The Abandoned Empress

When I was taking a break after I was done with all the preparations, I heard from the butler that my father arrived home. Shortly afterwards, I saw a silver-haired knight coming into the house.

“Welcome back, Daddy. You must be exhausted after such a long journey.”

“Oh, I’m not that tired. So, how have you been?”

“Well…”

When I smiled bitterly, my father quietly put his right hand on my shoulder and patted it.

Although I felt a bit upset towards him before he came, I felt better again at his warm touch.

Is it because we are a family?

After eating together after a long time, I mixed mint with chamomile and brewed it strong for my father who must be exhausted after a long journey. When I was enjoying the peculiar flavor of mint, he put down the silver cup and said, “I heard what happened during my absence. You asked for the breakup of your engagement with the emperor? ”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“I see…It ended up like that.”

With his head down, he fidgeted with the teacup. When I heard his deep sigh, I was jammed up inside. If I had been a little more careful, I would not have ended up like this.

“You did the right thing.”

“… Pardon?”

While rebuking myself who was like a fool, I was surprised by his unexpected remarks and raised my head. He held my cold hands in his hands tightly and said, “You hated that position so much, and you are finally freed from it. Well done. ”

“… Are you sure?”

“And don’t be the successor of our family, either. You don’t have to swear to be freed from the empress’s position now.”

“Daddy…”

“I was sad whenever I forced you to do what you didn’t like. Now you don’t have to bend over backwards trying to escape from the fate you didn’t want. That’s better for you. Just do whatever you want to do from now on.”

Suddenly I was moved to tears because I knew that’s what he had wanted to say to me for a long time, but couldn’t.

Didn’t he think that the oath of blood was a curse? Although he said he supported my decision, he didn’t want to bequeath his hereditary title, which was something like divine punishment, to me. He didn’t want his only daughter to live in bloody political strife, taken hostage to his house as the successor of the Monique family.

“I gave up the idea of family succession when I decided to accept your mother. Despite that, you were born to my family with the blessings of Vita, our God. I’m more than satisfied with you alone.”

“Daddy…”

“So, you don’t have to struggle to succeed the Monique family. From now on, just lead a life that you want happily without suffering much.”

I could clearly read his agony in his warm touch and his small voice mixed with sighs. My heart ached sorely when I thought he went through a lot of distress because of me for a long time.

“Daddy, I’m determined to be the successor of our family.”

Although I was shuddering with guilt, I could not give up my first decision because that’s the only thing I have now.

I was always deprived of my guaranteed right to decide since my return. My wounded pride forced me to say that it would be a waste if I could not be the successor of my family.

Pride, self-esteem and honor.

What the heck is this that makes me continue to take the path of successor? I felt pathetic about myself because I could not give up when I knew I was hurting my precious people by being preoccupied with useless things.

My father was looking at me with sad eyes.

Tears kept coming down from my swollen eyes.

**

“Excuse me, my lady.”

The next morning Lina spoke to me hesitantly when I got up and changed into a training suit.

After I coldly scolded her recently, she was checking my countenance more often.

“What’s the matter? Tell me.”

“Well, it looks like your father heard about it last night.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t get it.”

“I mean what happened on the day the emperor visited you recently.”

Was she referring to the day when I burned all the dresses?

When I turned to her after looking at the dressing room, she nodded her head as if my guesswork was right.

“Yes, it seems that your father was hurt a lot because of that.”

“…Really?”

“Yes. I heard that he hurt his finger when he held the glass too hard while drinking…”

“What? Why did you tell me only now? Where is he now?”

“In your late mother’s bedroom…”

Even before she finished speaking, I ran to my mother’s room. When I opened the door without even knocking, he looked back in surprise, while looking out the window.

My heart sank when I saw the bandage wrapped around his hand.

When he noticed I was watching his hand, he said with an awkward smile, “I think I’m old. I hurt my hand while sparring…”

“Daddy.”

Tears welled in my eyes quickly. I felt guilty, looking at him smiling at me, saying it was nothing.

“I didn’t get hurt much. What’s wrong with you?”

“Sorry, Daddy. I’m really sorry… ”

“It’s not a big deal, honey. Don’t cry. Why are you crying over this trifling thing?”

“I’m so sorry, Daddy.”

When I said sorry repeatedly, he pulled me silently and stroked my back with his other hand.

Tears kept dropping and wet his shirt.

How frustrated he was enough to drink alcohol that he didn’t like? He must have held the glass so hard as to break it because he was so distressed.

As he lived as the late emperor’s closest aide for a long time, he might have quickly understood what it meant for me to burn all the dresses. He must have been heartbroken so much when he realized that his only daughter gave up being a woman and treated herself as a dead person.

Actually, I did that because I wanted to get rid of everything related to the imperial family. I couldn’t go back because I already made the choice. But when I saw him agonized and distressed because of me, I was very sorry. I felt even more sorry because I would never give up succeeding my family even though he didn’t like it.

How much time passed?

Only when my voice was hoarse and my eyes were swollen with tears did I realize that my father’s clothes were also wet.

As I lowered my head, embarrassed, he reached out and put my dishevelled hair as if nothing happened.

“Are you okay now?”

“… Yes, Daddy…”

“I’m fine. It wasn’t a deep cut.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay, honey.”

I felt so warm as his hand gently touched my back. As if to remind me of something, he said, looking around the room, “Do you know where you are now?”

“Isn’t it my mother’s room?”

“Yes. When she was alive, your mother was always sitting by that window and reading a book when I was away. She never went to sleep, with the lights on all the time.”

“… ”

“Even though I came back late, I was very sorry, but happy to see the room where the lights were on. I’m sorry for her who was waiting for me despite her fatigue, but at the same time, I was happy that I had a home to come back to. ”

I silently looked at the spot where my father was gazing at. A portrait of my mother was hung there.

Like Sir League told me one day, the mother in the picture looked almost like me. The only difference was her wavy magenta hair.

As my eyes were swollen, I barely opened my eyes and looked at him. From an objective point of view, she was inferior to him in many ways. Then what made him like her so much as to devote his love?

“Daddy?” Only

“Um?”

“Why did you like your mother?”

“… Well I didn’t fall in love with her at first glance. I was taking care of her at the emperor’s order, so I wasn’t that much interested in her. I don’t know why I came to love her.”

Then he said, staring into the air, as if he was lost in memories.

“I began to like her little by little, and when I realized that, I knew I could not live without her.”

“I see. Then that’s the reason why you swore…”

“…Well, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but your mother was also poisoned like you. It was because of my promise that bound me at the time, but the main reason I swore was because of that, above all.”

“Pardon? What do you mean?”