes,” two young disciples shouted from a distance.

“Come over here and speak to me. Why are both of you standing so far away?” As the old man opened his eyes, a spark dashed through them.

“Master, this is close enough.” The two chuckled in embarrassment. They had almost fainted earlier when they got too close.

Experiencing this once was more than enough.

“Societal morals are degenerating with each passing day!” the old man lamented.

Isn’t it just a little smell? What kind of disciples are these?

At this point, a breeze blew past and he almost puked!

Retch…

There were many others who were suffering the same fate.

Those who were affected were at the Earth Wheel level and above. Most of them were elderly experts and high ranking leaders of their sects. When had they last experienced something this devastating and so insufferable? This was way beyond what people could take!

Being executed was less painful!

This stench had effectively set up a 300 meter barrier around its source.

Forget outsiders, even their own underlings refused to go near them.

Even they felt sorry for themselves.

In addition to Qi Zixiao, they now had a new mortal enemy. That scoundrel who had unleashed this living hell on them had to pay.

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