The Abandoned Empress

“How about your wounds?”

“Well, almost healed. I feel some pain in my back, but it’s not a big deal.”

“I’m sorry, Sein. Because of me, you are…”

“Hey, didn’t I tell you not to say anything like that to me? Why do you think I was wounded because of you? Those who targeted your life were to blame. Are you really okay? That betrayer… Sorry, you almost died because of him. ”

“Yes, I’m alright.”

“Really? I’m relieved to hear that.” He nodded once, then closed his mouth.

In a moment, silence fell on us. As I felt awkward, I took a big breath and looked around.

Come to think of it, it was the first time I came into his room.

The spacious room had very little furniture, except for what was absolutely necessary, as if it showed the character of the owner, but it had a distinctive feature. There were all kinds of swords hanging on the wall. Given the crude and concise shapes of the swords, they all seemed to be swords for practical use, not for display. One or two were also familiar to me.

That sword over there is probably one he received when he was appointed as a full-fledged knight, the one on the top right was from my father when he learned the fencing style of my family from my father, and the sword hung near the door was one that he usually carried. The one in the middle looks like the one Allendis used to use.

“Why are you looking at the swords with such a curious expression?”

“Well, I just feel you’ve got lots of them. Is collecting swords your hobby?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it my hobby. But they are all meaningful to me. I collected them one by one, so the number ended up increasing like that. ”

“Really? All of them?”

“Oh. Let me see. This is the first real good sword I’ve ever held , this one made me feel helpless when I sparred with your father, that was the one you used on the day our squad was chosen as the best squad, and the top one was the one you were holding on the day you and I were ambushed. And that middle one …”

Carsein suddenly stopped while explaining about the meaning of the swords, with his eyes glowing. His blue eyes quickly scanned all kinds of swords on the wall.

“Ha…”

“Ugh? What’s the matter?”

“… Oh, nothing. Oh my, I think I’m addicted.”

He giggled, sweeping his disheveled hair with his hands.

I felt like I shouldn’t be talking to him as he was making a serious expression, so I was a bit agonized about what to do. At that moment, I heard somebody knocking outside.

In no time a maid came in and cautiously asked, “Can I bring some tea, master?”

“Tea?”

“I know you haven’t had tea lately, but your sister-in-law told me to ask you if you wanted tea and snacks, saying it’s not good manners not to treat a guest.”

You don’t drink tea? I tilted my head.

I knew he didn’t enjoy tea that much, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have tea at all.

“Sister-in-law said that? Got it. Let me have tea. Oh no Tia, can you make tea for me since it’s been such a long time? ”

“Ugh? Sure. Hibiscus? ”

“Did you hear it? Bring us some tea leaves and hot water. And snacks, too.”

“Yes, master.”

Shortly afterwards the maid came back with tea leaves and teapot, then went out. After brewing some well-dried tea leaves, I put a sugar cube in the red hibiscus and handed it to him.

“Here you are. I don’t know if you’ll like it because I haven’t brewed in such a long time. ”

“I know the tea you brew tastes the best. Thank you, Tia. ”

Looking at the bright red tea, he said suddenly, “It’s been a long time since we have drunk tea face to face.”

“I guess so.”

“Well, this reminds me of my old memories. On a rainy day like this, we used to sit by the window and drink tea. ”

Nodding at him, I said, recalling the vivid memories of my childhood, “Yes, that’s right. I liked a rainy day back then. Well, looking back, I think we didn’t do the right thing. You know, when we all got soaked in the rain because we were a bit late.”

“Hey, Allendis was the best. To be honest, the fuss over your family was nothing compared to that guy. Hmm. Is he doing okay these days?”

“…No idea. It seems he stopped by his house a couple of times.”

“Really? It’s good to know he was still alive. Hmm, live and learn. How did I know I would miss him like this?” said Carsein, putting his cup down with a giggle, “I feel so good as we are talking about our childhood memories. I miss those days, and even want to go back.”

“To your childhood?”

“Yes. Then, I think I can do better than now without regret. ”

When I heard that, I suddenly recalled my life after returning. I also realized something only recently.

“Won’t you have regrets even if you go back? I think it’s much more important to know how to take advantage of the given opportunity than how many opportunities you are given. ”

“… I think so.” Carsein responded slowly in a pensive mood.

Then he said after drinking tea for a while, “Tia.”

“Huh?”

“As for the promise you made to me back then… I don’t think you have to keep it.”

“Ugh? Why? Are you angry? ” I asked carefully.

Although I couldn’t keep the promise to spend a couple of days together with him after the festival was over, I couldn’t because of some unavoidable situation. I felt sorry because I had to keep delaying it. Looking out the window, he brought up a different topic.

“My mother told me she had someone she loved.”

“…”

When I blinked blankly at that, he continued, still looking out the window, “She got engaged to the man at the initiative of the late emperor, but it seemed that she fell in love with him at first glance. But one day he asked for the breakoff, saying he found another woman that he loved.”

“How was it possible? The duchess … ”

“Well, he vowed allegiance to the imperial family in return for breaking off his engagement with my mother and marrying another woman.”

“What …” I moaned at the unexpected fact that he revealed. Did he vow lifelong allegiance to the imperial family in return for marrying a woman he loved? Then, is that man my father who was Duchess Lars’s fiance? Was my father once her fiance?

Suddenly, one question that I had forgotten for a long time came to my mind.

I thought my father’s oath of blood was too significant for the problem of my mother’s family background. Like I did recently, did my father inevitably choose to swear to break off his engagement with the princess? That’s why he was called the romanticist of the century because he not only dedicated himself to my mother but also chose her, giving up the position of the princess’s husband that could guarantee all kinds of wealth and glory.

“I heard that my mother was very hurt by his breakoff. She once thought of giving up her status as a princess and going to the temple. Then, it was my father who reached out to her, I hear.”

“…” Only

“My mother said though she didn’t love my father, she decided to marry him because she felt happy and comfortable to be around him. It seemed that she was not thrilled to see him, she felt she could rely on him and live together for the rest of her life. One day when she was having a good life with my father after marriage, she suddenly realized that although she couldn’t feel anything like burning love, there was another kind of love that was gentle and still like the running water, and that she was in love with him, too, at some point.”

I felt heavy somehow. I didn’t know what to say. Why is Carsein suddenly telling me this?

“… Well, I also wanted to live like that. I wanted to love a woman deeply like my father did, and I wanted to be loved gently like my mother was.”

“…”

“You know, Tia. Do you remember that field at that time? We walked together briefly on the way up from your estate. ”

“Ugh? Oh, yes. Sure.”

I was a little embarrassed when he suddenly changed the topic, but I nodded readily instead of asking why. Somehow I felt I should not ask him anymore at this moment. Besides, the field he and I walked together on that day was still on my mind with vivid memories.