Saving the Villain

"Then let him kill me!"

Asher's grip on Cosette's wrist tightened, unable to discern which was dominant in his heart. The pain? Or the anger?

"I'm going to die anyway —"

"How!!" he raised his voice as his eyes flared. "How can you say that when there were people who wished to get your illness instead of you?!"

"I don't care!" Cosette also raised her voice, almost shouting her lungs out. She looked him straight in the eye, letting her tears stain her cheek freely. "Why should I care about others, Asher Quinn? No one was there for me when I needed someone the most. When I felt miserable I just want to die, or when I had to watch others carry my dad's coffin to burn his body — who was there for me? No one."

"So why… should I care about others? When they only appear now that I am dying?" she continued with deep resentment. "Maxen was my salvation and you, Asher Quinn, took him away from me permanently. You weren't satisfied taking advantage of my weakness and still killed him, even when I begged you not to."

Cosette shook her head while keeping her eyes on him.

"I begged you," she repeated, this time much firmer. "I told you do not touch him. I begged you, Ash, I begged you. Did you listen? No. So what makes you think I will listen to you now?"

Cosette let out a dry laugh once again before she mustered enough strength to punch his chest. This time, her punches were more aggressive, finding this questionable strength. Although this strength wasn't still enough to hurt him.

"I'll kill you, Asher Quinn. I hate you! You took everything from me! Just let me die! Don't keep me alive and kill me! Just like how you killed me that night! Kill me! I would rather die than be your wife! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Cosette punched him and screamed her lungs out, saying the same words over and over until she was already coughing. Yet, she didn't stop. She kept punching him, repeating the three words, "I hate you," until Asher had enough of it.

He caught her wrist to stop her, but that only triggered her.

"Let go of me! Are you going to do it again!?" she screamed. "Do you still take advantage of me while I am not in the sound mind?! You're sick! Let me go!"

Asher clenched his teeth, and with one swift pull, he embraced her tightly. Despite that, Cosette punched his back with her free hand and even grabbed his hair away. However, she wasn't really strong to hurt him. Or rather, her words and the look of disgust in her eyes were far more painful than the physical pain she was inflicting on him.

For him, Asher honestly wished that her punches and aggressive action were enough to knock him out. In that case, he wouldn't be able to hear the nonsense that was coming out of her mouth. Her words were more painful than her punches, after all.

"I hate you…" Cosette breathed out, still punching his back, but was apparently weaker than the previous one. "I really… really… hate you, Asher Quinn. Why would you love me? There were a lot more girls out there, far better than the broken me. You have many options, so why me? Just what is it you saw in me you cannot let me go? I'll change it."

Asher tightened his embrace around her as his eyes stung. He clutched her back tightly, his chest vibrating against her.

"If only I know the answer…" came out his shaking voice. "... we wouldn't reach this far, Cosette. If only I know the answer… but there are only questions that I know."

"Just what did he have that I do not have?" he continued, asking the question he kept asking her in the past. "I became just as ruthless as him, using Mia as bait and even allowing my brother to get involved, which led him to his death. I loved you just as intensely, as devotedly, and ardently. Cosette, I killed for you. Yet you hated me, but loved him?"

Asher let out a laughed, but his embrace tightened.

"Why? The only thing I didn't do is to desire your death, Cosette. Should I try to kill you as well?" he asked with ridicule. "If I do, will I get a chance?"

Tears also coated his eyes as he breathed out heavily. Asher was already tired of this, and he also wished to have unloved her. Cosette was sucking every bit of his energy, and deep down, he wished he just didn't love her. If only he didn't, he would probably be a lot happier — if not, at least, he had peace.

Cosette made him feel worthless, and yet, he stuck with her until now. Asher had a choice, but he chose to be with her and go through this pain over and over with her. If that wasn't love and devotion, he thought that was probably madness and obsession.

Perhaps, if this wasn't love, this was probably his obsession for retribution for everything he had done until now for her. She was his biggest mistake. Hence, suffering with her just felt right. Asher didn't honestly know which was which, but he was certain her pain… was also his to bear.

"Cosette." His voice softened as she calmed down a bit. "Can't you just love me? I'll take care of you and love you. Do I have to beg you while I am on my knees just so you see me? I love you genuinely… and I had protected you from him. What else do you want me to do to prove myself?"

Cosette let out a whimper, her chin on his shoulders. She pounded his back again, but even weaker.

"Don't…" she whispered. "... love me, Ash. Let me go… please, I am begging you."

His heart sank at her response, knowing he wouldn't get through to her. She was stubborn, and no matter what he does, it was pointless. Cosette kept pounding on his back while crying, and he just embraced her until she no longer had the strength.

Even when she stopped crying, he kept her in his embrace, only to slowly release her when she whispered;

"I missed you."

Asher slowly looked at her and saw her smiling at him. Tears still lingered in the corner of her eyes, but the disgust in them was replaced by affection. He heard his heart sink deeper. This… was what truly drives him crazy. That even though he knew by now that this affectionate gaze wasn't meant for him, he had deluded himself that this affection she was giving him was his.

"I…" he smiled subtly and cupped her cheek. "... missed you too."

Asher brushed her cheek with his thumb, holding back the tears that were tempting to escape from his eyes. He allowed her to also cup his face while she smiled at him lovingly, planting a soft kiss on his lips, and then followed by a deeper one.

As she claimed his lips, Asher had to swallow down the pain and returned her kiss, pouring his longing and deep adoration for her while pretending to be the man she loved.

Indeed, their story… was just pure tragic.